Fadedwords

It began with a comment on my website on May 24th, 2005.  When I woke up that day, I was sad and dreading the hours that would stretch out before me.  I was going through what would be the beginning of a very long break-up.  I didn’t know that I would wake up and my life would change.  I certainly didn’t expect a comment on my website to be the catalyst.  It was a simple comment, one that basically said, “Hey I’m Patricia’s son.  I like your writing.  Keep up the good work.” It was from a man named Jake.  I didn’t believe he really even knew Patricia, let alone by birth.  I checked it out, and his story was confirmed.

That comment turned into daily IM conversations, discussing everything from the latest episode of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ to what we wanted to name our children one day when we found ‘the one’.  Those conversations helped me get through some of the hardest months I’ve ever had.  This stranger who found me because of my blog became one of my best friends.

Nearly a year after that comment, Jake flew to meet me.  As soon as I laid eyes on him, I suspected my life had changed.   I was right. Since that day I have begun work as a counselor.  I have purchased my dream dog.  I have purchased my first home.  I have found the happiness I didn’t believe existed.

Jake is my boyfriend, but he is also my best friend.  That comment, three years ago, was the beginning of my future.  I am forever amazed at the things you can find on the internet.  Some people find furniture or great deals on computers or used cars.  I found the love of my life.

I think I got the best deal.

I slept in today, for the first time in a very long time.  That felt amazing.

Then I got an email that made me feel like an even bigger asshole than I was already feeling like, which was not amazing.

Long story short, I’m doing all that I can.  Sometimes that’s not enough.  In fact I feel like that’s the case most of the time.  Having that shoved back down my throat does not help matters any.

I don’t want to discuss it any further.

Happy frigggin’ Saturday.

My Dad is a recovering alcoholic; he has been sober for almost 24 years.  I’ll give you a moment to absorb that statement.  He has been sober for almost 24 years.  That’s almost as long as I’ve been alive.  I have a hard time committing to going to the gym for a solid month, and my Dad has maintained his sobriety for nearly 24 years.  This is a big deal.  It is also something that helps me get through some really stressful and difficult times.

When I got my Masters Degree, I opened presents from everyone.  My parents had gotten me a beautiful diamond tennis bracelet, which made me cry a little.  Then there was another present from Dad.  I opened the paper and was a little confused because it was one of those velvetine ring boxes.  I couldn’t imagine what other jewelry they would’ve gotten me.  I opened the box and immediately began to sob, because this is what was inside: 

It was his 5 year anniversary medallion he’d received from AA.  I knew how much this medallion meant to him, as a symbol of his strength through his struggle to stay sober.  I also knew how much it meant to me as a symbol of how strong my father is, as well as how proud of him I am.

Since I got the medallion it’s gone with me for things that I’ve been worried about.  Job interviews.  When I had a biopsy.  When I had surgery to remove my thyroid gland.  When I met Jake for the first time.  I bring it with me as a reminder that I can get through all those things, and that has always been true.

This week is an incredibly stressful week for me.  EOGs are perhaps the worst time of the year for me and everyone else in a school system in North Carolina.  I recognize the importance of testing, but it is so much to worry about.  I have carried the medallion with me all week, and it will be in my pocket until testing is done.  I know it might seem silly to some, but when things didn’t go according to my plan yesterday it helped to have it with me as a reminder.  I’ll get through this week, and it will be fine. 

I know that if my Dad could get through something as all-consuming as an addiction and come to the other side of it as strong and wonderful as he is… I can get through pretty much anything that comes to pass. 

Merlin seemed to think that the hammock was a great idea…

Today I decided to finally go to L*owes and buy some plants for the front of the house. Jake had planted some tomatoes and corn earlier this morning, and it got me motivated to do some planting of my own. I got three hydrangea bushes and two lily plants to start with.

These roses are on the left side of the house (as you face it)… we didn’t plant these, but I love them.

Prior to planting them.

Jake tilling up the bed

Planting my first hydrangea bush

After planting

Just the hydrangeas

We got a nice soaking rain soon after planting, and they’re looking beautiful. Let’s see if I can keep them alive!