One Moment in Time
She walked into Noah Casey’s life one day like a picture of paradise. She was just a little shorter than his own five feet eleven inches, and had beautiful, coppery red hair that reached the small of her back. Her eyes were the deepest shade of blue he had ever seen, and they were set to either side of a small, pixie-like nose. Her figure was absolutely perfect with curves in all the right places. Noah was sitting in the office of his horse barn. He was twenty-three and had taken over the business after the death of his parents.
“May I help you?” he asked when he saw the beautiful girl standing at his door. She looked at him for a long time before saying anything.
“Maybe you can. I’m looking for a job.”
“Have you had any experience with horses?” Her face brightened a little.
“Yes. I took lessons for about three years off and on. I worked at the farm after school in high school too.”
“How old are you?” He saw her brief hesitation.
“Twenty three.”
“OK. What’s your name?”
“Ashley Harper.”
“Nice to meet you Ashley. I’m Noah. Do you have a place to stay?” She shook her head.
“No. I’m new to the area.”
“Then I guess we’ll have to find a place for you around here,” he said. Ashley shook her head.
“I couldn’t impose like that.”
“Our last stable hand lived with us for three years and was considered a part of the family. I insist that you stay.”
“OK.”
Noah watched Ashley the following morning. She was leading a skittish mare into an exercise ring, talking softly. Her hair was pulled back in a tight braid that hung down her back. She let her stirrups down and swung into the saddle. Beneath her the mare danced to the side, but Ashley’s only visible reaction was a smile. Soon the animal was walking around smoothly. Ashley’s position was absolutely flawless: back straight, heels down, hands steady. For a moment Noah was actually jealous… then he remembered something she’d said the previous afternoon.
“Hey boss, she’s a real looker,” a voice said. It was his younger sister Shannon.
“Yeah, I guess she is,” he said.
“You guess? Boy, you’re losing your touch… or your eyesight.” Noah laughed and put his arms around her shoulders.
“She’s a beautiful girl Shannon, I’ve already noticed. That’s not why I’m watching her.”
“What other reason could you possibly have for looking at a pretty girl?”
“Look at the way she rides. Yesterday she told me she’d taken lessons for about three years.” Shannon shook her head.
“It takes more than three years on a horse to ride like that.”
“I know. Why would she lie about something so silly?”
“Who knows? Maybe she didn’t want to brag.”
“Maybe. What’re your plans today?”
“I’m going to take Picies out on a cross-country ride.”
“All day?”
“I’m taking Ashley so she’ll know the trails. We’re taking a lunch.”
“Sounds like fun. Who’re you putting her on?”
“Gemini. He’s a sturdy horse and a sound jumper.”
“Good. I’ll see you later Shan.”
“Take it easy boss, life isn’t that serious.” Noah grinned and walked back to his office.
Ashley and Shannon rode side by side, posting in synch.
“So where do you come from?” Shannon asked. Ashley didn’t answer right away.
“Ummm… from Syracuse.”
“Wow. You came all the way to Wisconsin? Why?”
“I needed a change of scenery.”
“Oh. didn’t you have a boyfriend or anything?” Ashley’s face fell.
“Kind of. It was nothing serious though. What’s with all the questions?”
“I’m just curious. Noah didn’t tell me too much.”
“He doesn’t know that much.”
“Oh. You ride very well.”
“Thank you. I love riding.”
“You’re a natural. Noah told me that you’ve been riding for about three years.”
“Just about,” Ashley muttered.
“You look like you’ve been riding as long as I have.”
“How long is that?”
“Since I was born just about,” Shannon said with a laugh. “I was Daddy’s little girl and Noah was always in the saddle. When somebody was riding I was usually sitting right in front of them.”
“You’re lucky Shannon.”
“I know.” After a brief pause she asked, “How old are you Ashley?”
“Twenty-three. Why?”
“You look a lot younger.” Fear flashed in Ashley’s blue eyes.
“I guess I should be flattered,” she said after a moment.
“You look upset. Did I say something wrong?”
“No, of course not. Come on, let’s get moving again.
Ashley groomed Gemini late that night, her head swimming. She had lied to these wonderful people about everything but her name.
“I had to Gemini, but I’ll tell them eventually,” she murmured.
“Tell who what?” a masculine voice asked. She whirled, paling when she saw Noah. He was leaning casually against the stall door.
“Umm…. nothing. I was just talking to myself.” He nodded, letting his eyes rake over her. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a blue tank top.
“I talk to myself all the time… it’s the only way to get good conversation,” he kidded. She actually smiled, he observed, for the first time since she’d arrived.
“I’ve never thought of it that way. I didn’t do too much work today Mr. Casey, and I feel horrible.”
“You exercised four horses, groomed all the horses I have, and cleaned three saddles and bridles. I’d say you did plenty. And by the way, call me Noah.”
“Thank you. I’ll do better tomorrow.”
“OK. You’re a beautiful rider Ashley.”
“Thanks, but I’m not that good.”
“Yes you are. Can you jump?” She turned away from him and started to groom Gemini again.
“A little.”
“Dressage?” He was asking too many questions and she began to fidget nervously.
“Kind of.”
“You’ll have to show me sometime,” he said. Then he was gone. Ashley let out a big breath and let her forehead rest against Gemini’s neck.
Shannon was practicing the piano when Noah walked into the den. She had just started to play Fuer Ellis.
“Shannon, I need to talk to you,” he said, closing the den door.
“Hold on,” she muttered. Noah sighed and put his large hand over her small one. “Noah!” she exclaimed.
“She’s been here for a week Shan, and I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“She seems to hang around with you a lot. Does she ever loosen up?”
“Yeah. Sometimes I even forget…” Shannon hesitated.
“What?”
“Sometimes I forget she’s older than I am. She acts like the other girls my age.” Noah frowned.
“That’s what I thought,” he muttered, starting to walk out. Suddenly her hand was clamped on his shoulder.
“Don’t confront her with this Noah. If you’re wrong might leave.”
“Get back to your practicing Shannon.”
Ashley cantered Aries, a big Dutch Warmblood, around the large outdoor ring. Noah watched as she urged the almost always difficult stallion over a foot tall jump. As if she could sense that someone was watching her, she pulled up and turned Aries.
“Noah! Ummm… I was just seeing if he was as bad as everyone keeps telling me,” she explained.
“I see.”
“I was on a lunch break,” she said, looking very distraught.
“My problem isn’t with your riding Aries.”
“Oh, good. You looked so angry.”
“My problem is the fact that you weren’t telling me the truth.” Her face paled.
“Wh…what?”
“You told me you could only jump a little. It’s obvious that you’re an avid rider and jumper.”
“Maybe…”
“No maybe about it. I’ll raise the jump for you. How high would you like it?” He climbed over the fence and went to the jump, glancing at her.
“Four feet I guess,” she muttered. He chuckled and shook his head.
“A little goes a long way with you, doesn’t it?” he muttered, raising the jump. Ashley didn’t respond. Once he was out of the way she asked Aries to canter. He did it eagerly. They approached the jump and soared over, in perfect union with one another. Noah watched her carefully, his eyes serious. She went over it twice more, then pulled up and dismounted.
“Good boy Aries,” she murmured, running the stirrup irons up the leathers.
“Done so soon Ashley?”
“My break’s up in twenty minutes. I have to cool him out, give him a bath, and groom him.”
“Want some help?”
“No thanks, I can handle it.”
