Fadedwords

A Bad Spring (part 2)

By the afternoon, there was little question at who would take the blue ribbon that day.  Emily had ridden well in the cross country portion, and had put herself in a position to be unreachable.  Most had been happy to see her, and had merely congratulated her on her return.  One person, however, was not so pleasant.  David Bradshaw was practically fuming about what was going on, and was making no secret of his disdain. 

            “I can’t believe him!” Emily said angrily, tightening her girth quickly.  Jason stood by the stall door, hands folded across his chest.

            “You can’t be all that surprised, can you?” he said.  She shrugged.

            “I just think that going to the judges and trying to get me disqualified for ‘misleading the public’ is a little bit much,” she muttered.  He nodded, handing her Jezebel’s bridle and watching as she slipped it into place. 

            “Well, they told him that wasn’t going to happen… so don’t let it get to you.  He’s just trying to psyche you out before the stadium jumping, and right now it’s working.” She looked at him, a smile appearing on her face.

            “Oh, no it’s not.  Whatever he was going for, I’m sure it wasn’t to get me so worked up and angry at him that I focus even more on winning.  That’s what he’s succeeding in doing.  I’m going to go out there and I’m going to win… just like he doesn’t want.” She started to lead Jezzie past him, but he caught her arm. 

            “I’m proud of you Em,” he said.  She grinned.

            “So am I.  Let’s go, I want to be ready when they call me,” she murmured.  As they walked to the ring, people still pointed and whispered.  Reporters walked along side them, snapping photos and asking questions.

            “Mrs. Bradshaw, is it true…”

            “It’s Ms. Gatlin guys, and unless you want to ask me about riding I’d appreciate it if you let me focus,” she said, effectively cutting them off. 

            “Emily, it’s good to see you back.  Why a return to the ring now?” one man asked.  She gave a quick glance at his tag and saw that he was with ‘Horse and Rider’.  She smiled a little.

            “I figured I was sick of my head trainer looking so good in the news.  I was feeling good about my riding… I’ve trained hard for the last two years or so, and it just all seemed to be falling into place,” she said.  Reporters furiously scribbled down what she’d said.

            “It’s clear that you’re going to win today… what you think that says about you as a rider?” another woman asked.

            “It’s never clear that you’re going to win… nobody knows that better than I do.  I’m going into the stadium portion of this event confident that I will place well.  As for what it says about me as a rider… I just think it says that I should’ve gotten back out here a little bit sooner.  That’s all for now,” she said, swinging into the saddle.  Jason hurried beside her, glancing back at the reporters.

            “You’re good at that,” he observed.  Emily laughed, coming to a halt near the in gate and watching as a rider moved through a large, challenging jump course. 

            “I had a lot of practice,” she said, cringing as the rider in the ring had two rails down.  “That number five fence is killing people,” she murmured.

            “You’ll be fine,” he assured her.  Emily looked down at him, nodding slowly.

            “Guess I’m just nervous,” she said, adding, “Hard not to think back to the last big show.”

            “Luckily this is a new big show and you’re doing great.  Don’t think about that day now… that day is over.” She smiled a little sadly.

            “That day will never be over Jason… not really.  It is the single most defining moment in my life.  Without that accident I might never have gotten caught up with David, I might never have stopped riding for as long as I did.  Most of all, I never would have had Elizabeth… the best thing that ever happened to me.  That accident made my life what it is today… I might not be sitting here if it weren’t for that accident.  You certainly wouldn’t be standing here if I hadn’t fallen that day.” He nodded.

            “Well, then, as strange as this will sound… I’m glad this is how it happened.” Emily grinned.

            “So am I,” she replied, turning back to the ring.  Her number had just been announced and she took a deep breath.  “Wish me luck,” she said, trotting in.  For the third time that day, the audience fell into silence.  Emily smiled, giving a salute and then asking Jezebel to canter.  They moved around the course confidently, taking the first four jumps with ease.  On the fifth jump Emily took a slightly wider route, giving Jezebel a good look at the tall plank before they went over it.  They cleared it, and Emily gave a small smile as they continued on.  They were in top form, and everyone could see how happy she was to be back in the ring.  Jezebel too seemed thrilled to be there.  When they landed after the last jump the audience erupted in applause, getting to their feet as she cantered a circle and then dropped down to a trot.  She leaned forward, gave Jezebel a strong pat on the neck, and rode from the ring.  Jason and Elizabeth were waiting for her. 

            “Wonderful,” he said, patting Jezzie’s shoulder.  Emily smiled too.

            “Thanks.” She looked at Elizabeth seriously.  “What’d you think?”

            “I’ve been telling you since the first time I saw you ride how awesome you are… you just showed the world that I was right.”

            “Thank you Liz,” she murmured.  She turned back to the ring as the lead judge walked to the center.  They went through fourth through third place, and Emily felt her breath catch as they announced second.

            “Second place goes to David Bradshaw riding Mystical Rambler.” Emily felt both Jason and Elizabeth put their hands on her calves.

            “Mom, you beat Dad,” Elizabeth whispered, looking up at her with wide blue eyes.  Emily swallowed hard, watching as David trotted out of the ring wearing a frown.

            “First place to Emily Gatlin riding Jezebel,” the judge announced.  Jason looked up at her when Jezebel didn’t move.

            “Em, are you ok?” he asked.  She gave a start, looking down at him and nodding.

            “Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.  Be right back,” she said, trotting into the ring.  She smiled as the judge attached a large blue ribbon to Jezebel’s bridle.  Several others moved in, one holding a large trophy, another holding a large check, and another with a banner that gave all the information about the show she’d just won.  They all smiled for several photographs, and then she rode back out of the ring.  She smiled down at Jason and Elizabeth and said, “Let’s get her ready to go home.”

