A Piece of My Death
As her world spiraled out of control, Samantha Campbell fought to keep her eyes open. Red lights flashed and people hovered over her. She could still hear her father’s voice in her head:
“These grades won’t do young lady… Where did you find those clothes… What’s wrong with you?”
Samantha finally let her eyes close, hoping it would be forever…
Dylan Sanders walked through the swinging doors that led to the ER. A drug overdose was coming in by helicopter.
“Dylan?” someone called. He turned to face the nurse talking to him. “The flight is coming in now. She’ll be in trauma one. Dr. Harper wants you to handle it,” she said.
“Thanks.” He went to scrub up, just as the doors burst open. A stretcher was wheeled in carrying a young woman who was shaking with convulsions. “How’s her pulse?” he demanded.
“Sky high! Not sure what she took, but she’s flying,” one paramedic explained. Dylan nodded.
“We’ll move her on three,” he said as they moved the stretcher next to a gurney. “One, two, three,” he muttered, lifting. Several nurses rushed in to help and the paramedics left. Dylan sighed, looking at the pretty young face and thinking, I hope we don’t lose this one.
Dylan walked into CCU two days later and asked a nurse, “How’s she doing?”
“I assume you’re referring to the anonymous OD.”
“Yup. Is she any better?”
“Vitals look fine, but she still isn’t awake.” Dylan sighed.
“When she comes around call me,” he said.
“OK,” she replied, watching as he walked to the girl’s bedside. Dylan sat down and looked at his patient.
“Who are you and what made you do this?” he murmured.
Samantha awoke with the worst headache she’d ever experienced. With a sigh she looked around. A hear monitor was at her left and an IV went into her left arm.
“A hospital,” she said to herself. She sat up slowly and groaned as her stomach began to roll.
“You’d better take it easy,” a voice warned. Samantha looked toward the door and frowned at the man standing there.
“Who are you?” she demanded. The man walked toward her carrying a clipboard.
“My name is Dr. Sanders and I’m the one who worked on you when you came in. I guess you could say I saved your life. A little gratitude never hurt anyone,” he kidded. She rolled her eyes.
“I don’t owe you anything.”
“What’s your name?”
“Samantha.”
“Do you have a last name?” She glared at him.
“Most people do,” she muttered. Dylan sighed.
“Listen Samantha, I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t given you a reason to hate me.”
“Don’t be so sure.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Why don’t you fill me in as to what exactly I’ve done,” he suggested.
“You didn’t let me die,” she said. Dylan watched as she turned away from him. With a sigh he turned and walked form the room.
Mr. Campbell sat beside his daughter’s hospital bed three days later.
“I don’t see why you wouldn’t tell anyone your name Samantha. I’ve been worried sick,” he said.
“I’m sure you have been. I didn’t feel like receiving a lecture after a near-death experience.”
“I wouldn’t have given you a lecture Samantha.”
“Not right away anyway,” she muttered. Mr. Campbell sighed softly.
“Listen Samantha, I know things haven’t been easy for you lately… since your mother died. I think this is insane. Trying to kill yourself is going a little far for attention don’t you think?”
“I didn’t do it for attention Dad. My God, I didn’t think I’d be alive to get attention!”
“That’s enough. Your doctor suggested that I have a psychologist brought in to speak with you and I’m inclined to agree.” She rolled her eyes.
“He’s a crack-pot if ever there was one… I mean he’s barely old enough to drive, let alone be a doctor,” she muttered. Someone cleared their throat. Both of them turned toward the sound.
“I’m glad you speak as highly of me in my absence as you do in my presence,” Dylan said. She glared at him.
“You’re insane.”
“I’m not the one who tried to kill myself,” he shot back. He looked at her father and continued,” Mr. Campbell, she’s free to go home tomorrow but it’s mandatory that she have an evaluation by a psychologist.”
“Of course. I’ll see to it that she gets there,” Mr. Campbell said.
“I also suggest an in-patient drug rehabilitation program. I think she may need some help.”
“You’re crazier than I thought! Dad, you’ve gotta’ know that I don’t need some stupid rehab center.”
“We’ll discuss it when we get home young lady.” She sighed and raked her fingers through her long, curly blonde hair.
“As always. Could you both leave so I could get some sleep?” They both nodded and left. Samantha sighed and stared out the window, wondering if there was any justice in the world.
Samantha sat in a psychologist’s office, glaring across the desk at the woman.
“Listen Samantha, if you don’t talk you’ll have to keep coming here for a longer time,” the therapist said.
“I’m sure my father will get tired of paying for this after awhile,” she replied.
“Really? I think your father loves you and wants to help you. Why would he stop paying?” Samantha gave a little snort.
“You don’t know my father.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“This is a waste of your time. Analyzing me is probably the least productive job you’ll ever have.” The doctor smiled.
“I’ll have to disagree with you there Samantha.”
“Well there’s a surprise.”
“You’re very angry. Can I ask who you’re mad at?”
“It’s a little late to ask for permission don’t you think?”
“I guess so. I’ll ask again though… who are you angry with?”
“The stupid doctor that suggested this crap doesn’t rate too high on my list.”
“Doctor Sanders?”
“Yeah, I guess that’s his name.”
“He saved your life. What is all the anger about?” Samantha chuckled.
“I suppose you think I should want him to be my new best friend,” she muttered sarcastically.
“What made you want to die Samantha?” Her eyes darkened.
“Why does anyone want to die Doc? I suppose it’s because they’re unsatisfied with their lives.” Just then the buzzer rang, signaling that their time was up. “Darn. Guess we’re done for today. See ya’ next week Doc.” She got up and walked from the room, leaving the psychologist quite puzzled.
Dylan was jogging in the park several days later. His dark hair was dripping with sweat, as was the rest of his body. He happened to glance behind himself and saw someone he was surprised to see. Samantha Campbell was jogging along, a gorgeous Rotweiller running beside her. Dylan jogged in place for a moment until she caught up, and then jogged on beside her.
