Fadedwords

I’m moving in to the busiest part of my school year.  As a counselor I also serve as testing coordinator for our school, and in North Carolina EOGs come in May.  The testing cycle takes up the whole month of May, so you can imagine how much planning, training, and coordination that takes.  This is my third year working in this state, so I’m pretty adept at handling it.  That doesn’t remove the stress from it though; testing is a huge deal and screwing up is treated seriously.  The entire month of April will be spent in trainings and meetings so that I can train my staff at school to try and avoid any mistakes.  When I’m not in meetings and trainings I will be in my office finalizing master plans, training schedules, EOG pep rally, and many other things that need to get done before May arrives.

It makes my head spin.

I’ve been overwhelmed a lot lately, with a great deal of things.  Finances have been one of the biggest headaches, thanks to no sick leave at work and being docked pay… and let’s not forget about ER visits, tests, and operations.  I got my ‘this is not a bill’ for the gallbladder removal, and the grand total for surgery is over $13,000.  Granted, I won’t pay that full amount but considering how crappy my insurance is I’ll be paying a big chunk of it.  I’m pretty sure they said $1700+ when I did my pre-op appointment.  This came at a bad time, as I’ve mentioned, because I was planning to go to Disney with my family this summer.  I’m still going, it’s just turned in to a gigantic headache over how to pay my bills and pay for this trip.  It’ll work out, but right now it’s weighing on me.

I haven’t been sleeping well, which I’m sure is in great part to financial worries and work worries and all kinds of other worries.  I’m great at worrying; I really wish that I could get paid to worry.  I’d be rich.  I do a lot of tossing and turning, and that’s taking a big toll on me. 

I’m struggling to get back on track with WW following my surgery.  I know that’s OK and probably normal, but I’m frustrated with myself for not being focused.  I have a goal I want to reach, and I’ve sabotaged myself so many times in the last few weeks.  I’m sure it’ll show up on the scale, and I’m going to be really upset with myself when it does.  I don’t want to go to Disney fat… and if I don’t shape up and get on track with this, I will be. 

I feel lately like nothing ever changes, and that’s wearing on me too.  I think I probably get this way every spring… I just feel more tired and more unsetteled and more anxious this year.  I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Spring break can’t come soon enough.

I know, it’s been awhile… I’ve had a lot going on that was weighing on me a little bit more than photographing my dog or posting his pictures here.  However, today was a great day and I was able to get out and take some great photos of Merlin enjoying the spring.  Jake helped by being the kong thrower!

A very handsome dog indeed.  Don’t let him fool you though; he’s super dumb so he has to make up for that with good looks.

It was a long week, but this weekend was a welcome and relaxing time.  Things that were really wonderful include:

• My boss got a DJ for our Saturday work day.  There was karaoke, dancing, games, and a great deal of laughing.  Thankfully I was able to just take photos of the shennanigans; I got some great ones.
• I went with Bethany after work to get haircuts.  I had a very interesting stylist that moved to the US from Lebanon.  He was a cool guy and he did a great job with my hair.  It’s nothing too drastic… just a trim with some long layers.
• Bethany and I also went out to dinner after the haircuts at Twisted Fork.  We got tons of food, a celebration of my recent recovery from gallbladder surgery.  I brought lots home and truly enjoyed eating what I did while I was out.
• I found pancake stickers!  This is awesome because I have pictures from National Pancake Day to scrapbook.
• I got a new DVD player today.  The one in the bedroom was dying a painful death, and was over five years old.
• I also got Twi*light on DVD *swoon*
• I upgraded my cell phone today!  I have a new red Shine.  It came with a great bundle deal that included a bluetooth headset and a car charger.  I love it already.

The only negative thing is that I’m still tired and haven’t had much of a weekend thanks to working and staying busy today.  This next week will be a long one.  To top it all off I have a bone bruise or something on the bottom of my left foot.  Seriously, if it’s not one thing it’s another.  I have lots to get done this week, and I am determined that there will be no more absences for me for the rest of the year.  I’ve had just about enough of that.  We’re moving in to the busiest time of my year with testing, so I have to be on my A game.

Friday is pay day, and I’m somewhat dreading seeing how little I’ll be receiving.  I haven’t begun to get bills from the hospital yet, but I know those are coming.  I’m determined not to stress out about it.  I need to avoid stressing if I want to stay healthy.

So.

I may’ve underestimated how important it was to have actual time to be in bed resting following surgery.  When they said surgery this week I thought it was probably the best week for it because I had meetings Thursday and Friday.  I thought that I’d just be able to sit in those and that’d be fine.  I really, really underestimated how much it takes to just sit in a chair.  How lame is that?

In the long run I have no choice.  I have no sick days, and am already being docked 3 days pay due to doctors’ appointments this month.  I have to attend the meetings.  I also have to go to work Saturday for our Saturday PLC day in order to swap out one of those sick days so I’ll get paid for it.  Mandatory.

I was comparing this to how it was with my appendix, and I think that when I had my appendix I was so excited about getting home to visit my family that it just didn’t register with me.  I rested a lot more too, thanks to a 12 hour car ride and family who didn’t let me do anything once I got home.

I’ve done too much this week, and it’s definitely taken its toll on me.  Early to bed again tonight.

Just a quick post before I go to sleep for the night.  I came home at about 12:30 today.  Surgery went very well.  I’m pretty sore, which is to be expected.  Trying to move around as much as possible without over-doing things.  I’ve spent the day snuggled up in bed watching movies and drifting in and out of consciousness.

Thank you to everyone for the nice emails and notes.  They have all made me smile and remember that I have some amazing friends in real life and via the internet.

I have to go in to work for a brief time tomorrow to complete testing.  I’m not excited about it, and know that it’s unlikely that I will finish out the day.  It has to be done, at least for the morning.  Jake is going to drive me, because I’m still on driving restriction in the morning.  So keep your fingers crossed that I get through that with as little trouble as I can.

It’s time for bed.