“I’d like to help,” he insisted.” She sighed softly.
“OK, you’re the boss.” Noah followed her silently, noticing how well Aries behaved for her.
“He likes you.”
“Probably not. He just knows who the boss is. Given the chance he’d probably turn on me.”
“Maybe, but I doubt it.”
“I’d never give him the chance,” she said, taking the saddle and bridle off and putting his halter on.
“You’re very modest Ashley.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, sliding the chain of the lead shank across the nose band of the halter and clipping it to the other side.
“You’re a great jumper, probably better than me, and you said you couldn’t really do it.”
“That’s not what I said. I said I could jump a little.”
“You can jump more than a little Ashley.”
“So?”
“I don’t like being lied to.”
“I didn’t exactly lie,” she muttered, leading Aries outside again.
“What would you call it?”
“I’d call it being modest. If you have a problem with it I’m sorry.”
“I’m just wondering what else you lied to me about.” Her head snapped up and she looked at him.
“Are you accusing me of lying to you?”
“You said that, I didn’t.”
“What do you think I’m lying about?” she demanded.
“Your age for one thing.”
“Why do you think I’m lying?”
“You’re not older than I am. You’re not even older than Shannon.”
“How…” Noah cut her off.
“If you tell me the truth, you won’t get in trouble.”
“Fine. I’m not exactly twenty-three.”
“How old are you exactly?” She handed him the lead shank and started to sponge Aries down.
“Well, exactly speaking, I’m nineteen.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?”
“I didn’t think you’d give me the job.” He sighed.
“Is there anything else you haven’t told me?” Her hesitation was so brief he almost didn’t notice it… almost.
“Nope.” Noah nodded, watching as she continued to bathe Aries.
Shannon was longing a three year old late that evening. Ashley was in the saddle, her seat light.
“You’re doing great Ash!” Shannon called. Ashley nodded and posted gently in the saddle. Shannon watched her carefully. “I’m going to ask her for a canter!” Ashley nodded again, sending her heals down even farther and sitting to the trot. The filly began to canter right on Shannon’s command and Ashley leaned back slightly. They went around several times before Shannon stopped them. “I think that’s enough for today.”
“I think you’re right. Hold on to her,” Ashley said. She dismounted carefully and then ran her stirrups up.
“That was great. Thanks for riding her.”
“Anytime. She’s a beautiful mover.”
“Do you really think so? Noah doesn’t think I’ll make anything out of her.”
“You will. She’d be a great a dressage horse.”
“I don’t know enough about dressage to teach her.”
“I could help you.”
“How much do you really know?”
“Enough. I’m a level two.”
“Wow. That’s not that far from Grand Prix level.”
“I know. Don’t tell Noah, he doesn’t need to know.”
“Why don’t you want him to know?”
“Because he’d make a big deal out of it.”
“Isn’t it a big deal though?”
“Not really. I don’t like to brag about things, especially not the way I ride.”
“It wouldn’t be…” Ashley cut her off.
“Drop it Shannon.”
“OK.”
Noah saw Ashley walk past his bedroom that night, then heard her go downstairs. He had been sitting on his bed working on some figures, but decided to get up and follow her. She was sitting outside on the front steps wearing a pair of shorts and an oversized T-shirt. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and she was crying softly.
“Ashley are you alright?” he asked, stepping out into the warm night air. She quickly wiped tears away and stood.
“I’m fine.”
“Come on, you were crying.”
“So? It’s nothing to worry about.”
“If you say so. Can I help?”
“No. I’ll be fine.”
“OK. I saw you and Shannon working with her filly. She appreciates your help.”
“I like helping her.”
“She mentioned that you might work the filly through some dressage training.”
“Yeah.”
“So you’re going to help her?”
“I’ll teach them what I know,” she responded carefully.
“They’ll learn a lot then.” There was a long silence.
“Noah?”
“Yeah?”
“I was if I could enter Aries in some shows.”
“Sure. Do you have anything in mind.”
“Not really.”
“There are some shows coming up. Could you be ready in couple weeks?”
“Yup.”
“I’ll send in your entry forms.”
“Thanks,” she said, brushing past him and walking back upstairs.
The next few days passed in a blur of activity. Noah had several big boarders come in and put Ashley in charge of them.
“Noah have you seen the bell boots Mr. Rollands wants me to use with Cassiopeia?” she asked one afternoon.
“They’re in the bottom of the tack box.” She smiled at him.
“Thanks.” She turned and started to walk away, but Noah caught her arm.
“You’re doing a great job,” he murmured, looking at her intensely.
“Thank-you.” he held on for a moment longer and then watched her walk away.
Ashley jogged up the stairs and into her bedroom, pulling her hair from its braid. She had just enough time to take a shower before Noah called her for supper. She stepped under the warm water, sighing contentedly. They had brought hay in all day, and her back was killing her. With another happy sigh she lathered her hair and rinsed it until it squeaked. After she was completely content and the hot water was almost out, Ashley stepped out of the shower and turned off the water. She wrapped a towel around herself and stepped back into her room. It was at the exact moment that the door opened and Noah stepped in. He stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes wide.
“Oh, I’m…”
“It’s OK,” Ashley said quickly, her cheeks flaming.
“No, I should’ve knocked,” he stuttered. Ashley swallowed hard, not liking the way he was looking at her. It reminded her of the one night she wanted to forget.
“Ummm… I should get dressed. I’ll be down in a minute.”
“I’m really sorry Ashley,” he muttered, turning and leaving her room.
At dinner that night everyone was quiet. Shannon glanced back and forth between them.
“Could I ask a question?” Shannon asked.
“No,” Noah said.
“Yes,” Ashley said at the same time. They glanced at one another and then back at their plates.
“OK… what the hell is going on between the two of you?”
“Nothing,” they said in one voice.
“I don’t believe that for a second, but since you both seem to agree…” she muttered. Ashley put her fork down, stood, and stalked from the dining room. Shannon stood quickly and jogged after her. Noah slammed his fist down on the table, cursing under his breath.
Shannon didn’t bother to knock on Ashley’s bedroom door. Ashley was sitting on her bed crying softly.
“Go away Shannon.”
“Not until you tell me what Noah did.”
“Never mind.”
“I won’t never mind. Did he say something?”
“No.”
“Did he do something?”
“Not really.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?”
“Nothing. I just have some stupid crush on him.”
“So does half the female population of Wisconsin. What’s the big deal there?” Shannon demanded.
“He walked into my room and I was wearing nothing but a towel.”
“I hate to tell you this Ash, but he probably didn’t mind.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The second day you were here he told me he thought you were beautiful.”
“That was when he thought I was twenty-something.”
“Your looks haven’t changed since then.”
“Don’t start putting ideas into my head Shannon,” she murmured, standing and going to the window.
“Why not? You want him to like you.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s going to. Listen, I think I’m going to go to bed.”
“Are you sure?” You didn’t finish your supper.”
“I’m not that hungry. I’ve got a stomach ache.”
“Alright. Goodnight Ashley.”
“Night Shannon.” When she heard the door close Ashley went back to the bed and plopped down, hand on her stomach, and sighed.
Noah found Ashley three mornings later sitting in the hay loft. The sun was just starting to come up and she was standing and watching it. The orange glow of the sun caught the red in her hair and made it shine. It was down, an unusual sight and one Noah had never seen. Before he could stop himself, his fingers were running through it. Ashley jumped and looked up at him.
“You scared me,” she muttered.