“Hey,” he said. She glanced at him.
“Am I suppose to say something now?” she asked. She was wearing a white tank top and a pair of black spandex shorts. Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail.
“It’d be nice if you said hello or something.” Samantha gave a bitter laugh.
“Hello doc,” she muttered. He smiled.
“You can call me Dylan.”
“Since we’re pretty much done talking, there’s no need for me to call you anything,” she said.
“You’re pretty bitter aren’t you?”
“I pay my shrink to analyze me.” He chuckled.
“If you used your sense of humor for something other than sarcasm, I’m sure people would find you more pleasant. I know I would.”
“Then I guess I’m glad I’m the way I am.”
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen.”
“That’s too young to be cynical,” he muttered. Samantha stopped jogging.
“You don’t know anything about me. I was just some girl you saved. Why do you care if I’m cynical or not?” she demanded. Dylan shrugged.
“I just think you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. It’s kind of stupid to waste it being so angry.”
“I wouldn’t have my whole life ahead of me if it wasn’t for you, would I?”
“I think you should stop being mad at me just because I was doing my job.”
“Maybe you should get a different job.” She started to jog again and Dylan didn’t follow.
Samantha sat in her friend Jason’s house several nights later.
“So is your father taking you to rehab?” he asked. She shrugged.
“He hasn’t said anything about it since the doctor suggested it.”
“That’s good. How’s the shrink?” She grinned.
“Well, things are going great… for me. I sit there and wait for time to be up, then I leave. I think the good doctor is becoming frustrated.”
“That’s great Sam,” he muttered. She looked at him and sighed.
“What’s wrong Jas?”
“I just don’t think you should give this the big kiss off.”
“Why not? It’s a bunch of crap.”
“Is it really? Come on Sam, maybe it’s for the best that you’re seeing this lady.”
“Why?”
“You did try to kill yourself didn’t you?”
“That was the plan,” she muttered, looking away from him. Jason touched her shoulder.
“Sam, that’s not a good thing. You should talk to this lady and vent some of your feelings.”
“I don’t need to tell some stranger my problems.”
“Maybe you should. I know that there’s a lot going on with you, and you need to deal with it.” She stood and paced the room.
“You’re suppose to be on my side Jason.”
“I am on your side. I just think you should tell this lady what’s bugging you. It’s not going to keep things bottled up.” She sighed.
“I don’t deserve a friend like you Jason.”
“Sure you do.”
“Too bad you’re gay,” she kidded. He rolled his eyes.
“You probably wouldn’t like me as much if I was straight.” She laughed and they continued watching TV.
Dylan was sitting in Samantha’s psychologist’s office when she walked in for her appointment the next day.
“What’s he doing here?” she demanded.
“Doctor Sanders wanted to see how our sessions were going,” her psychologist, Dr. Mills, explained.
“What happened to the whole confidentiality issue?” she demanded, plopping down in her usual chair.
“I told him that things weren’t going very well, and that’s it,” Dr. Mills explained.
“She didn’t go into all the gory details,” Dylan assured her.
“Why do you care?” she demanded. He shrugged.
“I don’t know. Why do you hate me so much?”
“I already told you the answer to that,” she replied.
“Why don’t you fill me in?” Doctor Mills suggested. Samantha sighed.
“He didn’t let me die.” Doctor Mills frowned.
“Isn’t it his job to save people’s lives?” Samantha rolled her eyes.
“He could’ve made an exception in my case.”
“I can’t make decisions like that Samantha. It’s against the law,” Dylan said.
“It really doesn’t matter now, does it?” Samantha muttered.
“It obviously matters to you Samantha. You still house a lot of animosity toward doctor Sanders,” Dr. Mills observed.
“I’m holding a grudge,” she said with a shrug.
“Why?”
“I already told you. I wanted to die and he didn’t let me. It’s pretty simple.”
“I don’t think it’s as simple as all that.” Samantha shook her head and smiled tightly.
“It must get boring analyzing everything I say,” she said.
“Not really. I don’t think you’re angry with Doctor Sanders. I think you’re aiming all your anger at him just so you can be angry at someone.”
“Good hypothesis Doc, but that really isn’t it. There’s no one else to be mad at.”
“You tried to kill yourself two weeks ago. There must’ve been something bothering you before that.”
“It doesn’t mean I was mad at someone.”
“I think you were, and still are, mad at the world,” Dylan put in.
“You’re not even suppose to be here,” Samantha said angrily.
“Why does it bother you that he cared enough to check up on you?”
“It doesn’t bother me. I just don’t feel like spilling my guts in front of him.”
“You don’t feel like ’spilling your guts’ in front of me either,” Doctor Mills retorted.
“Maybe I would’ve talked today,” she muttered.
“I doubt it. I don’t think having Doctor Sanders here is causing any harm. You’ve said more today than you have in the past two weeks.”
“You can’t say I haven’t tried,” Samantha murmured.
“It might help if you’d talk about everything going on inside of you.”
“I doubt it,” she replied, just as the buzzer rang. “See ya’ next week Doc.” Dylan and Doctor Mills looked at each other.
“I really don’t think it has anything to do with you,” she assured him.
“I’m glad I got to save her as my first intern experience.”
“Don’t worry about it Dylan. She’ll come around.”
“I hope so. She’d be so sweet if she wasn’t so…”
“Bitter?” he smiled.
“Yeah. I’ll see you around. Keep me posted.”
“I’m beginning to think it wasn’t a coincidence that she was referred to me,” Dr. Mills said.
“Just because you’re my sister doesn’t mean I can’t send you my patients.”
“You’re either trying to punish me for all the times I got you in trouble when we were kids, or your interest in her goes beyond that of a doctor in his patient’s health.”
