Fadedwords

You Can’t Get There from Here (part 2)

Ruth was talking to Jazz softly in the cooling ring when Rob jogged into the ring.

“What happened?” she demanded.  He shook his head.

“You’re never going to believe it.  Your father tied you!” She swallowed hard.

“Jump off?” she whispered.  He nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Rob, there’s no way I can…”

“Yes there is!  The course will be just as hard, you’ll just have to go faster.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better Rob.”

“Nobody’s expecting you to beat him.  They’re all talking about the jump off of the century.  Between father and daughter.”

“It’s nuts to even do this.  I don’t want to lose to him Rob… I’ve already lost so much because of him.”

“Then don’t lose,” he said simply.  He put his arm around her shoulders and started walking.  “Come on, let’s go get ready.” She nodded and walked with him, never thinking to move out of his grasp.

Ruth sat in the saddle, watching as her father rode into the ring.  The course had been slightly altered by the removal of several jumps and a change in combinations and patterns.

“He’s absolutely amazing, isn’t he?” she asked suddenly.  Rob looked up at her and frowned.

“So are you.  He’s been riding so much longer than you, and look at you.  You’re riding against him at a jump of in the Crown Royal.  That’s something to be proud of Ruth.” Her father had begun to take the jumps, going fast and clean until the last combination.  He took too many strides and knocked down two rails.  Ruth sighed with relief.

“Thank God.  Maybe I stand a chance,” she muttered.  Rob sighed and touched her knee.  Her gaze flew to his face.

“You stood a chance before he made that mistake.  Don’t get nervous, think.  Shorten your strides on the combo and keep it clean,” he said sternly.  She nodded and rode into the ring.

“Come on Jazz, we can do this,” she whispered, letting out a sigh.  They began, going as fast as Ruth dared.  The first five jumps were clean.  Ruth smiled and kept going, concentrating on the task at hand.  She urged Jazz over the spread, then turned toward the final combination.  She shortened Jazz’s strides and they went through.  Ruth counted and squeezed and they cleared.  The crowd erupted into applause and Ruth rode from the ring.  Rob was waiting, a big smile on his face.  He pulled her from the saddle and hugged her.  Ruth hugged him back, smiling happily.

“I told you that you’d do it,” he said softly, kissing her on the cheek.  She pulled away and looked at the ground.

“Thank you for being so confident.  Sometimes I wonder what I’d do without you.”

“You’d win,” he said.  She smiled, swinging into the saddle again.  “You should be ready for a lot of reporters Ruth.  They’re going to swamp you.”

“I know.  I think it’s going to be a long day,” she muttered.

Ruth sat in her bedroom two nights later, looking at her trophy.  It was amazing.  The money she’d won was even more amazing.  It would take care of college if she saved it.

“Ruth, someone’s here for you,” her mother said from outside the door.

“It’s pretty late Mama.  Who is it?” There was a long silence.

“It’s Rob.” Ruth sighed.

“Could you tell him I’m asleep?” Her mother laughed.

“I told you in the beginning that rich guys are nothing but trouble.  This is your problem sweetie.” Ruth stood and walked out of her room.  She was wearing a pair of tear away pants and a t-shirt.  Rob stood in the small kitchen looking rather awkward.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked.  Rob looked up, his eyes dark.

“I came to tell you that there’s something the matter with Jazz,” he said.  Ruth felt her heart drop.

“What do you mean?” she asked, her hands beginning to shake.  Rob took a deep breath.

“We’re not sure yet.  He hasn’t been eating, and he’s cast himself a couple of times.”

“Could it be founder or colic?”

“You haven’t worked him and not cooled him lately have you?”

“No.  You know I’d never do that!” she exclaimed angrily.

“We think it’s a twisted gut Ruth.  He’ll have to go to Cornell to get it fixed.  We’re not even sure if it’ll work.”

“How much will it cost?”

“A lot.”

“Can I pay for it with the money I won at the show?”

“Yes.  You’ll have more than enough.  Do you want to come with me?”

“Where are we going?”

“Back to the farm to tell Dad to call Cornell so Jazz can be flown tonight.” She nodded.

“Hold on a second.” She jogged down the hall and went to her room.  She threw clothes into a duffle bag, along with her journal and a book to read.  Then she went to her mother’s room.  “Mama I have to go,” she said.

“Where?  It’s almost midnight.”

“Jazz is sick.  He needs to go to Cornell and I’m going with him.”

“What?  Ruth what about school?  How are you going to pay for it?”

“Don’t worry about it.  Everything is going to be fine.  I’ll be back soon.” Ruth turned and went back to the kitchen.

“Do you have your jacket?” Rob asked.  Ruth nodded and grabbed her school jacket off the coat rack.  She had decided to play basketball that year, and had made the varsity team.

“Let’s go.”

“What’s with the bag?”

“I’m going wherever Jazz does,” she said, following him out the door.

Jazz was in cross ties when Ruth arrived at the farm.  Mr. Bell looked at her for a moment and she nodded.

“I’ll go make the call.  Get him ready for shipping Ruth,” he said, jogging toward his office.  Ruth went to the tack room and got his leg wraps, tail wrap, and lead shank.  When she returned to him, Jazz nickered.  She smiled and rubbed his forehead.

“Hey big guy.  You’re going to be ok, I promise.  Just fight this until we get you to Cornell.  Please fight this,” she whispered, wrapping his legs carefully.  Her hands were shaking so badly that she had to start over.  A hand came over hers.  She knew without looking that it was Rob.

“Let me do this,” he murmured.  She nodded, moving out of his way.  He wrapped Jazz’s legs and tail quickly, then clipped the lead to his halter.  “Dad will have the trailer hooked up to the truck in about five minutes.  It’s a half hour drive to the airport.  Then he’ll get put on a plane and it’s about an hour and a half to Cornell,” he explained.

“And I can go with him?” she asked.  Rob nodded.

“As long as you plan on having me as company,” he said.  Ruth sighed.

“I don’t have time to argue.  When should we take him out?”

“In about ten minutes.  He’s still walking ok.” She nodded, looking at Jazz with concerned eyes.  Rob sighed.

“I’m going to run up to the house and get some clothes.  I’ll be back.” She nodded, never looking away from Jazz.

Ruth sat in the waiting room at the Cornell Center for Equine Health.  Rob sat across from her.  They were both exhausted.

“We should find a hotel or something,” he said suddenly.  Ruth shook her head.

“I’m not leaving until he does.” Rob frowned.

“That could be days, even weeks.”

“I don’t care.  I’m staying where he is.  He needs to know that I’m here.” He sighed.

“The surgery could take several more hours.  Why don’t you try to get some sleep?” he suggested.  She shook her head again.

“What if I miss something?”

“I’ll wake you up, I promise.  You aren’t going to help him if you’re so tired you can’t sit up Ruth.  He’ll be ok for now.” She nodded, stretching out on a row of chairs.

“Ok.  Just wake me up when they know anything,” she murmured.  Rob watched as her eyes closed and she fell asleep.  He sighed again and leaned back.  They’d been there about three hours and it was almost three in the morning.  He was ready to pass out from exhaustion.  The doors opened suddenly and the vet came in.

“Hello Rob.  The surgery is going very well… it looks promising.  You noticed it in time.” Rob smiled weakly.

“Thanks.  So Jazz is doing alright?” The doctor nodded.

“He’ll have a long road to recovery, but I’m fairly sure he’ll make it.  He might be here for awhile.”

“How much will this all cost Ruth?”

“I’d say about thirty six hundred, maybe more.  It depends on how long Jazz has to stay.”

“OK.”

“I need to get back to my patient.  You two should go to a hotel or something.  It’s going to be awhile.”

“I already suggested it to Ruth.  She isn’t leaving until Jazz does.” The doctor nodded and went back through the doors.  Rob stood and went to Ruth’s side, touching her shoulder gently.  Her eyes fluttered open.

“What is it?”

“The doctor thinks he’s going to be ok.  The surgery is going very well.  It’s going to take a lot of recovery.” She nodded, letting out a small sigh of relief.

“Thanks for telling me,” she murmured, her eyes drifting shut again.  Rob smiled and went back to his chair.  He stretched out and closed his eyes.

“Goodnight Ruth,” he whispered.

Ruth followed the doctor into Jazz’s stall.  The horse was on his side sleeping.  She took a deep breath.

“Is he OK?” she asked.  He nodded and put his arm around her shoulders.

“He made it through surgery very well.  All we have to do now is make sure he stays calm and doesn’t rip the sutures.  I think he’ll be ok in about five months Ruth.”

“Five months?” she whispered.

“He’ll need a lot of time to recuperate.  Then he’ll have to get muscled up again.  It’s going to take awhile.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry to give you such bad news,” he said.

“May I go in and sit with him?” she asked.

“Sure.  He should wake up as soon as the stall door opens.  Just talk to him a lot.”  She nodded, letting herself into the stall.  Jazz’s head came up slowly and he nickered.

“Easy big guy, it’s just me,” she said softly, sitting down by his head.  He nickered again, looking at her with weary eyes.  “You’re going to be ok Jazz, that’s what the doctor said,” she whispered, stroking his cheek.  The horse’s eyes closed and she smiled.  “I love you Jazz,” she said, thinking about the Olympics.  ”How will I ever go to the Olympics now?” she murmured.

Rob walked down the hall and to Jazz’s stall.  Ruth had barely left it for over a week and a half.  Jazz was doing better and better every day.  When he reached the stall, a graceful grey head appeared over the door.

“Hey Jazz, good to see you up and around,” he murmured, patting his neck.  “Where’s Ruth?” he asked.  Jazz nickered softly, turning his head.  Ruth was asleep by the wall, red hair falling across his face.  “Mind if I come in big guy?  I think it’s time she takes a break,” Rob whispered.  He let himself into the stall and picked Ruth up.  She opened her eyes.

“Where’re we going?” she murmured.

“Someplace beside Jazz’s stall.  He’ll be fine for a little while,” he assured her.  She frowned, but couldn’t find the energy to argue.  “You can come back after you get some rest, I promise,” he whispered.

Ruth awoke late in the afternoon, still in the shirt she had been wearing when Rob had taken her from the stall.  Rob was sitting at a desk talking on the phone.  He turned and smiled at her.

“She just woke up Dad.  No, they’re saying Jazz will be fine.” He nodded again and then said, “OK, bye.” He hung up the phone and smiled again.  “Have a good rest?” he asked.  She nodded.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Since I brought you here yesterday,” he replied, standing up.

“Is Jazz alright?  Nothing happened when…” He cut her off, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“Relax Ruth, he’s fine.  The vet said that he’s been eating regularly, but he’s been looking for you.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have left him,” she muttered, throwing the covers off.  She gasped when she saw that she wasn’t wearing her jeans.

“You spoiled him by staying there so much.  He isn’t too upset by it.  Sorry about the jeans, but I thought you’d be more comfortable.” She nodded slowly.

“Thanks.  I should get back to see him anyway; I don’t want him to get nerved up.”

“Ruth, I heard about the estimated recovery time,” he said.  She shrugged.

“It isn’t that long,” she muttered.

“It’s long enough so you won’t be able to go to the Olympics though.” She nodded slowly, standing and looking out the window.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” she said after a long moment of silence.  Rob frowned and moved to stand beside her.

“What’re you going to tell the USET?” he asked.  She shrugged.

“I guess I’ll have to tell them I can’t come,” she said.

“There are plenty of horses at the farm Ruth,” he told her.

“I know.  None of them are mine though.  I wouldn’t feel right leaving Jazz behind.  He wouldn’t understand.  Besides, I have to get him back into shape.”

“Maybe you could take him with you, along with another horse.”

“No.  If I don’t ride Jazz, I don’t ride anyone,” she said.

