Somewhere Out There
Kristen Parker rode her horse, Blaze, along the side of the road, posting to his smooth trot. She glanced up as a truck came toward them, then a car.
“Relax Blaze, they’re just cars,” she said. She didn’t bother to tap him with her crop like her father had taught her. She didn’t believe in punishing her horses for being afraid of something they didn’t know. She was eighteen years old and full of ambition. Her hair flowed in flaming red currents to her butt. Her eyes were a bright green that her father described as emerald. She was of average height, but her figure made up for her mediocre stature. She had curves in all the right places, and was beautifully proportioned. She looked exactly like her deceased mother, but no on ever told her she did… especially not her father. It brought back all the pain of her death.
“Kris wait up!” someone called. Kristen turned in her saddle and slowed Blaze to a walk. Her boyfriend, Jared, was trotting toward her. She forced a smile, knowing that lately she didn’t like him much more than Blaze did.
“What’re you doing here?” she demanded when he caught up. He smiled.
“I thought I’d join you. Your father said it’d be OK.” Kristen sighed, trying to control the nervous four year old horse beneath her.
“It’s fine. Next time ask me before you come out. Blaze isn’t use to company,” she replied, deepening her seat and pushing her heals down further.
“You shouldn’t have him on the road yet. He doesn’t look ready.” She glared at him.
“He was perfectly fine until you rode up and got him all excited,” she muttered.
“Come on Kristen, you know I didn’t do anything. He’s a naturally spooky horse.”
“What do you know about him? He’s not your horse.”
“I know. I call them like I see them Kris.”
“Well don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t judge him and don’t judge me.”
“I’m not judging you! What’s got you on the defensive today?” She shook her head and sighed.
“Nothing. Come on. I don’t feel like continuing this conversation in the middle of the road.” She signaled Blaze to trot, turning down the path that led back to the farm.
Kristen’s father was longing a yearling in a paddock when Kristen walked over from the barn. Jared had made a speedy getaway, claiming to have plans with his brother.
“How’d your ride go Sprite?” he asked, never taking his eyes off the young thoroughbred that was moving around in a circle.
“Don’t call me that. I’m not three years old anymore. As for my ride, it went just perfect. Why did you tell Jared to come out and baby-sit me? Just because he’s older than I am doesn’t mean that he can take care of me,” she said, trying to control her temper.
“I didn’t send him out to ‘baby-sit’ Kristen. I thought you might enjoy some time alone with him.” Kristen climbed through the slats in the fence and walked to the center of the ring. She took the longe line from her father’s hands and called the horse a stop. She walked to the animal’s head slowly, rolling the lunge line as she went.
“Don’t try to fool me Daddy. You practically have us engaged.”
“Don’t you dare lose your temper around this horse young lady,” he warned.
“I’ll lose whatever I feel like losing!” she exclaimed.
“Let me take care of the horse. We’ll continue this discussion later.” He took the lunge line from her hands and started toward the barn. She followed him in.
“Yeah right. Later never comes does it Daddy? You butt into my life and then can’t face me when I get upset about it.” Mr. Parker looked at her as he took off the horse’s saddle.
“I wasn’t butting in. I’m merely trying to help you two along.”
“Maybe we don’t want help. You threw us together in the first place. I’m only eighteen years old. I have over plans in my life that don’t include marriage.”
“You’ll need a husband sooner or later.”
“That’s such a sexist opinion. I don’t need anyone to succeed. I don’t even like Jared, not enough to marry him anyway.” They were silent for a long time. “I’m going to break up with him Daddy. He already wants too much.”
“What? Kristen, he’s such a nice boy!”
“Then you marry him. Somewhere out there somebody’s waiting for me, but Jared isn’t that someone.”
“Cool this yearling out and then get Esmerelda saddled,” he muttered.
“Why?”
“I want you to help me break her.”
“Fine.”
“Don’t you want to?”
“Sure I do Daddy. I just don’t want you to think this subject is closed.”
“Alright Sprite. Go get that filly.” Kristen Walked down the aisle of teh barn, raking her fingers through her hair as she went.
Mr. Parker sat at the kitchen table across from Kristen that night. They were both eating silently.
“Daddy, I’m going to work as a stable hand for the mounted patrol this summer,” she said suddenly, breaking the silence.
“You should be looking into real colleges more.”
“I’m going to community college now. That is a real college.”
“You could do so much better than a community college.”
“I think it’s pointless to spend all that money on a big, prestigious college when I hate school.”
“You’re throwing everything away because of the mounted patrol and the police force aren’t you?”
“No. I’m doing what I want to do… what’s going to make me happy.”
“Don’t expect me to support this decision Kristen.”
“I don’t expect anything of the sort. I’m just letting you know.”
“You’ll do what you want anyway. Let’s drop it and finish eating.” She was silent for a moment.
“One more thing Daddy.”
“What?”
“I’m using Blaze for mounted patrol.”
“You can’t. He’s suppose to be a jumper for lessons around here.”
“He’s my horse and I’ll do whatever I want with him,” she shot back, standing and starting from the room.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded.
“Out!”
Kristen met her best friend Emily Chase at a local hang out.
“So what’s his problem this time?” Emily asked, getting into Kristen’s car.
“He doesn’t want me to use Blaze for mounted patrol.”
“Blaze is your horse.”
“I know. Are we going to your house?”
“Yeah. My parents aren’t home and we have some beer.”
“You know that I don’t drink Em.”
“It’d help you feel better Kay. I mean, you’d mellow out.” Kristen thought for a moment.
“Maybe I will, just this once…”
Kristen graduated from community college the following year and went right into the police academy. After graduating she began training with the mounted patrol. One morning she led Blaze out of his stall at the training facility. It was her first day of riding and she had a horrible hangover.
“Kristen, hustle it up!” a voice called. She swung into the saddle and trotted Blaze into the ring. There was an obstacle course set up, full of strange things. Blaze looked around uneasily and jigged to the side.
“Easy boy, it’s alright,” she murmured, trying to forget about her throbbing headache and concentrate on the task at hand.
“We’re going to start working on the strange sights you mounts will see while you work,” the instructor said. He was mounted on a fifteen hand tall palomino. “Someday you’ll be able to go through like this.” Horse and rider began walking toward the first obstacle. They moved through the course of waving flags, balloons and bridges with ease. The horse remained at a steady pace, and soon returned. “Who wants to go first?” Hoping to finish up quickly so she could return to her room and sleep off the previous night’s activities, Kristen raised her hand.
“I’ll go.”
“Great. Take it nice and easy. It’s tough the first time through.” Kristen nodded.
“Come on Blaze,” she said, clucking her tongue and squeezing with her legs. Blaze stepped toward the first test, a car with its doors open. He flicked his ears back and forth, not really sure what to make of it. Kristen squeezed harder and he danced past. They went over the bridge with no hesitation and moved on. A sea of balloons tied to a fence stood to their left. Blaze stopped dead in his tracks. She put more pressure on his sides. “Come on Blaze, they won’t hurt you,” she promised. When he still wouldn’t move she tapped him with her whip. “Walk on Blaze.” He jumped into a walk and reared when they were halfway past the balloons. She tapped him again and said “Walk on.” Blaze continued, at a trot. “Good boy.” The rest of the course went pretty much the same. When she was done everyone clapped.
“Good job Kristen,” the instructor said.
“Thanks.”
“Take a ride through the woods and be back in time to eat.” Kristen’s stomach rolled at the thought of food.
“OK.” She clucked her tongue and signaled Blaze to canter. They took off, and Kristen was totally oblivious to the fact that Andrew Helm was watching her from the ban.
At the end of the day Kristen groomed Blaze thoroughly.
“You did a great job today big guy, even if I was all messed up,” she said softly, running the curry in circles over his black coat.
“You’re Kristen right?” a voice asked. She glanced up and frowned at the guy she saw standing there. He was tall, had black hair, and blue eyes.
“Yeah. Who are you?”
“Andrew Helm. I was watching you on the obstacle course today.”
“So what?”
“I just thought you did a good job.”
“Thanks. Are you training your horse?”
“Yup. My second horse actually. I have one on patrol already.”