            Jason finished grooming Merlin late that night and then carried his tack to the tack room.  He turned off the lights and then moved back up the aisle, switching off lights as he went.  When all was off, he left the barn and pulled the doors closed behind himself.  It was a clear, cold night, and Jason shoved his hands into the pockets of his down vest.  The forecast was actually calling for snow, which had many in the area stock piling for a day or two trapped in their house.  Jason had to laugh at this reaction to snow; living in New York for several years had given him ample experience dealing with snow, and he sometimes missed it since moving south.  He knew, though, that they would be taking Independence to David Bradshaw’s farm the next day, so snow was the least of their worries.   He sighed, pausing at one of the fields and staring out into the darkness.  He’d never been too sentimental about individual horses or riders; being a professional trainer had taught him how foolish sentiment could be.  Horses came and went, and so did riders.  Since starting at Emily’s farm, all that had changed… and he wasn’t sure he liked it.  He closed his eyes briefly, and he could see her as she looked that afternoon, smiling broadly with the sun on her face.  With a sigh he raked his fingers through his hair and hit the fence post with his palm

            “Damnit!” he muttered.

            “That doesn’t sound good,” a voice said.  He spun around, frowning when he saw Emily standing on the path behind him.

            “Oh… um, just a frustrating ride with Merlin.” She came forward and leaned on the fence beside him.

            “Really?  He doesn’t seem the type,” she said.  He shrugged, looking back out at the darkness.

            “He has his moments.” They were silent for several moments.  “So how’s it feel?” he asked.  She glanced at him, a confused look on her face.

            “How does what feel?” He laughed a little.

            “Getting back out there… winning… showing the world what they’ve been missing… beating David.” She nodded slowly, smiling a little and brushing hair from her face.

            “It was good to be in the ring again… I forgot how good it feels to work like that.  It was good to hear what everyone said, that they weren’t all saying how awful I was compared to before.  As for David… I would trade winning if he would let Elizabeth keep Independence.”

            “You’re a good Mom,” he said.  She pushed away from the fence, slowly starting to walk up the path toward the house and motioning for Jason to follow.  He did, falling into step beside her.

            “Sometimes I don’t feel like it.  I’ve let her down so much… and now this.  I’m surprised she talked to me as much as she did today, considering everything that’s happened.” They had almost reached the house, and she stopped where the path forked off.  Jason looked at her seriously, reaching out and putting his hand on her shoulder. 

            “You don’t have anything to do with her losing this horse… this is David’s decision.  He’s doing it to get at you, and once the shock of it wears off Liz will come around.”

            “I hope you’re right,” Emily said, looking at him seriously.  She was wearing a heavy sweatshirt that night, and her hair was in a sloppy ponytail. 

            “Do you know what she said today, when you were in the ring?” he asked.  She shook her head.

            “No… probably something about how lucky I am to have my horse.” Jason smiled and glanced away for a moment. 

            “She said, ‘will there ever be anyone as great at this as my mom is… I mean, just look at her.  And she doesn’t even know it.’  She asked me how everyone else can know how wonderful you are when you don’t realize it.”

            “Liz is young… she hasn’t seen some of the all-time greats.” Jason shook his head, turning back to her and putting both hands on her shoulders.

            “You’re a wonderful mother, and she knows it.  She’s proud of you.  She knows enough about riding to know that she lives with one of the all-time greats… and she knows that no matter what happens in this life, you’re going to be there for her.  She loves you Emily, and even though she’s disappointed about Independence, she is happy for you.” Emily looked at him for a long moment, swallowing hard at the look in his eye. 

            “Thank you… for everything.  I don’t know if I could have gotten back in the ring without your support.” She stepped closer and gave him a tight hug.  Jason swallowed hard before hugging her back.  After a moment she pulled away, just far enough to place a light kiss on his cheek.  He put his hand on the side of her face, looking at her seriously.

            “You would’ve gotten there… but I’m really glad I could be a part of it.  Thank you for letting me be,” he said.  They stood that way for what seemed like forever to her, and for a moment she thought for sure he was going to kiss her.  Suddenly they heard the screen door slam.

            “Mom, you  have a phone call!” Elizabeth called from the front porch.  Emily stepped back quickly, nearly falling in her haste to put space between them.

            “I’ll be right there,” she replied, looking at him for another minute.

            “Goodnight Emily,” he said.  She swallowed hard again, nodding as she backed slowly toward her house.

            “Goodnight Jason,” she replied, turning and jogging to the house.  He sighed, going to his own apartment as his heart hammered in his chest.

            Elizabeth sat in the trailer with Independence on the way to her father’s farm the next day.  When they arrived she slowly backed the big gelding down the ramp and led him into the barn.  Her father walked toward her, a frown on his face.

            “I thought your mother would be doing this,” he said.  She glanced over her shoulder and motioned toward the driveway.

            “Mom is in the truck.  Here’s your horse,” she said, holding out the lead and forcing herself not to cry.

            “Elizabeth, I’m sure your mother has filled your head with all sorts of negative thoughts about why I’m doing this,” he began. 

            “Dad, I’m 13 years old.  I know why you’re doing this.  You’re angry at Mom and you’re doing this to get back at her.” David frowned, shaking his head.

            “Of course she would say that,” he muttered.  Elizabeth laughed a little, holding out the lead again.

            “Mom hasn’t said anything about this, other than that she’s sorry.  Only she doesn’t need to be, does she?  You did this, and you just keep doing it.  You’re the stupid one though… because taking away Independence isn’t going to hurt her, and I’m not going to let it hurt me.  Take him,” she said.  David took the lead from her and watched as she turned around and walked away.  The horse turned and whinnied down the aisle after her, but she didn’t look back.  She got into the truck and glanced at her mother, tears in her eyes.  “Let’s go home,” she said.  Emily reached over and gave her hand a squeeze.

            “Are you OK?”

            “I will be.  Let’s just go,” she said again.  Emily nodded, putting the truck into gear and driving back down the driveway.