“Have you written to them accepting or declining yet?” She shook her head.

“I’ll do it when we get back.  They’ll understand that my horse is ill.” He nodded.

“Alright.  Why don’t you go take a shower and get changed?  Then I’ll take you to lunch and back to Cornell.” She nodded, turning and going into the bathroom.  Rob sighed and sat down, taking out a piece of paper and a pen.  With another sigh he began to write.

Ruth, Jazz, and Rob flew back to Wisconsin after almost a month in Syracuse.  They had kept up with school work with the help of a tutor.  Mr. Bell met them at the airport with the trailer and Ruth’s mother and brother.

“Honey it’s so good to have you back!” Mrs. Burke exclaimed.  Ruth smiled, hugging her mother for a long moment.

“It’s good to be back Mama.  Do you want to go back to the farm with us?  It won’t take too long for me to get Jazz settled.”

“He’s alright isn’t he sweetheart?” she asked.  Ruth nodded and smiled.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine.  The vet said that he just needs a lot of rest.”

“OK.  I guess Daniel and I can come back with you.  Could you ride for Dan?  He hasn’t seen you on a horse yet.” Ruth frowned.

“I don’t know.  Jazz isn’t ready to be ridden yet, and Reba’s probably a little too easy for me.”

“Why don’t you ride Prelude?” Rob offered.  Ruth turned and looked at him in surprise.

“Prelude is yours,” she said.  He shrugged and looked at her seriously.

“I know that.  I just thought that you’d enjoy him.  He isn’t too easy, and he’ll behave for you.” She shook her head.

“I don’t think it would be the right thing to do,” she said.  Rob frowned.

“Why?  Because he’s mine?  Come on Ruth, your family wants to see you ride.  What’s the harm in riding Prelude?” She sighed, but nodded anyway.

“Alright, I guess I can ride him.  Let’s get Jazz in the trailer.  It’s freezing out here,” she muttered.

Back at the farm Ruth saddled Prelude after seeing to Jazz.  She led the big gelding into the arena and swung into the saddle.  Rob, Mr. Bell, her mother, and Daniel watched from the rail as she rode around the ring at a trot.  She posted low in the saddle, keeping an easy working trot.  She collected, then extended, then asked for a canter.  They went around several times before Rob went into the ring.

“Do you want me to set up a jump?” he asked.  She pulled up and looked down at him.

“I don’t think so.  I’m not as use to him as I am to Jazz.”

“You’ll be fine.  Come on, your little brother is pretty excited about it.” She sighed.

“Fine.  Set up a two foot jump, that’s it.”

“Make it three and you’ve got a deal,” he replied.  She glared at him.

“Rob,” she warned.  He laughed and set up the jump.  Ruth walked Prelude past it, then asked him to canter.  They went around the ring as one, soaring over the jump seemingly effortlessly.  Daniel clapped and her mother smiled.

“That looked very nice Ruth,” she said, her eyes holding tears.  Ruth smiled.

“Thanks Mama.  I should call it a day.  We had a long flight back, and I haven’t ridden in a month.  I’ll be sore tomorrow just from doing this.” She dismounted and handed the reins to Rob.  “Thanks for the loan,” she muttered.

“Are you going to stay and feed?” he asked.  She glanced at her mother, who nodded.

“Yeah, I guess so.  I’ll see you later Mama,” she said.

“Bye.  Don’t be too late.” Ruth nodded, following Rob into Prelude’s stall.

“You know I didn’t want to ride him,” she said.  Rob nodded.

“I know.  I also know that you have to get back into the saddle before you start working with Jazz again.  He’ll be a handful.”

“Thanks for the advice, but I don’t think I’ll have any problems.  I don’t appreciate being thrown into the saddle of an unfamiliar horse, especially in front of my mother.  All she needs is one reason to tell me I have to stop.”

“You won’t give her one.  I knew you’d be fine with him, so I offered.  You should ride him while Jazz is out of commission.”

“I don’t think so.  Jazz would be jealous.”

“Who cares?  Don’t you want it to stay with it?  Are you giving up now?”

“No!  I just don’t want to ride any other horse.  It isn’t the same with other horses.”

“You won’t let it be.  What if he had died Ruth?  What then?” he demanded.

“He didn’t, so I don’t have to think about it.”

“Maybe you should.  If he had, you would have stopped all together.  That’s stupid.”

“I’m going to go start feeding.  I’ll probably be done soon, so I’ll wait for you in the driveway.”

“I’ll ask Dad to take you home.  I don’t think I want to anymore.”

“Good.  At least one good thing came out of this discussion,” she muttered, turning on her heal and stalking from the stall.  Rob shook his head and patted Prelude’s shoulder.

“She’ll have to get use to you big guy, she’s riding you in the Olympics,” he murmured.

Ruth stared at the letter in disbelief several days later.  Rob looked at her for a moment and then shrugged.

“I just thought that you shouldn’t pass up the Olympics,” he explained.  She shook her head and looked up at him.

“You shouldn’t have done that.  I can’t write back and tell them I changed my mind.  Who am I supposed to ride?” she demanded, walking from the tack room and to Jazz’s stall.

“Prelude.  I know he’s a good choice for you… he’s already working well for you.  I’m almost jealous.”

“That’s why you’ve had me ride him, so I’d get use to him.  Rob, that wasn’t fair.  I don’t like being lied to, especially by…” she stopped abruptly, letting herself into Jazz’s stall.

“Especially by who Ruth?” he asked.  She shook her head.

“My friends.  You aren’t supposed to lie to your friends.”

“You’re not supposed to lie to yourself either, but you’re getting very good at it.” Ruth whirled angrily.

“What the hell is that suppose to mean?” she demanded.

“Never mind.  I shouldn’t have said anything.  Prelude is yours until the Olympics are over.  We should start working on bigger jumps and dressage.  You still need to get out to the cross country course with me too.”

“When would you like to go?” He shrugged.

“Whenever you feel in the mood to work.  It isn’t easy Ruth; you’re going to be working hard until you leave in May.  You’ll work harder in Ireland.”

“I know that.  After I finish with Jazz I’ll probably be in the mood for a lesson.”

“Ok.  We’ll go cross country today.  I’ll ride one of Dad’s horses.”

“Fine.  I’ll see you in a little while,” she muttered, picking up a soft brush.  Rob nodded and walked away.

Ruth led Prelude out into the brisk December air.  A light snow had covered the ground, but it wasn’t icy.

“We’ll have to avoid the water jump,” he said.  She nodded and swung into the saddle.  He was mounting a skittering mare.

“Who’s she?”

“Secret.  She’s Dad’s, but I can handle her.”

“You’re sure?  I don’t want any accidents while we’re out there.” He smiled tightly.

“I’ll be fine Ruth, let’s go.  The water jump is number there, so just go around it.”

“Alright.  Should I go first?” He nodded.

“Yeah.  I want to watch your form.  I’ll give you the news after you’re finished.” She nodded and they rode out of the stable yard at a trot.  They reached the course in about ten minutes and began.  Ruth went over all the jumps, avoiding the water jump.  She glanced under her arm, making sure Rob was ok.  The mare was tossing her head a lot, but he looked fine.  After that she concentrated on her riding.  When she reached the end she turned, expecting to see Rob and Secret going over the last jump.  They weren’t there.  Ruth started to ride back at a walk, looking at the group as well as the jumps.

“Rob?” she called.  “Secret!” A nicker caught her attention.  Secret was standing away from the course, and Rob was on the ground in front of the diamonds.  “Oh my god!” she exclaimed.  He wasn’t conscience, but she didn’t see any blood.  Ruth took a deep breath and dismounted.  She tied prelude to the jump and led Secret back to the path.  “Please go home Secret,” she said, slapping the mare on the rump.  She took off at a canter, heading directly for the farm.  Ruth ran back to Rob, taking her jacket off and putting it over him.  She put her hands on either side of his head, just in case his neck was hurt.  “Oh please be ok,” she whispered.

Ruth sat in the waiting room, a blanket around her shoulders.  She had sat outside without a jacket for almost an hour.  Rob was still in with the doctors, and she was beginning to worry even more.

“Shouldn’t they know something by now?” she asked Mr. Bell.  He shook his head and smiled.

“Not really.  This is a hospital Ruth.  They don’t know anything until they absolutely have to.” She smiled, glancing up as the waiting room door opened.  A doctor walked in, a smile on his face.

“I’d like to say that this young lady did a fantastic job,” he said.  “She kept his neck immobile and kept him warm so shock didn’t set in.” Ruth blushed.

“I didn’t really do anything,” she muttered.  The doctor smiled.

“Rob wouldn’t agree with you.”

“Is he alright?” Mr. Bell demanded.  The doctor nodded and smiled again.

“He’ll be fine.  He has a concussion, a broken wrist, and lots of bruises… but he’ll be fine.” Ruth and Mr. Bell sighed with relief.

“That’s wonderful.  Could we go see him?” Mr. Bell asked.

“Sure, follow me.  We’re going to keep him here over night for observation.” They nodded, following him down the hall.  Rob was being moved to another stretcher when they walked into the room.  He smiled at his father for a minute and then looked at Ruth.

“They’re taking me to my room Dad.  Are you guys going to stay for awhile?” he asked.  His father nodded.

“I’d planned on it.  I don’t know about you Ruth,” he said.  She nodded.

“I can stay for a little while.  My mother finally got a car, so she can probably come and get me when I call her,” she explained.

“Great.  How’re you feeling Ruth?  Are you still Cold?” Mr. Bell asked.  She shook her head, glancing down at the grey blanket around wrapped around her shoulders.

“Not as cold as I was,” she muttered.  Rob watched her as she held the door open for the nurses.  They wheeled the stretcher past her and started toward the elevator.  Ruth and his father followed.  As soon as they were in the room Mr. Bell picked up the phone and called the farm.

“He’s going to be fine Jeff.  Thanks for… what?  I’ll be right there,” he said, hanging up.  “There’re some horses loose in the far paddock.  Jeff needs some help.  Will you be alright for a little while son?” he asked.  Rob nodded and glanced at Ruth.

“Are you going with Dad or are you going to stay?” he questioned.  She glanced at Mr. Bell.

“I… Do you need me at the farm?” she asked.  He shook his head.

“We should be fine.  Besides, you need to keep warm.  You came mighty close to being in the bed right over there,” he said.  Ruth smiled.

“OK.  I’ll call my mother to bring me back and help you feed.” He nodded, saying goodbye and walking from the room.  They were silent for a long time.  Ruth walked to the window, staring out at the overcast day.

“So you’re ok?” Rob asked suddenly.  She nodded slowly, keeping her gaze focused on a car in the parking lot.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  The doctor told us you’d be alright in a couple weeks.”

“Yup.  Ruth, if it wasn’t for you I might not be here,” he said.  She shook her head.

“You wouldn’t have taken her out if it weren’t for me riding Prelude.  I’m sorry you had to…” He cut her off.

“I didn’t have to do any of this.  I let you ride Prelude because I knew how important going to Ireland was to you.  I rode Secret because I was being stupid.  There are plenty of other horses that would’ve been a better choice.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” she muttered, turning back to face him.

“You’re blaming it on yourself when you know it isn’t your fault.  Listen Ruth, it was an accident.”  She took a deep breath, turning away from him again.  “You looked good going over the jumps, especially the diamonds,” he muttered.  Ruth turned back toward him, a smile on her pretty face.

“You’re too much.  Are you sure you’re ok?” she asked.  He nodded.

“I’ll be fine.  My wrist is a little sore, along with my head.  Aside from that I’m feeling pretty great.” She nodded.

“Good.  I should probably call my mother and tell her that you’re ok.  I told her I was at the hospital and why.  She told me to call as soon as I knew how you were,” she said.