“I’m punishing you,” he said with a grin, raking his fingers through his hair.
“Why don’t I believe you?” Dylan stood and started toward the door.
“I don’t know Sis. You must not have any faith in me.”
“Not when it comes to pretty girls.”
“Samantha is right, all of your analytical crap does get old. I’ll see ya’ around.”
“Bye Dylan.”
Samantha jogged along the next morning holding her dog’s leash.
“You’re being such a good boy Poe,” she said to him.
“Do you jog every day?” a voice asked. Samantha glanced over her shoulder and sighed when she saw Dylan.
“Are you stalking me?” she shot back. He grinned.
“I have better things to do with my time. Sorry to disappoint you.”
“Don’t worry about it. Why did you come to my shrink’s office yesterday?”
“Well for one thing I wanted to see how things were going with you. I also wanted to chat with my sister.”
“Doctor Mills is your sister?”
“Yeah.”
“It figures,” she muttered.
“What’s that suppose to mean?” he demanded.
“It explains why she’s so concerned with my anger toward you.”
“That’s not why.”
“Why else would it bug her?” she asked. They were jogging in stride with one another now.
“Because there’s really no reason for your anger. She’s trying to help you, and getting past your anger is part of it.”
“Really? So does she give you a report every week?” Dylan laughed.
“No. She tells me if you’re ok or not. It’s not like she gives me an audio tape or anything.”
“You’d get bored with an audio anyway; I never talk.”
“That’s something that should probably change,” he suggested.
“What does it matter?”
“Don’t you want to feel better about things?”
“Telling your sister my problems isn’t going to solve anything,” she said.
“How do you know? Maybe if you let it all out you’d feel better.”
“I doubt it.”
“You doubt a lot of things.” They jogged in silence for a moment. “Do you feel like getting something to drink at the cafe?” he asked suddenly.
“I have my dog. Sorry,” she said with a shrug.
“I doubt it.” She gave a small smile.
“I’m rubbing off on you,” she called as she turned down another street. Dylan watched until she was just a tiny speck in the distance. With a sigh he continued his jog.
Samantha started at her father in disbelief several days later.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said.
“Doctor Sanders suggested it when you were released from the hospital,” Mr. Campbell said.
“And you’re just suggesting it now? It’s taken you three weeks to take the rehab thing seriously?”
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since it was suggested. I wanted to give you some time to relax before I sprung it on you.”
“You can’t make me go,” she said, grabbing her house keys from the table and stalking from the house.
Jason sat across a table from Samantha.
“You can’t keep storming out every time you have a problem Sam,” he said.
“I’m not going to stand there and listen to him tell me he’s going to send me to some stupid rehab center.”
“Can you blame him? You overdosed on heroine. I don’t blame him for being concerned.”
“Come on Jason, my father could care less if I do drugs or not… which I don’t. I did the heroine because I knew it could kill me. Dad just wants me out of his hair.”
“How do you know that?” he demanded.
“I really don’t want to get into this Jas,” she muttered.
“That’s the problem with you. You can’t open up to anyone. Maybe if you could you wouldn’t be the way you are.”
“How exactly am I Jason?” she demanded angrily. He sighed and put his hand over hers.
“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I just mean that you’re so bitter… sarcastic. You’re so angry at everyone and everything. I can’t understand it. I know that your father thinks it’s your mother’s death, but you’ve been like this as long as I’ve known you. It’s gotten worse since she died, but it’s the same thing.”
“Why is everyone constantly analyzing me? It drives me absolutely insane.”
“See what I mean? You can’t even listen to an observation about you, one that could be wrong, without getting defensive.” She sighed.
“Become a shrink Jas. They get paid for this crap.” She stood and started to walk away but Jason caught her arm.
“Don’t be mad Sam,” he said. She leaned down and kissed his cheek.
“I’m not. I just need to be alone for awhile.”
“OK. Take care of yourself.” She nodded and walked out.
She ended up in the park. The sun was just beginning to set and it was getting cold. She was only wearing a T-shirt and jeans, so she shivered.
“What are you doing here so late?” an all-to-familiar voice asked. Samantha turned and sighed.
“I’m really starting to believe that you are stalking me,” she muttered. Dylan smiled.
“As I said before, I have better things to do with my time. Mind if I sit?” he asked, pointing to the empty spot on the bench beside her. She shrugged indifferently.
“Whatever.” He sat down and glanced at her. Her hair was down and cascading over her shoulders. The golden strands caught the orange glow of the sunlight and highlighted certain strands.
“You’re very beautiful,” he said suddenly. She smiled softly.
“When all else fails, compliment the patient until she starts to tell you what’s going on with her,” she muttered. He grinned.
“I was serious, but take it however you want.” She glanced at him, for the first time looking into his eyes. They were dark green and still twinkling with amusement.
“Most guys would try harder to assure the girl they meant what they said.”
“You probably wouldn’t believe me no matter what I said.”
“Probably not.” She turned away again. “So what are you doing here?”
“I felt like taking a walk. What about you?” he asked.
“I needed to be alone.” They were silent for several minutes. “If I tell you something will you believe me?” she asked suddenly.
“I’ll try.”
“I had never done drugs before that night. I did it because I knew it’d kill me.” He watched her as she spoke.
“Look at me when you say that,” he said softly. She looked at him, her eyes dark blue to conceal her emotions.
“Before that night I had never done drugs. I took heroine because I knew it would kill me… at least it was suppose to kill me,” she muttered.
“Ok.”
“Do you believe me?” Samantha asked. He nodded. “How old are you?”
“Twenty-three,” he replied.
“Isn’t that a little young to be a doctor?” She had turned away again.
“This is my first intern rotation. I just got lucky when you came in.”
“Lucky?”
“I use the term lightly,” he said with a wink.
“Why did you tell me you were a doctor?”
“You already gave me such little respect, I didn’t think I should give you a reason to give me even less.”