            Elizabeth sat curled up in a horse cooler late that evening, looking out across the farm.  She was leaning against the door jam high in the hay loft, and didn’t seem to notice that it was cold enough to watch her breath come out in a light fog.  A noise made her turn quickly, but she let out a sigh of relief when she saw that Jason had climbed up the ladder and was just grabbing a bale of hay.

            “Young Bradshaw, what’re you doing up here so late?” he asked, putting the bale down and moving toward her.  She shrugged, looking back out at the fields.

            “Nothing.  I didn’t feel like being up at the house; Mom is hovering,” she said.  He nodded.

            “I bet she’s worried about you,” he suggested, sitting down across from her.  Elizabeth sighed and shook her head.

            “She doesn’t need to be.  I’ll get over it.”

            “Of course.  She knows it’s been a rough time for you lately, and she knows this probably hasn’t helped anything.  Your Dad put you in a pretty awful position.”

            “That’s what Dad is good at.  I know he’ll never get what he wants out of Independence, and that’s enough.  Heck, he’ll probably send him back when he’s too frustrated with him.”

            “You’re probably right.  What are you going to do if he doesn’t… or until he does?” he asked.  She looked at him, brushing her hair from her face.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Well… you’ve been training and showing well with Indy.  It’d be a shame to stop now, wouldn’t it?” She didn’t answer so he continued, “I just mean that you’re a good rider Lizzie and I don’t want to see you let this set you back.”

            “I don’t know who I’d ride.  Isn’t that crazy?  There are thirty horses here and I can’t just go get on one and ride it.  That’s dumb,” she muttered.  Jason shook his head, glancing out at the darkness.

            “I don’t think it’s stupid… you’re a picky girl and you want a horse that you trust and know you’ll team well with.” After a moment of silence he said, “I think I’ve got an idea.” She looked at him again.    

            “What is it?” she asked.  He shook his head.

            “Nah, never mind.  You won’t like it,” he said. 

            “Tell me,” she urged.  He looked at her and smiled a little.

            “How about you train on Merlin until you find another horse you feel comfortable with?  You could show on him and all that… since you already know him and like him.” Elizabeth shook her head slowly.

            “I couldn’t do that… you just started showing, and he’s your horse.  You should ride him.” Jason shrugged.

            “I’ll still ride him, just not at shows.  I think this is a good idea,” he said.  Elizabeth swallowed hard, and even in the darkness Jason could tell that she was trying not to cry.  He stood up and held out his hand to her.  “Come on.  You can think about it and let me know,” he said.  She took his hand, and for a moment she stood looking at him.  Then she gave him a quick hug.

            “Thanks,” she muttered, turning and jogging to the ladder and climbing down.  Jason smiled and turned back to the darkness.

            Jason was longing Gothika early the next morning, watching the unruly animal move around him at a speedy trot.  Every once in awhile he’d give a buck, and Jason smiled.

            “Trot on!” he called, trying to sound stern.  Gothika kept going, and after a few more minutes began to settle in to his work.  When the horse was warmed up in one direction Jason took a moment to switch the longe line to the other side of the longing halter and then started again.  This time Gothika had far fewer antics, and Jason nodded to himself.  “Walk big guy!” he called.  The big chestnut dropped down to a walk, and Jason moved to his head.  He slowly took off the longe line and longing halter and then untied the reins.  He gave Gothika a pat on the neck as he let the stirrups down, and then led the horse to a mounting block.

            “He likes you,” Emily said from the fence.  Jason swung into the saddle and gave a shrug.

            “I’m not sure about that… he certainly listens to me though.  How does he go for you?” She smiled and gave a one shouldered shrug, glancing away from him.  It was a cold morning, and she watched her breath go out.  The sun was just starting to come up over the fields, and she couldn’t help but think what a beautiful day it was.  She turned back to Jason again, watching as he and Gothika walked around the ring.

            “He goes alright for me,” she replied.  Jason laughed at this, and Gothika began to trot.  “What’s so funny?” she demanded.  Emily shook her head slowly and watched as he began doing figure eights.

            “You’re full of crap.  He probably goes beautifully for you, just like all the other horses.” Emily tossed her hair over her shoulder and zipped up her jacket. 

            “I actually haven’t ridden Goth in awhile.  Jezzie and I work together a lot, and I work Lance too.  Most of the other horses I’ve left to the professionals.” Gothika broke into a canter and she watched as they moved around the ring. 

            “Well, you’re a professional.  We’re going to have to get you riding some more of them… to make up for Michelle not riding anymore.  There are nothing but possibilities,” he called as they rode by. 

            “Put me into the training schedule,” she replied.  She watched as Gothika’s canter became collected. 

            “Will do,” he said. 

            “Jason?” she said.  He glanced at her, pulling up when he saw the look on her face.  Her blue eyes were clouded over, so it was hard to tell what she was thinking.  Her long hair had fallen back over her shoulder, but she made no move to put it back.

            “What’s wrong?” he asked, stopping in front of her.  She glanced away again.

            “Elizabeth told me what you said last night… about her training on Merlin until she finds another horse.  I’m not sure if you know what that means to her, or to me,” she said finally.  She watched as he bowed his head briefly, and when he looked up she could see in his eyes that he hadn’t done it for her daughter, not entirely anyway.

            “I didn’t want to see her give it up… just because her father had to be a jerk about Independence.  I knew that she really likes Merlin, and I knew I’d probably be focusing on other things.  Someone should show him, and I figured it might as well be Liz,” he said.  She nodded.

            “You’re always doing such wonderful things for her…” she paused and added, “For us.  Thank you.” Jason smiled down at her.

            “It’s my pleasure Emily,” he said.  She backed away from the fence a little, glancing over her shoulder.  Stable hands were moving around, leading horses to their pastures.  Their breath was coming out in big puffs of mist, and she smiled at the scene.  She’d always loved mornings on the farm.

            “I need to go do some paperwork.  Lots of shows to enter and get ready for,” she said.  He nodded.