“Why’d you call her?” he asked.  She hesitated.

“I don’t know.  I guess I thought she should know where I was in case she came to see me ride again.”

“Oh.  I’ll be here when you get back,” he said.  She nodded and walked out of the room.

Mr. Bell walked into Rob’s hospital room late that evening.

“Is Ruth still…” he began.  He smiled when he saw Ruth asleep with her head on the edge of Rob’s bed.  Rob was asleep too, his hand on the back of her head.  “I guess so.  I’ll see you later kids,” He murmured.

Ruth awoke the next morning, her head still next to Rob.  His hand was on the back of her head.  She sat up slowly, being careful not to wake him.  She looked around, surprised to see that the sun was already up.  She glanced at her watch.

“Wow, it’s almost noon,” she muttered.  Suddenly Rob was awake and looked at her.

“Morning,” he muttered.  She forced a smile.

“Good morning.  I’m so late for school,” she said, standing up.  Rob shrugged.

“You practically had hypothermia yesterday Ruth.  I don’t think anyone is going to yell at you for staying home today.” She sighed.

“I don’t like to miss school.  Andrea’s going to be wondering where I am.  Jason and I were supposed to go to the library after school.” Rob frowned and turned away from her.

“You and Jason have become rather chummy,” he muttered.  Ruth sighed.

“Could you stop for five minutes?  It’s none of your business anymore!  If I want to date him or not, it’s my decision, not yours!” she exclaimed.  “I’m going to go home and then go to school.  I wouldn’t want to disappoint Jason,” she said angrily.  Rob sighed and watched as she stormed out of the room.

Rob glanced up as Ruth led Prelude toward the arena several days later.

“What do you want to work on?” he questioned.  She shrugged.

“I don’t care.  Probably dressage.”

“OK.  We’ll start out simple today.”

“Good.” She swung into the saddle and warmed up, then looked at Rob.  “What now?”

“Ask him for a trot,” he said.  She obeyed and Prelude broke into a smooth sitting tort.  “Post to it Ruth!” he called.  She began posting instantly.  “OK,  keep posting.  Keep constant leg contact, but hold back slightly with your reins.” He watched carefully as Prelude extended his stride.  Ruth slowed her posting so she stayed with him.  “Good.  Alternate pressure on each rein to get him framed up.” She did it and Prelude’s head dropped into a graceful arc.  “Great.  Collect him!” he called.  She did so easily, continuing to post.

“Is this ok?” she asked.  He nodded.

“Looks good.  Pull up and walk for a minute.” She nodded and Prelude began to walk.

“So I’m doing alright?” she asked.  He nodded again, glancing away from her.

“You’re doing fine.  Just answer me one question.”

“What’s that?”

“Why did you need me here?” She didn’t answer, much to his surprise.  “Ruth?”

“Let’s get back to work Rob,” she muttered.  Rob sighed, but continued calling instructions.

Ruth stopped in to check on Jazz that night.  He nickered and rubbed his forehead on her shoulder.

“How’re you doing?” she asked him.  She smiled as he lipped at her pockets in search of a treat.  “Nothing today Jazz.  You’re on a strict diet for awhile.  Do you want to go for a walk?” she whispered.  She put on his halter and clipped a lead shank to it, then led him outside.  He walked beside her like a gentleman, bobbing his head in excitement.

“Ruth are you about ready?” Rob asked.

“I’m walking Jazz right now,” she said softly.  He sighed.

“Do you know when you’ll be done?” She shrugged, turning Jazz so she could see him.

“I don’t know.  He hasn’t been out for a walk in a couple days.  I thought he needed it.”

“Of course he does.  I’m tired though.  I want to get up to the house and relax.”

“I can walk home,” she replied, turning and beginning to walk again.  Suddenly his hand was on her elbow and he was turning her around.

“Let’s not fight about the ride thing again.  I’ll let Andrea drive you to school and here, but I’m not going to let you walk home at eight o’clock at night.  It isn’t safe.” She nodded slowly, looking into his eyes hesitantly.

“Ok,” she whispered.  He sighed and she saw him swallow.

“Ruth, I…” She shook her head, as if to clear it.

“I don’t think we should be here,” she muttered.

“It’s where I live and where you work.  Where else would we be?” he murmured, coming closer.  Ruth swallowed hard.

“I should be home.  I have school in the morning.”

“So do I.” She tried to pull away, but rob held onto her.  “Don’t,” he whispered.  She took a deep breath.

“Please don’t do this.  I meant what I said when we broke up.”

“No you didn’t.  You wanted me to think you meant it though.  Andrea told me.”

“Andrea doesn’t know anything,” she lied.

“That’s bull Ruth,” he muttered, kissing her gently.  Ruth pushed him away.

“Don’t.  I’m going to go put Jazz in for the night,” she said, pulling out of his grasp and walking Jazz back into the barn.  She hugged herself to keep the cold out.  Her jacket was in her locker at school.

“Ruth?” he said.  She turned, surprised at how close he was.

“Yeah?”

“At least take my jacket?” he offered.  She took a deep breath.

“I…”

“I won’t read into it.  Just take it… you gave me yours when I was hurt.” She nodded slowly.

“Fine.” Rob stepped forward and put the jacket over her shoulders.

“I’ll wait for you in the truck,” he whispered.  She nodded, continuing toward Jazz’s stall.

“I wonder how long I’ll be able to lie to him Jazz?” she whispered.

Rob pulled into her driveway and put the truck in park.

“There ya’ go,” he muttered.  She glanced at him quickly.

“Listen,” she began.  He shook his head.

“No, you listen.  I’m sorry about earlier.  I had no right to kiss you, especially without your permission,” he said.

“It’s ok.  Just don’t let it happen again.”

“Next time I’ll have your permission,” her promised.  She couldn’t stop her smile.

“Don’t be so sure of yourself,” she muttered.  He smiled too, but his eyes were dark.

“I suppose I am.  I have a question.”

“OK, ask.  Make it quick though, because I need to get inside.”

“When I fell in the woods, what were you thinking?” he asked.

“I don’t really remember.  I was thinking about a lot of things,” she said, looking away from him.  He touched her shoulder gently.

“Tell me,” he murmured.  She sighed.

“I really need to go inside.”

“Not until you tell me the truth.”

“I was scared,” she said simply.

“Why?” she shot him a withering look.

“Why do you think?  I wasn’t sure if Secret would go back to the farm, I wasn’t sure how long I’d last without a jacket… I wasn’t sure what was wrong with you.”

“I woke up for a minute when we were in the woods,” he said.

“You did?  I didn’t see you open your eyes once.”

“You were crying and shivering.  You were also holding my neck so I couldn’t move it.”

“I thought that you might have hurt it.”

“Why were you crying?”

“I was scared,” she repeated.  He shook his head.

“Did you think I was going to die?” he asked.

“I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.”

“You still feel bad about it don’t you?”

“About what?”

“Going first.  You feel bad about it.” She shrugged, confirming his guess.  “I’ll see you tomorrow Ruth,” he said.  She nodded, getting out of the truck and jogging to her house.  Rob sighed and backed out.

Christmas came quickly that year.  Ruth was actually excited, because her mother had gotten a small promotion.  Mr. Bell had also said he had something special for her.  On Christmas Eve Ruth arrived at the farm.  Mr. Bell had invited her and her family over for Christmas dinner.

“Thank you for inviting us,” Mrs. Burke said with a smile.

“We love having Ruth around.  She’s great with the horses, and she makes us smile,” Mr. Bell said, showing them into the living room.  Ruth glanced around, surprised when she didn’t see Rob.

“I’m going down to the barn really quick to check on Jazz,” she said.  Her mother laughed.

“Don’t get all dirty sweetheart.  Tell Jazz we say hello.” Daniel nodded.

“Pat him for me!” he exclaimed.  She smiled.

“I will,” she promised, grabbing her jacket and going out the front door.  She walked down to the barn, looking up at the clear sky.  Stars glittered everywhere, causing her to smile at bittersweet memories.  She and her father had often looked at stars on clear nights.

“You look sad,” a voice said.  Ruth turned, surprised to see Jason.  She smiled.

“Hi,” she said, walking into the barn.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Mr. Bell invited us over for dinner,” she said.  He nodded.

“Rob asked me to come.  Where’re you heading?”

“To check on my horse.  He’s still resting up from being sick.  I check on him about ten times a day,” she said with a smile.  Jason laughed.

“He’s gorgeous.  I can see why you love him so much.”

“He’s amazing.  You should see him take jumps or do dressage.  He makes everything seem so easy.”

“He looks like he’d be a good mover.”

“Do you ride?” she asked.

“Yeah.  My mother owns a farm in Northern Wisconsin.  I stay with her most of the time.  I’m here visiting my dad now.”

“How can you live in the north and still go to school here?” she questioned.

“I use my dad as residence.”

“Oh.”

“Are you and Rob still an item or is that over?” he asked suddenly.

“It’s been over for two and a half months,” she told him.

“That’s too bad.”

“It’s for the best,” she assured him.  He touched her shoulder gently.

“Can I kiss you Ruth?” he asked.  She took a deep breath and then nodded.

“I guess.” He kissed her gently and then pulled away.

“Have you ever felt like someone was watching you?” he whispered.  She nodded.

“Yeah, I think so,” she said, turning.  Rob was standing there, watching with dark eyes.  Jason sighed and shook his head.

“Damn,” he muttered.  Ruth took another deep breath and let it out slowly.

“If you say one word to either one of us, I’ll never speak to you again,” she said.  He nodded, turning on his heal and stalking from the barn.  Jason looked at her quickly.

“He may never speak to either one of us again,” he muttered.

“He has no say over what I do anymore.  We broke up.”

“I hate to say this Ruth, but I have to.  You broke up, he didn’t.  He loves you more than life itself.”

“He’s seventeen years old.  He doesn’t know what love is.  Neither do I for that matter.  I don’t think I’m ready for it anyway.”

“You still care about him a lot,” he observed.

“Yes.  He’s the first guy that gave me the time of day,” she muttered.

“A lot of guys checked you out when you first came to the high school.  They still do.  They don’t ask you out because of Rob.”

“What about him?”

“He’d kill them,” he said simply.

“If he comes near you…” she trailed off with a sigh.

“Don’t worry about it.  Maybe it was a bad idea anyway.  You’re still not sure what you want.”

“I…” Jason cut her off.

“You should give him another chance you know.  He’s really upset about losing you,” Jason said softly.  She began to walk out of the barn and he followed.

“Rob needs to let this go.  It isn’t going to work no matter what we do.”

“Isn’t going to work for whom?  Why did you break up with him anyway?  It couldn’t be because you didn’t like him anymore.  It’s obvious that you do.”

“I don’t like Rob anymore Jason.”

“Then why do you still look at him like you’ve lost the only thing you ever really cared about?  You should’ve seen your face just now when he saw us kiss.”

“That’s different.  I felt bad when he saw that because I didn’t want to hurt him.  I don’t want to hurt him.”

“When you broke up with him you hurt him.  You have to see the difference in him.  With you he was happy.”

“He can be happy again, just with another girlfriend.  A better girlfriend,” she muttered.

“Do you think you’re not good enough for him?” Jason demanded.

“I think that I am what I am, and that’s never going to change,” she said carefully.  Jason grabbed her arm and looked at her.

“What are you Ruth?” he asked.

“Ask Kelly, she could tell you.  Ask anybody.  I’m poor.  I’m no good.  Rob doesn’t need that.  Kelly said that I was…” Jason cut her off, his eyes angry.

“Who gives a damn what Kelly said?  She wanted Rob so bad that she said anything to get you away from him.  It worked Ruth, that’s the worst part.  You let her win.”