“I’m sorry. Listen Ashley, I just wanted to apologize for walking in on you… I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“Forget it,” she said, turning back toward the rising sun. Noah grasped her chin firmly between his thumb and forefinger.
“I can’t forget it because now you’re avoiding me.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are. I can’t say anything besides I’m sorry. I should’ve knocked.” He looked at her for a long moment before kissing her. It surprised them both. For a moment she hesitated, unsure what to do and a little scared. Then, all of a sudden, it changed. Noah put one of his hands on the back of her neck, stroking gently with his thumb. Ashley put one of her hands on his waist and moved closer. It went on for a long time… until Noah pulled away suddenly. Ashley swallowed hard, not liking the look on his face. He reached down and removed her hand from his waist, taking in a shuddering breath.
“I…” Ashley began.
“That shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again,” he muttered, turning and stalking to the ladder. As soon as his head disappeared, she began to cry.
Noah handed Ashley a large manila envelope the next afternoon.
“This came for you,” he muttered.
“What is it?”
“Probably information about the shows you asked me to enter you in.” A smile touched her lips briefly.
“Great.”
“Open it.”
“I’ve got work to do now… I’ll do it later.” He grabbed her elbow as she turned to go.
“It can wait. Open it now.” With a sigh she tore the envelope open. Inside was her number, 73, and several sheets of paper. One had the show’s rules, another the times of her classes, and the last had all the other information about her.
“They made a mistake,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“They put me down as Aries’s owner.”
“It isn’t a mistake.”
“Yes it is. He doesn’t belong to me.”
“He does now.” Her eyes darkened and she threw the papers at him.
“I can’t believe you!” she exclaimed, whirling and racing outside into the pouring rain. Noah followed, grabbing her arm and spinning her around.
“What the hell did I do wrong this time?”
“You can’t fix everything by giving me a horse Noah. It doesn’t work that way.”
“That’s not why I did it.”
“What possessed you to give me a horse?”
“So you’d have one,” he said simply.
“I didn’t ask for him… I didn’t want him.”
“What do you want then?”
“If you’ve missed it, then it’s your problem,” she muttered, pulling her arm free and running to the house. Noah turned, cursing when he saw Shannon in the doorway.
“Great job Noah. Now you’ve really got her upset.”
“What in God’s name do you want me to do about it?”
“Stop blaming yourself for the past, and start thinking about Ashley since she obviously doesn’t blame you.”
Ashley put on her tweed jacket and then her helmet. Shannon was holding Aries and stroking his cheek.
“Are you sure you want to do this Ash?” she asked, her voice slightly worried.
“He’ll be fine once he’s in the ring Shannon, I promise.”
“You look pale. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Relax. We’ll be fine. Hold him so I can mount up, we’re next.”
Noah answered the phone in his hotel room, wondering if Ashley was phoning to tell him about the show. He doubted it. He was in Kentucky on business.
“Hello?”
“Noah, it’s Shannon,” a frantic voice said.
“What’s the matter?”
“Ashley got hurt in the show. You’d better come home.”
“What’s wrong? Will she be OK?”
“Just come home Noah.”
Noah walked into Ashley’s hospital room, his face worried. Shannon stepped in front of him and pushed him back into the hall.
“What are you doing?” he demanded.
“You’re going to be mad Noah.”
“Because she fell off? No I won’t. I just want to see her and make sure…” She cut him off.
“Let me talk. You’d better sit down.”
“What’s going on?”
“Just sit down.” With a sigh he did as she said.
“OK, I’m sitting. Now tell me what’s going on.”
“Ashley is pregnant Noah.”
Ashley was sleeping when he walked in. Her face had a couple bruises… her arms and shoulders held more. He stood at the side of her bed for a long time, unsure of everything. She was awake before he had time to prepare himself for the shocking blue of her eyes.
“I woke you up,” he muttered, glancing away.
“Not really. I’ve been sleeping all day. Sorry you had to cut your trip short.”
“Forget it.” She bit her bottom lip, knowing he must hate her.
“I’m really sorry Noah,” she whispered. His gaze met hers, cold and angry.
“You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say for yourself?” he demanded.
“What would you like me to say?”
“Tell me why the hell you didn’t tell me about this in the first place.”
“I don’t know,” she muttered.
“There has to be a reason.”
“Most people in this situation are afraid to tell anyone.”
“Why?”
“They’re afraid people will think the girl brought it on herself.”
“Maybe that’s what I think now,” he replied. Ashley bit back tears.
“You’re going to think whatever you want anyway… even though you have no clue what the truth is.”
“Really? Let me guess, you aren’t going to tell me the truth either, are you? Big surprise.” He turned and stalked out.
Ashley glanced up as the door to her room opened four days later. Shannon walked in and smiled at her.
“Come on, you’ve been given your walking papers.
“Great.”
“Get dressed. I’m sick of coming here.”
“Oh really? How do you think I feel?” Shannon laughed.
“Good point. Let’s get out of here.”
Noah was riding Aries when they got home. The stallion wasn’t behaving very well, and Ashley cringed.
“Don’t get any bright ideas Ash. You’re not suppose to ride for a couple weeks.”
“I know. It’s just that Noah isn’t handling him the right way.”
“How’s he wrong?”
“Wrong disposition,” she muttered.
“You should tell him.”
“He already hates me Shannon. I don’t need to start criticizing the way he rides too.”
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s shocked and disappointed.”
“Well I’m really sorry I disappointed him, but that’s life. I’ll be up in my room getting some sleep.” Shannon sighed and watched Ashley stalk to the house.
Dinner was filled with uncomfortable silence that night. Ashley ate very little, and then stirred the food around on the plate. Shannon crossed her arms across her chest and glared at them both.
“Is there a problem Shannon?” Noah asked.
“Yup.”
“Mind telling me what it is?”
“You know,” she replied, looking at Ashley. He sighed and glanced at her too.
“What would you like me to do?”
“Stop being such a jerk.” Ashley’s gaze flew to Shannon.
“Stop it Shannon.”
“No. He’s being a jerk and there’s no reason for it.”
“Yes there is. I lied to both of you about everything. I’m just glad I still have a job. Drop it.”
“It’s stupid for him to be like this,” Shannon muttered.
“Just forget about it. He has the right to be mad.” Noah sighed and put his fork down angrily.
“Would you two stop talking about me sa if I’m not here?” he demanded.
“Maybe if you’d talk a little we’d realize that you’re here,” Shannon shot back. Ashley stood up, her fists clenched at her sides.
“Would you stop it? I’m sick of this. If you want me to leave, I will,” she said, looking directly at Noah.
“I didn’t say that I want you to leave,” he said, glancing away.
“Then just stop it. If you want to ignore me fine, but it’s stupid Noah… really stupid. I didn’t tell you because it’s none of your business.” He looked at her again.
“I’m your boss Ashley. You could’ve hurt yourself or the baby with some of the work I had you doing. For God’s sake I had you bringing in hay for three days!”
“I could’ve refused. I didn’t think it’d make a difference.”
“You could’ve been hurt.”
“Since when do you care?” she demanded. Noah opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Ashley sighed and said, “I’ll be in my room.” When she was gone Noah rubbed his hands over his face roughly.
“Why are you like this Noah?” Shannon muttered.
“Don’t start.”
“Somebody has to. She doesn’t deserve teh way you’re treating her. It’s not an obligation for her to tell you her life story.”
“She should have told me.”
“She was probably afraid to tell you.”
“Why?”