            “I should get back to him,” he said, patting Gothika’s shoulder.  She watched as they began moving around the ring again, and after another moment she continued to the barn. 

            Christmas Eve came quickly, and Emily walked through the barn late in the afternoon.  She had finished up all the chores for the day, and everyone else had gone home to be with their families.  A noise in one of the stalls caught her attention, and she went to the door.  Jason was inside, grooming a medium sized bay mare. 

            “What’re you doing here?” she demanded.  He turned and smiled at her over his shoulder.  He was wearing a winter hat, and a brown jacket.

            “Finishing up some stuff with Bose,” he said.  She frowned, watching as her turned back to the horse and put its warm winter coat on.

            “It’s Christmas Eve, you should be with your family somewhere.  I thought you’d left already.” He shook his head.

            “I don’t have any family… so it’ll be just me,” he said.  He came out of the stall, closing it behind him.   

            “You can’t be alone on Christmas,” she said.  He grinned and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

            “Don’t worry about it Emily.  I’ve spent a lot of Christmases alone.” She watched as he picked up the grooming kit and started down the aisle toward the tack room.  After a moment she jogged after him.           

            “Come to our house,” she said.  He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she laughed.  “No, I mean it!  Come up to the house.  Liz would love it.  We’re going to have turkey and all that other stuff.  There’s pie,” she added.

            “Well if there’s pie…” he murmured.  She laughed again.

            “I mean it, come up to the house.  I don’t want you alone on Christmas.” He looked at her for a long moment.  Her eyes were sparkling, and there was a big smile on her face.

            “Are you sure?” Emily gave his shoulder a playful smack.

            “Yes.  Come on up when you’re done.  I need to check on dinner,” she said. 

            “I’m going to shower first… but I’ll be there soon,” he said.  She nodded and turned, walking back up the aisle and out of the barn.  Jason drew in a deep breath, glancing around.  The barn was quiet.  He could hear horses munching their hay.  He continued to the tack room, tossing the bin of brushes into its place under Bose’s saddle.  With another deep breath he flipped the lights off and went to his house to get ready for dinner.  

            After dinner that night, Jason and Emily sat in her living room.  Elizabeth had gone to bed almost an hour before, and for some reason he couldn’t pry himself off of the couch and back to his own apartment.  Emily was sitting at one end of the couch and he was at the other, and both were looking into the fire that was crackling in the fireplace.  They weren’t talking much, seemingly both wrapped up in their own thoughts.  Emily looked at his profile seriously; he looked as if he was deep in thought. 

            “You’re quiet tonight,” she said, breaking the silence.  He glanced at her and shrugged.

            “It was just a nice night… I’m not used to spending the holidays with anyone.  Thank you for inviting me,” he replied.  She smiled, reaching up to pull the rubber band out of her hair.  It tumbled down and over her shoulders.  “Did you get your hair cut?” he asked. 

            “Oh… yeah.  I had a couple of inches chopped off the other day.  It was getting kind of scraggly around the ends,” she said, touching the silky strands subconsciously.  Not many people would have noticed that she’d had her hair cut.  It was still quite long, and having only a couple inches cut off made a barely noticeable difference.

            “It looks nice,” he said, smiling. 

            “Thank you.” They fell back into a long silence.  She glanced around the living room, somewhat embarrassed that there were still so many pictures of her and David cluttering the room.  “I guess I could take down all the pictures of David, couldn’t I?” she murmured, more to herself than to him.  Jason regarded her seriously.

            “Maybe.  He’s Elizabeth’s dad though… I can understand why they’re still up.” She smiled a little bit.

            “They’re not up for Liz.  They’re just about the only thing left around here that… well that I can’t quite get rid of yet.” He reached over and put his hand on her leg, just above the ankle.  She was wearing jeans and a pair of wool socks, but the touch surprised her.

            “You’re doing fine Emily,” he assured her.  She shook her head slowly, sighing and standing up.

            “I just don’t know why I can’t let go of some of this.  Our marriage is over… hell, I don’t even want to be with him anymore.  I know that things are so much better now that he isn’t a part of my life anymore.” She raked her fingers through her hair and turned toward him, smiling again.  “Perhaps it’s just the holidays… all this sentiment working itself back up.” Jason shook his head, standing up and going to stand in front of her.  He put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her seriously.

            “You just got divorced… ending a long marriage.  Your ex-husband left you for another woman and then he took your daughter’s horse away to get back at you.  It’s been kind of a bumpy road for you, and I think it’s probably normal to be a little shaky sometimes.  I know I would be,” he said.  She swallowed hard, looking up at him.

            “Why have you been so nice to me?  I can’t imagine I’ve been fun to be around the past months.” He released her and shrugged, turning and picking up his boots from the floor where he’d taken them off.

            “You’re my friend… that’s what friends do.  I should go… it’s getting late and I bet Liz will be up bright and early,” he muttered.  Emily frowned, watching as he disappeared up the front hall.  After a moment she hurried after him. 

            “Wait a second!” she called, jogging up the dark hallway.  He had just reached the front door, but stopped when he heard her.  She put her hand on his arm and said, “What’s the matter?” Jason shook his head, but didn’t look at her.

            “Nothing… I’m just tired.  I’ll see you in the morning,” he said.  She tightened her hold on his arm and put her free hand on his far shoulder, so he had little choice but to face her. 

            “Have I don’t something wrong?  Lately anytime we start talking you end up running away like this.  I know I’m your boss and everything, so if you’d prefer, I’ll stop talking to you about my personal life.  I’ve just really liked and appreciated our friendship, so if I’ve done something wrong I’d like to know.”  He looked at her with dark eyes and shook his head again. 

            “You haven’t done anything wrong,” he assured her, turning to go again.  He pulled away from her and went out the door.  Emily frowned, following him on to the porch and catching his hand.

            “Would you wait a second?” she demanded angrily.  He stopped again, his head hanging low.