“Great. I have to get back to Blaze.”
“He’s beautiful. A Quarter Horse right?”
“Yes. Is there some reason you’re here?” she demanded. He hesitated.
“I saw you crying before… you were talking to an older man and when he left you came over here and started to cry. I’m sorry if I’m being nosy, but the police officer in me never sleeps.”
“It’s OK. The guy was my father, and he has that effect on people… especially me.”
“Oh. Well I saw you crying and thought you might need a friend.”
“I’ve got plenty of friends so there’s no reason to worry yourself.”
“You can never have too many friends, so I guess you’re stuck with me while you’re here. Trust me, it’s an honor not too many people get,” he kidded.
“I’ve had better offers,” she muttered.
“Hey Kay!” Emily greeted, appearing beside Andrew. Kristen smiled.
“Hi Em. I’m almost finished, so we can leave in a minute.”
“Great. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your cute friend?”
“He isn’t my friend, apparently I’m his. As for being cute… I don’t know if I’d go that far.” Andrew raised an eyebrow.
“Just tell me his name Kristen,” Emily said exasperatedly.
“I’m Andrew Helm, nice to meet you…” he trailed off with a smile.
“Emily Chase. I’m charmed. Kay, would your friend like to join us tonight?”
“Not tonight. He’s busy Em.”
“I am?” Andrew asked.
“Yes, you are. Bye Blaze. See ya’ around Andrew.” Kristen let herself out of the stall and grabbed Emily’s elbow. “Come on Emily, let’s go.” Emily stumbled after her, muttering something about how cute Kristen’s new ‘friend’ was.
Kristen stumbled into Blaze’s stall at three the next morning. She and Emily had been out all night and now she was trying to stop her head from spinning. Blaze looked at her and let out a low nicker of greeting.
“Would you quit moving around so much Blaze?” she muttered, seeing at least three of him dancing before her. Suddenly the world began to tip out from under her feet and she fell…
“Kristen?” a voice said, shaking her shoulder. She awoke slowly, not really wanting to open her eyes.
“What? Is something wrong?” she mumbled.
“It’s Andrew. Come on Red, wake up or I’ll have to get someone.” She opened her eyes and sat up, groaning when her stomach began to roll.
“Where am I?”
“In Blaze’s stall. What the hell happened to you?”
“Stop yelling,” she whispered, holding her head in her hands.
“You either decided to go swimming in a keg, or you got very drunk with your friend.”
“Gee, you’re quick.”
“This is no time to joke Red. Come on, you need to get cleaned up.” He grabbed her arm and began pulling her to her feet.
“Let me go!”
“Stop your yelling or you’ll have the whole barn down here.”
“I can yell whenever I want to.”
“You’re going to get into a lot of trouble if you keep it up.”
“Why? What time is it?”
“Almost five.”
“I’ve got plenty of time to get ready. I don’t know what you’re so worried about.”
“Classes start at five thirty today.” Kristen frowned.
“Damnit.”
“Come on, let me help you.” He pulled her to her feet and slid his arm around her tiny waist.
“Take me back up to my room.” He nodded and snuck her to her room. Once there he poured her a cup of black coffee.
“Drink this,” he ordered.
“I can’t drink that… it’s black.”
“You’d better start. Drink up Red.” Kristen forced it down with a grimace.
“I’m going to throw up.”
“No you’re not. You don’t have time to throw up. Where are your clean clothes?”
“Umm… breeches are in the second drawer, T-shirts in the bottom, underwear in the top.” Andrew nodded and pulled out the clothes. Kristen watched, so out of it that she didn’t think about the fact that a virtual stranger was digging through her underwear drawer and calling her ‘Red’. When he was done getting clean clothes he went into the bathroom. She heard running water, but didn’t have time to think about it before Andrew was there pulling her to her feet again.
“Hurry up Red.”
“Where’re we going?” she demanded.
“Shower,” he said, pushing her under the sting of freezing cold water. She screamed in rage and surprise, trying to come back out. He held her under the water until she stopped struggling. “I’ll put your clothes on top of the hamper!” he called. A wet T-shirt flew out of the shower and hit him directly in the back of his head. “Hey!”
“Be glad I don’t have my gun.” He chuckled and walked out.
Kristen and Andrew became very close over the next three months, partly because he was always the one who was there to clean up after her and make sure she made it to classes. She was either drunk or had a hangover most of the time. All the other times she didn’t feel like going to class. Andrew swore every time he pulled her out of bed, poured her coffee, and pushed her under the cold water of the shower that he wouldn’t do it ‘next time’. Luckily for her, he did.
“Let’s go Red, time to get up.” She shook her head and rolled away from him.
“It’s Saturday, we don’t have classes.”
“Get up,” he ordered.
“Leave me alone,” she growled. Andrew put his arm around her waist and pulled her out of bed.
“You’re done sleeping. It’s almost six in the evening and you’ve been sleeping all day.”
“So what? Leave me alone.”
“Don’t you have to meet Emily?” he muttered, dragging her toward the bathroom. She shook her head, trying to shake away the fuzziness of her hangover.
“Not until ten. I have four hours to sleep.”
“So you can get up again to go get drunk? I don’t think so.” He turned on the cold water full blast and pushed her under it. She sputtered angrily and struggled to get past him. “Knock it off or I swear to God I’ll go to the chief of police and tell him about your nightly activities myself.” She stopped struggling and looked at him with big eyes.
“You wouldn’t do that would you Drew?” she asked. He looked at her seriously.
“I’ll get you clean clothes. Wash up.” He closed the shower curtain and went back into the bedroom. Kristen pulled off her wet T-shirt and underwear, the only things she’d been wearing, and began to wash.
After her shower Kristen walked into her bedroom and sat down on her bed. Andrew was standing by her window looking out at the darkness.
“Do you want coffee?” he muttered.
“I guess so.” He handed her a cup and then went back to the window. Kristen swallowed hard.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to sleep so long. I was just tired.”
“You wouldn’t be sleeping so long if you weren’t going out and getting trashed every night Red.”
“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” She picked up the phone and dialed Emily’s number. “See, I’m calling Emily to tell her I won’t be going tonight.” He listened as she talked. When she hung up he looked at her.
“That doesn’t mean you won’t go out tomorrow night or the night after that.” She shook her head.
“I won’t. I promise.” He sighed and sat down next to her. “Forgive me?” she asked hopefully. He glanced at her and smiled weakly.
“Who could hold a grudge against you?” She smiled and gave him a hug.
“What would I do without you?” she murmured. He slid his arms around her and shook his head.
“I have no idea.”
Two weeks later Blaze graduated from the program. Kristen and Emily went out to celebrate. They were walking home at around two in the morning, stumbling around and giggling.
“So now you’re a cop? Do you have handcuffs and a holster?” Emily slurred.
“Yup. I can say ’stick ‘em up’ and everything.”
“Too cool. Now I’ll have an in downtown.” They started to laugh again, so they didn’t notice the police car pull up behind them.
“Red!” a voice called. Kristen and Emily kept walking. Suddenly someone grabbed Kristen’s arm. She tried to pull away, but their grip was tight.
“Let go of me,” she ordered, still laughing.
“Kristen, it’s Drew.” She looked up and smiled at him.
“Oh, Drew! I thought you were a mugger or something.” A puzzled look came over her face. “What’re you doing out at two in the morning?”
“Working. What are you doing out at two in the morning?”
“Celebrating with Emily. You remember Emily don’t you?” He glanced at the girl and frowned.
“How could I forget? Come on, I’ll take you home.”
“Can you take Emily too?” He glanced around and then nodded.
“I guess. Come on.” He led them to the car and put them both in the back seat behind the cage.
“I feel like a criminal,” Emily said. Kristen started to laugh again.
“You have the right to remain silent,” she began, but couldn’t get any further because she was laughing so hard. Andrew slammed his car door and drove.
Kristen awoke in her room the next afternoon. She sat up and looked around in confusion.
“How did I get here?” she muttered, raking her fingers through her hair. Then she saw it: a cup of coffee on her night stand. “Drew,” she whispered. She picked up her phone and dialed his number.