“That was some quick thinking.” He nodded.
“Yeah, it saved me some grief. Are you cold?” She shrugged.
“A little,” she murmured.
“Want my jacket?”
“What will people think doc?” she joked. He chuckled.
“Probably that you got cold. Do you want it or not?”
“Hand it over.” Dylan took his jacket off and draped it over her shoulders.
“There ya’ go.”
“Thanks.” The sun had all but disappeared from teh sky.
“How are you planning on getting home?” he asked.
“Planned on walking,” Samantha said.
“By yourself?”
“It’d appear that way.”
“I’ll walk you home.”
“It’s probably out of your way.” He sighed.
“I don’t think you’d be safe walking home after dark. Besides, you have my jacket.” She stood and started to walk.
“Let’s go then.” He stood and jogged to her side. They walked for a few moments in silence.
“You really can be quite pleasant if you work at it.” She looked at him and laughed. It was a real, sincere laugh, the first sincere laugh she’d given since she woke up in the hospital.
“You’re not so bad if you’re not trying to get something out of me.”
“You should laugh more often,” he said.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were hitting on me,” she said. Dylan smiled.
“What would you do if I was?” She shrugged.
“I don’t know. Come on, it’s not getting any warmer.” They walked the rest of the way in silence.
Dylan was jogging the next morning at a steady pace, but stopped at the sound of someone calling his name.
“Dylan wait up!” He turned and smiled when he saw Samantha jogging toward him. She caught up quickly and they jogged along together.
“So are you stalking me now?” he asked.
“You wish.” He laughed.
“Where’s your dog today?”
“Home. I think he’s tired out. We’ve been running a lot lately and he’s not as young as he use to be.”
“Oh. So can you go out and get something to drink at the cafe today?”
“I’ll see. It depends.”
“On what?”
“On how nice you are to me while we’re jogging.”
“I’m always nice to you Samantha.”
“Except for not letting me die.” He sighed.
“I…” She cut him off, shaking her head.
“Forget I said that,” she muttered.
“OK.” They jogged on until they were almost to the cafe, then walked the last block in silence.
“I’ll just have a bottled water,” Samantha told the woman behind the counter.
“Same here,” Dylan said. He paid for them both and they sat down.
“Thanks for the water,” she said.
“Sure. Can I ask you something?”
“You might not get an answer,” she said. He smiled.
“Fair enough. Why are you being so… nice all of a sudden?”
“To you? I don’t know. I guess you won me over with your charm,” she kidded.
“I’m being serious Samantha.” She looked at him seriously.
“You believed what I said last night about the whole drug thing. That and the fact that I run into you everywhere, which by the way, still has me worried. It’s a waste of my energy to be mean.”
“Oh.”
“Hey Sam, what’re you doing here?” a voice asked. She glanced up and smiled at Jason.
“Hey.” She gave him a quick, friendly kiss. “Jason this is Dylan. Dylan this is my best friend Jason.” The two men shook hands
“Nice to meet you,” Dylan said with a smile.
“You too.” Jason leaned down and whispered to Samantha, “He’s absolutely fabulous Sam. A definite keeper.” She smiled and rolled her eyes.
“Jason, this is the guy who saved my life,” she explained. Jason looked at Dylan.
“Did you test that water before you drank it?” he asked. Dylan laughed and Samantha whacked Jason in the stomach.
“Pay no attention to him,” she muttered.
“Whatever you say Sam. Well call me tonight and tell me what’s going on. I obviously missed something,” Jason said.
“Bye Jason,” she said.
“Bye.” They watched as he walked away.
“He seemed like a good guy,” Dylan commented, taking a big gulp of water.
“He thought you were cute,” she said matter-of-factly. Dylan choked on the water and she giggled.
“He thought I was what?”
“Cute. Don’t worry though, you’re not his type.”
“Well that’s… good.” He glanced at his watch and said, “I need to get going.”
“Have a hot date?” she inquired. He grinned.
“This was my hot date. I have to be at the hospital in forty five minutes. I’ll see you around Samantha.”
“See ya’,” she said, watching as he left the building. She sighed and took another drink of water. “Maybe I am going crazy,” she muttered.
Doctor Mills looked up when Samantha walked in the next week.
“Hello Samantha.”
“Hey.”
“Doctor Sanders told me that…” Samantha cut her off.
“You don’t have to keep acting like he’s just some doctor that referred a patient to you. I know he’s your brother and that he’s not really a doctor yet.”
“Really? I didn’t know he’d told you all that.”
“He did. What’d he tell you?” she asked.
“He said that you’ve been jogging together every morning.”
“Yup.”
“What brought about this change?” Samantha shrugged.
“I’m not sure. Maybe it was because he believed me when I told him it was the first time I’d ever done any drugs.”
“That made you forgive him?” Doctor Mills asked.
“No. I haven’t forgiven him. He saved me and I didn’t want to be saved.”
“Are you going to stay mad at him for the rest of your life?” Samantha shrugged.
“It depends on whether I have the initiative to stay mad,” she said.
“I hope you don’t. Dylan is a good guy.”
“He has his moments.” Doctor Mills smiled.
“You’re a stubborn girl Samantha.”
“I get that from my mother. She was the most stubborn woman, maybe the most stubborn person, on earth.”
“What does your mother say about everything that has happened?” Samantha’s eyes darkened.
“I don’t know. She’s dead,” she said in a flat voice.
“I’m sorry to hear that. When did she die?”
“Almost three years ago,” she muttered.
“That must’ve been hard for you.” Samantha shrugged.
“It was ok,” she muttered. Doctor Mills frowned, amazed at how well the girl could hide what she was feeling and thinking.
“Are you saying that the death of your mother wasn’t difficult?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s what you implied.”
“I think you’re being too analytical again.”
“That’s my job. Why can’t you open up and tell me what’s going on inside of you?”