“I didn’t let her do anything.  So far she doesn’t have him, does she?”

“So far.  What if she gets him, what then?  Are you going to stand by and watch because she’s ‘good enough’ for him?” he demanded.

“I guess I’ll have to won’t I?” she retorted.  Jason sighed, his eyes dark.

“I don’t understand why you feel like this.  Everybody thinks you’re great.”

“They didn’t think so until Rob introduced me.  Why is that?  Why didn’t you come up to me last year and say that you thought I was pretty?” she demanded.  He didn’t answer.  “That’s what I thought.  I’m not going to be Rob’s girlfriend because it isn’t fair to either one of us.  I’m using him and he’s getting hurt.

“He wasn’t hurt,” Jason muttered.

“People can be cruel Jason.  They said some pretty awful things about Rob.  It bothered him.”

“Bothered him.  There’s a big difference between bothering someone and ripping out their heart.”

“I’m not going to talk about this anymore.  It’s pointless.  I’ve had the same conversation with Andrea at least fifty times.” Jason released her arm and they continued walking.

“It’s almost dinner time anyway,” he muttered.

Everyone was in the living room when Ruth and Jason walked in.  Rob looked at them, his eyes angry.

“Well nice of you two to join us,” he said, a smile on his face.  Ruth forced a smile.

“I got to Jazz’s stall and couldn’t leave,” she explained.  Mr. Bell smiled at her.

“Why don’t we open presents now?  I want Ruth to see her surprise,” eh said.  She smiled, sitting down in a chair.  Jason sat across from her.

“I don’t know why you even got me anything.  I work here and you pay me… that’s more than enough,” she said.

“You’re more than an employee,” Mr. Bell assured her.  She smiled again, watching as Rob handed Jason a present.  He also handed Daniel a small package.

“Gee thanks!” he exclaimed.  Rob smiled at him.

“Anytime buddy.” He glanced at Ruth.  “Do you want your present now or later?” he asked.

“Whenever.” Rob handed her a large, two inch think box.  She opened it carefully, tears filling her eyes when she saw what was in it.  The black and red jacket that met her eyes was beautiful.  Her name was in the left corner.  She lifted it out of the box and looked at the back.  ‘Rolling Meadows Farm’ was scrawled in red cursive thread.  “Thank you so much,” she whispered, brushing tears from her eyes.

“I want you to work here for as long as you can Ruth.  That jacket is a symbol that you belong here and that you’ll always have a place here,” Mr. Bell said.  She smiled, glancing up at him.

“Thank you, I really love it,” she said.  She glanced at Rob, knowing he’d probably told his father she wanted it.  He looked at her, his eyes hurt and angry, but a smile on his face.

“I hope you like it,” he said softly.  She nodded slowly.

“I love it.  I’ll be right back,” she muttered, putting the jacket on the back of her chair and walking from the room.  She went out onto the porch and looked up at the stars.  “What am I suppose to do now?” she asked herself, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“You’re supposed to stop lying to everyone and let me hug you,” a voice said softly.  She whirled, surprised when she found Rob leaning against the closed door.

“I’m not lying to anyone,” she protested.  He sighed, taking her shoulders in his hands.

“Just stop ok?  Please stop.” She was still crying so he pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her.  “I could’ve had another girlfriend you know.  I could’ve kissed Andrea or Kelly in the barn so you’d see it.  I just didn’t, because I didn’t want to hurt you like that.”

“You could’ve, it wouldn’t have mattered,” she muttered.

“You’re such a bad liar.  Do you know what I wanted to do to you two down there tonight?”

“No, and I don’t really want to know.  I want to go back inside.  It’s cold out.”

“You put your jacket down,” he said.  She was wearing a pretty red dress that showed off her legs and curves.  One of his hands rested on her hip the other on her back.  “You curled your hair.” She nodded.

“Yeah, Mama thought it would look nice.”

“It does.  I don’t want you to kiss Jason anymore Ruth.  That’s not what you want.”

“How do you know what I want?” she demanded, looking up at him.

“The way you look at me.  The way you were crying when I hurt myself.  I just know.  The look on your face when I saw you kissing my best friend… I just know,” he repeated, putting one of his hands on the side of her face.  “I won’t kiss you without your permission,” he murmured.  She sighed.  “Can I?” he asked.  She nodded slowly.  “Say it Ruth.”

“You can kiss me,” she whispered.  Rob smiled and brought his lips over hers.  Ruth wrapped her arms around his neck, moving closer.  Rob sighed softly, breaking away only to hold her tightly for a long time.

“We should go back inside,” he said softly, breaking the silence.  She nodded slowly and pulled away from him a little bit.  “We also have a lot to talk about,” he said.  Ruth nodded.

“I guess we do, but not now.  It’s Christmas Eve.  Let’s go back inside… it’s about time to eat,” she muttered.  She took his hand and they went back into the house.

Ruth cantered through the center of the outdoor ring and Prelude did a flying change.

“Now collect and bend!” Rob called.  It was early April, almost time for her to leave for Olympic training.  She had worked on dressage heavily over the winter, and was almost as good as Rob.  Her jumping had improved steadily too.  “Switch to a counter canter to letter F!”  She changed her aids and Prelude switched leads.  “OK, after that halt.” When she reached letter F Prelude stopped fully.  Rob smiled and walked over.

“Was that ok?” Ruth asked, wiping sweat from her brow.  He nodded putting his hand on her knee.

“It was perfect.  Do you know that you’ll be the youngest member of the USET?” he asked.  She smiled and blushed.

“I hope people don’t think of me that way.  I want to be known as a good rider, that’s all.”

“You’ll be known as that too Ruth,” he assured her.  “That and the most attractive rider in recorded history.” She smiled sadly.

“Let’s not get into that now,” she muttered.  They still hadn’t talked about all they said they needed to.  Ruth always put it off, saying they had more important things to worry about.  She was still very self conscience about things Rob didn’t understand.

“Ruth,” he began.  She shook her head, putting her hand over his.

“Don’t.  Please?” she asked.  He sighed and looked at her with concern.  Ruth took a deep breath and said, “I think we should call it a day.  He’s getting a little winded, and I’m just about as tired as he is.”

“If not more,” he said with a smile.  She dismounted, surprised when she found herself against his chest.

“You should’ve moved, I might’ve kicked you,” she murmured, trying to go around him.  Rob stepped in her path, still holding Prelude.

“I know.  It would have been worth it,” he whispered, touching her cheek with his free hand.

“Rob, I have to take care of him.  Then I have to work with Jazz on the longe line for a little while,” she protested.  Rob sighed softly, putting his hand on Prelude’s side so she couldn’t move away from him.

“Could you talk to me?  You’re being so distant about everything… I don’t understand,” he told her.

“I’m fine, really.  Let’s just take care of…” He kissed her then, effectively cutting her off.  She put her hand on his waist, then the other on his neck.  “We shouldn’t do this here,” she murmured against his lips.

“Why?”

“I’m sixteen and you’re seventeen and we’re kissing in the middle of the farm yard.  It’s a little incriminating,” she explained.

“My father isn’t going to care,” he assured her.

“I care.  Come on, we can continue this later,” she said.

“Is that a promise?”

“It sure is.  Come on, he’s getting restless standing her watching us.”

“He’s probably jealous.  I mean, his beautiful rider is kissing his handsome owner.” Ruth’s face fell.

“He isn’t jealous.  Why on earth would he be jealous?” she demanded, ducking under his arm and taking Prelude’s reins.  Rob watched with dark eyes as she walked back to the barn.  She’d taken to wearing breeches and high boots lately when she was riding.  He sighed and watched her form move up the hill and into the barn.

“Nobody should look that good and not know it,” he said to himself.

Ruth watched as Jazz and Prelude were loaded on to the plane.  It was the end of April and she was leaving for Ireland.  Rob, Mr. Bell, her mother, and Daniel stood with her.

“You take care of yourself over there Ruth,” her mother was saying.

“I’ll be fine Mama,” she assured her.

“What about your father?” Mrs. Burke asked.  Ruth sighed, shaking her head.

“It doesn’t matter right now,” she replied.

“Alright.  I need to get to work, so I’ll talk to you later.  I’ll be at Mr. Bell’s at around nine, so you can call me there,” she said.  Ruth put her arms around her mother tightly.

“I’ll miss you Mama,” she whispered.  Mrs. Burke held her for a moment longer, then led Daniel away.  Mr. Bell smiled down at her.

“It isn’t going to be the same without you at the farm Ruth.  I’ll miss having a good worker and a great rider.”

“You’ll have Rob,” she said, glancing at Rob with a smile.

“He only works hard when you’re around.  It’s a manly show off thing,” he kidded.  Ruth laughed.

“I’m sure that’s it.  I’ll call you when I get there,” she promised.

“We’ll be home all day,” he promised, giving her a tight hug.

“You’d better come see me in August,” she said when he pulled away.  Mr. Bell nodded.

“I will.  I also think I’ll leave you two alone to say your goodbyes.  Good luck out there Ruth,” he said.

“Bye Mr. Bell.” When he was gone she turned to Rob and sighed.  “That was fun,” she muttered, stepping toward him.  Rob put his arms around her, pulling her into his chest and holding her tightly.

“This isn’t fun,” he murmured, his fingers in her hair.  Ruth nodded, sliding her arms around his waist.  She let one of her hands rest on the small of his back and he moved a little closer.

“It could be,” she whispered, pulling away far enough to look up at him.

“If about 100 people weren’t watching, I’d say yes.”

‘I’m going to miss you too much… maybe I shouldn’t go,” she said softly, touching the side of his face.  Rob closed his eyes.

“You have to go, even though it’s going to be lonelier than hell without you around.”

“You’ll be fine.  There’s plenty to do without me here,” she said, kissing him lightly on the lips.  Rob sighed.

“Nothing is going to matter because you’ll be gone.”

“Four months is an awfully long time,” she said slowly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… well if you find someone to…” Rob shook his head and kissed her hard.

“I’m not going to find someone else.  I’ll be in Ireland at the end of June.  Then we’ll be together for two months.  It’s not going to be that bad, I promise.”

“OK.  They’re calling my flight,” she muttered, biting her bottom lip.  Rob nodded.

“I know.  I’m going to miss you so much Ruth,” he whispered, crushing her against his chest.  She swallowed hard.

“I love you Rob, so much.  Don’t forget that,” she said softly.  He pulled away slightly, surprised when she pulled his face down to hers.  They kissed for a long time, but finally had to stop.

“I love you Ruth.”

“I have to go,” she said, a tear slipping down her cheek.  Rob brushed it away and handed her the carry on duffle bag she’d brought.

“Call me as soon as you get there, and I expect a letter every day,” he said, hugging her again.

“Same here.  I’ll miss you, and I love you, and I’ll see you in June!” she called as she jogged down the tunnel.  Rob watched as her plane pulled away from the terminal, then taxied down the runway and took off.  With a soft sigh he turned and walked from the airport.

Ruth led Jazz into the barn, talking with the head trainer James O’Connell.

“I’m sorry you’ll have to put up two of my horses, but I couldn’t leave Jazz behind.  He needs the exercise, and he doesn’t really like anyone but me,” she explained.  James nodded.

“It’s alright Ruth.  You can put him in the stall next to Prelude’s.” She led Jazz into the stall and gave him a quick pat before leaving.

“So how do things work around here?” she asked as they walked down the aisle.

“I’ll give you a schedule now.  The next few months are going to be tough.  I make my final cut of riders in August, right before the games,” he said.  She nodded.

“How many riders make it?”

“Six usually, but sometimes five.” They were silent for a few moments.  “Your father is here somewhere.”

“Yes Sir, I know that.  What should I do for the rest of the day?”