“Hello?” Andrew’s groggy voice asked.
“I woke you up,” she said. There was a long silence.
“I didn’t get off until seven,” he muttered.
“You’re mad at me.”
“Why would I be mad Kristen? I just had to pick you and your drunk friend up at two in the morning and bring you home. Why should I be mad?”
“You are mad aren’t you? Really mad.”
“No, I’m just tired Red. Why don’t you go back to sleep so you’ll be well rested for your adventures with Emily tonight?” he suggested.
“I’m not going out with her tonight… we just went out to celebrate last night. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Why don’t you stop lying Red? You can have your fun, just don’t forget to come to work tomorrow afternoon.”
“I…” He hung up then, effectively cutting her off. Kristen flopped back on the pillows with a sigh.
Kristen walked into the women’s locker room at the Maryland Police Station. She got into uniform quickly and then walked out to find her assignment for the day. She read the assignment sheet and smiled. She was on mounted duty that day. Kristen turned and ran into someone.
“Oh, sorry,” she muttered, looking up to see who it was. Drew looked down at her and shrugged.
“No big deal Red.” He leaned past her and looked at the assignment sheet. “Mounted duty. Good.”
“You too?” He nodded.
“Didn’t you hear the good news?” he asked. She shook her head.
“You and I are going to be partners for awhile. The chief thinks it’s a good idea.”
“You don’t?” He shrugged.
“I don’t know Red. It’s a good idea if you can stay sober through the shift.” She frowned.
“I really resent that Drew. I went out with Emily and celebrated graduating from the training program. What’s so wrong with that?”
“Nothing aside from the fact that you went out every night during training and ‘celebrated’ something.”
“I don’t need one of your lectures right now. I’ll see you down at the barn.” He watched as she walked away, her pony-tail swinging back and forth as she went. He sighed and went to change.
Kristen woke up several mornings later with a tell tale headache. She glanced at the clock and sighed. She had an hour to get ready for work. She rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a tank top. Her father was downstairs when she walked into the kitchen. He was making coffee.
“You’re late this morning.”
“You could’ve called me,” she muttered, pouring herself a cup and plopping down at the table.
“It’s not my job to get you out of bed. You’re the one who was out doing who knows what with Emily until two this morning. If you’re late maybe you’ll learn your lesson.”
“Thanks a lot Dad.”
“Someone named Andrew called about twenty minutes ago. He wanted to know if you needed a ride to work or anything.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That you were still asleep because you were out late last night.” She sighed and stood up.
“That’s just great Dad,” she muttered, going to the phone and dialing Andrew’s number. He picked up on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Hi.”
“Your father told me you had a late night Red.” She sighed.
“Please don’t start.”
“Have a headache?”
“Yup.”
“Good.”
“Did you want something when you called earlier?”
“I got what I wanted.”
“Which was?”
“I found out that you were out celebrating something else after work last night. That’s all I needed to know.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Remember that the next time you need someone to throw you into the shower Red,” he said, hanging up. She sighed.
“I’m leaving Dad!” she called.
“Have a good day.”
Andrew drove the car that day. They patrolled their designated area in silence for about three hours.
“Could we stop and grab lunch?” she asked. He didn’t look at her.
“You should’ve eaten breakfast,” he replied.
“Would you stop being such a complete jerk and just stop someplace so I can get something to eat?” Andrew looked at her and sighed.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered.
“I don’t want an apology Drew. I just want some food.”
“Where do you want to stop?” She shrugged indifferently.
“Anywhere that serves food.” He smiled and turned onto another street.
“I’m sure we can find someplace like that.” She laughed and leaned back in her seat, confident that she had appeased him.
The next night Andrew walked into a bar he often went to on Friday nights. He had come to grab a quick beer before heading home, but when he saw Kristen sitting at the bar he knew his plans had been changed. She was nursing a shot of what he guessed to be whiskey. She was the only person at the bar, but a young man was approaching her. She turned when the man spoke, frowning. Her lips moved rapidly and the guy shook his head. Andrew watched as the guy grabbed her arm and tried to pull her toward the door. Andrew sauntered over, putting a hand on the intruder’s shoulder.
“Doesn’t look like she wants to talk to you buddy,” he said, his voice holding a warning.
“Who the hell are you?”
“A friend of Kristen’s. Who are you?”
“Her boyfriend, Jared.” Andrew frowned.
“She’s never mentioned a boyfriend before.” He looked at Kristen questioningly. She was quite drunk but managed to nod. “It doesn’t seem like she’s very interested in being with you right now.”
“I’m taking her home. She doesn’t need to be sitting here getting trashed.”
“I could’ve sworn you said you were her boyfriend, not her father.”
“Look buddy, I don’t know who you are to Kristen, but I’m her boyfriend and I have every right to take responsibility for her.”
“I’ll take her off your hands for the night since she obviously doesn’t want you to.”
“Maybe Kristen doesn’t want me to leave her alone.” Kristen sighed and raked her fingers through her long hair.
“Yes I do! I keep telling you and telling you,” she said, swaying into Andrew. Jared still had a firm grip on her arm.
“Kristen, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Damnit Jared, I’ve told you that we’re through. I tell you when I’m sober, I tell you when I’m drunk. When are you going to get the drift?” she demanded. She turned to look at Andrew with troubled eyes.
“What’s wrong?” he murmured.
“Drew, I want him to leave me alone. I want to go home.”
“Alright Red. Let her go Jared, she doesn’t want to talk anymore.”
“Red? Oh, that’s cute Kristen. Is he why you’re breaking things off with me?”
“No, you’re the reason.”
“Fine. Your father is going to hear about this Kristen.” Andrew grabbed Jared’s arm.
“If you tell her father anything, I’ll put you on the missing person’s list… permanently.” Jared frowned and released Kristen’s arm.
“I’ll call you sometime when you aren’t under the influence Kris,” he muttered, stalking away. Andrew tossed some money on the bar and slid his arm around her waist.
“Come on, you’re coming home with me Red,” he said, ushering her out the door.
“What for? I’m perfectly fine.” They were halfway to his car. “Really Drew, I’m just…” the words died on her lips as she passed out. Andrew managed to get his other arm under her legs and carried her to his car.
Kristen awoke late that night, her head spinning. She rolled over slowly and glanced around.
“Where am I?” she murmured.
“At your best friend’s house,” Andrew said. She tried to sit up, but her stomach and head protested at the movement.
“Why?”
“Because you got trashed and I didn’t think your father would appreciate it if I brought you to his house.”
“I don’t live with him anymore. I moved out right after I started at the station.”
“How am I suppose to know that Red?”
“Sorry. My head feels like it’s going to explode.”
“After ten shots of whiskey, which is just an estimate, you should be dead.” Kristen was silent. “Are you going to be OK?”
“I hope so. The room has to stop spinning before I’ll know.” He was suddenly beside her, looking down at her.
“Do you want an aspirin?”
“No thanks. I’d just end up puking.” She smiled and murmured, “There are three of you Drew.” He gave a lopsided grin.
“It must be your lucky night Red.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Get some sleep.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes you can. Close your eyes and roll over. I’ve been told my bed is the most comfortable in the world.” She did as he said and soon felt his hand moving in slow, gentle circles on her back.
“That feels really good,” she whispered, her body going limp. Andrew swallowed hard, running his fingers through the mass of red curls that hung halfway down her back, even though it was in a pony-tail.
“Glad to be of service.”
“Thanks Drew,” she muttered before drifting to sleep.
Andrew awoke the next morning and found his arms around Kristen. Her head rested on his chest and one of her hands lay on his shoulder. Most of her hair had fallen from its pony tail and her back was rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. He brushed a shining strand of hair from her beautiful face, a smile touching his lips. She moved suddenly, her hand coming up to his face. Andrew sighed, putting his hand over hers and lowering it to his shoulder. Her eyes came open slowly and she smiled at him.
“Hi.”
“Morning Red.”
“I have absolutely no recollection of what happened last night,” she said. Andrew grinned.
“Well first I helped you dump your boyfriend, then you passed out, and then I took advantage of you while you were unconscious.” She sat up on her elbows, leaning on his muscular chest.