            “What is it?” he asked.  Emily folded her arms across her chest.

            “You’re doing it again.  What the hell is going on Jason?” she demanded.  He turned then, and she swallowed hard at the look in his eye.  He put his hands on her shoulders and backed up two steps.  She could feel the front door pressing against her back.

            “You know what’s going on,” he said quietly.  She shook her head slowly, looking at him with big blue eyes.

            “No, I don’t.  That’s why I’m asking yo…” He leaned down, bringing his lips over hers in one swift motion.  Emily put her hand on his chest, fully intending to push him away.  After a moment though, she curled her fingers around the material of his shirt and stepped closer.  Jason slid his hands around her, moving them slowly up her back to slide his fingers into her hair.  Suddenly he stepped away, and Emily leaned back against the door.  He looked at her for a long moment and then rubbed his hand over his face roughly. 

            “Hell, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have done that,” he said.  She swallowed hard again, watching as he walked to the railing and put his hands on the top rail and leaned against it.  It was a clear night, and she could see his breath coming out.  With a deep breath she went to his side, putting her hand on the center of his back for a moment before moving to lean on the railing beside him. 

            “I didn’t know that you…” she trailed off with a shake of her head, and after a moment of silence she said, “Nobody has kissed me that way in a long time.” He looked up at her for a moment.

            “Somebody should’ve,” he said.  Emily looked at him for a long moment, and then out at the farm. 

            “I think I probably did know what was going on,” she said finally.  “I mean… I didn’t fully know.  I just had… I don’t know.  Sometimes it just seemed like you might be thinking of kissing me.  Then I thought I must be crazy.” Jason smiled a little, shaking his head slowly.

            “You aren’t crazy.”

            “I see that now.” They were quiet for another long moment. 

            “What do you want me to do?” he asked.  Emily looked at him, unsure of what he was getting at.

            “I’m not sure what you mean,” she said.  Jason sighed softly, turned to lean his back against the railing so he could look at her. 

            “I mean… Jesus Emily, I really care about you.  Do you want me to put this out of my head?  Or would you be more comfortable if I just left?  What do you want me to do?” She frowned a little.

            “I don’t want you to leave,” she said.  He nodded slowly, looking at her with dark eyes.  “I’m not sure what I want to do about it,” she added.

            “Fair enough.  I’m going to go up and get some sleep,” he said.  He pushed off of the railing and started for the stairs. 

            “Jason?” she said.  He turned and looked at her.

            “Yeah?”

            “Come on over tomorrow afternoon… spend Christmas with us,” she said.  He hesitated.

            “I don’t know Em… might not be such a good idea considering…” he trailed off, making a motion toward the front door. 

            “Please?  It’ll feel more like Christmas with you there.” He opened his mouth to speak but she said, “Just think about it.  If you don’t come I’ll understand.”  

            “Alright.  Goodnight,” he said. 

            “Night,” she murmured, going back into the house.  She stood at the front door and watched him walk into the darkness.  A noise behind her made her spin around.  Elizabeth was standing on the stairs that led upstairs.  She was looking at her mother with a small smile on her face.

            “It’s about time you two did that,” she said, turning to go back upstairs.

            “Liz, it’s rude to eavesdrop,” Emily said.  Elizabeth nodded.

            “I know.  But it’s good to see someone making you happy… even if you don’t know it yet,” she replied, jogging back upstairs.  Emily plopped down on the bottom step, putting her chin in her hands.  With a sigh she tried to push the feeling of his lips on hers out of her head.

            Elizabeth sat on the living room floor the next day and looked at the tree.  Presents were everywhere surrounding it.  She could see that some were from her mother, some from aunts and uncles, and some were from her father.

            “Why did he send stuff?” she muttered.  Emily sat down on the couch, reaching out to give Elizabeth’s shoulder a squeeze.

            “He’s trying to make up for things.  I know you’re angry with him, and I know it’s something that will take some time to work through.  You don’t have to see him today if you don’t want to, but he loves you and he wants you to have nice things.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

            “Whatever.  Can I send it back?” Emily smiled a little.

            “No, I don’t think so.  Let’s just open things and see what we’ve got,” she replied.  She watched as Elizabeth opened her gifts.  She seemed excited about the new things from her mother, and disdainful of the gifts from her father.  There were many new outfits, two new pairs of riding boots, a new helmet, and countless other things that she’d asked for.  Occasionally she handed her Mom a gift.  When all the presents were opened, Elizabeth smiled up at her.

            “Thanks for everything Mom.  I really love the new riding sneakers,” she said.

            “You’re welcome kiddo.  Thank you for the new photo album.”

            “I figured with you showing again you’ll be able to use it,” Elizabeth said with a grin.  Emily smiled back.

            “You might be right.  Take all your loot upstairs and get it put away.  What do you want for brunch today?”

            “French toast and bacon.” Emily watched as she picked things up, stacking them carefully in her arms before starting upstairs.

            “I’ll get started.  If you’ll clean up the living room, that’d be a big help.” Elizabeth nodded and began carrying her new things up to her room.  Emily went into the kitchen and got out a mixing bowl.  Sun was streaming through the windows, and she smiled when she looked out and saw the horses running through the fields.  She went to the refrigerator and took out the milk, eggs, and bacon, and then went back to the counter.  She began cracking eggs into the bowl and then whisked them up quickly.  She poured in some milk and then reached up and into the cupboard for the cinnamon, tapping some into the bowl.  She mixed it up quickly and then opened the bacon.  She took out a frying pan and put it on the stove, setting the heat to medium.  After a few moments she started laying strips of bacon in the pan, smiling a little as it sizzled. 

            “Hey Mom!  Where do you want me to put your stuff?” Elizabeth called from the living room. 

