I feel a general sense of unease tonight. Not sure what’s causing that. It’s like something is nagging at me but I don’t know what.
Perhaps it’s just the silence. Perhaps it’s just the status quo of things.
There is so much I would like to change, so much I wish was different.
It all just stays the same though.
The temptation exists to just pack up all my crap and move back to NY. I’m tired of being disappointed at every turn. I’m tired of feeling the way I’ve felt for the last 10 months. I’m tired of applying for jobs and having them not work out.
I’m just tired.
And a very big part of me thinks, almost every day, about packing up and going back… and just working at Tar*get until I find a job.
It’s not realistic. It’s emotionally driven and I realize that. It’s been a very bad week and a half, and this week has already started out with a great big kick in the throat. I’m tired of those. So, so tired. If leaving this place would fix that, I’d be gone.
The owner of the farm I ride at asked me earlier this week if I would be willing to feed the horses while her family went out of town over night. This was incredibly flattering, because I know how choosy I am about who cares for my dog. I also know how very particular I would be about who cared for my horse(s) if I had one. Carol and her family have five. It was also a momentous occasion, because Carol left me a message on FB saying she had thought perhaps she could trade me a ride on Pacman for this. My frequent readers and friends will know that I fell in love with Pacman the first day I saw him, and that riding him would fulfill a dream. It might sound silly to those of you who don’t ride, but this horse is simply amazing and I know I will never forget riding him if/when I do.
In any case, I was excited to take care of things while Carol and her family were out of town. My excitement increased ten-fold last night because of this…
If you click on the photo, you should be taken to the gallery containing all the images I shot last night.
Then this morning, I was given yet another gift. It looked a little like this:
If you click on that image you should be taken to the gallery containing all the butterfly goodness from this morning.
I need to live on a farm. Spending my evenings and mornings feeding horses and taking pictures is definitely OK with me.
Feeling thoughtful this evening.
An excerpt from Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus:
“They came to a branch from which hung two torn sacks. The creature kept on inserting her head, then her tail, into one of them. Then she would fly to him and touch him. Her feelers quivered and Stripe knew she was speaking. He couldn’t make out the words. Then slowly he seemed to understand…
…Somehow he knew what to do.
Stripe climbed- again.
It got darker and darker and he was afraid. He felt he had to let go of
everything…
And Yellow waited…”
Today I did some 3-month portraits of my friend Bre’s daughter, Lawson. We managed to get some great shots before it got too darn hot out!
All of the pictures are up and available for purchase! Visit Lawson’s 3 Month Portraits!