“Somehow I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t know why not. Most of it was true. You were at a bar and I helped you get rid of your boyfriend. You passed out on the way to my car so I brought you back here to make sure you were OK.”
“I’m sorry you had to take care of me again.”
“Forget about it Red. How do you feel?”
“Better than usual. Maybe I should pass out more often.” She rolled off of him and sat up.
“Maybe you shouldn’t. You’re damn lucky you aren’t in the hospital occupying a private room… or a slab in the morgue.”
“Don’t be melodramatic Drew,” she muttered, looking out the window.
“I’m not being melodramatic. You over did things last night Kristen.”
“Who are you to judge?”
“I’m the one who cleans up after you!” he shot back. Kristen sighed.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t drink like that.”
“You shouldn’t drink at all.” She sighed again, this time in exasperation.
“Let’s not fight OK?” She looked at him, her eyes pleading with him. He sighed and bowed his head.
“Fine. Do you want to take a shower?”
“What time do we work today?”
“Eleven. You’ve got a couple hours to get cleaned up. I’ll give you a clean T-shirt to wear. You’ll have to wear your jeans from last night.” She tossed the blankets off and looked down at herself. She was wearing a big white T-shirt that obviously belonged to him. She glanced at Andrew and then back down at herself. “I would’ve asked permission, but you were pretty out of it.” She shook her head and forced a smile.
“It’s no big deal. I could think of worse people to have seeing my legs.”
“The shower is down the hall, third door on the left.” She stood up and started from the room.
“Will you bring my jeans and stuff down and just leave them?” He nodded and stood up.
“Sure. There are towels in there already.”
“OK.” She turned to go, but then turned back to him. “Thank you for taking care of me last night… thanks for everything.” She wrapped her arms around him and held him for a moment. Andrew put his arms around her too, letting one of his hands rest on the small of her back and the other on the back of her neck. She pulled away slightly and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. With that she pulled away, turned and walked from the room. Andrew stared after her for a minute, then raked his fingers through his rumpled hair and sighed.
Kristen sat atop Blaze several nights later, rain pouring down around them. She was patrolling the streets where a concert was being held, and Andrew was mounted on his horse next to her.
“Well this is just great. We get to sit here for the next three hours in the pouring rain,” she muttered. Andrew glanced at her.
“Three hours? Try five or six. We have to stick around until everyone leaves to make sure nothing goes wrong.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am. It isn’t that bad Red.”
“How do you figure?” He shrugged his shoulders.
“I don’t. I’m just trying to look on the bright side of things and not dwell on the fact that we’re sitting here getting drenched.” She laughed.
“It figures. You’re the eternal optimist.” She sighed and gave a little shiver. “I must look like a drowned rat.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Really?” He nodded.
“Really. You only look like a drowning rat.” She rolled her eyes.
“Thanks a lot,” she muttered.
“I meant it as a compliment.” She glanced at him and smiled.
“I know.” They were silent for a long time. Suddenly Kristen asked, “How old are you Drew?” He looked over at her.
“Where’d that come from?”
“Not sure. I was just sitting here thinking and I realized I didn’t know… so I asked.”
“I’m twenty two.”
“Oh.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. I just thought you were a little younger.”
“I guess that’s a compliment,” he muttered, brushing his hair off his forehead. Kristen watched as he rolled his broad shoulders forward and back, and then adjusted his seat.
“How long have you been on the police force?”
“Since I was about your age.”
“That’s a pretty long time.”
“I guess. Why did you decide to become a cop Red?”
“I hated school… I’m horrible at it actually. I also like the thrill of being out here protecting the world.”
“What’d you major in at the community college?”
“English. I’ve always been good at it, and there was no required course to become a cop, just two years in college and the civil service exam.”
“You must’ve started when you were Seventeen.”
“I started school a year early. My mother thought I was gifted.”
“Were you?”
“At the alphabet,” she replied. He chuckled.
“Where is your mother? You never talk about her.” She stared out at the darkness and shook her head.
“She isn’t around.” Andrew looked at her, concerned.
“Don’t tell me she took off because you weren’t gifted at anything else but your ABC’s.” She shook her head again.
“That wasn’t it. Besides, I was gifted at something else… two something’s.”
“What?”
“Riding and writing. I’ve always been good at both.”
“What do you write?” She shrugged.
“Not much anymore. I wrote poetry when I was younger, poetry and bad stories about girls and their horses.”
“How do you know they were bad?”
“Because they were. They weren’t logical. I never wrote things that would happen in real life. Those stories always ended up so…” she trailed off as several people walked out of the concert building.
“Hey guys, what’s the story?” Andrew asked. The kids walked toward them, frowns on their faces.
“The band never showed. I guess their bus got delayed, so there isn’t any concert,” one explained. Kristen looked at Andrew and smiled.
“I guess we should get back to work, huh Drew?” He nodded and watched as she urged Blaze into a walk. She went down the street and prepared to watch traffic.
Andrew drove Kristen toward her house that night after their shift was over. She looked at him for a minute.
“Do you want to go to my favorite place in the world?” she asked suddenly. He glanced at her.
“I guess so.” She smiled and directed him to her father’s house. When they got there they both got out, and Kristen led him down a path. They walked through the woods until they reached what looked like an impenetrable wall of branches and leaves. “Looks like this is the end of the line Red.” She smiled.
“Guess again.” She lifted up a branch and ducked under. He followed her and gasped at what he saw. It was like a cathedral made of trees. The rain was barely able to seep through the roof of branches and leaves.
“This is amazing,” he murmured. She was standing by the edge of a small pond, and glanced at him over her shoulder.
“I found it when I was ten. Actually, my horse found it. I came back when I didn’t have a fifteen hand tall warmblood with me, and I found a way in.” She sat down on a large rock and stared out at the water.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, going to her side and sitting down. She shrugged.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just tired.”
“I don’t think that’s it. Why don’t you tell me what was wrong with your stories?” he suggested.
“Do you really want to know? It’s going to sound stupid.” He shook his head slowly and smiled.
“You never say stupid things… except when you’re drunk or hung over.” She frowned. “I’m just being honest. Go ahead and tell me.”
“They all ended happily ever after. Every single one of them had a happy ending where the girl gets the guy or vice versa. Nothing ever went unresolved and nothing bad ever happened to the point that it couldn’t be fixed.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Life isn’t like that.”
“If you were writing a story, wasn’t it suppose to be made up and not like real life?”
“It was suppose to be realistic. Life is full of pain and unhappiness Drew, and my stories didn’t have that.”
“Unhappiness isn’t always a permanent situation though. Maybe your stories were about overcoming unhappiness. People do that you know. They move on with their lives and find happiness.”
“You know what was most wrong with my stories?” He shook his head and waited for her to continue.
“Nobody ever died. I’d write about someone who was sick and dying, but they’d always get better.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“That doesn’t happen. Sick people die.”
“Not always.”
“No, not always. Not always from their sickness anyway,” she muttered. Andrew looked at her and frowned.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m not making any sense.” He touched her shoulder.
“Maybe you don’t want to make any sense.” She smiled and shook her head slowly. Her wet pony tail swished from side to side.
“I hate that you know me that well. Nobody else does.”
“Not even Emily?” She laughed and looked away from him.
“Emily, like a lot of people, thinks she does.”
“Why don’t they?”
“I don’t want them to.”
“Why?” She didn’t answer him for a long time.
“When people know you they can hurt you. People who know you know how to hurt you and they eventually will.” He didn’t say anything right away.
“You never told me where your mother went.” She stood up abruptly and started back toward the entrance to her little hideaway. Andrew stood quickly and followed her. He caught her arm and she turned to look up at him.
“What?”
“Where did she go?”
“Far away.”
“Why?” She shook her head slowly and turned her head so he wouldn’t see the tears brimming in her eyes.
“Because of me. Let’s go, it’s getting late.”
“Kristen wait a second.” She sighed.
“What?”
“What did you do to make her go?”
“I was born. Please, let’s go. I’m getting cold.” He sighed softly and followed her out and back up the path.
“Does anyone else know about that place Red?” Kristen shook her head slowly.
“No. Why?”
“I was just curious.”