            “Just put it under the tree neatly honey!” she replied.  She could hear her continue to clean things up, so she focused on finishing up breakfast.  Suddenly the doorbell rang and she frowned.  She had just started to dip the bread in the French toast in the egg, milk, and cinnamon mixture.  “Liz, can you get the door?” she called.

            “Sure!” Elizabeth answered.  She could hear her jog to the front door, and then open it.  After a moment there was laughter, and she could hear talking.

            “Liz who is it?” she asked.  Elizabeth appeared at the kitchen door, smiling.

            “It’s Jason,” she said as he appeared behind her.  Emily swallowed, turning back to the French toast briefly.

            “Hey!  We were hoping you’d come,” she said, turning back to them and smiling. 

            “You should stay for breakfast,” Elizabeth said before adding, “I’m going to go finish up in the living room.  Call me when breakfast is ready.” Emily nodded and picked up a spatula, flipping the four pieces of French toast on the griddle over.

            “Merry Christmas,” he said, leaning against the door jam and watching her.  She was still in her pajamas, a pair of baggy blue pants with light blue snowflakes on them and a light blue T-shirt.  Her hair was pulled back in a loose pony tail, and she was wearing glasses. 

            “Merry Christmas to you too,” she said, turning to smile at him.  She paused for a moment, reaching up to touch her glasses.  “Told you there were some eye problems,” she murmured self consciously. 

            “I like them,” he said sincerely.  He watched as she took bacon out of the pan and set it on some paper towels, and then took a couple pieces of French toast off the griddle and put it on a plate and then covered it in aluminum foil. 

            “Liz was right… you should stay for breakfast.  I’m making more than enough,” she told him, putting a couple more pieces on to cook. 

            “OK.  Do you need any help?” She glanced around and then nodded slowly.

            “Umm… yeah actually.  There’s some fruit in the fridge.  If you wanted to cut it up and put it in a big bowl, that’d be great.” He nodded and went to the refrigerator, taking out the package of watermelon, and the honeydew and cantaloupe.  He set them on the counter and then went back and got out the grapes, raspberries, and blackberries. 

            “Where’s a bowl I can use?” he asked. 

            “In the cupboard right here,” she replied, motioning to the one above her right shoulder.  He stepped close, putting his hand on her lower back as he reached up and got the bowl.  As he stepped away, he caught her eye.

            “Thanks,” he murmured.  She swallowed again and then smiled.

            “You’re welcome.” They worked in silence, and soon breakfast was finished. Emily set the table quickly and then they each carried food to it, setting it in the center.  “Liz, time to eat!” she called.  Moments later Elizabeth came into the room.  The girl was still wearing her pajamas as well… a pair of cozy fleece pants and a long-sleeved shirt.  Her hair was piled on top of her head in what looked like a messy bun, a style that was popular with girls her age. 

            “Mmm… fruit salad.  This looks great Mom,” she said, sitting down in her usual seat.  Emily smiled.

            “Thank Jason for the fruit salad, he made it,” she said, sitting down across from her daughter.  Jason sat down at one end of the table and they all started to put food on their plates.  They ate in silence for quite awhile.

            “Don’t let me forget that I brought you a present Young Bradshaw,” Jason said, breaking the silence.  Both Emily and Elizabeth looked up in surprise.

            “You didn’t have to get me anything,” Elizabeth said.  Jason grinned at her.

            “I know.  It’s not much… just something I thought you’d like,” he assured her.  Elizabeth smiled too.

            “OK,” she murmured, returning to her food.  He glanced at Emily and winked, but said nothing.

            After breakfast was cleaned up Jason followed them into the living room.  Elizabeth plopped down in a chair, and Emily sat on the couch. 

            “So where’s this present you talked about?” Elizabeth asked.  He held out a thin square package and she took it from him carefully.  “Thanks,” she said, starting to pull the paper away.  When she did, she gasped.  Inside the paper was a beautiful eight by ten framed photo of her riding Independence over fences.  The horse’s ears were pricked forward, and you could see Elizabeth’s face clearly on the left side of the big animal’s neck.  She had a slight smile on her face.

            “I saw a guy taking pictures at the show, and I knew someone who knew someone,” Jason explained.  “Long story short, I tracked him down and asked if he’d gotten any good ones of you on old Indy.  I thought you might like to have it.” Elizabeth looked up, and couldn’t hide the tears in her eyes.

            “Thank you,” she whispered.  He nodded.

            “Anytime Lizzie.  Do you like it?”

            “I love it.  I know right where I’m going to put it.  Mom, can I go put it up in my room?” she asked.  Emily nodded, watching as Elizabeth stood up and started from the room.  She turned around at the last minute though, coming back to stand in front of Jason and then leaning down and hugging him.  “Thank you,” she said again before hurrying from the room.  When she was gone Emily looked at him seriously.

            “That was a wonderful thing to do for her,” she said.  He shrugged and smiled a little.

            “I know she misses him… thought it might help her to have a nice memory of him hanging up somewhere that she could see it,” he said.  She nodded, looking at the Christmas tree for a long moment.

            “I think it might.  You’ve helped her a great deal through all of this… that means much more than I can ever say.”

            “You don’t need to keep thanking me for things.  I like Liz… and I care about you both.  Being around and cheering you up sometimes hasn’t been that big of a burden,” he kidded.  Emily laughed.

            “Well I got you something for Christmas,” she said, changing the subject quickly.  Jason frowned, slightly confused.

            “You didn’t have to get me anything Emily,” he said.  She stood up and went to the mantle over the fireplace, taking down a small wrapped box.

            “Of course I didn’t, but I wanted to,” she explained.  He opened it slowly, and when he saw what was inside he looked up at her with serious eyes.

            “This isn’t the original is it?” he asked.  Inside the box was a small, flat piece of silver with a horseshoe in the center… it looked like her good luck charm.  She hesitated for a moment.

            “Uhhh… well, yeah.  I wanted you to have it, since I fully intend to get you into the ring as often as possible.”