“I don’t have to. I also don’t want to.” Doctor Mills sighed softly.
“So you’d rather go through your whole life feeling like crap?”
“I don’t feel like crap,” Samantha muttered.
“You could’ve fooled me. If you were fine you wouldn’t be hiding what you’re thinking and feeling.”
“Maybe I’m not feeling anything. Did you ever think of that?” Doctor Mills looked thoughtful for a moment.
“No. I think that you’re feeling so much that you don’t know which feeling to feel first. Anger is the easiest and safest one of all, so that’s what you express.”
“Good hypothesis, but you’re wrong. Again.”
“Am I? How would you explain it then?”
“I wouldn’t. Some things aren’t meant to have an explanation. Not everything in life comes with one.”
“You’re angry all the time Samantha. There’s an explanation to that.”
“I’m not angry all the time, only sometimes. Ask your brother, I’m happy sometimes too.”
“He told me. He said it was nice to see you smile and hear you laugh.”
“See? I’m happy sometimes, just not while I’m with you.” The buzzer rang then and Samantha stood up. “I’ll see ya’ around Doc.”
“Goodbye Samantha.” The girl gave a wave over her shoulder and walked out the door.
That night Samantha was sitting on the living room couch watching television. Her father walked in and looked at her for a moment.
“Samantha why are you still at home?”
“Where else would I be?” she muttered.
“Up at the college for classes.”
“They aren’t this week.”
“When are they then?” he demanded.
“Next week or the week after.”
“Don’t you know for sure?” Samantha sighed, a feeling of dread forming in the pit of her stomach.
“No, I don’t know for sure.”
“That’s very irresponsible of you young lady.”
“It’s not really a big deal.”
“Your college education is a big deal. It’s a miracle you got in with your grades in the first place.”
“There was nothing wrong with my grades Dad.”
“No, of course not. Can’t you even take responsibility for your own grades?”
“I guess not,” she said as she stood.
“Where are you going?” he demanded.
“Out.” She grabbed her car keys and jacket, then walked from the house.
Dylan opened his front door and was surprised at who he saw standing on the porch. Samantha was there, wearing a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. Her arms were folded across her chest and he could tell she’d been crying.
“Hey,” he said.
“I have no idea what I’m doing here,” she said, looking away from him.
“That’s ok. Do you want to come in?” She shrugged.
“Whatever.” He stepped aside so she could move past him and then closed the door behind her.
“So are you OK?”
“I guess so.”
“Something must’ve made you come here.” She looked at him and sighed.
“Don’t push Dylan. I’m really not in the mood to be analyzed right now.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“OK. Are you hungry?”
“I could probably eat…” she murmured.
“You’re in luck, because I just ordered a pizza.”
“Sounds good.”
“Why don’t we watch TV until it gets here?” he suggested.
“Fine.” She followed him into the living room and sat down on the couch. Dylan turned on the television and they watched in silence, waiting for dinner.
Dylan clicked the TV off at around eleven and looked to his left. Samantha was curled in a little ball, sound asleep at the end of the couch. Her hair covered part of her face. He stood and moved to crouch beside her.
“Hey Sam?” he whispered. Her eyes fluttered open and she frowned.
“What time is it?” she muttered.
“Eleven. Are you going to go home or do you want to stay here?”
“It’s a little late to say I don’t want to impose, isn’t it?” she murmured. He smiled.
“A little.”
“If you don’t mind I’d like to stay here.”
“I have one condition,” he said.
“What?” she demanded, her eyes wary.
“Tell me why you came here tonight.” She sighed. “I could’ve asked any number of more personal questions.”
“I know. I got into a fight with my father, so I left. I ended up sitting in front of your house in my car.”
“Good enough. I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow,” he said.
“OK.” He disappeared for a few moments. When he returned he put a pillow under her head and a blanket over her.
“Sleep tight,” he said, turning off the light.
“Dylan?” she said suddenly.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks a lot,” she said softly. Dylan went back to the side of the couch and crouched down beside her.
“It really isn’t a problem,” he assured her, touching her cheek with his thumb. Samantha swallowed hard.
“That’s good. I wouldn’t want to put you out,” she said, her voice shaky.
“You aren’t,” he promised, his voice soft.
“Good.” He framed her face in his hands and looked at her through the darkness.
“I don’t want to do this if you hate me Sam. You’ll end up hating me even more.”
“I don’t hate you,” she told him.
“I don’t believe that.” She sighed.
“I don’t. I hate that you didn’t let me die, but you didnt’ have a choice. So it’s not really your fault.”
“I’m glad you feel that way,” he murmured, leaning closer and kissing her. She put her hand on his shoulder and moved closer. When he pulled away Samantha took a deep breath.
“Your sister’s going to love this story. She’ll be able to analyze until next Christmas.” Dylan chuckled.
“I know you’re not going to tell her, and I don’t plan on it.”
“Good. I don’t feel like having this analyzed. I’ll do that enough on my own.” He stood slowly.
“I’m going up to bed,” he said.
“OK. I’ll see you in the morning.
“What’s your favorite breakfast?”
“French toast,” she replied.
“Ok. See you in the morning.”
“Night Dylan.
“Night Sam.” She swallowed hard and stared at the ceiling.
“What am I doing?” she asked herself.
Dylan walked into the living room the next morning. Samantha was still asleep, and he had just finished making breakfast.
“Hey sleeping beauty, time to wake up,” he said softly, touching her thigh. Her eyes opened slowly and she stretched.
“What time is it?” she murmured.
“Almost nine thirty.”
“I’ve been asleep forever.” He shrugged.
“That’s ok. Breakfast is ready.”
“I’m starving. What’re we having?” she asked.
“French toast.” She sat up and looked at him.
“I didn’t think you’d actually make it because I said I liked it.”
“I made it because I like it. Come on, I’m wasting away.” She stood and followed him to the kitchen.