Andrew walked her up to her apartment when they got back from their talk. She unlocked the door and started to go in, but he caught her elbow. She looked at him and sighed.
“I thought we were done for the night,” she muttered. He frowned.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what.”
“Act like you don’t give a damn about anything or anyone because it’s easier that way.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Then what are you doing? Are you trying to get rid of me so you can go in there and get drunk?”
“No!”
“Don’t act like it’s a shocking idea Red. It’s not like it’s a big secret or anything. Maybe you won’t get drunk now. You don’t have anything to celebrate by the looks of it.”
“Why do you do this? Do you have to bring up things that upset me and accuse me of lying to you?”
“You’re going to go in there, pull out a bottle of whatever you have, and you’re going to drown yourself in it just like you always do.”
“I drink with Emily to celebrate sometimes. That’s it.”
“No, it’s not. I don’t think you’ve been celebrating any of the times you’ve gone out with her. You go out with her and get drunk to forget about all of your problems, to hide from them.”
“I’m not hiding!” He put his hands on her shoulders firmly.
“Yes you are. You hide from your life and your feelings, and now you’re trying to hide from me and that’s not fair.”
“I’m not,” she said softly.
“Don’t you dare hide from me, because I care about you.” She leaned against the door frame wearily.
“Why are you making such a big deal about something so insignificant?”
“I don’t want to sit around worrying about you anymore Kristen. I’m sick of cleaning up after you and having to worry about you when you aren’t home at one in the morning. I’m so sick of watching you self destruct.”
“I’m not self destructing.”
“Yeah you are. You can’t keep going to a bar every night and drinking it all away. One of these days you’re going to wake up and find that it’s all caught up to you.”
“I need to go in and sleep. Please, just let me go.”
“No. Not until you promise me you won’t go in there and drink.”
“Drew,” she began.
“Promise me,” he ordered. She swallowed hard.
“OK, I promise.”
“I’m serious. If you feel like drinking, call me and talk to me instead. Don’t go in there and hide from whatever it is that has you feeling so bad.”
“I promise.” He looked at her for a moment before kissing her. It was an innocent enough kiss, but it sent Kristen’s mind reeling. She put her hand on his arm and swallowed hard. Andrew deepened the kiss a little, letting his fingers sink into the mass of red curls that hung down her back. When he pulled away he looked at her seriously.
“I can’t have these feelings about you knowing that I’m just going to lose you to a damn bottle.”
“You won’t lose me,” she assured him.
“Goodnight Red. Go get some sleep.” She watched as he turned and walked down the hall. With a sigh she turned and went into her apartment. She headed directly for the kitchen, opened a cupboard, and took down a bottle of Jack Daniels. She looked at it for a moment before opening it. She sank slowly to the floor and took a long swig. With a sigh she closed her eyes as the familiar, comforting warmth drifted through her.
“Just a few swallows before bed… so I can sleep,” she whispered.
Kristen didn’t show up for work several days later. Andrew drove to her apartment and knocked on the door for several minutes before letting himself in. Emily was there, passed out on the living room floor. He sighed softly and walked through the house looking for Kristen. When he’d been through every room and hadn’t found her, he went back to the living room and shook Emily’s shoulder.
“What?” she groaned.
“Where’s Kristen?” he demanded. She shook her head slowly.
“How should I know?” she muttered, shrugging his hand away.
“What do you mean? Haven’t you seen her recently?”
“Listen Andrew, I don’t even know what day it is. Kristen’s probably at work… she takes work very seriously.” He sighed.
“She’s not there either. That’s why I’m here.”
“Well she’s obviously not here.”
“Thanks for the news flash,” he muttered, stalking from the room.
Andrew sat at the police station at ten that night holding a cup of cold coffee. Nobody had been able to find Kristen, and it seemed that nobody had seen her in at least twenty-four hours.
“Emily, was she drinking with you the last time you saw her?” he asked wearily.
“As far as I know, yes. She said she was upset about things… said it was an anniversary of something important today.”
“What?” She shook her head slowly.
“I don’t know. Kris never really opened up to anyone, not even me. I don’t even think her father knows half the stuff that’s going on with her.”
“Where is he? We’ve been trying to get a hold of him all day.”
“I think he’s at an auction in Kentucky. I’m pretty sure I remember Kristen saying something about that.”
“Wouldn’t he have taken the horse trailer with him to something like that?”
“I guess so.”
“It’s still sitting in his driveway. I’m going to go over there and have a look around.”
“You’ll find her won’t you?” Andrew nodded and stood up.
“Of course I will.”
“You don’t sound so sure of that.”
“I’m positive. Why don’t you go home and get some rest?” She nodded and stood up. She had reached the door when he said, “Emily?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re going to think I’m way out of line, but I’m going to suggest it anyway.”
“Go ahead.”
“Get into a rehab center for your drinking problem.”
“I don’t have a problem,” she muttered.
“Really? Why can’t you tell me where your best friend is then?” She frowned, turned and walked out. Andrew sighed and grabbed his coat. It was going to be a long night.
Andrew and a fellow officer went to Kristen’s father’s house from the police station. They knocked on the door for several minutes with no results.
“Should we go in? You can say you had reason to believe Kristen was in there,” the rookie said. Andrew glanced at him and smiled.
“Good idea Mike.” He tried the door and found it unlocked. They walked around and turned on some lights. “Anybody home?” he called.
“Who wants to know?” a male voice answered from the living room.
“I’m officer Helm with the MPD, sir. I’m here looking for your daughter Kristen.” Mr. Parker walked through the doorway, looking tired and a little sad.
“I haven’t seen her in a couple of days. Is something wrong?”
“She’s been missing for approximately twenty-four hours Mr. Parker.”
“Approximately? Don’t you know for sure how long?” he demanded. Andrew shook his head.
“The last person to see her can’t remember when she left.”
“Why not?”
“She passed out… possibly before Kristen left.”
“Passed out? Did someone kidnap my daughter?”
“No, we have no reason to believe that. Kristen was with her friend Emily Chase. Emily had a little too much to drink and…” Mr. Parker cut him off.
“Too much to drink? That’s ridiculous.”
“Yes sir, we agree. Emily remembers Kristen being with her and drinking, and then I found Emily in Kristen’s apartment passed out on the floor. Do you have any idea where Kristen would go?”
“No.”
“She said that today was some sort of anniversary. Do you understand what she meant?” Mr. Parker nodded, a faraway look in his eyes.
“Of course I do.”
“What did she mean?”
“This is the anniversary of her mother’s death.” Andrew frowned.
“Kristen’s mother is dead?” he demanded.
“Yes. She died four years ago today.”
“How did she die?” Mr. Parker frowned.
“A riding accident.”
“Was she sick too?”
“Pardon me?”
“Did she have some sort of illness that could’ve killed her before the riding accident?” The man’s frown deepened.
“My wife had cancer, but it was in remission. The doctors said that she was going to be fine.”
“Oh. Thank you for your time Mr. Parker. We’ll keep you posted on the situation.”
“When you find her, bring her home to me.”
“After we’re sure she’s alright we’ll do just that,” he promised.” He and Mike walked back out to the patrol car.
“What now?” Mike asked.
“We go to the station and find Kristen’s mother’s obituary in the files.”
“Why?”
“To see why Kristen was so upset… why she left.”
Andrew sat in front of his computer screen for an hour, reading police reports. He re-read the report on Kristen’s mother’s death several times.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” Mike asked, handing him another cup of coffee.
“I guess so.”
“What does it say?”
“It’s not important. I think I know where she is. I’ll radio back and let you know,” he muttered, standing and jogging from the room.
With the help of a flashlight Andrew found his way back to Kristen’s special cathedral of trees. He found the opening in the branches and climbed through. Kristen was there, sitting on a rock, holding a bottle of booze in her hands. He sighed softly and walked toward her.
“Red?” he said. She didn’t look at him.
“Go away,” she muttered. He stood behind her and looked at her. Her hair was down and lay in tangles over her shoulders. She was soaked to the bone due to the rain that had fallen steadily all that day and night.
“No.” She sighed.
“Listen, now isn’t a good time for one of your stupid lectures. I’m not in the mood.” He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to her feet.