            “Emily, this is your good luck charm.  You should hang on to it… you’re going to be showing more than I will.  I wouldn’t want you to ride without it; I know that you have some history with it.” She stood up and walked to the tree, fixing a piece of garland that had fallen.

            “I want you to have it.  Any time I show I’ll have all the good luck I need,” she said, turning to look at him.

            “What do you mean?” he asked.  She shrugged, shaking her head and smiling a little bit. 

            “You’ll be there, won’t you?” she said.  Jason smiled too.

            “Yeah, I’d kind of planned on sticking around,” he said. 

            “OK then,” she muttered, turning back to the tree and crouching down, and pretending to straighten up the presents underneath.  Jason stood up, moving to her side and crouching down too.  She looked up at him.  “What?” she asked.

            “Thank you, for the gift,” he said softly, reaching out and touching her cheek gently. 

            “You’re welcome,” she replied. 

            “I didn’t get you anything, I wasn’t sure if…” She cut him off with a shake of her head, putting her hand over his.

            “You gave me my gift a long time ago,” she said.  When he looked confused she said, “You’ve been my friend.  That’s more than most people can ever give.  Thank you.” He looked at her for a long moment before leaning closer and kissing her.  Emily hesitated for a moment and then wrapped her arms around his neck.  The kiss went on for quite some time, until they heard Elizabeth coming down the stairs.

            “Mom!  Can we go out on a ride?” she called.  Emily and Jason pulled away from one another, and she glanced toward the hallway.

            “Sure honey, get your riding clothes on,” she replied, turning back to Jason.  For a moment neither one said anything, and then Emily said, “Come on, you can come with us.  Liz lives for the Christmas morning ride.” She stood up and held her hand out to him.  He took it and she helped him to his feet. 

            “Want me to go start getting the horses ready?” he asked.  She nodded, giving his hand a squeeze as she started toward the stairs to go up and change.  He walked beside her, still holding her hand. 

            “Yeah.  You can saddle Lance and Jezzie for me and Elizabeth,” she said.  He nodded, leaning closer and giving her a quick kiss.

            “Alright.  See you guys soon,” he said, walking down the hall.  A moment later she heard the front door open and then close again.  She drew in a deep breath and then smiled a little, jogging up to her bedroom.

            Emily awoke the next morning, still smiling from her dream.  All she could remember clearly was that Jason had been in it, but that was all that seemed to matter.  She stretched and glanced at the clock.  It was five a.m. and that meant it was about time for her to get up and get moving.  She got out of bed and padded from her room into the bathroom attached to it.  She’d had it redecorated soon after David had left, and now the walls were a sunny yellow.  Her bath mat was a sky blue, and the shower curtain had blue and yellow stripes.  It was a warm, happy place, and it was one she had often retreated to since things began to go bad.  With a glance in the mirror, Emily smiled again.  The day before had been nearly perfect.  They had gone on a long ride through the trails, just enjoying each other’s company and being on horseback.  Elizabeth had been so happy… they all had been.  Emily slipped out of her pajamas and turned on the shower, stepping under the steaming water and letting out a content sigh.  She had only stood under the water for few moments when a scream shattered the tranquility.

            “Mom!” Elizabeth yelled.  Emily dropped her bottle of shampoo and stuck her head out of the shower.

            “Liz?  What is it?” she hollered back.  When she didn’t get an answer she stepped out of the shower, her hair still soapy and water dripping off of her.  She pulled on her robe and jogged downstairs quickly.  “Elizabeth where are you?” she yelled, scared now.  She went to the kitchen, and sighed with relief when she saw her sitting at the table.  “Damnit Elizabeth, you scared me half to death!  Answer me when I call you,” she said angrily.  Elizabeth turned and looked up at her, tears in her eyes.

            “Look,” she said simply, holding up the newspaper.  There, on the front page, was a picture of her and Jason the day before.  Someone had taken it through the front window of the house, and had caught them mid-kiss.  The headline read, “Gatlin Back in the Saddle Indeed.” Emily sighed softly, closing her eyes and putting her hand on her forehead.  After a moment she reached out and put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder.

            “Honey, I’m sorry.  I should’ve talked to you before I started kissing anyone,” she said softly.  Elizabeth shook her head.

            “Mom, I don’t care who you kiss.  You know that Dad must’ve had something to do with this, don’t you?” Emily shook her head.           

            “I don’t know that and neither do you.  I put myself back in the spotlight when I started showing again… they were bound to start snooping around.” After a moment of silence she plopped down in a chair and muttered, “Damnit!”

            “Why do they care?” Elizabeth asked, looking at the paper again.

            “Gossip makes the world go ‘round kiddo.  You know that this is a new thing for me don’t you?  Whatever anyone says…”

            “I know Mom,” Elizabeth assured her. 

            “OK.  I just don’t want you thinking that I was running around and doing anything to be ashamed of.  I loved your father, and I would never have gotten involved with someone while we were still married.”

            “I know.” They were silent again, each thinking their own thoughts.  Emily looked around the kitchen… the dishes from the previous night’s dinner, the wallpaper border that had apples and red and white gingham checker pattern.

            “Well, there’s not much that can be done about it is there?” she said finally.  Elizabeth looked up, her forehead wrinkled up.  Emily patted her knee as she stood up.  “Come on, let’s get down to the barn.”

            “Are you OK Mom?” Elizabeth asked, watching as her mother walked toward the hallway.

            “Actually, I’m fine… surprisingly enough.  They want a reaction out of me, and they’re not going to get it.  This isn’t some media spectacle, this is my private life.  They can say whatever they like… I know the truth, and most importantly you know the truth about what is going on.  Let’s not let them get to us?” Elizabeth smiled.

            “OK,” she said, following her mother back upstairs.  They each went to their bathrooms and finished getting ready for the morning.

            Jason glanced up when he heard a noise at the stall door.  He’d been working with Gothika, although he hadn’t been paying very close attention.  His mind had kept flashing back to the newspaper article.  Emily was standing at the stall door, leaning against the wall casually.