“Go up to the dorms and get unpacked.  I’ll send someone up with your schedule.  Lunch is at one.  You can call home and talk to your family… whatever.  We won’t start riding until tomorrow.” She nodded.

“Ok.  I think I’ll go back up to my room and get things put away,” she said.

“Have a good afternoon and I’ll see you at lunch,” he said.  Ruth turned and began to walk from the barn, stopping in her tracks when her father came out of a stall.

“Ruth!  I didn’t know you were here yet,” he said.  She nodded swallowing hard.

“I didn’t know if you were here or not,” she muttered.  He sighed.

“We need to get together and talk about some things, don’t you think?” he asked.  She shrugged.

“I don’t know what we need to do.  I know that I need to go up to my room, unpack, and call my boyfriend.”

“You have a boyfriend?” he asked.

“Am I that bad looking?” she retorted defensively.  He shook his head sadly.

“No, you’re beautiful… just like your mother.”

“If she’s so beautiful, why’d you leave her?  Why’d you leave us?” she demanded.  Mr. Burke sighed softly.

“Ruth, there are things you don’t know about,” he began.

“I don’t have time to hear about them now,” she said.  “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Will you go out on the cross country course with me later?” he asked.  Ruth took a deep breath.

“I guess so.  What time do you want to head out?” she asked.

“After lunch?”

“OK.  I’ll be here waiting.” He watched as she turned and continued to walk from the barn.

Ruth and Rob talked for almost an hour, until Ruth said she really had to go.  She walked into the dining hall and sat down next to a young woman.

“Hi, I’m Katie Monahane Prudent,” the woman said, holding out her hand.  Ruth smiled and nodded.

“I know.  I have posters of you on my bedroom wall at home,” Ruth said, shaking her hand.  Katie smiled.

“That’s flattering.  It’s nice to have someone so young and talented on the team.  You’ll be the energy factor, I can tell.”
“Thanks.  I hope I make the final cut.  I know that the odds are against me because of all the competition, but it’d be great.”

“You’re a beautiful rider.  James has shown us some of your riding tapes.  The Royal looked beautiful.  I didn’t do very well that day.”

“I remember.  You had two knockdowns and a slower time.  It was too bad,” Ruth said.

“Thanks.  You rode very well that day.  He also showed us the Upperville Classic.  You rode against your instructor and beat him.” Ruth smiled.

“He probably let me win; he’s my boyfriend.”

“I don’t think anyone let you do anything.  He was very good also… you were just better.  How long have you been riding?”

“Almost a year,” Ruth said.  Katie’s jaw dropped.

“You’re so good.  You must get it from your father.” Ruth shook her head slowly.

“I doubt it.  I hadn’t seen my father ride until the Royal.  As I showed there, I was the best that day,” she said, a frown on her pretty face.

“I didn’t mean to insult you Ruth,” Katie said.  Ruth nodded.

“I know you didn’t, and I’m sorry I got defensive.  It’s just a touchy subject with me… my father I mean.”

“Don’t worry about it, I understand.  From now on I won’t mention your father if you don’t mention how horribly I did at the Royal that day,” she said.  Ruth smiled.

“It’s a deal.”

Ruth rode around the spacious arena after lunch.  Prelude popped over the cross rail and trotted on.

“That’s a good boy,” she murmured, dismounting and raising the jump slightly.  She swung back into the saddle and walked Prelude by the jump.  “Just a little bit higher,” she murmured, still concerned about her form and control over fences.  She asked Prelude to canter, aiming for the center of the jump.  They went over it as one, and Ruth smiled.  “Good boy!” she whispered happily, going around several more times before urging him through the center of the ring.  He did a quick flying change and went the other way, taking the jump with confidence.  When she pulled up she did some simple dressage moves.  Clapping caught her attention.  She looked up, surprised to see James and her father climbing from the stands.  “How long have you been here?” she demanded.

“Since right after you started,” James explained.  She sighed.

“I’m afraid that wasn’t the greatest showing in the world,” she muttered.  James laughed, glancing at her father.

“What would you say Mark?”

“I’d say that my daughter is more talented at sixteen than I am now or ever will be,” he said sincerely.  Ruth blushed at the compliment.

“Thank you, but I have a lot of room to improve.  James is there enough time for me to exercise my other horse before dinner?” she questioned.

“There should be, just don’t take more than an hour,” he said.

“I can’t.  He’s still on a light schedule.”

“Great.  Dinner is at five thirty, don’t be late.” She nodded, watching as he left.  Her father, however, stayed behind.

“I meant what I said Ruth,” he told her.  She nodded and asked Prelude to trot.

I’m suppose to believe that?” she asked, moving into passage and then asking for a piaffe.  She smiled as Prelude began to trot in place.

“I hope you do.  You should know me enough to realize I don’t give compliments about riding lightly.

“I hardly know you well enough to know what color hair you have,” she retorted.  Mr. Burke frowned and raked his fingers through her hair.

“Don’t be mean Ruth.  I was there for eleven years of your life,” he said, his eyes hurt and angry.

“Long time, wasn’t it?” she muttered sarcastically, asking Prelude to canter.  They went around at a smooth collected trot.

“It was as long as I could stay there.  You don’t even know why I left, do you?” he demanded.  She shook her head.

“Not really.  Mama’s told me you left because you were no good.  I don’t believe that exactly.”

“That’s good to know.  I left because your mother wasn’t happy and neither was I.  I wanted to take you and your brother, but I couldn’t.  Your mother wouldn’t let me.”

“You couldn’t come back and visit from time to time?” she demanded, easing Prelude to a trot and beginning to post.

“Your mother moved.  I had no idea where you were,” he said in a frustrated tone.  Ruth pulled up suddenly, turning Prelude so she could face him.

“Someone as rich as you can find anyone they really want to find!” she exclaimed, dismounting and running her stirrups up the leathers.

“I tried Ruth, I swear that I did.” She shook her head angrily, leading Prelude past him.

“If you tried, you would have found us.  We only moved a couple miles from where we lived with you.  You came back to Wisconsin at least ten times after you left.  Everyone in town knew where we lived.” He sighed.

“Never mind.  You aren’t going to listen to me know, so I’m not going to try to explain.”

“I wasn’t expecting an explanation,” she shot back, continuing her walk back to Prelude’s stall.  Mark Burke watched her go, wondering what else her mother had told her.

James watched as the group went around the ring at an extended trot.

“Everyone come to the center except for Mark, Ruth, and Katie!” he called.  They all obeyed.  “Watch them post to their extended trot.  It looks more controlled and more relaxed doesn’t it?” he asked.  The group as a whole nodded.  “That’s what I want all of you to look like,” he said.  “Go ahead, get back to work.” They joined the trio, trying to improve their posting.  James watched Ruth careful, already thinking about who would make the team.  The young girl still housed a lot of animosity toward her father, and that could be a problem.  She was also better than her father.  James sighed, trying to concentrate on the rest of the group.

Ruth longed Jazz after dressage practice, then put some salve on his stomach where the stitches had been.  He was healing nicely.

“I can probably ride you soon big guy,” she said, patting his neck.  Jazz tossed his head.

“Why aren’t you riding him in the games?” a voice asked.  Ruth turned and smiled at Katie.

“He had a twisted gut in late November.  The vet at Cornell didn’t want him worked too heavily until late summer, possibly early fall.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.  It looks like you’re bonded quite strongly with him.”
“I am.  He wasn’t mine until November, but we understand one another.  I’d give anything to be able to ride him in August.”

“He’s the one you rode in October isn’t he?” Ruth smiled, remembering her first show.

“Yup.  His original rider fell off in the ring, so I took over for her.”

“And he wasn’t yours then?”

“No.  He belonged to the girl.  She sold him shortly after that.”

“Did you know how to jump when you got on that day?”

“Nope.  My instructor gave me a crash course in jumping and dressage.  I wrote the aids for almost all the dressage on my hand.” Katie laughed.

“That’s amazing.  I can’t believe how well you did even though you had no real training at jumping or dressage.”

“My instructor was pretty surprised himself,” Ruth said with a smile.

“Do you want to go out and ride cross country with me?  James said that we all needed a partner to ride with, so I thought that we could get together,” Katie said.  Ruth smiled broadly.

“I’d love to!  Let me get Prelude ready and I’ll be right there.” Katie nodded.

“I’ll meet you out front with my horse,” Katie said, turning and walking back down the aisle.  Ruth gave Jazz a pat and then went to Prelude’s stall.

Katie and Ruth rode along at an easy trot on their way to the cross country course.  Ruth noticed that Katie kept glancing at her.

“Is something the matter?” she asked.  Katie laughed and pulled up to a walk.

“No, not really.  Seeing you ride in person is so much different than on tape… you’re really good.” Ruth blushed.

“Oh.  It’s probably Prelude.  He has that effect on people,” she muttered.  Katie shook her head.

“You’re too modest Ruth Burke.  I’ll ride behind you on the course, I’d like to see your form on some of these fences.”

“I’ve never ridden a course like this, so I may be a little shaky.”

“I somehow doubt that,” Katie said.  They reached the start of the course, and Ruth urged Prelude into a canter.  The first jump was a set of diamonds.  Ruth aimed for the center and they flew over.  Prelude tossed his head and Ruth smiled.

“Take it easy Prelude,” she murmured, going into her two-point as they flew over the next jump.  It was a plank that dropped sharply to a sandy indent.  Prelude took it all in stride, with a little help from Ruth.  She kept firm leverage on his head to keep him steady.  “Good boy,” she whispered, glancing under her arm to check on Katie.  She was still behind her.  They went over the next few jumps, then took the sharp turn into the woods.  The next jump led her over a stream and log, then to a huge brush jump.  Prelude gave the slightest hesitation at the brush, but Ruth ground out, “Get over it!” He took off, landed easily and Ruth patted his neck.  “That’s it,” she whispered.  They emerged from the woods and cantered up a green hill.  Almost before she knew it they were going down a hill and heading for a hogs back.  She managed to collect Prelude enough to get him over it.  “Good boy,” she said again.  They cantered on, popping over a stone wall and then raced toward the next jump.  It was a huge water jump, with a platform in the middle.  Ruth got Prelude onto the platform, then urged him off, rubbing his neck the whole way.  When that jump was out of the way, they flew toward the finish.  Ruth pulled up and took her helmet off to wait for Katie.  She didn’t appear for almost ten minutes, but she was smiling.

“You put me to shame!” she exclaimed.

“I went purely on instinct,” Ruth said.

“Wait until you see yourself on tape!  Wait until you see your time!” Katie said excitedly.

“On tape?” Ruth whispered.

“Yeah.  The cameras are always going.  James will collect them tonight, and probably show them if they’re any good.”

“Wow.  I didn’t know that.  I made some pretty foolish errors.  I hope James doesn’t hold that against me.”

“Foolish errors?  Ruth, you did an amazing job from what I saw.  What kind of foolish errors did you make?” she demanded, removing her own helmet.

“I wasn’t prepared for the hogs back, and I let me guard down on the water jump.  I can’t do things like that.” Katie laughed.

“It was your first time out, and you did great,” she promised.  Ruth nodded slowly.

“If you say so.  Come on, let’s walk them back,” she said.  Katie smiled and followed Ruth’s lead.

Rob picked up the phone several weeks later and agreed to accept the long distance charge.

“Ruth is that you?” he demanded.

“No, it’s the queen,” she said sarcastically.

“I didn’t know the queen lived in Ireland,” he shot back.  She giggled.

“How’re things there?” she questioned.  He sat down on his bed and leaned back against his pillows.

“Fine.  Lonely without you though,” he said softly.  He heard her sigh.

“I miss you Rob, a lot.  How’re all the horses?”

“Great.  They all keep looking for you.  They’ll be excited when you’re back in August.” Ruth grinned and plopped down on her bed.  “So how’s the training going?”

