Fadedwords

I don’t have a lot of words these days, at least not words I’m willing to share with the blogosphere.  I’m doing a lot of writing in my paper journal, a lot of private entries in my on-line journal.  It’s better that way.  Much of what’s going through my head and heart lately is of the inner-turmoil/emotional crap kind of stuff, and I’ve learned that there’s really nothing that can be gained by sharing that.

I have a summer job lined up, managing a public pool about 25 minutes from my house.  My friend’s husband works for the company and got me set up with a great position, earning really good money.  I’m nervous about the job, having never done it before.  There is a lot to learn about pools in a relatively short amount of time.  Not to mention, I’m managing the staff at the facility… so that will be a challenge.  I’ve not been “the boss” in years, since my time at Alfred College.  I know that I’ll do fine, that I’ll learn all the ins and outs of maintaining a pool.  It’s just overwhelming thinking about it.

Merlin went to a new vet yesterday.  His nails had gotten out of control long, and I was feeling like a neglectful owner.  I tried to get in to my regular vet, but they didn’t have an appointment for a couple of weeks.  So I called the vet my friend has used and raved about.  We’ve never really had a “good” vet.  The one I’d been taking him to was OK, but I never was really wild about them.  So I wasn’t expecting a whole lot going to this new place.  I was pleasantly surprised.  They actually took Merlin out and to another area to do his nails… something I’ve requested previously because I know that I get really upset watching him upset and that it just cycles.  They were able to clip his nail with “no problem” the tech said!  Then the vet came in to do his shots and we put the muzzle back on him.  This always causes him to completely panic; he feels trapped and like he can’t defend himself.  Rather than rushing through the shots, the vet sat down on the floor with him and just pet him until he calmed.  She did the shots and then we took the muzzle off.  He took treats from them!!  (He has never taken a treat from anyone at a vet’s office!)  Then the vet stayed for about 10-15 minutes just talking with me because she “Wanted him to know that she isn’t always poking at him when she’s in the room.” He even laid down and got pretty relaxed.  It was an incredibly positive experience, and I know that I’ll never take him to another vet.

And I guess, that’s all she wrote…

In high school I wasn’t a super popular kid.  I had my circle of friends, but I wasn’t ever with the “in crowd”.  My Freshman year I met Athena.  She seemed like one of the most amazing, cool, stupendous people on the planet.  She sang… had the most amazing voice on the planet.  She was always picked for solos and was in show choir.  She was beautiful.  She had lots and lots of friends, one of those people who had friends from all different circles.  We were in photography class together, and ended up sitting next to each other.  I never imagined that someone so “cool” would want to hang out with me.  But I was wrong; that photography class, and the drama production we were in together sealed our fates.

Athena was my best friend.  Athena is my best friend.

Athena, or Bean, has always been the kind of friend who builds up others around her with every word she speaks.  She is humble about herself, when I think that she should be yelling from the rooftops how amazing her gift of music is.  When we were in high school she would wait eagerly for my newest piece of writing.  She spent many english classes sitting reading something I’d written instead of learning to diagram sentences!

We went to college far from each other, but kept in contact.  We’d send care packages or notes.  She’s been all over the place; she lived in NYC for awhile.  She and her husband met and moved to Montana!  They got married there.  She came back to the Adirondacks and I was able to see her on one of my trips home, for the first time since college.  She’d had her son, Lev, and it was the most precious moment to sit in her kitchen holding her son.  Words can’t do that day justice.

She and her husband Chris just moved to Utah, where Chris is working as a professor at a local college.  We were talking on line and she mentioned my writing.  She said how much she missed reading it and I told her that she’d be able to again some day.  And then I got to work on a surprise.  I edited and corrected and fixed… and then ordered.

I ordered proof copies of the three books that I have finished and had set up for proofing from NaNo.  I also did a book with two novellas that I’ve written in the past few years.  Then I sent them to her.

She called me the other day.  When I saw her name pop up on my screen, and her photo ID, I was instantly giddy.  She was crying and said that I would never, ever know what getting those books meant to her.  And then we talked for an hour, crying every five minutes at a shared memory or a new story that amazed us.  Bean is the one of the few people in my life who cares more about my writing than I do.  It amazes me, her passion for my work.

The hour we spent on the phone was one of the most special hours I’ve had.  I could hear Lev in the background playing, and we talked about what we’ll do when I go to Utah to visit.  I’m not sure how I’ll make that trip happen, but I will make it happen.

I’ve led an incredibly blessed life to have the friendships I’ve had. My friendship with Bean is one of my most cherished relationships.

For quite awhile now I’ve wanted to attempt making spaghetti sauce from scratch.  It’s something that I’ve thought about for several years, but never really applied myself to doing.  The other day I found a recipe that sounded delicious while I was surfing Pinterest.  It seemed like it would be tasty, and make a lot so that I would be able to freeze a good portion to thaw another time when I’m craving Italian.

You can find the recipe HERE.  I highly recommend this recipe.  I didn’t have a dutch oven big enough to cook it in, so I used my crock pot.  It worked equally as well as simmering on the stove.  I think next time I make it I might throw some hot sausage into the sauce as well as the hamburger, just to give it a little kick.  Also, I had no pepper in the house (I never use it!) for this batch, so I’m interested how that would change the taste.

For dessert I made homemade, from scratch (read: no box!) brownies.  This is my friend Elyssa’s recipe, and it’s absolutely fabulous.

Ingredients:

1/4 cup cocoa
1/2 cup oil
2 eggs
3/4 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
pinch salt

Directions:
-preheat oven to 350
-combine oil and  cocoa
-add eggs, sugar and vanilla
-add flour, baking powder, salt
-bake for 20-25 minutes at 350

Tonight I spoke to one of my best friends for the first time in about four years.  I was thinking about him the other day and I had an undeniable urge to write him a letter.  We used to communicate exclusively by letters (I have a stack of them in my fireproof lockbox).  I can’t tell you or explain why we lost touch four years ago; I honestly don’t recall.  I don’t even know why I suddenly had this urge to send him a letter.  I think of him often but this urge the other day was something I couldn’t ignore.

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