“It smells good,” she said. Dylan grinned.
“I know,” he kidded. She smiled and they sat down across from each other and began to eat.
“It tastes good too,” she murmured.
“You weren’t expecting it to?”
“You’re a doctor, not a chef.”
“I’m not a doctor yet either,” he said.
“You’re close enough.” They ate in silence for a moment. “I should probably call my father and let him know where I am.”
“He’s probably worried sick.” She shrugged.
“I doubt it. Dad is never worried about me.” Dylan looked at her, a frown on his face.
“What do you mean?” She shook her head, at the same time pulling her hair into a ponytail.
“Nothing.” He sighed softly.
“I’m not going to bug you about this now…” he said, trailing off.
“Good. Don’t bug me about it ever.”
“I won’t promise that.” She rolled her eyes.
“You’re very difficult.”
“I’m difficult?” he demanded with a raised eyebrow. She nodded.
“Yeah, you are.”
“I think you’re the difficult one. Call your father.” She stood and went to the phone. Dylan listened as she talked.
“Dad? Yeah it’s me. No, I wasn’t really…what? Come on Dad that isn’t it at all.” He watched as she leaned against the wall and pressed her fingers against her temple. “I didn’t call because I didn’t want to listen to this,” she said, her voice starting to get angry. She switched the phone to the other ear and said, “Maybe I won’t come back if that’s the way you feel. No, I’m not the one who started this. That isn’t true! Ok, fine, you do that,” she muttered, slamming the phone down. She let her head fall back and hit the wall; it hit it three times before Dylan got to her. He pulled her away from the wall and into his arms.
“Sam what…”
“I hate him. God I hate him so much,” she sobbed, wrapping her arms around his waist. Dylan sighed and put his arms around her.
“Come on Sam don’t,” he murmured.
“I hate him,” she said again.
“Yeah, I know,” he whispered.
Samantha walked into Doctor Mills’s office the following week and sat down in her usual chair.
“Hello,” she muttered.
“Hello Samantha. You’re early.”
“So?”
“So nothing. I was just…” Samantha cut her off.
“Stating the obvious.”
“You could put it that way,” the therapist murmured.
“I just did.”
“I’ll probably regret this, but what’s wrong?” Samantha looked at her.
“I don’t know what to do,” she said.
“About what?”
“Have you talked to Dylan since my last appointment?”
“No. He’s been working a lot.”
“Yeah, I know. So he hasn’t’ told you anything?” Samantha asked.
“What was he suppose to tell me?” Samantha stood and paced back and forth in front of the desk.
“Nothing.”
“What made you ask then?” She shrugged and threw her hands in the air.
“I don’t know! I don’t know why I do anything anymore.”
“Samantha, what’s happened?” Samantha sighed and put both her hands behind her head.
“The night of my last session with you, I got into an argument with my father and ended up at Dylan’s house.”
“What did you fight with your father about?”
“That’s not important. Anyway, I ended up at his house. I’m not sure why I went there, but I did.”
“So what happened?” Doctor Mills asked.
“I lose my initiative,” she said with a shrug.
“To stay angry with Dylan?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“What made that change?”
“I don’t know. I could’ve sworn I hated him… I was positive that I did. All of a sudden I didn’t.”
“So you’re upset about this?”
“I’m not sure,” she hedged.
“What happened between you and Dylan?”
“He kissed me…I kissed him…we kissed each other.”
“OK.”
“Then the next morning I called my father and got upset all over again,” she muttered, her voice angry.
“In front of Dylan?”
“Yes, and I never get upset in front of anyone. I told him I hated my father.”
“What’s so bad about that?”
“Because it’s true!” she exclaimed. They were silent for a moment as Samantha collected her thoughts. Finally she said, “Ever since then I haven’t seen him at all.”
“That’s not like Dylan.”
“Let’s not psychoanalyze this Doc. Maybe I scared him off.”
“Dylan doesn’t scare easily. Perhaps he thinks the incident bothers you.”
“It doesn’t. Well the whole thing with my fahter does, but not the part with him. I’ve called and left a bunch of messages on his machine.”
“He might be staying at the hospital overnight every night. Internships can be tough that way.”
“Yeah, maybe.” They were silent for a moment.
“I have another question,” Doctor Mills said.
“You probably won’t like the answer,” she said.
“I know. Why do you dislike your father?” Samantha’s eyes clouded over.
“He’s a jerk,” she muttered.
“A lot of people in this world are jerks but we don’t hate them. My husband can be a jerk at times too, but I don’t hate him.” Samantha looked at her with troubled eyes.
“Does your husband make you feel like crap every second of every day? Does he make you feel stupid? Does he make you feel unloved and unwanted no matter what you do to make him love you and want you?” The doctor had to swallow hard before answering.
“No, he doesn’t do that.”
“I didn’t think so. That’s what my father does to me. Everyday, that’s what he does to me,” she whispered, looking down at the floor.
“Is that why you tried to kill yourself?” Samantha looked up at her.
“When you want something like that to end, what else are you suppose to do? I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to feel good… or feel nothing.” Doctor Mills sighed.
“When did he start making you feel like this?”
“Since I was old enough to understand what the words ‘irresponsible’ and ‘couldn’t you try a little harder’ meant,” she explained.
“Has it been worse since your mother died?” Samantha sat down with a sigh.
“I guess it’s been worse because I haven’t had her to tell me that I’m great and that she loves me.”
“You loved her a lot didn’t you?”
“Of course I did. She was my mother.” The buzzer rang and Samantha stood back up.
“Where are you staying now?”
“With my best friend.”
“Does Dylan know?”
“Yeah, I told him.”
“Keep trying to call him. I don’t think you scared him away.” Samantha gave a weak smile.
“I hope not. I’ll see ya’ next week Doc.”