“She was probably scared that you’d act like this.” With that Shannon got up and left, leaving Noah alone.
Ashley slept in the next morning and was awaken at ten by a knock on her bedroom door.
“Come in,” she called. The door opened and Noah came in with a tray.
“Morning. How’re you feeling?”
“Fine. You didn’t have to bring me breakfast.”
“The doctor said you need lots of bed rest, and Shannon isn’t here.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
“You like eggs don’t you?”
“Yup.”
“Good. Here you go.” Ashley sat up and took the tray from him.
“Thank you,” she said, starting to eat.
“Ashley, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act the way I did.”
“Forget it Noah.”
“I can’t. You didn’t deserve the things I said to you.”
“You’re right, I didn’t.”
“I really am sorry.”
“You should be. Why the sudden change of heart?”
“I just thought about it for awhile and realized that you really weren’t obligated to tell me anything.”
“Good.” They were silent for several minutes. Noah watched her eat and then glanced out the window.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. You may not get an answer though.”
“Fair enough. I was just wondering how far along you are.” Ashley smiled.
“About five months.”
“Are you keeping the baby?” She looked at him seriously.
“Yes. Does that bother you?” He looked at her and shook his head slowly.
“No.”
“Good.” There was another long pause. “Breakfast was good.” Noah grinned.
“Thanks.”
“Sure. Could you get me the books on the desk?” He nodded and put them on the bed beside her. He picked up the tray and started for the door.
“If you need anything I’ll be down at the barn. Just give me a call.”
“OK.”
When Noah came to check on Ashley later that afternoon she was fast asleep. He smiled and put down the glass of ginger ale he’d brought for her. He sat down on the edge of the bed, reached out and touched her face gently. Her eyes opened slowly and she frowned.
“Something wrong?”
“Nope. I just brought you some ginger ale.”
“Oh, thanks. What time is it?”
“Around four thirty. Shannon and I are going to feed the horses and then fix some dinner.”
“OK.”
“We’re also going to bring up a TV and VCR. We thought we could have a little movie night.” Ashley smiled.
“Thanks.”
“Aries misses you,” he said.
“I miss him too.” He patted her leg and then stood up.
“See you later Ash.”
“See ya.”
Shannon had a date that night, so Ashley and Noah were alone. Noah sat on the foot of her bed with a plate of spaghetti. Ashley also held a plate, but wasn’t eating too much.
“I love this movie,” she said. They were watching the movie ‘Seven’ and were about halfway through.
“Me too. Shannon told me to tell you that she’s sorry she had to leave.”
“I don’t know why she’s apologizing.”
“She just asked me to tell you.”
“Thanks.” He glanced at her plate and frowned.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“Not really. My back and shoulders ache something terrible… it kind of takes away from everything.” He put his plate down and crawled to the head of the bed.
“Sit up for a second,” he said. She looked at him for a minute and then did as he said. He moved behind her and began to massage her shoulders gently. She sighed.
“You have no idea how good that feels,” she murmured. He smiled and watched as she bowed her head. He moved her hair to the side and kept squeezing the knots of tension from her muscles.
“I’m glad I can help,” he replied. They sat that way in silence for a long time. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“What happened with you?” She lifted her head.
“What do you mean?”
“How’d you get pregnant?” She turned and grinned at him. “You know what I mean Ashley.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Do you mind answering?”
“No, not really.” She took a deep breath and then said, “I was out on a date with a guy… he seemed really nice. I was going through my ‘rebellious phase’. We’d been drinking, so when he suggested we go and look at the stars out on the football field I didn’t think much of it.”
“Sounds pretty nice.”
“Yeah, real nice. Anyway…” she trailed off, reaching for the remote and clicking the movie off. “The guy and I got there and a couple of his teammates were there.”
“What’d he play?”
“Football. So we talked for awhile, still drinking and fooling around. I was pretty drunk… so I don’t remember too much more of what happened. I guess I probably started it, I just didn’t think it’d go so far. Before I knew it somebody was holding me down and somebody else was pulling my clothes off.” He didn’t say anything so she continued, “So basically I’m not sure who the baby’s father is… because there were a couple guys.”
“So you were raped?” Ashley shrugged and looked out the window.
“I don’t really know. The police said that it wasn’t, and I’m the one who started everything. I just know that by the end I’d sobered up enough to know I hadn’t wanted that to happen…” She bit her lip and drew in a shuddering breath.
“Was it your first time?”
“Yeah, and my second and my third…” she trailed off sadly. “It was a really big mistake… and the police said that because I could remember starting the whole thing and not much else, that it couldn’t be considered a rape.”
“What about your parents?” She laughed bitterly.
“My father is a minister and my mother is a teacher at the school. They fought over what should be done. Dad won. He said I had to get an abortion or go away. I left.”
“That was a brave decision.”
“I couldn’t give up my baby. It’s never been something I imagined being able to do.” They were silent for a long time. Ashley sighed and brushed a lone tear from her cheek. Noah put his arms around her and pulled her into his chest.
“You must miss your parents a lot.” She nodded.
“Yeah. I miss Dad the most. He taught me everything I know.”
“He must’ve been a busy guy.” She smiled a little.
“I disappointed him a lot. He’ll never look at me the same way again… not while he knows that his daughter got herself knocked up. I’ll never be able to go back there again.”
“You can stay here as long as you want. It wouldn’t be the same without you here.” She pulled away and looked at him.
“Thank you.” There was a long silence. Ashley let her head rest on his broad shoulder.
“Do you know what the baby is yet?” She shook her head.
“Nope, it was turned when they did the ultrasound.”
“That’s too bad.” She pulled away again, smiling.
“I want it to be a surprise anyway.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I first came. I really should’ve.”
“You had no obligation to tell anybody anything.”
“I should’ve though. I was here for three months…”
“Just forget about it.” She smiled, brushing hair from her face. It was in a sloppy ponytail, falling down.
“Thanks for everything tonight Noah. I had fun.”
“Anytime. Do you want anything else?”
“Nope. Thanks for keeping me company and for dinner.”
“Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” He stood, taking their plates.
“Goodnight Noah.”
“Night Ash.”
Three weeks later Ashley was up and around again. She went down to the barn first thing.
“It’s good to see you up Ash,” Shannon said.
“I’m glad to be up. How’s everything going here?”
“Dull without ya’.” Ashley smiled.
“So where’s Noah?”
“He went out to one of the back pastures to check on one of the mares.”
“I think I’ll go down to see if he needs any help.
“Be careful.”
“I will.”
Noah was sitting under a tree when Ashley found him. The mare was lying on her side breathing heavily.
“Come here,” Noah whispered, motioning to her with one of his hands. She hurried over, watching the mare carefully. When she reached his side Noah grabbed her hand and pulled her down beside him.
“When’d she start?”
“About fifteen minutes ago. She looks good so far.”
“Yeah.” They sat there for a long time watching silently. Soon the foal was laying beside it’s mother. Noah got to his feet and checked to make sure everything was OK.
“It’s a filly,” he said, reaching up and swatting a fly away from his face. She smiled at the streak of dirt he left on his cheek. “What’s so funny?” he asked as he sat back down beside her. She licked her thumb and then rubbed it across the streak of dirt.
“You got dirt on your face,” she explained. Noah caught her hand in his and looked at her seriously.
“Thanks. Wouldn’t want to walk around looking like an idiot.” She took a deep breath and forced a smile.