“I don’t really give a damn! People have been looking for you for almost two days now!” he exclaimed, giving her a shake. She looked at him, a dull fear in her eyes.
“Let go of me,” she whispered. He released her and she stumbled. She would have fallen if his hand hadn’t shot out to steady her.
“You’re really drunk this time aren’t you?” he muttered, looking at the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels and the other two empty bottles laying on the ground at their feet.
“It doesn’t really matter. It’s not a good time for this Drew, not now.”
“Why not? Are you afraid I’ll make you face everything you’re hiding from?” She started to laugh.
“You think getting drunk makes it go away? That’s a joke. Oh, sure, it use to help. Not anymore.”
“So you still feel what it was like to watch your mother fall off a horse and die right in front of you?” Her eyes darkened and she took a step back.
“You looked me up on the computers at work,” she accused. He shrugged indifferently.
“Yes I did. It helped me find you and understand why you do this.”
“You don’t understand anything! You had no right to do that!” she yelled, taking another step back. Unfortunately the rocks were slippery and Kristen tumbled into the pond. He took off his jacket and jumped in. She was sinking fast, but he grabbed her and pulled her to the surface. She clung to his shoulders as he pulled her from the water.
“Damnit Kristen, what’re you trying to do? Get yourself killed?” he demanded. She shook her head.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. He picked his jacket up and wrapped it around her shoulders.
“It’s OK. Come on, let’s go,” he said. He put his arma round her waist and led her back out to the path.
Kristen sat in the police station, in the commissioner’s office, two days later. The commissioner, Mr. Michaels, was looking at her seriously.
“Kristen, what you did was very careless and thoughtless. You could’ve been hurt or killed.”
“I know, and I’ve already apologized. It’ll never happen again.” Mr. Michaels sat down with a sigh.
“I don’t think that’s true. Officer Helm has informed me of your drinking problem and I think it’s quite serious.”
“Andrew Helm told you that?” she demanded.
“Yes. He thinks that you need professional help, and I believe he’s right. You’re being placed on suspension until you complete a rehabilitation program.” She stood angrily.
“You’re suspending me because of what one person says?”
“Andrew is your partner and a close friend, is he not?” She sighed and looked away from him.
“I thought he was, but I’m not so sure anymore.”
“He told me for your own good.” She shook her head.
“Yeah right,” she muttered, turning and stalking from the office. She went down the hall, her hands clenched in fists at her sides. Her head was down, so she didn’t see Andrew until it was too late. She slammed into him full force.
“Hey Red, are you OK?” he asked, reaching out to steady her. She glared at him and moved away.
“I’m fine, just fine. Thanks for everything Drew,” she muttered, trying to walk past him. He grabbed her arm just above the elbow.
“What’s the matter?” he demanded.
“You told the commissioner that I have a drinking problem.” He let go of her and looked at her evenly.
“You do.” Her eyes narrowed.
“I can’t come back to work until I go to rehab. I don’t need rehab… I’m a social drinker for God’s sake.”
“It didn’t look too social when you were sitting in the middle of the woods at midnight, or when you were sinking to the bottom of that pond.”
“It was none of your business!” she yelled. He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a shake.
“Yes it was! I’m the one who’s there when you need a cup of coffee and a cold shower in the morning Red. I clean up after you. Well guess what? I’m sick and tired of it.”
“Nobody ever said you had to do it. Maybe I’m sick and tired of you doing it!” He released her shoulders.
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
When Kristen still hadn’t enrolled herself in a rehab center three weeks later, Andrew went to her apartment and knocked on the door. After a minute with no answer he let himself in. She was there, passed out on the couch, an empty bottle of JD in her hand. She was wearing a white T-shirt and a pair of baggy pajama bottoms. He frowned and went to her side. She was still breathing and he gave a sigh of relief.
“Red?” he murmured, shaking her shoulder. She didn’t wake up. With another sigh, this one of frustration, Andrew picked her up and carried her toward the bathroom. He set her down on the hamper so he could take off his shirt and jeans. When he stood in only his boxers he picked her up again and turned on the cold water. With a deep breath he stepped under the stinging water. Kristen came awake with a start and she fought against his hold.
“Let me go!” she exclaimed. He held her firmly, glaring down at her.
“Nope.” She squirmed and tried to hit him. He set her on her feet but kept his hands on her shoulders. “You’re going to stand here until you’ve recovered from your latest binge. After that I’m going to leave you alone so you can wash up. Then you’re going to come out and eat something so we can go.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” she said, looking at him defiantly.
“The hell you’re not!” he bellowed, tightening his hold on her shoulders and giving her a shake. She looked up at him and swallowed hard.
“OK,” she muttered. He released her with a force that sent her sprawling against the tiled wall.
“Don’t be too long,” he said as he walked out. Kristen looked at his almost bare body and shook her head.
When she emerged from the shower she went to the living room, a big blue towel wrapped around herself. Andrew wasn’t there.
“Drew?” she called. He didn’t answer, so she wend into the kitchen. He was there, dumping a bottle of Jack Daniels down the drain. Her jaw dropped and she hurried to his side. She grabbed his arm and tried to pull it away from the sink. “Stop it! What’re you doing?” she demanded. He turned on her with angry eyes.
“I’m making you keep your promise. Go get dressed so we can get out of here.”
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see when we get there. Go.” She watched as he started to dump the golden liquid back down the drain. With a sigh she walked back to her room to get dressed.
Andrew led Kristen into a building about an hour later. She looked at him in confusion.
“Where are we?” she asked. He glanced at her.
“Someplace where you can get help.” A woman walked toward them and he finally smiled. “Hey Kim,” he greeted.
“Hi Andrew. Is this Kristen?” she asked.
“Yeah. Kristen this is Kim Harrison.” Kristen looked at her warily.
“Why are we here?”
“Kim is a counselor here.”
“Where’s here?”
“This is a rehabilitation center Kristen,” Kim explained. Kristen’s gaze flew to Andrew’s face and she pulled her arm out of his grasp.
“You bastard!” she exclaimed. Two orderlies were there suddenly, blocking any possible escape route. Kim placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Kristen, Andrew is just trying to help.”
“I don’t need help!” she yelled. Kim looked at Andrew.
“Admit her,” he whispered. Kim nodded to the orderlies and they ushered a screaming Kristen down the hall.
Kristen huddled in the corner of her room, letting her head hit the wall again and again. Someone came in and put one hand on either side of her face; it was Kim.
“Come on Kristen, you need to stop that sweetie.”
“I need a drink,” she whispered, looking at Kim with a sweaty, tear streaked face. Kim shook her head.
“No you don’t. Come on hon, you can make it through this.”
“No I can’t. I just need a drink and I’ll be alright.” Kim Sat down beside her and wrapped her arms around Kristen’s shoulders.
“A drink won’t help now… it never did.”
“Yes it did,” Kristen argued, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“It helped you hide Kristen. Now you have to face it, and it’s going to hurt.”
“I…”
“Trust me Kristen. We’re here to help you.”
“Then help me,” she whispered.
Kristen walked into an office almost two weeks later. She was scheduled to start counseling that day. When she saw who was sitting behind the desk, she smiled. It was Kim.
“It’s good to see you standing Kristen,” she said. Kristen sat down and looked across the desk at her.
“I’m doing better.
“De-tox is the hardest part. It starts to get easier now… not perfect, but a little easier.” Kristen sighed and raked her fingers through her hair.
“I still want a drink… so bad.”
“You might have that craving for the rest of your life but you won’t need it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Just because you crave it doesn’t mean you’re going to go out and get bombed. You’ll grab a soda and watch some TV, or you’ll go to work or go to sleep. Maybe you’ll eat dinner or do something with friends. You won’t act on your impulse to go out and get drunk, because it won’t be what you need to do to survive.”
“I think I understand.”
“Good.” They were silent for a long time.
“I’m an alcoholic aren’t I?” Kristen asked suddenly.
“Yeah, you are. I’m glad you said that, because it means you recognize your problem. That’s the first step to beating it.”
“OK.”
“Do you know who’d be really proud of you?” Kristen shook her head. “Andrew.”