Jason glanced at Samantha the next night. She was leaving another message on Dylan’s machine.
“Sam, most people would’ve given up by now,” he said when she hung up.
“I’m not most people. I’m going to his house and waiting on his porch until he comes home.”
“That wouldn’t be the most intelligent thing you’ve ever done,” he commented. Samantha stood and grabbed her jacket.
“It would be even more stupid to sit here waiting for him to return my calls. I’ll see ya’ later.”
“Take care of yourself!” he called. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled.
“Don’t worry Jas, I’ll be fine,” she promised, walking out the door.
Dylan trudged up his porch steps at two the next morning. He had barely slept in a week and a half, and hadn’t been home at all.
“Long time no see,” a voice said. Dylan turned and sighed when he saw Samantha sitting on one of the porch chairs.
“Hey Sam, what’re you doing here?”
“Since calling didn’t work, I thought a personal appearance was in order.”
“I haven’t been home once since the last time I saw you. I’m sorry.” She stood wearily.
“Oh. Then I guess you need some sleep. I’ll go.” He caught her arm.
“Stay here. You can camp out on the couch again.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Come in.” He unlocked the front door and they both went in. “Go on into the living room. I’ll get you some blankets.” Samantha went into the living room. When he returned she was sound asleep on the couch. He smiled and covered her up. “Sleep tight,” he murmured, kissing her forehead and going upstairs.
Samantha awoke with a start, feeling someone’s eyes on her. She sat up, leaning on her elbows. Dylan was sitting in a chair watching her.
“Good morning,” he said with a smile. She glanced out the window.
“Looks more like afternoon,” she replied.
“Yeah, it’s past noon. It’s been raining all day.”
“Yuck. Guess I’m not going for my jog.”
“No big deal. I’m still too tired to do anything,” he said.
“Why were you at work so much?” He stood and went to the couch, sitting down beside her.
“Being the new intern sucks. The doctors think you’re their personal slave, so you eat, sleep, shower… do everything at the hospital.”
“That really sucks,” she said. He nodded and put his hand on her hip.
“Yeah. I really missed you. Don’t ask me why, but I did.”
“Maybe you’re crazier than I am,” she said with a soft smile.
“You’re not crazy,” he assured her.
“Really? Why am I going to a shrink every week then?”
“It’s a challenge for the good doctor,” he murmured, leaning toward her. She slid her hand to the back of his neck.
“That’s good to know. I thought I scared you away,” she said. He shook his head slowly, running his fingers through her hair.
“You couldn’t get that lucky. I thought about you all the time… dreamed about you. You haunted my dreams.”
“Should I be apologizing?”
“No. I t was good because I was thinking about you and nobody else. It was bad because I…”
“Missed me?” she finished for him. He nodded.
“Yeah. Exactly.” He looked at her for a long moment.
“You could kiss me now if you wanted,” she said with a smile.
“Good,” he replied, bringing his lips over hers. Samantha wrapped her arms around him and he moved closer. After a few moments he pulled away slightly. “This is happening too fast. I’m sorry.” She shook her head.
“It’s ok,” she promised. He kissed her again, the hand on her hip sliding slowly up her shirt. Samantha buried her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. He was braced above her, leaning on one arm that rested on the back of the couch. He moved the kiss to her neck and she swallowed hard.
“You smell so good,” he murmured. She took a deep breath.
“I really hope you’re not working today,” she said.
“I’m not.”
“That’s…” The ringing of the phone cut her off. Dylan reached the phone on the end table and took a steadying breath.
“Hello?” he asked. Samantha unbuttoned his shirt and looked at him expectantly. “It’s for you,” he muttered, handing her the phone.
“Hello? Dad, why are you calling? Oh. Yes I went and registered. That’s none of your business. No.” She sat up, and Dylan moved off of her. “What do you want from me Damnit? I’m not perfect like you are!” she exclaimed, slamming the phone down and stalking from the room. Dylan jogged after her. She was sitting on the porch steps letting the rain pound down on her. Her arms were wrapped around her bent legs and her head rest on her knees. Dylan sighed and went to her side.
“You’re perfect to me,” he told her, saying the words with his lips touching her temple. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. He sank to his knees and put his arms around her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. He pulled away slightly and looked at her.
“What for?”
“Being the way I was when you saved me. I just hated the fact that I’d have to go on living this way.”
“It’s ok.” She took a deep breath and smiled shakily.
“My father must have the worst timing in the world,” she muttered.
“See, he’s not perfect.” Her smile grew and she kissed him.
“You’re much better at making me feel better than your sister is. Should I have Dad send the checks to you?” He laughed.
“I think they’ve got laws against that Sam. Besides, it doesn’t take too much. My sister pushes the same thing until you’re ready to scream. Why did your father call anyway?” She sighed.
“He wanted to know if I had registered for college. Then he demanded to know what I was doing here.” Dylan grinned.
“You should’ve told him exactly what you were doing. I’m sure it would’ve made his day.”
“Yeah right.”
“It would’ve been fun though.”
“Yeah, you’re right. We’re getting very wet out here,” she observed, brushing a lock of wet hair from his forehead.
“You just noticed that?” he asked incredulously.
“I didn’t feel it until just now.
“We should go in before we catch our deaths.”
“We wouldn’t want that to happen,” she kidded. Dylan glared at her and she smiled. “Come on,” she muttered, taking his hand and leading him back inside.
The following week Samantha walked into Doctor Mills’s office. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her father sitting across the desk from Doctor Mills.
“What’s he doing here?” she demanded.
“I asked him to come this week.” Samantha took another step forward.
“Why?” The woman shrugged.
“I thought it was a good time for him to become involved.”
“Oh. You should’ve told me.” Doctor Mills nodded.
“I’m sorry.” Samantha shrugged and sat down in the chair next to her father.
“Forget it,” she muttered.
“Where’ve you been staying?” Mr. Campbell demanded. Samantha glared at him.