“I doubt that you ever look like an idiot.” He brought his free hand up to the side of her face.
“I do on occasion.”
“Oh.” He leaned closer and kissed her gently. Ashley put her hand on the back of his neck and let her fingers play with his hair. He pulled away slightly and let his forehead rest against hers.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he whispered.
“Why not?” He pulled away completely and stood up.
“You’ve got enough on your mind without an older guy coming on to you. Your parents don’t even know where you are do they?” She frowned.
“What does that have to do with your kissing me?” she demanded. He frowned and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“Don’t change the subject Ashley.”
“I’m not the one changing the subject! And don’t you dare talk to me like I’m a child. I’m almost twenty years old for God’s sake, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with us kissing each other!”
“I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. I’ll see you back up at the farm,” he muttered, walking away. Ashley frowned and watched as he made his way through the field.
Noah began searching for Ashley’s parents the next night.
“Noah, what are you doing?” Shannon asked, walking into his office late one night. He turned and frowned.
“What are you doing up?”
“I saw your light on. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I’m just finishing up some things that didn’t get done today. Go on back to bed.”
“Not until you tell me the truth.”
“I can’t tell you,” he muttered.
“Then it must be about Ashley.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“What’s going on Noah.”
“Drop it.”
“I’ll find out what’s going on and you know it.”
“You’ll find out when she does. Goodnight Shannon.” His sister frowned.
“Goodnight,” she muttered, turning and leaving him to his project.
Ashley hurried down to the barn two days later, not believing what she was seeing. Her father was getting out o fhis truck and talking to Noah. They were both smiling.
“Oh my God,” she whispered. Shannon was coming up the front steps.
“What’s wrong Ashley?”
“That’s my father.” Shannon nodded slowly.
“So that’s what Noah was up to.”
“What do you mean?”
“He was up late looking things up on line… said it had something to do with you.”
“I can’t believe he did this,” she said, walking into the barn. Noah was halfway down the aisle, but he saw her. He also saw the look on her face, and understood it. She walked until she was right behind them.
“This horse is great for experienced riders. He’s good for older kids who’ve been riding for awhile,” Noah was saying. They were standing in front of Aries and the stallion didn’t like what was going on. Ashley took a deep breath.
“If I remember correctly, Aries is mine.” They both turned, seemingly in slow motion.
“Ashley?” her father whispered.
“Hello Daddy. Noah, you did give Aries to me didn’t you?”
“Yes. I was just showing Mr. Harper an example.”
“I’m going to go and start to feed the horses. See you around Dad.” When she was gone Mr. Harper looked at Noah.
“Is she doing OK?”
“I can’t speak for Ashley.”
“Please tell me Mr. Casey, she’s my daughter.”
“Maybe you should tell her that,” he muttered, turning and walking away.
Ashley was measuring out grain when her father found her.
“Ashley?” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. She looked at him for a minute before dumping the grain into a feed bucket.
“I’m a little busy right now.”
“How are you?”
“Why the sudden concern?”
“I’ve always been concerned.”
“You told me I had to leave and I did. You weren’t very concerned about me then.”
“I was upset Ashley. Come home with me and we’ll work it all out.”
“I… Dad, how can you ask me that? How can you throw me out of the house for three months and then ask me to come back?”
“I’m asking because I realize I was wrong. Don’t stay away. We want you to come home and have the baby.”
“Dad, I can’t do that right now.” He sighed.
“Well, if you change your mind you know where we are.” He turned to leave.
“Dad?”
“Yes?”
“Tell Mom I love her.” He smiled and walked out. Ashley sank to the floor and put her face in her hands.
That was the way Noah found her. With a soft sigh he moved toward her and crouched by her side.
“Ash are you OK?” She brought her head up and glared at him.
“Why did you call him? What right did you have? Do you want to get rid of me that badly?” He shook his head.
“That isn’t it! I knew you missed him… I was trying to help.”
“It didn’t help. He wants me to come home.” Noah felt his stomach drop, but had no conscious understanding as to why.
“Are you going?” he blurted out. she stood up, her expression confused and angry.
“What difference does it make? If I don’t go he’ll never let me come back, and if I do he’ll end up wanting me to leave anyway.”
“I thought it would help if you guys talked things through.”
“It didn’t,” she muttered, walking out.
Shannon knocked on Ashley’s bedroom door later that afternoon.
“Come in!” Ashley called. Shannon opened it and went in. When she saw what Ashley was doing she stopped in her tracks.
“What are you doing?” she demanded.
“Packing.”
“Where are you going?”
“Back home.”
“But why? What did Noah do now?” Shannon asked.
“My father wants me to come home, and I have no reason to stay here.”
“What about your job? What about Noah?” Ashley looked at Shannon, her eyes sad and serious.
“I don’t mean anything to Noah. He doesn’t care about me, not the way I want him to. I don’t need the job anymore either.” Shannon took a deep breath, sinking to the bed.
“Noah cares about you.”
“No he doesn’t. If he cared he wouldn’t have gotten so mad when he kissed me.”
“Noah kissed you? I never knew bout that.”
“You weren’t suppose to.”
“He probably wasn’t mad Ashley,” she muttered.
“Then why did he yell at me?”
Shannon shrugged and said, “He was probably scared.”
“Scared of what?” Ashley demanded.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about Noah.”
“What’s there to know? He’s caring, gorgeous… the perfect guy.”
“Tell him that.”
“What’s his problem?”
“I shouldn’t tell you.”
“Yeah, you should.”
“You have to swear not to tell Noah I told you.”
“I swear. Come on, it can’t be that bd.”
“It is to Noah.”
“What happened?” she asked, sitting down beside her. Shannon sighed again.
“A couple of years ago Noah was involved with a girl. he was in love with her. He came home one afternoon and found her dead… she used his gun.”
“Wow.”
“Noah can’t even talk about it. He feels extremely guilty.”
“It isn’t his fault.”
“He can’t seem to figure that out.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not sure. I know that he taught her how to use the gun. That and he didn’t realize that there was a problem.”
“He couldn’t have known.”
“Everybody but Noah has that figured out.”
“Somebody should tell him.”
“Don’t get any brilliant ideas Ashley. He’ll get really angry with me if he knows I said anything.”
“I’m not going to say anything to him.”
“Good. Listen, he really does care. He hasn’t been like this since before she died… he smiles more now that you’re here.”
“That’s good to know. I need to finish packing.”
“You’re still going to leave?”
“Yeah. I want to go home… I miss my family.”
“What about Noah?”
“What about him? If he wants me all that badly, which I doubt, he obviously knows where I am.”
“I can’t believe you’re just going to leave. Will you call me?”
“Sure.”
“OK. I have a date. I’ll see you tomorrow morning though, right?”
“Sure. Is Noah going to be here tonight?”
“I’m the one with the social life. Of course he’ll be here.”
“Alright. Bye Shannon, have fun.”
Noah was sitting out on the back deck that night watching the horses. It was almost midnight, but he wasn’t tired. He didn’t see or hear Ashley come outside.
“Noah?” she asked, looking at him seriously.
“You startled me,” he said.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. We need to talk.”
“What about?”
“I’m leaving.” He stood and looked at her with big eyes.
“Why?”
“I have to. I can’t turn my father down because I’ll always wonder if I did the right thing.”
“Oh. Are you going to come back sometime? You’re the best stable hand I’ve got,” he said, making a feeble attempt at a joke. Ashley frowned.
“I can’t come back without a better reason.”
