Fadedwords

A year ago today I made a decision…

It was a decision that, at the time, tore out my heart.

“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same…”

At the time I couldn’t imagine actually doing what I knew I had to; ending a painful time in my life meant saying things that would likely cut all ties with a person that I cared a great, great deal about. After seven months of allowing myself to feel worse than I ever had before, I decided that I really needed to stop.

So I did.

It wasn’t an overnight thing. I felt awful for the way things had gone, for the things I said… for hurting someone that I had loved so deeply, and despite everything still cared for. I missed the friendship we had shared. But I knew, in my head and in my heart, that I had taken the first step forward. The first of many steps. So I just kept going.

It’s been a year since that awful first step. There have been hundreds of steps in between. Some have been easy, but most have been hard. I will always wish that friendship could have been salvaged… and I will likely always miss having that person as a part of my life. I will forever regret how things happened a year ago, but not that they happened. This past year has brought me to this place I am today. I am working as a school counselor, something I’ve wanted since my first year of college. I will be bringing home my dream dog in 3 weeks, something I’ve wanted since I was 10 years old. And because of what happened a year ago… I met and fell in love with Jake.

I can look back on last October… and all of last summer and spring, and while I’m sometimes saddened by what happened, how it happened, and what was lost? Mainly I’m thankful. I found where I’m supposed to be because of it. All that confusion and pain? It led me to my future. I’m happier now than I ever have been, and I wouldn’t trade this for anything. Not even what I wanted so desperately last year.

“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same…”

Because of last year I realized how strong I was, I learned what I wanted and didn’t want from a relationship, and also got to a place where I refused to take anything less than what I wanted… and absolutely deserved. And now I have it.

Thank you.

“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good…”