“This isn’t going to work,” she said.”
“What about it isn’t going to work?” Doctor Mills asked.
“Him demanding to know things. He can’t even ask if I’m ok or how I’ve been. He just demands to know where I’ve been.”
“OK. Mr. Campbell what were you really trying to communicate to your daughter? Could it have been concern?”
“I was showing concern. I asked where she’s been,” he muttered.
“How about you tell him where you’ve been,” Doctor Mills suggested. Samantha glanced at her.
“I stayed with Jason for a little while.
“Isn’t he the gay one?” her father asked.
“Yes,” she said with a sigh.
“I don’t want you in that type of environment young lady. Who knows what diseases you could get.” Samantha rolled her eyes.
“I’d have to be having sex with Jason to be getting any diseases. Since he’s gay, you don’t have to worry about that. Besides, I doubt that he has any diseases anyway.”
“That’s beside the point,” he said.
“Yeah, it is. I’m not staying with him anymore.”
“Good. Where have you been staying?” Samantha looked at Doctor Mills again and smiled.
“At Dylan Sanders’s house.” Mr. Campbell frowned.
“Isn’t he the doctor from the hospital?”
“Kind of. He isn’t a doctor yet, but he was the guy that saved my life. He’s and intern.”
“What on earth are you doing staying with him?”
“Being happy, or learning how to be anyway.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” he demanded. Doctor Mills glanced back and forth between them.
“Do you feel like getting into that today Sam?” she asked.
“Not really. I have to go early. Dylan and I are going out in awhile and I need to get ready.”
“OK. I’ll stay here with your father and a chat. Tell Dylan I say hello.”
“See ya’ next week Doc.” Mr. Campbell looked at Doctor Mills.
“What’s going on with her?” he demanded. The doctor smiled a little.
“She’s expressing her feelings and it’s about time. Let’s talk about you now Mr. Campbell.”
Samantha took a long, hot shower after her date with Dylan that night. They’d gone out to an early dinner and then for a walk on the seashore. She wrapped a towel around herself and walked down the hall to the spare bedroom. She’d been sleeping there since arriving the week before. She closed the door and plopped down on the bed.
“What a day,” she murmured. She pulled on a white tank top and a pair of blue cotton shorts and began to brush her hair. A knock on the door made her glance up. “Come on in!” she called. The door opened and Dylan poked his head in.
“Not asleep yet?” he asked with a smile.
“Doesn’t look like it does it?”
“I’m getting good at stating the obvious.”
“Not as good as your sister,” she said with a wink.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” He came in and closed the door behind himself.
“Did you have a good time tonight?” She smiled.
“I had a fabulous time. Thank you.” He was leaning against the door, his blue, cotton shirt partially unbuttoned.
“It was my pleasure. How was your appointment today?”
“It went OK. My father was there.” Dylan frowned.
“Why?”
“That’s what I said. Your sister thought it was time he was involved.”
“He hasn’t been overly interested since you overdosed,” he muttered.
“I know. It wasn’t really all that bad. I let him think I was being… a little too happy staying here, if you know what I mean,” she said with a grin.
“Why?”
“Why not? He’s treated me like crap for as lon gas I can remember. I’m not opposed to making him feel the way he’s made me feel for all these years.”
“You’re using our relationship to hurt him?” he demanded.
“Not exactly,” she muttered. He was frowning.
“What would you call it?” She stood angrily.
“I’d call it none of your damn business Dylan!”
“I didn’t force you to tell me that your father was there, and I sure as hell didn’t force you to use ‘us’ as a big joke.”
“That’s not what I did! I told him I was staying here and that I was…” He cut her off.
“Forget it Sam. I’ll see you in the morning.” He pushed off the door, opened it and stormed out. She jumped as the door slammed. After taking a deep breath she followed him.
Dylan was sitting on the edge of his bed in the dark. He was looking out the window and wearing only his jeans and a frown. Samantha walked in quietly and crawled across the bed until she was kneeling behind him. She slid her hands over his bare shoulders with a sigh.
“I told him that being here, with you, made me happy. Just because he thinks that deals with sex isn’t my fault. I’m not going to correct him either.” He didn’t answer. Samantha kissed the side of his neck and whispered, “I’m sorry Dylan. He turned slightly and looked at her.
“I read too much into it. I’m sorry.”
“Go figure, my shrink’s brother is over analyzing.” He smiled and shook his head.
“Maybe my sister should start seeing me. I think I’m going nuts.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m absolutely crazy about you,” he murmured, kissing her. She wrapped her arms around him and moved closer.
“I think I have the cure for that,” she told him as he lowered her to the bed.
“I want to make love to you… but not unless you want it too.” She looked at him for a moment.
“On one condition.” He raised an eyebrow.
“What’s that?”
“If the phone rings, don’t answer it. It’ll probably be my father and I’d be forced to tell him exactly what we’re doing.” Dylan smiled and kissed her again…
Samantha walked across her college campus almost a year later.
“Hey!” she called. Dylan was waiting for her, leaning against his car.
“Hi gorgeous. My sister wants us to eat at her house tonight.” She smiled and kissed him.
“Ever since we got engaged she’s had us over every other night.”
“You’re exaggerating Sam,” he said.
“Of course I am.”
“Well it’s either my sister’s or your father’s. He called after she did.”
“The counseling may have helped, but not that much. We can call your sister and tell her we’ll be there.” He smiled and opened the car door for her before walking around to the driver’s side. He got in and started the car.
“Maybe we can have your dad over too. Then my sister can have one big analytical party,” he murmured. She whacked him in the stomach.
“Yeah, and maybe we can invite Jason too. He’s had his eye on you since he first saw you. I’m sure your sister would have fun with that.”
“On second thought, let’s just stick with my sister.” She smiled and laced her fingers through his as they drove off, into the future.