“What better reason do you want?”
“You’ll never give me the reason I want. I’m sorry I can’t stay here and be your groom,” she muttered sarcastically, turning to go. Noah grabbed her hand.
“What’s the matter?”
“Never mind,” she said, looking away from his intense stare. He grabbed her chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look at him.
“I’m not going to never mind, Ashley. You’re the one who’s decided to leave. What could I have possibly done wrong?”
“Nothing. You didn’t do anything, it was me.”
“Could you please tell me what’s going on?”
“Why don’t you ask Shannon… apparently she knows better than you do.” She tried to pull away but his grip tightened.
“What are you talking about?”
“Forget it.”
“I don’t want to forget it. I want you to tell me what’s bothering you.” She pushed his hand away with a sigh.
“You are! I’m sick to death of you jerking me around.”
“What are you talking about?” he demanded, even though he knew.
“You act like you care one minute, and then the next you don’t.”
“When have I acted like that?”
“The morning in the hay loft… the day in the field when you…” He cut her off.
“I told you I was sorry that happened.”
“I’m not!” she exclaimed.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” she muttered.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I wasn’t sorry you kissed me.” Noah sighed, taking a step toward her.
“Ashley,” he began.
“Forget it, I understand your position. I’m just the pregnant girl that works for you. It didn’t mean a damn thing.”
“Yes it did, that’s the problem.”
“Sorry to trouble you.” She started to walk past him but his hand caught her elbow. “Let go of me and I’ll be out of your life for good.”
“Ashley…”
“Just let me go.” With a soft sigh he did as she said. Noah watched with sad eyes as she jogged back into the house.
Shannon went to wake Ashley up the next morning, but discovered she wasn’t there. Instead she found two envelopes, one with her name on it and the other with Noah’s.
“Noah!” she called, grabbing the envelopes and running from the room. Noah was standing at the bottom of the stairs, a concerned look on his handsome face.
“What’s all the hollering about?”
“She’s gone! Why didn’t you ask her to stay?” she demanded. He sighed, a tight feeling in his chest.
“I couldn’t,” he said quietly.
“What is your problem? She really cared about you and you let her walk out the front door!”
“Shannon,” he said.
“Don’t bother. How many great girls are you going to pass up before you realize it wasn’t your fault?” He didn’t answer, so she came down the stairs. “She left this for you. I’ll be down at the barn.” Noah sat down on the steps and began to read:
NOAH,
I KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT WAS NEVER THERE… YOUR HAVING ‘FEELINGS’ FOR ME I MEAN. I WISH YOU DID THOUGH. SOMETIMES LIFE COMPICATES ITSELF TO A POINT OF NO RETURN. I’M SORRY I COMPLICATED YOURS. YOU’LL ALWAYS KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME. PLEASE PROMISE YOURSELF THAT YOU’LL COME WHEN AND IF YOU’RE READY. LOVE, ASHLEY.
Noah folded the letter carefully and put it back in its envelope. The tight feeling in his chest wouldn’t go away, and he knew why; Ashley was gone.
In late September Noah awoke around midnight to the telephone’s persistent ringing.
“Hello?”
“Is this Noah Casey?”
“Yeah, who’s this?”
“I’m a nurse at Wisconsin General Hospital. A young woman by the name of Ashley Harper was brought in a little while ago.” Noah sat up.
“What’s the matter?”
“She went into premature labor. She said we should call you.”
“Where are her parents?”
“Maybe you should come over and talk that over with her.”
“I’ll be right there. Tell her, OK?”
“I will. Thank you sir.” Noah hung up, got out of bed, and pulled on a pair of jeans.
Ashley was asleep when Noah arrived, but they let him into her room anyway. He walked slowly to the side of the bed and pulled up a chair.
“Ashley?” he murmured. She moved a little and her eyes opened slowly.
“Noah, is that you?” she whispered.
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t think you’d come,” she said. He took her hand in his.
“Of course I came. How are you?”
“Tired. Did they tell you anything about the baby?”
“It’s fine… a little small but they say it looks good.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?” Noah smiled.
“A girl.” Ashley smiled.
“Thank you for coming.” He nodded and glanced away before saying anything else.
“Ash, what happened?”
“I fell down the stairs at home… I was arguing with Dad. So I packed up and left, and came back here. The fall must’ve been worse than I thought, because they had to rush me to the hospital from the airport.”
“God.” There was another pause.
“Noah?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I come back to your house?”
“Of course you can,” he said. She smiled and he watched as her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep.
Ashley came back to Noah’s a week later, although she couldn’t bring Matilda. The baby was still too little.
“Ash, how’re you doing?” Shannon demanded.
“Pretty good. Wait until you see Matty, she’s gorgeous.”
“I can’t wait. When can you bring her home?”
“In a couple of weeks probably. Is Noah here?”
“No. He went to pick up the things you had shipped here. They called and asked if someone could do it.”
“I could’ve done that.”
“He wanted to make things easier on you.” Ashley sighed.
“I wish he wouldn’t do that.” Shannon frowned.
“Why not?”
“He gets my hopes up. I’m going to go take a nap. I’ll see you later.” Shannon watched as Ashley walked wearily up the stairs.
When Noah arrived with Ashley’s things, Shannon was sitting on the stairs.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
“You can’t keep jerking her around Noah, it isn’t fair.”
“I’m not jerking her around,” he replied defensively.
“Yeah you are. She doesn’t understand what you feel for her, and she can’t handle that right now. Don’t hurt her Noah, she’s been hurt enough.”
“What have I done? Do you want me to stop being nice to her?”
“No. I want you to tell her the truth, one way or the other. She has the right to know where she stands.” Noah sighed.
“Shannon…”
“I’ll see you later Noah,” she muttered, standing and jogging up the stairs.
Matilda came home three weeks later, looking big and healthy. Ashley set up the crib in her room in an attempt to give Shannon and Noah peace and quiet. One evening after the baby was asleep Ashley was sitting on the deck holding the baby monitor. Noah came out and stood in front of her, leaning on the railing.
“We need to talk,” he said.
“I’m glad you’ve finally come to that conclusion.”
“Don’t be sarcastic, it’s very unbecoming.”
“Who are you to judge?” she demanded.
“No one I guess.”
“When you do that to me it makes me want to shoot myself,” she whispered, her voice harsh. Then she realized what she’d said. Noah’s tanned face paled and he pushed off the railing.
“Don’t say that,” he whispered.
“Why? It’s true.”
“Ashley, please,” he said softly, closing his eyes to shut out the memories.
“Please what? Come on Noah, make me hurt some more. I really do enjoy hurting.”
“Damnit stop,” he said, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her to her feet.
“Then tell me why the hell I’m not good enough for you.” He released her with a sigh and turned away, leaning with his forearms against the railing.
“You’re good enough… too good. I don’t want to kill you too,” he whispered.
“You didn’t kill her in the first place,” she murmured. Noah turned, his face incredulous.
“You know?” he demanded.
“Yes. It wasn’t your fault.” Just then Matilda was heard from the monitor. “Noah, I forgive you… if that makes any difference,” she said before leaving.
Several nights later Noah found Ashley asleep on the downstairs sofa, holding a sleeping Matilda on her chest.
“You need a full night’s sleep,” he whispered, taking Matilda in his arms and carrying her up to her crib. When she was settled he went back downstairs and picked Ashley up. Hr arms snaked around his neck as he walked up the stairs and to his room. He set her down in his bed and pulled the covers over her. With a sigh he whispered, “I love you Ash.” With another sigh he returned to her room to get the baby monitor.
