Archive for Things that Suck

Tired

The temptation exists to just pack up all my crap and move back to NY.  I’m tired of being disappointed at every turn.  I’m tired of feeling the way I’ve felt for the last 10 months.  I’m tired of applying for jobs and having them not work out.
I’m just tired.

And a very big part of me thinks, almost every day, about packing up and going back… and just working at Tar*get until I find a job.

It’s not realistic.  It’s emotionally driven and I realize that.  It’s been a very bad week and a half, and this week has already started out with a great big kick in the throat.  I’m tired of those.  So, so tired.  If leaving this place would fix that, I’d be gone.

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Break

Why can’t I catch a break?

I should be happy right now.   School for the kids is over, leaving three days of work days.  Instead I’m faced with the incredible amounts of bad that summed up every aspect of this week.  I should be happy right now because I got that job I applied for.  And I am happy and excited.

Instead I’m thinking about the fact that someone from the hospital called me tonight and asked me to make a payment on my outstanding balance with them.  I asked if they needed one on top of the monthly withdrawal they take out of my bank account.  She said they hadn’t received my payment last month and I told her I wasn’t sure how that was possible because it comes directly out of my account.  She put me on hold, and when she came back she told me that she was “pretty sure the business office had decided to stop taking payments that way.”  I kind of freaked out and asked how I was supposed to know that if I was never informed?  She didn’t know the answer to that and I told her that I was very upset because I had paid faithfully on this account for a year, and would have had no way of knowing they changed this without a call or a letter.  I told her I would contact the business office about it first thing in the morning, because I wasn’t giving my banking info to anyone over the phone.

I emailed them when I got home, explaining the call and letting them know that I wasn’t sure if this was someone trying to scam me or if it was legitimate.  I told them that either way there is a big problem.  I told them that I had never been informed of a change in my billing, and that I hadn’t missed one payment in a year.  Now that this payment is a month overdue they are now calling me?  Way back when I first started paying the bill I had contacted them 2 days after I noticed it wasn’t withdrawn the first month I had it set up… they had made an error transcribing my bank info.  When that happened I made it clear that I wanted to be certain everything was correct and that the payment came out every month with no trouble.  After a year of the money being deducted, I had little reason to double check my bank statement.  This is the hospital that sent me to collections on my appendix surgery, when I was making payments every month. Perhaps I shouldn’t have had faith in them for anything.

I’ll be on the phone with them first thing in the morning trying to sort this mess out.  I refuse to pay last month’s payment on top of this one.  This was their mistake, not mine.  If they decided to stop the withdrawal, they should have contacted me via phone or mail.  I got no contact from them until tonight.

If I had the $1100 to pay this bill off in full right now, I would pay it.  I am so tired of things like this popping up.

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I Hate Money

I know that it will all be OK… however….

Right now I’m somewhat hyperventilating, because I have $462 in my bank account and approximately $647 left to pay in bills for the month.  This is a really, really not good feeling.  I know that I have some to deposit after I work this weekend.  And I have some pictures to give to someone who is paying for them, so that’s a little more.  And I have the portrait session, so that’s a little more.  There is potential to be OK.

My savings account is so low at this point.  This is what happens when you live paycheck to paycheck and you can’t put anything in to save.  It’s absolutely terrifying.  Living this way is going to give me an ulcer.  All I do is worry.  I can’t even afford flea and heartworm medicine for my dog.  If I spend more than $125 a month on groceries, I’m in a rotten position by the second week of the month.
This is not working for me, and I struggle to continue to be positive about it.  I’m running myself into the ground working and trying to make extra money, but it’s just not enough.
All I can hope is that this summer everyone will be busy, I won’t have to drive so much so I won’t be spending as much on gas, and I’ll be able to put a little bit away.
I know that right now I’m drowning under the stress of this.

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hyperventilating

I just found out that I will be getting docked $181 per day for when I was home for my cousin’s funeral.

For those of you keeping track, that is $724 total.

That is 1/3 of my pay.

I can barely pay my bills with a full paycheck.  I have no idea what I’m going to do when I’m over $700 short.

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Tired

I am stressed.  And frustrated.  The list of things that need to be paid for/bought currently looks like this:

-Oil change (I am over 4,000 miles overdue)
-Flea and heartworm medication for my dog (he’s gone without for at least two months and I feel like an unfit dog owner)
-A bill for a wrist brace from when I sprained my wrist
-Paying the guy who mows the lawn

That’s $270 in extra bills that I have right now.

Did I mention that I will not get a full paycheck this month because of the time I missed to go home?  I had no sick days, so I will get docked pay for that.  And I understand why, and I knew that when I went home.  Going home was a non-negotiable for me.  But I still have absolutely no idea how I’m going to pay for everything right now.

I am 100% tired of living this way.

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