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Why not?”
“He lied and brought me here. Friends don’t do that.”
“He brought you here so you could get well. Don’t friends do that?”
“I hate him.”
“Well he cares an awful lot about you.”
“How do you figure?”
“He risked your friendship and your trust to bring you here. He was willing to give it all up for your health and safety.”
“I didn’t ask for help.”
“You didn’t have to ask… he knew. You may not have guessed it, but Andrew probably got sick too.”
“Shouldn’t he be here too?” she asked sarcastically.
“Not sick like that. He got sick and tired of cleaning up after you. He got sick of pushing you into the shower, lying for you, and making everything alright.”
“Oh,” she muttered, looking down at her hands in her lap. Kim didn’t say anything else, just let Kristen have that thought.
Kristen packed her things a month later, and then plopped down on her bed. Her hair was pulled back in a French braid with a few strands loose around her face. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a moss green sweater.
“So you’re busting out of this joint?” a voice asked from the doorway. Kristen turned and smiled when she saw Kim.
“Yeah. I’m scared to death.” Kim walked in and sat down beside her.
“Don’t be. You can handle it Kris. You’re a strong girl.”
“I’m glad someone thinks so.”
“If you ever need anything you call me. I know I’m not your sponsor, but I’m here if you need me.”
“Thanks Kim.”
“You’re welcome.” She put her arms around Kristen’s shoulders and held her in a tight hug.
“It’s only been a month Kim. Do you think I’ll be OK?” Kristen asked, pulling away.
“I know you will be. Do you have a ride home?”
“My father’s coming.”
“Do you think you’re ready to face him?”
“Yeah. I have to do it sooner or later. I know that if we fight I have other options to deal with how I’m feeling.”
“Good. Someone came in last night that you might be interested in.”
“Who?
“Emily Chase.”
“She came voluntarily?” Kim nodded and stood when Kristen did.
“Did she say what made her come?” Kim picked up Kristen’s suitcase and followed her out the door.
“Yeah. She said she couldn’t remember where you were.” Kristen took a deep breath.
“Take good care of her.”
“Take good care of yourself.” Kristen smiled and walked slowly down the hallway.
Kristen walked through the barn, smiling at her colleagues. When she reached Blaze’s stall he nickered with delight.
“Hey Blaze, sorry it’s been so long,” she whispered, hugging him. He nudged her shoulder impatiently. “Yeah, I’m going to ride you. Let me go get your saddle and bridle.” She went to the tack room, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw Andrew sitting in front of a sawhorse cleaning his saddle. He looked up, and she could see how surprised he was to find her standing in front of him. She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue walking. She went to her saddle rack and retrieved her tack. She made it to the door before he said anything.
“It’s good to have you back Red,” he said. She didn’t look at him… couldn’t.
“Thanks,” she said, hurrying from the room. Andrew sighed softly and went back to scrubbing his saddle.
Kristen rode Blaze over a huge jump course later that week. It was her day off, but she wanted to make up her absence to Blaze.
“Good boy!” she exclaimed, patting his shoulder. Blaze snorted and tossed his head. Kristen smiled and rode to the rail. She asked him to trot and they went around the ring. She tightened her reins slightly and kept steady pressure with her legs, and he extended his stride. After a moment she let him move back to a working trot. When he had rested a little she started going for the jumps again. When they landed after the last jump someone began to applaud. She turned in her saddle and frowned when she saw Andrew.
“You look good.” She forced a smile.
“Thanks. Blaze is bouncing back after his long vacation.”
“Looks that way. How’ve you been?” Kristen shrugged.
“OK I guess. It’s been a little scary back where I’m suppose to be by myself, but I’m doing alright.”
“Good.”
“It’s definitely scary,” she muttered, looking away from him.
“I guess it would be. I don’t know though… I’ve never been where you are.”
“Where exactly am I Drew?” she retorted. He sighed.
“You still hate me for what I did, don’t you?” he questioned. Kristen didn’t answer right away. She took so long that Andrew sighed and walked away. Kristen let out a sigh.
“I don’t hate you,” she whispered.
Andrew answered his front door late that night, his jaw dropping when he saw Kristen standing on his front porch. She took a deep breath and glanced around.
“Do you want to come in or something?” he asked.
“If it’s not a problem.” He shook his head.
“It’s not.” He moved so she could step past him. She went to the living room and sat on the arm of a chair. “So what’s up?”
“I never got a chance to answer you this afternoon. You left before I could.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I don’t hate you. I couldn’t possibly hate you. I just don’t know how to act around anyone… let alone you.”
“I thought you’d hate me. I ruined all your fun.” She winced at the hurtful words.
“I deserve that. I understand why you’re so angry.”
“Do you really Red?”
“Yes. I broke my promise… I broke so many promises. Yours was the only one I wanted to keep.”
“That makes me feel better,” he said sarcastically. She frowned.
“You aren’t making this very easy Drew.”
“Life isn’t easy when you don’t have a bottle to hide behind.”
“You’re right, it isn’t. That doesn’t mean I’ll go out and find one just because you’re hurting me the way I hurt you.” She stood angrily and went to the window. Andrew swallowed hard, his eyes running over her. Her hair was down and contrasted sharply with the emerald green shirt she wore. She had on a pair of tight jeans and a pair of sneakers.
“Maybe I’m being like this because you hurt me and I don’t want to end up there again.”
“I don’t plan on hurting you anytime soon.”
“When I brought you to that clinic I swore I’d never pick you up again. I promised myself that I’d never lie for you again.”
“I’m not asking you to do that.” He looked out the window and raked his fingers through sleep-rumpled hair.
“I also promised myself that I wouldn’t let myself fall in love with you. I told myself over and over again that I just thought I was because you depended on me… I didn’t want to get involved with you because of that. We both would have ended up hurt.”
“You think you loved me when you brought me to the clinic?”
“I don’t think, I know. I know that I was in love with you then and, despite my best efforts, I’m in love with you now.” Kristen looked at him and sat down on the arm of the couch, her feet on the cushions.
“Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“Not that it made any difference, but I did… kind of.”
“When?”
“The night I dropped you off at your apartment after we went to the pond. I asked you to promise not to go in and get drunk. I told you I couldn’t have the feelings I was having about you when I knew I’d lose you to your stupid bottle.” She sighed and bowed her head so it was resting on her clasped hands.
“I don’t remember that. I remember promising you that I wouldn’t go in and drink, but that’s it.”
“That’s how I knew you got drunk the next day. You didn’t want to talk about what I said. I knew you broke your promise almost as soon as you made it.” She looked at him with sad eyes.
“I’m sorry. I really wanted to keep my promise to you. I wanted to make you proud of me, and I couldn’t. I went into that empty, dark apartment and I felt like the only way I could fall asleep was to have a few swallows. I couldn’t stand all the thoughts about you and my father. I couldn’t stand the thoughts about my mother either. I’m sorry Drew.” He reached out and touched the side of her face.
“I don’t forgive you… but I understand.” They were quiet for a moment. “I’ll never clean up your messes again Kristen.”
“That’s really why I came. You don’t have to worry about me anymore, I’ll stay away.” She stood and started for the front door. Andrew followed close behind and caught her elbow.
“That’s not what I want Red.”
“Then what do you want?”
“You.”
“Really? There are still a lot of pieces to pick up Drew. I’m not perfect now and I never will be.”
“I never would have fallen in love with you in the first place if I wanted someone that was perfect.” She sighed and reached up, placing her hand on the side of his face. He closed hi eyes and leaned in to her touch.
“I can’t get involved now,” she whispered. He opened his eyes slowly.
“Why not?”
“I need time to get myself back. I need to find myself if you’ll excuse the cliché.”
“Oh.” He let her go and stepped away.
“Drew, I’m sorry.”
“Forget it. I’ll see you at work Red.” She nodded, turning and walking out.
Andrew trotted down the side of the road, sitting tall in his beautifully crafted western saddle. He was on patrol at a parade, along with several other officers including Kristen. She was riding alongside the mayor’s car. The mayor was waving and Kristen had a big smile on her face. Andrew frowned.