Ashley awoke in a strange room and tried to sit up. A pair of strong arms prevented this… Noah’s arms.
“What’s wrong?” he murmured sleepily. She looked around, confused.
“What am I doing here?”
“I thought you could use a good night’s sleep. I brought you here.”
“Where’s Matty?”
“Relax Ashley. I have the baby monitor.” She seemed to relax a bit.
“Oh, good.” They were quiet for a moment.
“Ashley?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry.” She rolled onto her side and looked at him.
“What for?”
“Everything. I hurt you and I’m sorry.”
“Forget about it.” Noah moved so he was partially on top of her, so he could look into her eyes.
“I can’t do that. I never wanted to hurt you. I also never wanted to love you, and I do. I just don’t know how that works.”
“Don’t lie to me Noah,” she said, her eyes dark and serious.
“I’m not.”
“Noah…” He cut her off with a gentle kiss.
“I haven’t felt this way in so long,” he whispered.
“Maybe you don’t really feel this way, maybe…”
“Please believe me. You’re the first person who’s ever made me feel like it might not be my fault.” Ashley swallowed hard, shaking her head.
“It’s not.”
“You make me feel good. Nobody’s made me feel good since she died.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything,” he murmured, cupping her face in his hands. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“It’s OK.”
“No it’s not.” He looked at her for a long moment before saying, “I want to make love to you.” She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Noah, I don’t know if I can.”
“It won’t be like it was that one time, I promise. We can stop whenever you want,” he said softly. She didn’t answer, just closed her eyes and pulled him closer. She wrapped her arms around his waist, sliding her hand up his T-shirt. He sighed against her lips and murmured, “Thank you.”
Shannon knocked on Noah’s bedroom door the next morning, but received no answer. She opened the door, her eyes getting wide when she saw Noah and Ashley in the bed.
“Whoa,” she muttered, closing the door and going down the hall to Ashley’s room. Matilda was just starting to stir. “Hey Matty, let’s go down and get you some breakfast,” she cooed to the baby, picking her up. They were still in the kitchen when Noah and Ashley came downstairs.
“I was wondering where she was,” Ashley said, kissing Matilda’s forehead.
“I didn’t know how long you guys would be, so I decided to feed her. I hope that’s alright.”
“It’s fine. Thanks Shan.”
“Anytime.” Shannon looked at her brother and said, “Noah somebody called about Aries.”
“What about him?” Ashley demanded.
“I’ve had some offers on him.”
“Offers from who?”
“Your dad.”
“You can’t sell him, he’s mine. You gave him to me,” she said, her eyes angry.
“I know that. I was just hearing his offers,” he explained.
“I can’t believe you’d hear anything he has to say,” she replied. “I’ll be upstairs getting dressed.” Noah followed.
He opened her bedroom door without knocking and found her sitting on the corner of the bed looking out the window. He put his hands on her shoulders.
“Ashley, please look at me,” he said.
“Why? So you can make me feel worse?”
“No, so I can make you feel better.” the sight of her tears made her cringe. He brushed them away with his thumbs. I keep hurting you don’t I? Why can’t I stop doing that?”
“I won’t let you sell him, especially not to my father.”
“Ashley,” he began.
“Promise me you won’t. If you don’t promise, I’ll leave and never come back.”
“Don’t say that,” he murmured, able to tell by the look in her eyes that she was serious.
“I will. If you sell Aries I’ll leave and you’ll never see me again.”
“Ashley…” She cut him off again.
“I’m done talking about this. Could you leave so I can get dressed.” With a soft sigh Noah turned and left.
After putting Matilda down for her afternoon nap, Ashley sat downstairs on the deck. She was wearing a turtleneck, but was still a little chilly. Suddenly a pair of warm hands came over her shoulders, squeezing gently.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his lips right by her ear. “I won’t sell him. I called your father and told him that. I never had any real intentions of doing it anyway.” She nodded. “Please say something.”
“I love you.” He kissed her temple gently.
“Ashley, I want you to marry me.” She finally looked at him.
“What?”
“You heard me. I want you to be my wife. I want Matty to be my daughter… I want you and everything that goes with it, and I’m afraid if I don’t ask now I’ll lose my nerve.”
“Me and everything that goes with me huh? Even my ten kids back home?” she kidded.
“If you come with them.”
“I guess I’ll marry you then,” she said finally. Noah smiled and kissed her. They were silent for a minute. “What would you have done if I had said no?” she asked. He wrapped his arms around her.
“I would’ve convinced you somehow.”
Matilda, now two, toddled after her mother. They were in the barn walking toward Noah. He and Ashley had been married for a year and a half and were extremely happy.
“Noah, are you still taking that group out on the mock hunt today?” she asked.
“Yup.”
“Could I go instead?” He frowned.
“What for?”
“I could use a break from Miss Matilda.”
“Sure. You’ll do better out there anyway.”
“Thanks. Matty, you’re going to stay here and help Daddy.”
“‘K Mommy,” the girl replied, sitting in the aisle and drawing pictures in the dust.
“I’m going to go get ready.” She gave him a quick kiss and then disappeared. Noah watched her with a smile on his face, and then smiled down at his daughter. He’d never been happier.
One of Ashley’s group members came racing into the stable yard about an hour after they’d left. Noah was riding Gemini with Matty sitting in front of him, but pulled up when he saw the woman ride up.
“Mr. Casey, it’s your wife,” the woman said breathlessly.
“What about her?” Noah demanded.
“Aries refused a jump and she wasn’t ready for it. It doesn’t look good.” Noah handed Matilda to Shannon.
“Where is she?”
“About a mile through the woods, where the falls are.”
“You stay here so you can show the ambulance crew where to go. I’m going to see if I can help.” He kicked Gemini into a gallop and disappeared.
He saw the group of riders, and then he heard Aries. The horse was whinnying in a low tone. Noah dismounted, not liking what he saw. The jump was by far the hardest on the course, taking the horses and riders over the fairly large stream. The current was fast due to spring run-off and brought you over the falls almost immediately if you didn’t hang on to your reins. After pushing through several people Noah saw what he’d been dreading. Ashley was face down in the frigid water, dangling over the edge of the falls. Her wrist was entwined in the reins and Aries was trying to pull her back up.
“Oh god,” he whispered.
“We can’t reach her,” someone said. He swallowed the lump in his throat.
“I understand. Nobody do anything to spook Aries.” Everyone nodded. He began to approach the horse, his heart beating wildly. “Hey Aries. Easy boy,” he murmured, starting to wade into the water. Aries danced to the side, causing Ashley to jostle. The crowd behind him gasped. “Easy boy. I’ll get her,” he promised. He began to swim out, being careful to hang on to anything he could find. He was almost to Ashley when there was a commotion behind him. Someone was galloping a horse into the crowd, and paramedics were racing in after the horse. Aries reared up and the reins snapped. Noah grabbed Ashley’s wrist and managed to wrap his other arm around a low hanging branch.
“Somebody get out there and help him!” someone exclaimed.
“Hurry, she’s slipping!” he called desperately. She was hanging over the falls now, and he could hear the water hitting the rocks below. He felt a rope hit his shoulder.
“Get this around yourselves if you can!” a voice called. He did his best and soon was being pulled through the water. Ashley was put on a backboard and then loaded onto a stretcher. Noah stood and followed them through the woods. Someone put a blanket around his shoulders.