“It’s only been a month, but I absolutely love it,” she said.

“What about your father?” She hesitated briefly.

“My father and I aren’t speaking,” she said quickly.  Rob decided not to push the matter.

“I’ll be there in a couple days.  Dad said that he’d give me some money, and that he’d join me in late July with your Mom and Daniel.”

“I can’t wait to see you.  It’s been really lonely here.”

“Same here.  How’s Prelude?” Ruth smiled.

“Unbelievable.  He does everything so well, and effortlessly.  People can’t believe it.”

“What about Jazz?”

“I’ve been riding him on some trails and through the fields.  He’s gone over a couple logs and stone walls, and he seems fine.”

“That’s great.  I’m glad it’s working out for you.  Do you know who’s made final cut yet?”

“Nope.  We won’t know until right before the games.  I’m pretty sure Katie Prudent and my father will make it.  Melissa Howe is here too, so she’ll probably be on the team.”

“That’s only three,” he said.  She laughed softly.

“There’s Chris Powel,” she muttered.

“Who else?”

“I don’t know.”

“What about you?  Don’t you think you’ll make it?” he demanded.

“There are a lot of really good riders here Rob Bell,” she chastised.

“You’re a really good rider.  The paper here keeps going on and on about you.”

“Are you serious?” she demanded.

“Dead serious.  You’re doing an amazing thing, and everyone knows it.”

“I hope I make it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t.”

“Don’t get down on yourself.  I’ll be there pretty soon, so maybe we can go riding together.”

“I can’t wait.  Listen, I have to go, it’s almost dinner time.” She heard the barely audible sigh he gave.

“OK.  I’ll talk to you soon,” he muttered.

“Don’t be mad Rob, there’s a schedule I have to follow” she explained.

“I know.  I’ll see you on Tuesday,” he said.  She smiled.

“I can’t wait.  What time does your plane get here?”

“Around noon.” Ruth cursed softly.  “What’s the matter?”

“James has a meeting scheduled for noon that day,” she said.

“Can’t you miss it?”

“I’ll ask James, but I doubt it,” she replied.  He sighed again.

“I can get to my hotel and stuff without you, but I’d really like to see you as soon as I get there.” Ruth sighed.

“I’ll try Rob, I promise.  When I know I’ll call you.”

“Alright.  I love you Ruth.”

“I love you too.  Bye.” She hung up the phone and sighed softly.

James glanced up when Ruth walked into his office.  She smiled at him.

“Hey.  I have a question to ask you,” she began.  James motioned for her to sit down.  “Thanks.”

“What’s on your mind Ruth?” he asked.

“Well…” He cut her off suddenly.

“Hang on, I need to tell you something first,” he said.

“OK.”

“I saw the tape of you and Katie out on the cross country course.  I thought you said you needed a lot of work on it.”

“I do.  My form is still horrible, and I don’t have the confidence over certain fences that I’d like to.”

“Not all riders have confidence over every fence.  You looked good Ruth.  You rode the course very well, and from what Katie tells me, it was your first time out.”

“Yes sir, it was, but…”

“No buts about it.  You should be proud of the way you ride young lady; you’re very good.”

“Thank you James.  Now can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“You know the meeting on Tuesday?” she asked.  He nodded.

“I was going to show the tapes from the cross country course… not only yours, but everyone else’s.”

“Well, my instructor from back home is coming in on a plane that afternoon and I’d really like to go meet him.”

“What time?”

“Noon.  I know that it’s right when the meeting starts, but I really should be there to welcome him.”

“He’s your boyfriend isn’t he?” Ruth blushed and nodded.

“Yeah.  We’re really close, and he taught me everything I know about riding.”

“I personally think that talent like yours is something no one can teach, but he got you started.  I suppose you can go meet his plane.”

“Thank you so much James!  I’ll watch the tapes when I get back that afternoon.”

“Do you have a set partner for cross country?” he asked.

“Yeah.  Katie and I decided to get together.  We get along very well.”

“I’d like you to work on dressage with your father.” Ruth frowned.

“I don’t think that’s going to work out very well James,” she muttered.

“I realize that there is some tension there, but if you both make the team you’re going to have to communicate and get along.”

“I don’t understand what the dressage will do.  It seems like trouble waiting to happen.”

“You’ll learn from him and he’ll learn from you.  You both have room to grow in that aspect and in others.”

“OK.  You’ll have to inform my father, because I need to work with Jazz now.”

“Have a good ride Ruth, and don’t get upset about this.  It’s just for a little while, and it’ll help you with your riding.”

“I’m sure it will.  Thanks for Tuesday James, I really appreciate it.” He nodded, watching as she walked from the office.

Jazz trotted along the path, tossing his head in an attempt to get more rein.

“Relax big guy, we still have to take it easy,” she murmured.  They were rounding a bend that led through the woods and to an open field.  “Canter Jazz,” she whispered when they got through the woods.  Jazz picked it up eagerly, tossing his head as they flew through the fields.  She smiled, glancing ahead.  There was a stone wall in their way, and she tried to turn Jazz.  He tossed his head and kept going toward the fence.  “Jazz, no!” she exclaimed.  He flew over it, clearing it by about three feet.  He landed soundly and cantered on.  Ruth glanced behind herself, frowning.  “You stupid horse,” she muttered with a smile.  A horse and rider were approaching.  Ruth slowed to a trot and squinted to see who it was.

“Ruth?” the person called.  It was her father, mounted on a beautiful gray Arabian.  “I see you’re partial to grays yourself,” he said, motioning to Jazz.

“I’m partial to Jazz,” she said.  He nodded slowly, giving a soft smile.

“You make a good team.  It’s too bad that you can’t ride him in the games.  I think you’d be more comfortable.”

“I’m comfortable with Prelude too.  He’s my boyfriend’s horse.”

“I know that.  James told me about the dressage,” he said.

“I figured he would.  I should keep going, Jazz still needs some exercise.”

“Mind if I join you?” he asked.  She shrugged indifferently.

“I guess it doesn’t matter,” she muttered.

“It matters more than you’ll ever know,” he whispered.  Ruth urged Jazz into a canter and he followed.  She never realized that he watched her with pride in his eyes, along with unshed tears.

Ruth stood in the airport the following Tuesday, hugging herself to keep from jumping up and down in excitement.  Rob’s plane had just landed, and she was waiting anxiously to see him.  People were pouring from the exit tunnel, but she didn’t see Rob.  She turned to follow the horde of people.  Suddenly a voice called her name.  She spun around, a smile springing to her face when she saw him.

“Rob!” she exclaimed.  They ran toward each other, stopping when they stood a few feet from each other.  He looked at her for a moment before dropping his duffel bag and pulling her into his arms.  Ruth stood there, her arms around him and her head resting on his shoulders.

“You never called to tell me you were going to be here,” he whispered, breaking the silence.

“I wanted to surprise you,” she replied, rubbing his back.

“You succeeded.  What about your meeting?” She shook her head and looked up at him.

“I don’t care about my meeting,” she whispered.  He leaned down and kissed her gently.

“I missed you,” he said after he pulled away.  She smiled.

“I missed you too.” She took his hand as he picked up his bag.  “We should get you to your hotel, and then go back to camp.  I should be back in time to go over the meeting with James or Katie.”

“OK.  Am I allowed to be there?”

“Yup.  I have a pass for you.  James thinks you’re wonderful for teaching me all you have.”

“Teaching you was the easiest job I’ve ever had,” he said.  She stopped walking and looked up at him.

“Thank you.” He nodded and gave her hand a tug.  She continued walking, a smile still on her face.

James called Ruth into the film room almost as soon as she got back.

“I want to go over the video with you.  Everyone else has been talked to.”

“I was planning on it, so let’s get to it.” He turned on the tape and she watched as her father rode his horse through the water jump.  The animal was off balance and had trouble getting on to the plank.

“What’s he doing wrong?” James asked.

“He needs more leverage on the animal’s head.  He doesn’t ride with his hands enough… his legs urge too strongly without the backup of his hands,” she said.

“Exactly.” Katie appeared on the screen next, her from very good.  She had a refusal on the big brush jump in the woods and another on the hogs back.

“Not enough leg,” Ruth murmured, her eyes glued to the screen.  James paused the film.

“How do you know what to watch for?” he asked.

“Well, my instructor talked about things like this at shows.  My father… he used to tell me all about things like this when I was little.  We use to sit and watch horse shows together.”

“Oh.  You’re next.” Ruth watched as she took several jumps, then the water jump.  She could see the smile on her face, even though it was barely there.  Prelude was in top form.  She could also see her right hand rubbing his shoulder to urge him on.  She bit her lip as the hill leading to the hogs back came up.

“I wasn’t ready at all,” she said.  James nodded slowly.

“I noticed that, but I also noticed how you got ready.  You collected him and got him through it.  You’re a smart rider.  You think quickly and handle situations like that very well.  Everyone was very impressed at your ability to keep your cool.”

“I got very lucky.  I didn’t know the course and I should’ve been ready for something like that.” James turned the television off.

“You did a beautiful job with that course, and if that’s an indication of how you’ll handle a strange course you’ll be on the team.” Ruth forced her jaw not to drop.

“OK.  My boyfriend wants to go out on a ride.  I’ll have him ride Prelude.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Prelude is his, and Rob is a very good rider.  I trust him with everything… accept my horse.  Nobody is good enough to ride him but me.” James smiled.

“Nobody huh?”

“Nobody,” she repeated.  “I’ll see you later James,” she said.

Rob and Ruth rode side by side at an easy sitting trot.  He looked over at her several times.

“What?” she demanded.  He shook his head and gave a smile.

“Nothing.  You’re just even better than when you left,” he murmured.  She smiled.

“Thanks, but I think you’re exaggerating just a little bit.  It’s only been two months.”

“They were a long two months Ruth, and you have gotten better.  I didn’t think it was possible.”

“I had a lot to work on, and I’ve been working hard.  My dressage is a lot better, wait until you see… oh no,” she said, turning Jazz around.  Rob frowned.

“What’s the matter?” he demanded.

“I was supposed to work on dressage with my father at three thirty,” she muttered.  Rob sighed.

“Why with him?”

“James told me I had to if I wanted to be considered.  He said that if my father and I both made it, we wouldn’t be any help to the team if we couldn’t talk to each other.”

“It’s the truth,” Rob agreed.  Ruth sighed and shook her head.

“Well anyway, I have to get back and work with him.  I don’t think Prelude is too worked up, so he should be fine for a little dressage.”

“I could ride Jazz back so you could save time,” he offered.

“That’s ok, I can do it.” Rob nodded and followed her lead as she picked up a canter.

Mark Burke was waiting in the arena with his horse when Ruth led Prelude in.

“Sorry I’m late, but I totally forgot.  My boyfriend got here today and we were out on a ride,” she explained, swinging into the saddle.  He nodded.

“It’s ok.  How was your ride?” She shrugged indifferently.

“OK I guess.  We were only out for about fifteen minutes.  Then I realized I had to be here with you.”

“You could’ve skipped it.  I would’ve understood.”

“I couldn’t do that to anyone, even you.  It’s rude.  I didn’t like being left without a word, and I’m sure nobody else does.” Mr. Burke cringed visibly at the hurtful words.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” she muttered.

“It’s ok.  Let’s get started so you can get back to your boyfriend.” Ruth nodded.  “Why don’t we work on passage into piaffe?” he suggested.

“Sounds good.” She began a sitting trot and went into passage, then did a piaffe.  Prelude trotted in place for several moments and Ruth smiled.  She glanced in her father’s direction and saw him doing the same thing.  Suddenly someone cleared their throat.

