Fadedwords

I’m a good Irish girl, so I thought I’d share my Mom’s recipe for corned beef and cabbage. We eat this every year (barring complications) in my family on or around St. Patrick’s Day. I will be making it myself for the first time tomorrow.

Ingredients:
-Corned Beef Eye of Round (not flat or brisket)
-Baby Carrots
-Small Red Potatos
-Small Head of Cabbage

Preparation:
-In a large stock pot (or any large pot you can boil water in), add the corned beef plus the packet of seasoning that comes with the meat.
-Add water to cover the meat.
-Start early in the day and let simmer all day, adding more water to keep the corned beef covered.
-About an hour before you want to serve dinner, quarter the cabbage and add to the pot along with the carrots and the potatos. If the potatos are large, quarter them as well.

According to Mom, it’s relatively impossible to overcook corned beef. I’m not sure when I’m going to start cooking tomorrow, because we have some other running around to do, but it’s going to cook for hours. This is a wonderful dinner, and a great way to celebrate your Irish Roots… or pretend you have some if you’re not.

I don’t make a habit of yelling or even speaking sternly to other peoples’ children when I’m not at school. I don’t think it’s any of my business and I don’t think it’s my place.

Last Sunday Merlin made a tremendous step forward. He wanted to be outside non-stop, and so I closed the gate on my fence, opened the back door, and let him figure it out himself. Nobody else was outside, and I kept a very close watch on him. He eventually realized that it meant he could lay outside and run with sticks all he wanted, so he stayed out and played. He’d come inside every 15 minutes or so and “check up on me”, and then he’d go back out. When he got tired he came inside, climbed up on the futon, and passed out.

Today we played outside for about two hours. At 5:20 I came in with him, mixed up his dinner, and settled in for relaxing awhile before I figured out what I wanted for dinner. The dog decided he wanted to go back outdoors, and he carried on for several minutes. Finally I figured he either had to do some business, or he just wanted more play time since it’s so nice out. I opened the back door and had all the windows open to listen. He hadn’t been out long before I heard him barking. I looked out the window and I could see the kids across the street. They were playing, but they were also calling to him from across the street and he was getting upset. I went out, and as I came around the house the kids were coming in to my side yard… teasing him. The moment they saw me, they froze. I could see on their faces that they knew what they’d been doing was wrong. For the first time in a very long time I raised my voice to someone else’s children. I told them that they would remember one rule about me, my yard, and my dog… and that was to never, ever, ever come near my yard or my house unless they first saw me. I told them that my dog did not know them and that he could hurt them. They all said, “Yes ma’am” and slinked away.

A moment later my neighbor that had been taking Merlin out during the day came over. She said that she and her husband had been able to see that Merlin was trying to go over the fence because the kids were getting after him. *shakes head* These kids have turned her dog into a pretty aggressive animal by teasing him mercilessly… mostly because they don’t know any better to be honest. It just frustrates me monumentally, because it puts me in a position that even though I’m trying to teach Merlin to be independent of me I can’t really do much if those kids are outside.

I don’t frequently raise my voice to anyone else’s kids, but I make an exception when it comes to children that are prone to being nasty to animals… especially when that animal is my dog.

Jake figured this trick out, writing something so it’ll post later. So I’m giving it a try. It should be here by 5am tomorrow if it works

I had a lengthy conversation with a friend/ex last night. It put closure on several of the unpleasant things in our former relationship.

But the thing it did most?

Made me realize several things:

1. That sordid relationship (plus one other), has made me an extremely strong woman.
2. I am very glad he and I can be friends again, because as friends things are fine, but I am even more glad that we stopped dating when we did. Like… thank-fucking-god glad.
3. Most importantly- I am so, so, so lucky to have the man in my life that I do.

It was good talking about the things we talked about, albeit surreal and… at moments awkward (at least for me). But I went to bed and drifted into a peaceful sleep, thinking about Jake and our relationship. After talking about the most screwed up relationship I’d ever been for several hours, all I could think about was how genuinely lucky and blessed I am to be dating a man that is the polar opposite.

So Jake? Thank you for being the wonderful man you are. I love you.

I’ve been talking with a friend recently, and our conversations have led me to think about how truly lucky I am.

For a long time I dated people who were very… self-involved. I knew with them that my feelings didn’t really matter, that my thoughts on things didn’t really matter. They were just relationships doomed from day one to fail. At least one of these relationships was emotionally abusive… for three long years of me being too far gone to step away. Thank goodness I did.

I look at my life now, and I know that I am precisely where I have always been meant to be. The friends that I have are ones that I can go to with absolutely anything. These are people I can be my complete self with, no matter who that person is, and I can let go. I don’t have to be embarrassed if I’m upset or stressed or sad. Their friendship and love is unconditional. I have a network of people I can turn to, and I relish in the fact that they can also turn to me. I like knowing that my friends know how valued they are, and I like knowing that they appreciate my ear as much as I do theirs.

My parents have always been avid supporters of mine, and I can turn to them with absolutely anything. I’ve always been able to. They’ve been by my side every time I’ve needed them, and I know that they always will be.

And for the first time in my life I am dating a man that I can turn to in everything. I can be angry. I can be scared. I can be frustrated. I can be sad. I can just… be. There is no judgement. When I’m upset with him, I can tell him and not be fearful of retaliation. When he’s upset with me I know he’ll tell me. I don’t have to worry about what he’s doing when I’m not around. I can tell him everything.  When I’m making a decision, he supports it.  For the first time ever I am dating a man who is my best friend. We aren’t married yet, but I know that when we take that step it will be one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. Marrying your best friend is probably the best decision you can make.

I feel sad for people who don’t think that even their ugly parts are beautiful… that their imperfections are just as special as their perfections. I feel especially bad for people who think that sharing their… inadequacies or fears or neuroses with the people around them is going to make those people feel any differently about them. Our friends and loved ones are supposed to love us and care about us unconditionally…

That’s how I feel about my friends anyway. And I would hope they all felt that way about me. I think that my friends’ quirks and shortcomings and moments of insanity are what make them truly wonderful. They are human, and in that humanity is such beautiful imperfection. I think we all need at least one person in our lives that does feel that way, and hopefully we have more than that.

We aren’t perfect. Everyone is a mess, at least some of the time. Those flaws are what make us wonderful. The things that we struggle with are what should make our friends and loved ones love us even more.