Fadedwords

It’s been a long week.

My back is still incredibly painful.  The medication I was given has only been marginally effective in helping manage pain or improve symptoms.  I’m sick of this injury, and I know that it’s not one that’s likely to go away anytime soon.

I ended up having to take yet another half day off of work today thanks to a giant miscommunication with my endocrinologist.  The last time I was there she and I talked and I heard that I could have my bloodwork done at an outside lab and have the results faxed.  What was actually discussed, apparently, was that I would have my thyroid health managed by my primary physician.  So when I called to have my thyroid medication prescription refilled on Tuesday, I was told that I was not a patient and therefore could not have a prescription filled.  *sigh* After a lot of confusion, and the type of frustration that had me in tears, I was told I had to come in for an office visit in order to get a new prescription.  Today at 2pm was the only time I could be seen, so I had no choice but to go.  It’s an hour and a half drive one way, and having to do that unexpectedly adds to frustrations.  Add to that the fact that I was being docked half a day’s pay thanks to this miscommunication, and the pain from my back, and you might have an inkling to how much fun I had today.

I’m down in the dumps right now, for reasons that are vague and shadowy in the corners of my mind.  I think a lot of it is lack of sleep; my back makes it incredibly uncomfortable to sleep so I haven’t done a whole lot of that the past two weeks.  I’m so ready for the pain to disappear this time.  Nothing is getting done around the house or at work.

I’m thankful that tomorrow is Friday, and that I have a weekend to relax.  I need to make a trip to the mall to get a gift for the exchange we do with my group of girlfriends.  That’s the only thing I have planned, and I’m pretty thankful for that.

I’m ready for things to even out and get a little easier.

I sometimes get incredibly frustrated with my body and my health.  I feel like, at every turn, it’s betraying me and leaving me in a lurch.  My back slipped out yet again, starting last Sunday.  It’s been a week of absolutely agonizing pain.  I haven’t slept more than an hour or two every night.  I’ve been doing ice/heat, bed rest, anti-inflamatories… all the things the doctor has recommended.  I’ve done light stretching.  Oh, and let’s not forget that I’ve lost nearly 40 pounds in the last 6 months, and that was the first thing the doctor said to me when I started seeing a specialist. *sigh*  I just feel like it’s a losing battle, and that no matter what I do I’m just going to keep on having this pain monthly.

I went to urgent care this afternoon after I got out of work, because I simply could not take another night of not sleeping or another day at work in so much pain.  I spent much of the day in tears, and that’s not an OK way to go through things.  I tried to get an appointment at the orthopedic office I was seeing, but of course they can’t get me in for three weeks.  The only time they’ll do jack crap about this is if I’m “in pain at the time of the visit”.  Yeah, they’re helpful.  So urgent care was the only way to go.

The doctor there was very upset that the orthopedic person hadn’t been helping me manage my back in between the times that I have the pain.  He was also concerned that they wouldn’t make more of an effort to get me in now when it actually is symptomatic to such a degree.  He was very concerned that I had little or no reflex response in my legs when they smacked me with the little hammer thingy.  It took a great deal of beating on me to get a response.  Did you know that was bad?  It apparently is.  He prescribed me more darvacet, which only really helps me sleep.  He also prescribed prednisone and a muscle relaxer.  He “strongly suggested” that I take at least one day, if not two, off from work to let the prednisone start to do its job.  I called my boss and gave him a heads up that I may not be ther tomorrow, but I really want to try to go.  I feel like I’ve missed so much work this year, and I hate that I look like this irresponsible employee.

I have an appointment with the back doctor that the urgent care place has.  They do urgent care, and they’re also a family doctor.  The doctor I saw today wants to be sure that my disk hasn’t herniated further, and he thought that the spine specialist might want to order another MRI.  I’m going to have them request my records from the orthopedic I was seeing, because they have done absolutely nothing to help me in the months that I’ve been seeing them.

So we’ll see.  I’m just so fed up with this.

I keep trying to explain to people that my dog isn’t that scary.  Then he does things like this in a photo, and I realize that everyone has a good reason to be just a little bit leary.

I can kind of see what people are talking about.

Quite some time ago, I was having a very bad day/week/month.  I was chatting with my friend Drew and I said that it would be awesome if someone got me a Build a Bear.  We joked around about it for a long time, how nobody loved me enough to get me one (sidenote- Jake got me one before we were dating… so please know I was just kidding).  At some point Drew asked me what I would get if I could get anything.  So we came up with a moose dressed as a fireman, because Drew works with the rescue squad and I decided if he got me one it should be something that would always remind me of him.  We joked about it and Drew said he would name it MoJo.

Well this went on for quite some time.  I heckled him often about how he was never going to get it for me and how he hated me and how I hated him for teasing me with the notion of MoJo.  I laid the guilt on thick.

Drew recently fell under some hard times thanks to our awesome economy.  Before Christmas he said that he was planning on getting MoJo for me after New Year.  I thought he was kidding because of his own situation… but the other day he was asking me for my address again so he could fill out the stuff with Build a Bear.

Today I got home and found this on my front porch:

So meet MoJo Moose!

I don’t often say so, but I am incredibly lucky as far as friends go.  Drew is a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, amazing friend.  And not just because he spent his money on a stuffed animal because he knew it would make me happy.  Drew has seen me through some really difficult times in the years that we’ve been friends, and he’s always there any time I need to talk.  He always builds me up, reminds me that I’m a good person, and tells me often how much he cares about me just so I’ll know that I have a friend on days that I don’t think I have any.

So thank you Drew, for MoJo of course, but for being such a kick ass friend.  I <3 you much.

Growing up, I spent a lot of special time with my Aunt.  She took me shopping, out to eat, to picnics.  She also took me to our county fair and the fair for the next county over.  We didn’t go alone though; we went with her friend and coworker Patrick and his wife and two children Katie and Matthew.

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