Fadedwords

Before I went home to visit, I joined a gym.  I knew I needed to start pushing the physical aspect of things in order to start seeing weight loss again.  I didn’t have a chance to go prior to leaving, and I kind of wanted to wait to see what the doctor would tell me about my knee.

I had an MRI to rule out a meniscus tear.  We really thought it would be based upon the symptoms I’ve been having.  On the bright side, the MRI showed no ligament damage.  However, it did show chondromalacia patella with effusion.  I had surgery in 1996, and they found chondromalacia at that point.  It was scraped out and I did PT, and went about my business.  Since the surgery though I have had grinding in my knee, as well as popping… it was just never “ok” again.  The doctor told me that I need to focus on building my quad and glute muscles in my right leg in order to alleviate some of the pressure on the outside of my patella.  This may help with the effusion and perhaps the pain.  Or at least that’s the hope.  She gave me some suggestions of things I could do.

I came back and due to work starting, and some other things happening personally, I had to wait a couple days to start going to the gym.  I went for the first time on Thursday and had a decent work out.  It was a lot of testing to see what my knee could take, and what would work best.  Today I went again and stuck with what worked best for cardio and working my knee, the elliptical.  I put in 30 minutes and burned nearly 300 calories.  The machine I used is one that has an incline and pretty big resistance depending on the setting, which is what the doctor suggested.  The lack of impact makes it possible to work without hurting my knee.

I feel very positive about being at the gym.  I’ve always enjoyed going to the gym, and I really like the one I’ve joined.  I feel incredibly good about myself after I work out, and I think I will start to see good weight loss again if I keep it up.  The icing on the cake will be if my hard work helps my knee improve.

I have been thinking for awhile that I need to figure out a good way to make working out a part of my every day life.  I had tried doing home work outs and they just were not motivating, interesting, or effective.  They did not keep me coming back, and ended up defeating the purpose.  I thought back to when I had a membership at a local gym and realized that I had been making much more progress when I was a member.  The problem had been proximity; the gym was about a 30 minute drive from where I lived.  I ended up not going because of the drive.

I went out to lunch with two friends on Friday and they mentioned going to the wellness center.  I asked how they liked it and was told that they really liked it.  There is a pool, a sauna, weights, machines.  Apparently they do great water aerobics classes as well.  So I started looking into it, and everything I saw was really impressive.  This facility is only about 15 minutes from my house too.

Of course, there was a small problem.  Money.  I looked at my budget and saw something that could be cut.  Weight Watchers.  I haven’t gone to a meeting in months, simply because I work on Saturdays adn on Thursdays, and those are when the two meetings that are “most convenient” for me happen.  Or at least they used to be most convenient!  I’ve maintained my weight for over a year without consistent meeting attendance.  So I thought that perhaps it’s time to focus on being active, because I know that it is necessary that I be more active to lose the last 35 pounds.

Long story short: I canceled my WW subscription yesterday.  I will be going over to the gym either this afternoon or tomorrow morning and joining.  I have a couple friends that work out there, one who told me yesterday that we could carpool.  I’m feeling very excited about it and can’t wait to get started.  I will continue to track points and follow the WW plan, because I know it works.  I also know I can do that without meetings.

Hopefully I will begin to see some results.  I feel incredibly motivated to really focus on this.

Last week I gained 4.4 pounds.  I was astonished when I got on the scale and saw that; I haven’t gained that much in a week since I started WW.  I was incredibly upset about it, and couldn’t understand what on Earth I had done to cause such a tremendous jump in my weight.  I had been working really hard to be on track, because I have set a goal to get to 185 by the time I go to Seattle with Bethany.  This is a bit more than 15 pounds, based upon where my weight was when I made the goal.

I was still unable to work out this week due to my back.  The doctor told me to give it two weeks to get the swelling down completely.  I worked hard to stay on track with food though, but I honestly didn’t think I’d see much of a loss.  I was once again astonished because I lost 6.8 pounds.  I’ve never lost that much in a week, mainly because it’s bad to do that under normal circumstances.  This week was somewhat different because most of that weight is simply fading away from the steroid injection.  I’m still really proud because it means I lost 2.4 pounds of real weight this week.  I am 19 pounds from where I want to be, and I am feeling good enough to work out finally.  I’ll be taking it easy (no worries Mom!), but I do want to try to do at least 2 days this week.  I’ll do more if I’m feeling up to it.