“I wish she’d talk to me Skip,” he muttered. The horse tossed his head. Suddenly there was a commotion behind him. Andrew spun Skippy around, his face paling when he saw a person in the crowd holding a gun pointed at the mayor. “Red!” he yelled. She looked in the direction he was pointing and backed Blaze in front of the mayor. She was just in time too, for the gunman shot. People screamed and Kristen went down.
Kristen’s father rushed into the ICU waiting room. He saw several officers sitting around, all of them looking worried.
“Mr. Parker?” a voice asked. He turned and smiled weakly at Andrew.
“You’re the young man who came to the house looking for Kristen a couple months back, aren’t you?”
“Yes. My name is Andrew Helm. I’m a friend of Kristen’s.”
“How is she?”
“She just got out of surgery. They said they got the bullet out with no problem.”
“Have they told you anything?”
“Not much.” They both turned at the sound of doors opening. “That’s her doctor.” Mr. Parker stepped forward.
“How’s my daughter?” he demanded.
“She’ll be out of commission for awhile, but I think she’ll make a full recovery. Her shoulder should be up to full strength within a year.” A sigh of relief passed through the room. “She’s been asking for you Mr. Helm.”
“Where is she?”
“Come with me.”
Andrew walked into Kristen’s room and looked at her tiny form lying in the huge bed. She turned her head at the sound of the door closing.
“Hey Red,” he said. She smiled wearily.
“Hi. I just wanted to ask you to work with Blaze until I can. I mean… just exercise him and stuff.”
“Sure. I can do that.”
“Thank you.” They were quiet for a long time.
“So how do you feel?” he asked softly, sitting down in the chair beside her bed.
“I’m alright… a little sore.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t see the gun sooner. I should’ve.”
“The mayor is OK. That’s all that matters.”
“I should’ve seen it before I did.”
“Please don’t blame yourself for this. It isn’t your fault.”
“I just feel like I could’ve done something Red.” She put her hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“Forget it Drew. Go home and get some sleep.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ll see you later.”
“Kristen I…” She cut him off with a shake of her head.
“Don’t,” she whispered.
“Why not?” he demanded.
“I can’t do this now. Please? We can talk later.”
“Alright. I’ll come check on you tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”
“Sure. I’ll see you later Red.” She sighed and watched as he walked out.
Kristen walked slowly through her father’s house, going toward the front door. Someone stood outside, and she could tell that it was Andrew. A rare snow was falling and a light dusting covered the ground. She opened the door, holding her robe tightly around herself. Andrew smiled at her, leaning against the door jam.
“Hi,” she muttered.
“Hey Red. You look better than last time I saw you.”
“That was two weeks ago. I’ve had a little while to recuperate.”
“Well you look good. Can I come in?” She nodded and opened the door wider so he could step past her.
“So what’re you doing here?” she asked, closing the door and walking into the living room. Andrew followed.
“I came to visit you… is that alright?” She gave a one shouldered shrug.
“I guess it’s going to have to be, isn’t it?” He put his hand on her good shoulder and turned her around.
“I can leave anytime Red, all you have to do is ask.” She sighed softly and sat down on the couch.
“I don’t want you to leave. I just don’t understand exactly why you’re here. Before I got shot you blew me off. You were angry and disappointed with my decisions.”
“I wasn’t angry and I wasn’t disappointed. It was the first time I wasn’t disappointed with your decisions. I was proud of you and frustrated with myself because I couldn’t make myself accept them.”
“Oh.”
“Listen for a minute Kristen. I know that right now you’ve got other stuff to concentrate on, but my feelings haven’t changed. After everything we’ve been through they’re stronger.”
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I want you to admit you have feelings for me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you expect too much from me.”
“What do you think I expect from you?” he demanded.
“You expect me to be able to give myself to you, and I don’t even know myself anymore.”
“All I expect is for you to trust me. I want you to trust me to love you unconditionally.”
“Nobody loves like that Andrew.”
“I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it all those times I shoved you into the shower and made you coffee. I thought I did a good job of it the day I dumped all those bottles down the drain and brought you to the rehab center.” She stood up and paced back and forth.
“You think that’s all there is to it? I’m not the same person anymore… you can’t take care of me like you did before. You fell in love with the girl you could pick up off the floor and make everything ‘ok’ for. You can’t do that anymore.”
“I didn’t fall in love with that girl. I fell in love with the one that took me to the place in the woods under the branches. I fell in love with the girl that stood in my room in my T-shirt and kissed my cheek because I was her friend. I fell in love with the girl that told Emily that I wasn’t her friend, she was mine… and made it clear she wanted nothing to do with it. You’re still the same person you were before, only minus the secrets and lies.”
“I want to believe in this more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life, but I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m not going to let you hurt me, and I’m not planning on hurting you anytime soon. You said that to me that night you came to my house… that you weren’t planning on hurting me.”
“That was different.” He grabbed her hand and she turned to look at him.
“No it wasn’t. I know you and I know that you can’t say you don’t have feelings for me and mean it.”
“You’re right, I can’t.”
“So trust me and trust yourself.”
“I…” He brought his lips over hers, effectively stopping whatever it was that she’d been planning on saying. Kristen hesitated for a moment and then slid her good arm around his neck. She placed her left hand on his waist to spare her shoulder any pain. Her right hand moved to his neck. When he pulled away he looked at her intensely.
“I love you,” he whispered, letting his thumb slide down her cheek.
“I don’t understand any of this.
“Me either,” he said with a grin. She smiled too, resting her cheek against his shoulder.
“At least we’ll be clueless together.” He nodded and kissed the top of her head.
“Definitely.”
Almost a year later Kristen and Andrew walked across her father’s front lawn. He was standing in the center of a training ring working with a young horse. He smiled when he saw them.
“What are you two doing here in the middle of the day?” he called. Kristen smiled and leaned against the fence. Andrew stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Drew asked me to marry him and I said that I might as well.” Andrew tickled her side and she laughed.
“Well it’s about time Sprite,” he said. Kristen blushed.
“Daddy,” she muttered.
“Yes?”
“Don’t call me that, it’s embarrassing.”
“I think it’s cute Red,” Andrew said.
“You’d better not get any brilliant ideas. That’s Daddy’s patented nickname.”
“You use to love it when I called you Sprite,” Mr. Parker said.
“I was ten Daddy. I’ve grown up a bit since then… in case you hadn’t noticed I’m almost twenty-two.”
“That makes you an old lady I suppose?” he asked sarcastically. Kristen rolled her eyes and led Andrew toward the barn.
As the sun was setting that night, Kristen and Andrew were sitting in the hay loft above her father’s barn. He was sitting behind her with his arms around her shoulders and she was leaning against him.
“You know something?” she asked suddenly.
“I know lots of somethings, which one are you talking about?” She tilted her head back and frowned at him. He placed a light kiss on her lips. “Tell me.”
“Before college I told my father that I didn’t need a man to succeed. I also told him that there was someone waiting for me out there, and I’d find him someday.”
“You didn’t need a man to succeed, you were fine all by yourself.” She laughed.
“I wouldn’t go that far. There were times there that I probably wouldn’t have made it if you hadn’t been there to pick up the pieces and clean up my mess.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I was also right about telling my father that I’d find someone someday.”
“Really? Who’s the lucky guy?” he joked. She playfully smacked his shoulder.
“Well it obviously wasn’t you,” she shot back. He was suddenly on top of her, although she had no idea how.
“You sure about that Red?” She smiled up at him.
“I don’t know. I can’t be sure of anything like that,” she replied.
“How about if I show you just how right you are for me? Would that help you be a little more sure of things?” She put her hands on the back of his neck and pulled him toward her.
“It couldn’t hurt,” she murmured. Andrew smiled and kissed her. When he pulled away she grinned. “You know, maybe I am sure of it.”
“Sure that I’m Mr. Right?” She shrugged.
“You’re as close as I’m ever going to get anyway.” He glared at her.
“You better watch it. I can still call off the engagement. She frowned and kissed him.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Really?”
“Really. I love you and I’m glad you stuck with me through everything. I told me father that there was somebody out there somewhere.”
“Where was he?”
“Right here the whole time.”