“Thanks,” he muttered without realizing he’d spoken. He was watching the paramedics do CPR on his wife as they rushed her toward the barn. He was praying to God that it wasn’t too late.
The hospital was unusually quiet, which unnerved Noah. Ashley had been in the ER for almost three hours and nobody would tell him anything. Shannon was at home watching Matilda.
“Mr. Casey?” a voice asked. Noah removed his hands from his face and turned toward the sound. A doctor was standing in the doorway holding a clipboard.
“Yes. How’s my wife?”
“Much better. She’s been asking for you.” Noah stood up.
“She’s awake?”
“She just drifted off to sleep actually.”
“Can I see her?” he demanded.
“Yes, just don’t wake her.”
“Thank you doctor.”
Noah walked into Ashley’s room, feeling tears well in his eyes. She was laying on her side, one arm under her head. A gauze bandage surrounded her head and another covered her wrist. Her left knee was elevated on a pillow and wrapped in a heavy brace.
“Thank God I didn’t lose you,” he whispered, taking her hand gently and squeezing. She didn’t stir. Noah sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed hair from her face. “I love you Ash. I need to get home to Matty, but I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promised, kissing her cheek and walking out.
Shannon had already put Matilda to bed when Noah walked into the house. She was curled up on the sofa sound asleep. Noah felt a smile come to his lips.
“Shannon wake up,” he murmured. Her eyes fluttered open.
“How is she?”
“She’ll be fine. She was sleeping when I left her.” Shannon threw her arms around his neck.
“I was so worried. I kept wondering if she’d be alright… and what would happen if she wasn’t.”
“Well, she’s fine. How was Matty?”
“She was her usual self. I think she kind of knew something was up, but she wasn’t sure.”
“Good. They told me Ash would be home soon.”
“I’m glad. Why don’t you go to bed bro? You must be tired.”
“I am. See you in the morning,” he muttered.
Noah walked into Ashley’s hospital room the next morning. She was sitting up eating breakfast. Her head turned slowly at the sound of the door opening, and when she saw him she smiled.
“Hi hon,” she said. He tried to smile, but found he couldn’t.
“Matty told me to tell you that she says hello,” he murmured, standing halfway between the bed and the door. She looked at him for a long moment and sighed.
“Noah, I’m fine,” she assured him. He nodded. “Please don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” he muttered, looking at the floor.
“Like you’re ready to cry. I can’t stand it.”
“Sorry.” He moved closer, until he was standing by the edge of the bed. Ashley pushed the tray of food away.
“You could at least act like you’re happy to see me awake,” she kidded. Noah let out a shaky sigh and sat down.
“I’m happier than you’ll ever know,” he said. Ashley wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close.
“I’m OK. Thanks to you I’m OK,” she said softly, running her fingers through his hair. He was shaking, his hands on her slim waist. “Listen to me Noah, I’m fine.”
“I love you Ashley,” he said, pulling away.
“I love you too.”
“I’ve gotta’ get back to the farm.”
“Noah,” she began. He kissed her cheek and gave her a tight smile.
“I’ll see you later today.” She watched with troubled eyes as he left.
Three days later Ashley was released from the hospital. She had torn ligaments in her knee, a concussion, and twenty six stitches in her wrist. She would have to use crutches, but couldn’t until after the stitches came out. Noah picked her up and helped her into the car. When Matilda saw her, her face lit up.
“Mommy! Where have you been?” she demanded.
“I was visiting the hospital baby.”
“Oh. You OK now?”
“Yup. How are you?” The little girl seemed to consider it for a moment.
“Pretty OK.” Ashley grinned and itched her knee carefully. Noah started the car, still silent. Ashley gave him a worried glance, but he appeared not to notice.
Ashley sat in bed looking at pictures of her on Aries. She sighed softly, knowing it was a definite possibility that she wouldn’t be able to ride again. She glanced at the clock and sighed when she saw how late it was. Noah still hadn’t come up from the barn. Suddenly the door opened and he walked in.
“I didn’t know you were still awake,” he murmured.
“I decided to wait for you.” He pulled off his shirt.
“You didn’t need to.”
“Yes I did. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. You need your sleep. I thought you just get some rest and not worry about me.”
“That’s the problem. I am worried about you.”
“What for?”
“Because you’ve said about two words to me since I came home this morning.”
“I’ve been busy,” he muttered. He pulled his jeans off and went into their bathroom to brush his teeth.
“Would you please talk to me?” she asked when he came out.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine.”
“I don’t believe that any more than you do. Please come over here and talk to me.” He came and sat down, his back to her. Ashley sat up and put her hand on his shoulder. “Could you tell me what’s bugging you?” she asked, resting her chin on his shoulder.
“I already told you, nothing.”
“And I don’t believe you. Please talk to me about this.” Noah sighed and leaned back against her.
“I just can’t stop being afraid Ashley. I almost lost you.”
“Almost. I’m still here though.”
“I know. Ever since that day I haven’t been able to shake the vision of you face down in the stream… dangling over the edge of those damn falls.” Ashley drew in a deep breath.
“You need to let this go.”
“I can’t. I was so scared. I’ve never been that scared in my whole life.”
“I know. Please don’t shut me out though.”
“I just don’t know how to deal with this.”
“Don’t think about it. Think about me being here now and how much I love you.” He put one of his arms around her waist.
“I love you Ash. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t caught you.”
“All that matters is that you did.”
“I know that someplace inside of me… I just can’t get the rest of me to agree.” She kissed his temple and squeezed his shoulder.
“You have to figure out how. You can’t keep ignoring me, it’s not fair.” He finally looked at her.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, burying his face in her hair. She held him tightly and smiled.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” she murmured.
Ashley awoke early the next morning still holding Noah. She smiled and brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and he looked at her with a smile on his face.
“Morning,” she said softly.
“What time is it?” he asked.
“A little after four.”
“Oh.” She smiled and kissed him.
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” he murmured, kissing her neck and letting his hands slide up her shirt. When he hesitated Ashley frowned.
“Please don’t stop.” He looked at her seriously.
“Are you sure Ash? Your knee…”
“I’m positive,” she assured him.
A month later Ashley’s knee was doing much better. She was riding for a half hour every day. The doctor’s prognosis was good though, saying she’d be back to her old capability in a year or two.
“Noah, come here!” she called, sitting on top of his desk. He rushed in with a worried look on his face.
“What’s the matter?” Ashley smiled and shook her head.
“Nothing. I just have a question.”
“Oh. Go for it.”
“I was wondering if you were bored with Matty yet.”
“What?”
“Are you bored with just Matilda?”
“No! I could never be bored with Matty.”
“Well then I guess you’ll be extra busy,” she said. Noah looked at her, his face confused.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m pregnant.” A smile came to his face instantly.
“Really? Are you sure?” She nodded.
“I’m positive.” He wrapped his arms around her, picked her up, and swung her around.
“That’s the best news I’ve heard all day!” Ashley laughed.
“I never thought things would end up this way,” she said, looking up at him with a smile on her pretty face.
“What do you mean?”
“Three years ago I didn’t’ think any guy would love me. Now I have you and Matilda, and we’re going to have a baby of our own.” He smiled.
“I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love anyone again.” She kissed him gently.
“I guess we were both wrong.”
“I’m glad.”
“Me too.” They kissed one more time and then walked down the aisle of the barn hand in hand toward where their daughter was playing in a pile of hay.