“You need more leverage on his head Mark,” James said.  Mr. Burke nodded and took up a little more rein.  James nodded and said, “Good.  Ruth, more leg.” Ruth did it and then pulled up completely.  So did her father.

“What next?” she murmured.

“You two actually have to communicate.  Ruth you have to act like you were with Katie.  You talked to her before the course and after.  You and Mark have to give each other advice all during the time you ride together.”

“I don’t know what to look for,” she muttered.

“You knew what he was doing wrong when you watched those tapes.”

“That’s jumping.  It was obvious what he was doing wrong,” she explained.

“It was pretty obvious here too, considering it was the same problem,” James said seriously.  Ruth sighed.

“I was concentrating on my own form James, not his.”

“I want you to take turns.  He can do something and you can watch, then you can do the same thing and he can watch you.”

“Ok.  Should we keep going or call it a day?” she asked.  James frowned and glanced at his watch.

“You’ll have to call it a day.  I wanted to have a jumping clinic in here.  You two can take the afternoon off since your horses just had some work.” Ruth nodded and dismounted.

“Thanks for the advice James,” she said, running her stirrups up and leading Prelude from the ring.  Mark dismounted and stood next to James.

“I don’t know if this is going to work James,” he commented.

“If it doesn’t we’re going to have a weaker team at the games.  She needs to trust everyone, and she doesn’t trust you.”

“I don’t blame her.  With all the lies her mother has told her, it’s no wonder.”

“You have to think of a way to make her hear the truth,” James said.

“I think I might have a couple ideas, ways that she won’t have to know her mother lied to her.”

“That’s a good idea.  I’ll see you at dinner Mark.  Have a nice afternoon,” he said, walking from the arena.  Mark sighed and led his horse back to his stall.

Ruth and Rob walked down the beach, then sat down on a sand dune.  Rob wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“I just don’t know what to do about it.  I don’t know how to act or what to say… if I don’t figure something out, I won’t make the team.”

“You’ll make the team, but as a backup.  You have to at least be cordial to him Ruth.  He can’t be that bad.”

“That’s the problem, he isn’t.  I just can’t forget that he left us.  He didn’t write, or visit, or even send money in five years.  That’s a long time.”

“I know how that must feel, but maybe you should hear his reasons,” Rob suggested.

“There’s no reason for abandoning your family Rob.” He sighed.

“I know that.  Maybe he and your mother really weren’t happy with each other.  Did they get a divorce?”

“As far as I know Mama filed for one.  I think she sent the papers to his lawyer.”

“She would’ve had to have known where he was then.” Ruth shook her head.

“The only time she knew was when he was in Wisconsin.”

“Why didn’t she take you to see him?  Why didn’t she tell him where you were?” he questioned.

“You’re making this out to be my mother’s fault and it isn’t.”

“Maybe it’s nobody’s fault Ruth.  It just happened, and now it’s over.  He obviously loves you, and you won’t even talk to him.”

“Did he love me for five years when he didn’t send us any of the money he won?” she demanded, pulling away from him.

“Probably.  Ruth, you should talk to him about this, because I don’t know the whole story and neither do you.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry for laying all this on you.  You just got here and I’m already being a pain.” Rob looked at her seriously and touched her cheek.

“You’re not being a pain.  You have a problem so you’re talking to me about it.”

“There are better things to talk about though.” Rob sighed softly, kissing her gently.

“There’s a lot to talk about, things you won’t talk about.  I don’t know what to do anymore Ruth,” he said quietly.

“What are you talking about?” she demanded.  He sighed.

“You’re still the way you were before we broke up.  You don’t trust yourself to be anything but poor.  There’s something you won’t tell me… that you can’t tell me I guess.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” she muttered, looking out at the waves rolling in.  Rob put his hands on her shoulders and forced her to look at him.

“You’re still a terrible liar too,” he said softly.  She smiled a little.

“I missed you,” she replied.  Rob frowned and shook his head.

“Don’t change the subject.  We have to talk about this, and we’re going to talk about this.”

“What time is it?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.  Don’t try to get out of this Ruth.”

“No, I’m serious.  What time is it?” Rob glanced at his watch.

“Six o’clock.  Why?  What’s so important this time?”

“I missed dinner,” she muttered, starting to stand.  Rob grabbed her elbow and pulled her back down beside him.

“I’ll take you out for dinner,” he said.

“You don’t understand.  Nobody is supposed to miss dinner, it’s when we talk about the day and decide what needs to be done.  Schedules are handed out… I can’t believe I missed dinner.”

“Sorry to distract you.  Maybe I shouldn’t have come Ruth, you’re obviously too busy.” Ruth sighed.

“I’m sorry.  You just have to understand that I have a schedule that I’m suppose to follow.  It’s not you.”

“Why won’t you talk to me about what you’re feeling?” he demanded.  She sighed and thought because I’m scared it’s the truth.

“There’s nothing to talk about.  I’ve never been happier in my life.”

“What if I said you were beautiful right now?” he asked, noticing that her face fell.

“I’d say that you need to get your eyes checked,” she replied, standing despite his efforts to keep her next to him.  He watched as she walked closer to the surf.  The sun was setting, and it cast a warm, orange glow over the beach.  Ruth was wearing a pair of jeans and a blue tank top.  Rob stood and walked up behind her.  She felt his arms slide around her waist.

“My eyes are perfect.  I have twenty-twenty vision.  Maybe you should get your eyes checked,” he suggested.  He felt her sigh.

“Could we not talk about this now?”

“If we don’t talk about this now, we never will.  Please Ruth?  I want to understand what’s wrong.  If you’re not happy, I’m doing something wrong.”

“No you’re not.  It’s not you,” she assured him.

“Then tell me what it is.” She was silent for a long time.  “Ruth?”

“Sometimes I look at you and wonder why on earth you’d want to go out with me.  You have about fifty girls that would die to go out with you… girls with money, clothes, and all the friends in the world.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “You have girls following you around because you’re gorgeous, and they’re just as gorgeous as you are.  Look at Kelly.”

“Kelly’s ugly on the inside though,” he put in.  She sighed again.

“That doesn’t matter.  You have girls that can pay for their own riding habit and their own horse.”

“I wanted to buy you the habit, and Dad and I wanted to give you Jazz.  You deserved him.”

“You deserve better than me.  I’m not pretty or rich or anything else,” she muttered.  Rob moved so he was standing in front of her, hands on her shoulders.

“Why do you feel like this?” She shrugged and looked at her feet.

“I don’t know… I just do,” she replied.

“Was it what Kelly said to you?  Is she the one who put it into your head that you’re not pretty or good enough for me?”

“No.  It was just me.  Kelly doesn’t matter, she never did.”

“Even when you thought I liked her?”

“Even then.  I knew that if you liked her then you’d be with her.  It wasn’t up to me so I didn’t really stress out about it.”

“Then who made you feel like this?  Was it me?  Did I do something?” he demanded.  Ruth sighed softly, looking up at him and shaking her head.

“No.  You make me feel like I’m perfect or something, when I know I’m not.”

“You’re close enough to perfect for me,” he promised her.

“I love you,” she said.  He smiled down at her, framing her face with his hands.

“I love you too.  Don’t ever doubt that,” he said, leaning closer and kissing her.  Ruth wrapped her arms around him.

“Alright, I won’t.” He pulled away slightly and looked down at her seriously.

“One more thing,” he said.

“OK…”

“That day I fell on the cross country course, that wasn’t your fault.”

“I…” He cut her off.

“Don’t tell me that you don’t think that it is, because I know you do.  It was my own damn fault for not paying attention to what I was doing.  I was watching you, so it’s my own fault.”

“OK.”

“Do you believe me?”

“There are some things that you’re going to feel guilty for, probably for the rest of your life.  This is one of those things.”

“I’m sorry I can’t change your mind about that,” he said softly.

“It’s ok.”

“I’m still alive because of you,” he whispered.  She shrugged, resting her head on his broad shoulder.  Rob smiled.  “You should get back and explain why you’re late.”

“What should I tell everyone?”

“That you were making out with your boyfriend and you lost track of time.” She pulled away enough to look up at him.

“We weren’t making out Rob!” she exclaimed.  He grinned.

“We could probably change that,” he murmured, moving closer.

“You’re crazy.”

“Definitely.” She closed her eyes as he brought his lips over hers.

Ruth sat in the conference room in late August, wringing her hands together.  James was going to announce the team that day.  Katie Prudent sat next to her, about as nervous as Ruth was.

“I hope I make it,” Katie muttered.  Ruth laughed.

“What do you have to worry about?” she demanded, glancing at her.

“A lot.  If I don’t make it, I have to rush home and get right back into the show circuit.”

“Don’t worry about it… just relax,” Ruth said.

“You should take your own advice,” Katie retorted.

“You’re probably right.  Look, James is here.” The room quieted instantly.

“Well, what a welcome,” James said with a grin.  Everyone gave a nervous laugh.  “I suppose you’d like to know who made the cut,” he said.  Some nodded, but Ruth just sat there; she was ready for bad news.  “It was a tough choice, you’re all brilliant riders,” he began.  Ruth gave a sigh and he smiled at her.  “I guess I’ll cut right to the chase since some of us are rather impatient.  Chris Powel, Mark Burke, Melissa Howe, Katie Prudent, and Ruth Burke,” he said.  Ruth let out a sigh of relief and hugged Katie.

“I can’t believe that…” Ruth began.  Katie smiled, hugging tighter.

“Believe it,” she said.  “I need to go call my family,” she said.  Ruth nodded and stood, following Katie from the room.

Rob was walking down the aisle in the barn when Ruth and Katie emerged.  He gave her a questioning look and she smiled and nodded.  Rob jogged toward her.

“You made it?” he demanded.  She couldn’t manage to say anything, so she threw her arms around him.  Rob smiled, holding her tightly.  “What did I tell you?” he whispered, rubbing her back.

“I didn’t think I’d make it, I really didn’t,” she replied softly.  Rob kissed her temple, then her cheek.

“I told you that you would.  You have to trust your instructor sometimes Ruth, even when you doubt them.” She looked up at him and smiled.

“I love you so much.” He kissed her then, hard.  She sighed and moved closer.

“Ruth?” a voice asked.  She pulled away from Rob reluctantly and turned toward the sound.  Her father was standing a few feet away, looking at her seriously.

“What do you want?” she asked.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I’d like to congratulate you on making the team,” he told her.

“Thanks.  You too.”

“Is this your boyfriend?” he asked.  She nodded.

“Yup.”

“Why don’t you introduce us?” Rob suggested.  She glared up at him.

“OK.  Rob, this is Mark Burke.” She looked at her father and said, “This is my boyfriend Rob Bell.” Rob sighed, squeezing her shoulders.

“Nice to meet you Mr. Burke,” Rob said.  Mark smiled at him gratefully.

“The pleasure is mine.  Ruth, James wanted to see both of us in his office,” he explained.

“What’s going on?”

“No clue.  He just told me to get you.” She sighed and turned back to Rob.

“I’m not sure how long this will take.  Can you hang around and wait for me?  I still want to go out on a ride with you,” she said, her eyes hopeful.  He smiled.

“I’ll wait forever if I have to.  I’ll see you soon.  Congratulations again,” he said, leaning down and kissing her quickly.  She smiled, then followed her father to James’s office.

James glanced up from some paperwork when the office door was opened.

“Ruth, Mark, thanks for coming,” he said, motioning for them to sit down.

“What’s going on James?” Ruth asked as she sat.  He smiled at both of them.

“I want you to know that having both of you on the team was a hard decision to come to.  I know that it won’t be easy on either of you.  I also want you to know that if there are problems, I will use a backup rider.”

“OK.  Is that all?” Mark asked.  James nodded slowly, and glanced back and forth between them.