In other news…

Ever since I moved to this area, I drive by this field quite often.  It’s very large, has a pond, and two really gorgeous horses.  I have been trying/waiting to get a photo early in the morning of the horses standing beside the pond, with a reflection in the water.  It took me 3 years, but I finally got it…

You can see all of the photos I took this morning HERE.

I feel like this is the first summer I’ve had in a very long time.  The past three years I’ve spent feeling bad about the way I looked, hiding behind shorts and t-shirts, and being envious of friends that were in bathing suits and enjoying the beach or the pool.

Yesterday, I put on a bathing suit and went to the pool with some of my girlfriends.  And I didn’t feel embarrassed or awful about myself… despite the fact that I know I have some more weight to lose.  What I felt was proud, because I didn’t look horrible.  I felt proud because I’ve worked for almost a year to get to this place where I could enjoy the pool in a bathing suit.  And I’m here.

Me helping Elyssa get Quentin in his pool car.  Sidenote: How proud are we of Elyssa for rocking a bikini 3 months after having a baby!

As is the case with many things… I don’t think I could’ve made myself go to the pool if Bethany wasn’t there telling me that I looked fine.  I know that she won’t lie to me, and I know that she’ll stab anyone who tries to say anything to put me down.  Granted, going to the pool for the first time in a swimsuit next to bikini girl is a little bit daunting… but more than anything or anyone else, Bethany builds me up and never lets me put myself down.

It was very sunny out.  Squinting is in this season right?

You can see all the photos here.

I’m even more excited about the trip to Disney now, because I know that I don’t have to be ashamed of myself when I walk around in a swimsuit.  I have more work to do, more weight to lose, but I know that I have made such tremendous progress.  I’m feeling proud of myself… because of a bathing suit.  Who knew that’d ever happen?

I’m glad it’s Friday.  The weeks do seem to drag on sometimes, and this week was another one.  It was a good week, for the most part even though I was looking forward to today.

The little girl I do homebound service with, L, had a better week this week.  Monday was a rough day, as she had to go to the hospital.  The rest of the week was very good; she was very much her usual self.  It was really good to see her in such high spirits, especially after seeing her have such a difficult week.  I ate dinner at their house on Tuesday, and ended up babysitting for a little while so her parents could go out and arrange a surprise for her.  Yesterday we couldn’t do any school work, because unforutnately L’s white blood cells were incredibly low and she was neutropenic.  These things (amongst others) led to her being way too tired.  I did stay for about an hour and a half.  Her mom had to take her grandmother home, so we played with barbies and just had a nice time.  There is a fundraiser for her on Sunday afternoon, and I’m looking forward to going.  I’ve been working with her for over a month now, and I cannot begin to explain how blessed I feel that I’m part of this.  It breaks my heart to see what her and her family go through, but more often than not I am amazed and awestruck at the beauty I’m shown.

After playing email tag, Joy and I got riding figured out.  I am riding tomorrow at 2pm with Mattie.  I will be in Mattie’s lesson group, which I’m kind of bummed about.  I had really hoped to ride with Deb, who I did my lessons with when I first started up riding.  I really got along with her well.  I’m keeping an open mind though; I’ve had very positive experiences with everyone I met at this facility.  I’m looking forward to being in the saddle again, more than I can say.  Joy did say in her last email that it would be good if I could jump with Mattie once or twice before group begins on the 20th… so I’m pretty nervous about that.  Yes, I’ve jumped hundreds of times before… but I have not done that in well over two years.  We’ll see how it goes.  I’m just excited to be back near horses and on a horse, and I’m hoping for another positive experience.  My friend Steve said he might come tomorrow, so it’s possible there will be pictures.  We’ll see.

I went to a conference today in Raleigh about bringing out the best in students.  I truly enjoyed it; there was a lot of information that I found valuable.  Quite a few people from my county went, including my former principal.  It was quite interesting to see her, and I admit that I had a nice conversation with her.

I have worked out hard this week, starting The F*irm dvd set that I bought many months ago.  I’ve pushed myself hard this week and I really hope it pays off.  Tomorrow is weigh in, and I’m nervous/anxious as I always am.  I would love to be down another 1.6… that will give me my 10%.  So we’ll see about that too.

Aaaaand… Jake just called me   I wasn’t expecting to hear from him, other than his nifty tracker thingy, until he pulled up in the driveway next Friday.  He’s having fun and says there are tons of pictures.  He and Brian are camping in Alabama right now, and will go back to Mississippi on Monday.  He said he’s thinking of heading back up this way early, so we’ll see on that.   It was incredibly good to hear his voice.

For now I’m off to hop in the shower, so I can try to be in prime shape for the lesson tomorrow.  Wish me luck.