“Yes.  I want you to try and talk about things before the games.  If you work together, the team will benefit.” Ruth stood and smiled at James.

“I need to get going James.  My boyfriend is waiting to go out on a celebratory ride.”

“Work on your dressage while you’re out Ruth.  You’ve been slacking off lately,” he said sternly.

“OK.  I’ll see you later,” she said, hurrying from the room.  Mark looked at James and sighed.

“I don’t know how to make her understand things,” Mark murmured.

“You should sit down with her and explain,” James suggested.  Mark shook his head and stood.

“She doesn’t want to sit down and talk about anything with me, that’s what hurts the most.  We use to sit down and talk all the time, but now she hates me for something I didn’t have any control over.”

“What exactly happened between you and your ex-wife Mark?” Mark sighed and shook his head.

“We were having some problems… fights and arguments all the time.  I decided to go to the Royal for the first time since Ruth had been born, just to get away.  I wanted some time to think, maybe get things worked out with Joy.  A couple of days after I left, I got the divorce papers.  She was awarded full custody, and I had no visitation rights because she said I had abandoned them.”

“Wow.”

“I know.  I left her so much money, but she still moved the kids into a little shack and worked at a store making barely minimum wage.  Whenever I went back I tried to talk the judge into giving me visitation, but he said I needed a permanent residence.  They thought I was a danger to the kids.”

“You should tell Ruth about all of this… maybe she’ll understand.”

“Her mother has told her enough so Ruth won’t believe a word I say.” Someone cleared their throat from the doorway.

“Why don’t you tell her and see what she says?” Katie Prudent said from the doorway.  She was looking at them seriously.  “She won’t think you made all of this up… nobody could think that.”

“She won’t believe a word of it Katie.  I know my daughter.  She’s just as stubborn as her mother.  I tried to see them for so long, and Joy wouldn’t allow it.”

“She deserves the truth.” Mark sighed and raked his fingers through his hair.

“It’ll make me hate me more than she already does.  I couldn’t stand it if my daughter…” he trailed off with a shake of his head.

“It’s for the good of the team… for the good of Ruth.  She should know what happened.  Maybe it’ll fix things between the two of you.”

“What about her and her mother?  I don’t want to ruin their relationship.”

“Then have her mother sit there and tell her side of the story.  You can’t let your ex-wife continue to ruin your relationship with your daughter,” James said.

“We’ll be fine for the games, and both of us will ride.  I’ll see you later James,” he murmured, brushing past Katie and walking out.  She looked at James and sighed.

“What should we do now?” she asked.  James shrugged and looked out the window.

“I have no idea.”

Ruth and Rob rode along at a canter, talking as they went.  Jazz tossed his head in an effort to get more rein and Ruth laughed.

“He thinks he’s completely better!” she called over the sound of hoof beats.  Rob grinned at her.

“Maybe he is!” he returned.  She glared at him and shook her head.

“Don’t encourage him!” Rob laughed and eased Prelude to a walk.  Ruth did the same with Jazz.

“Sorry.  He’s acting like he’s fit as a fiddle.” Ruth smiled and patted Jazz’s shoulder.

“Yeah, he’s coming along nicely.  I’m working him over cross rails now.”

“How’s he taking them?”

“Fine.  I’ve checked him over carefully after every workout and he’s barely winded.”

“How long do you work for?”

“About an hour, sometimes less if he’s working particularly hard.”

“You baby him,” he said with a smile.

“I baby you and you don’t seem to mind.” He laughed and shook his head.

“So what did James want when he called you and your father into his office before?” he asked.

“He wanted to tell us that if there were any problems between us, he’d use a backup rider.”

“Don’t you think you should sit down with your father and talk to him about things?  Maybe he knows something you don’t.”

“I’m sure he could make up a lot of things that ‘happened’.  He’s probably good at lying by now.” Rob sighed.

“Do you know what happened?  You can’t possibly… you only know your mother’s side of the story.  A lot of what you’ve told me doesn’t make sense to Ruth.”

“Well you’re not involved are you?” she muttered.

“Look at what she’s told you!  She told you that he left and she sent him divorce papers… yet she couldn’t find him.  He came to Wisconsin several times, but she never took you to see him.  Why didn’t she tell him where you were?”

“I don’t know!  Maybe she didn’t want us to see him because he left.”

“Is it right for her to deny him his rights as a father?  Do you even know for sure that he took off?”

“Of course I do.  He left without a word to anyone and then never came back or even made an effort to look for us.”

“When did he leave?  What month?”

“November.  Late November,” she muttered.  Rob reached over and grabbed her right rein.

“The Crown Royal was in late November five years ago Ruth,” he said softly.

“I… no it wasn’t.  Was it?”

“Yeah, it was.”

“I don’t even remember him saying he had to go to that show.  Wouldn’t he have said something?” she murmured.  Rob shrugged.

“Maybe he thought you knew.  You were eleven.  Maybe he thought you’d seen the paper or the news.  Maybe he and your mom were really having problems and he needed time away.”

“This doesn’t make any sense,” she whispered, dismounting and leading Jazz a short distance away.  Rob dismounted and followed her.

“It makes more sense than what your mother told you,” he replied.

“Why would she lie?  Why didn’t she tell me what really happened?”

“Maybe she thought that you’d want to live with him, or that you’d want to see him.”

“That’s crazy… she’d know that I’d want to see him.  Why wouldn’t she want me to?”

“She might have been scared that she’d lose you,” a new voice said.  Ruth turned, surprised to see her father mounted on his horse.

“Dad, what are you doing here?” she demanded.

“I came out for a ride, and I saw you.  I was at the Royal that year Ruth, don’t you remember?” he asked.

“No, I don’t remember anything about it except that you left.”

“I told you the Friday before I left that I had to go to another horse show for a couple of days.”

“I don’t remember…” she trailed off, remembering the conversation he was talking about.  Her father saw the look on her face and sighed with relief.

“You do remember don’t you?” She nodded slowly, looking at him with confused eyes.

“What happened?  Why didn’t you come back?” she whispered.  Mark dismounted and moved to stand in front of her.

“I want you to understand that your mother and I were having problems.  When I left we agreed that it would be an opportunity for us to get our heads straight and try to work things out.”

“Why didn’t things get worked out then?” she muttered, looking away from him.  Rob had remounted and was trotting away, much to Ruth’s disappointment.

“When I came back I was handed divorce papers.  They had already been approved.”

“Why?  You hadn’t given consent had you?”

“Of course not… especially not under the terms your mother had.”

“What terms?” He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair.

“Let me back up for a minute.  The papers were approved because your mother told everyone that I had abandoned you.  They believed her because it took me a couple more weeks than I thought it would.  I went to a couple more shows that were close to the Royal.”

“Did Mama know?” Ruth demanded.

“I called her and told her I was going to be gone an extra week or two.”

“Then why would she do that?  Why would she do what you’re saying she did?”

“She didn’t want to lose you and Daniel.  I’m not sure what other reason she could possibly have.”

“What were the terms of the divorce?”

“I was to have no contact with you or Dan… I was supposed to keep my distance, because your mother threatened to file a report about neglect and have me sent to jail.”

“I can’t believe Mama would do such a thing,” she murmured.

“You don’t have to believe it sweetheart, I don’t expect you to.  I just wanted to tell you.  We have to try to work things out before the games.  I don’t want either one of us sitting out.”  Ruth nodded slowly.

“I’m not saying that I don’t believe you… it’s just that Mama has been the only parent I’ve had for five years.  I don’t know how to trust anyone else.”

“I understand Ruth.  When is your mother coming?”

“In a couple days.  She had to delay coming because of work.”

“Alright.  I’ll try to talk with her when she gets here.” They were silent for several minutes.  “Why don’t we work on some dressage?” She nodded and swung into Jazz’s saddle, her mind spinning.

Rob was sitting on a fence rail when Ruth and her father rode into the stable yard later that evening.  She looked at him for a moment, then turned to her father.

“I’m going to hang out here for awhile.  I’ll see you later,” she said.  Mark nodded and led his mount into the barn.  Rob looked at her for a moment, watching as she dismounted and tethered Jazz to the fence.

“How was your talk?” he asked.  She sighed softly, stepping toward him.

“Confusing.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it made sense,” she replied.  Rob jumped down and wrapped his arms around her.

“What’d he tell you?”

“My mother filed the papers while he was at the Royal, and told the lawyers that he had abandoned us.  Everyone believed her because he took longer than he’d planned at the shows.”

“Wow.”

“I don’t know if he’s telling the truth.  Why would my mother do something so horrible?” she demanded, pulling away a step.

“I can’t answer that.  You should ask her yourself.” She nodded, resting her cheek on his shoulder.  “Are you ok?” he murmured.  She nodded.

“I think so.  Do you think he’s telling the truth?”

“Why would he lie?” Ruth sighed, pulling away again.

“I don’t know.  All I know is what my mother told me, and now someone is telling me that isn’t true.”

“Did you ask him if he’d sent child support or anything?”

“No.  I didn’t think of that.  Listen… I don’t want to leave you standing around.  Would you mind if I went to my room and slept awhile?”

“No… not if I can go with you.” She sighed.

“I don’t know right now Rob…” she muttered.

“If you want me to go back to my hotel, I’ll understand,” he offered.  She shook her head.

“No, it’s ok.  I just need you to understand that all I’m going to be doing is taking a nap.”

“OK, let’s go,” he said, taking her hand.  She grabbed Jazz’s reins.

“OK.”

Ruth awoke later that evening, her head resting on Rob’s shoulder.  He was still sleeping soundly.  She rolled over carefully and looked at the clock.  It was only quarter to five, and she sighed softly and sat up.  Rob’s arm tightened around her waist.

“Are you leaving?” he questioned.  She smiled softly and looked at him.

“I have to be at dinner in forty five minutes,” she replied, kissing him quickly.

“Oh.  Your mother will be here tomorrow, won’t she?” Ruth nodded and stood up.

“Yup.  So will your dad,” she muttered, pulling on her jeans.  He watched with interest, then glanced away as she grabbed a clean shirt out of her dresser and pulled the dirty one off.

“You take a lot for granted Ruth,” he said under his breath.  She pulled the clean shirt on.

“Why do you say that?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling her shoes on.

“Let’s not talk about it now,” he muttered.  She turned and looked at him, a frown on her face.

“What’s wrong?  What did I do now?” she demanded, pulling her hair into a ponytail.  Rob sat up and looked at her seriously.

“I’m not going to tell you now, because you’ll get embarrassed.  Can I use your shower?”

“Sure, why not?  I have to go to dinner so I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Are you planning on staying here tonight?” Rob shrugged.

“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it.” She smiled.

“OK, I’ll see you later then,” she said, giving him a quick kiss.  Rob watched as she hurried out of the room before flopping back on the pillows with a sigh.

Ruth returned late that night.  James had decided to hold a class, and he had worked them hard.  Rob was reading a book and glanced up when she came in.

“Hey.  Dinner took awhile didn’t it?” he asked curiously.  She smiled.

“James held a surprise class.  Sorry you had to wait around for so long.” He shrugged indifferently and stood.

“It’s ok.  You should take a shower, you smell to high heaven.” She laughed.

“Thanks a lot,” she muttered.  Rob caught her shoulders and pulled her into a long kiss.  She smiled against his lips and slid her arms around him.

“What’s so funny?” he demanded.

“Absolutely nothing,” she replied.  “When did you do it the first time?” she asked suddenly.

“Ruth,” he muttered, pulling away from her.  She sighed and grabbed his arm.

“I’m serious.  You’re seventeen, almost eighteen… when did you have sex for the first time?”

“When I was sixteen,” he replied.

“With who?” she asked.

“I don’t need to tell you who it was with Ruth,” he murmured, looking down at h