            “You’ve seen it,” she said, guessing that he’d glanced at the paper before coming to the barn.  He nodded, a frown on his face.

            “Of course.  Any idea who’s behind it?” he demanded.  Emily shrugged, going into the stall and picking up one of the brushes.

            “The article was by a man named Paul Sykes… common author in the smut side of the equestrian world.  He wrote most of the articles about David as a matter of fact.  As for the photo… who knows.”

            “You don’t think it might’ve been David?” he asked. 

            “I don’t know Jason.  Honestly, no, I don’t think so.  Nobody knew about this but us.  It’s quite possible that some nosey reporter wanted to see how I was spending my first Christmas ‘without David’ and they got a little more than they bargained for… so they ran with it.” He sighed, turning back to the horse and continuing to groom.

            “You sound awfully calm about all this,” he muttered.  She put her hand on his upper arm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

            “This happens… my starting to ride again put me in a position to be focused on.  I wasn’t necessarily planning on this… on what’s starting between us I mean, but this isn’t the end of the world.” He looked at her, one eyebrow raised.

            “Oh no?” he asked.  She smiled a little.

            “No, I don’t think it is.  No matter when the media found out it was going to be a circus… they just love things like this.  We’re not doing anything wrong.  I’m divorced and have been for quite some time… not to mention that everyone knew that my marriage was over a very long time ago.  The press is going to say awful things, and I’m sure at some point David will chime in as he is prone to doing.  This has nothing to do with any of them, and eventually it’ll die down.” He didn’t say anything right away, so she added, “Of course, if you’d rather just call things off now I’d understand.  Being on the front page kissing someone is not typically anyone’s first choice of ways to start the day.” He sighed again, and then looked at her seriously.

            “I don’t want to call things off.  This just kind of threw me for a loop.  You’re sure you’re ok?” he asked.  She nodded, taking his hand in hers and standing on her tiptoes to place a light kiss on his cheek.

            “I’m fine, and so is Liz.  We’ll just have to be prepared for everyone else behaving like idiots about this.” He smiled a little bit, patting Gothika’s shoulder. 

            “Alright,” he murmured. 

            “Good.  I’m going to go up to the office and work on the books a bit.  There are a couple shows I need to get entered in, one or two for some of the other riders, and a couple for Liz too.  I’ll let you know what we’re getting ready for when I decide,” she said. 

            “OK.  See you later,” he said.  As she started to walk away, he grabbed her hand and pulled her backwards.  She looked up at him, smiling.

            “What?” she asked.  He shook his head.

            “Nothing,” he replied, kissing her gently.  She smiled more broadly as she pulled away. 

            “I’ll see you later,” she said, walking out.  When she was gone, Jason let out a sigh of relief.

            “I thought for sure that’d scare her off,” he said to the big horse.  Gothika tossed his head and let out a snort, and Jason laughed. 

            For three weeks, Emily and Elizabeth prepared for a fairly large show that would take place in Maryland.  Elizabeth was riding Merlin in several classes, all of which had the potential of helping her qualify for the Maclay Juniors Competition the following year.  Emily was riding in the top-prize class, and was hoping to take home a blue ribbon.  Jason, Emily, and Elizabeth left for the show four days before it was scheduled to start.  They knew the horses would need a chance to settle, and so would they.  Elizabeth was nervous to be starting back in to a very competitive circuit, and Emily knew that there would be quite a bit of media coverage.  They all knew the media coverage would be more about the rumors circulating about her romance with Jason than about any of the riding they were doing.  They were all ready for it though, or as ready as they could be.  When they arrived at the show grounds Emily and Elizabeth each took care of their horses.  It was late in the day, almost dusk, and there were very few people around the barn.  When Jezebel was settled, Emily came out of the stall and waited for Jason and Elizabeth. 

            “Miss Gatlin?” a voice asked.  Emily drew in a deep breath and turned, frowning at the reporter and silently thankful that there was only one. 

            “May I help you?” she replied.  The man smiled and nodded.

            “Yes, I’m Alan McNair from Horse Magazine.  Can I ask you a few questions?” She tilted her head to the side, giving him a curious look.

            “That would depend,” she answered, leaning casually against the wall.  Alan McNair’s smile grew a little bit, and he glanced into the stall.

            “On what?” he asked.  She looked at him seriously, her blue eyes boring into his green ones.

            “Well, it would depend upon whether you want to ask me about my riding in this show, or about the recent success my farm has been having… or if you wanted to ask me about my relationship with Jason Sutton,” she said boldly.  She could tell that she’d made him uncomfortable… such straight shooting always made reporters uncomfortable.

            “Umm… I, well actually,” he stuttered.  She could see Elizabeth and Jason over the man’s shoulder as they came down the aisle.

            “Listen, Alan, I appreciate the interest.  Honestly though, if your readers are more interested in my personal life than my return to riding?  I really don’t need to ride.”

            “But readers are interested Ms. Gatlin!” he said, trying to appear enthusiastic and friendly.  Jason came up and stopped by her side, and she reached out to take his hand.

            “Who’s your friend Em?” he asked.  She smiled up at him.

            “This is Alan McNair, he’s a reporter with Horse Magazine.  He was just not asking about my riding career,” she answered.  She turned back to the reporter, a smile pasted on her pretty face.  “I’ll say something clearly, that you can take back to your readers.  My relationship with Mr. Sutton is none of anyone’s business… but since nobody will likely leave us alone until I address it…” She trailed off, smiling up at Jason for a moment before continuing, “We have recently started seeing one another as more than friends, and I fully expect that people will appreciate how exciting and wonderful that is for me.  Especially after having such an awful breakup in my last relationship.  This is a welcome change for me, and I couldn’t be happier.” Alan jotted down a couple notes. 

            “Anything else?” he asked eagerly.

            “No, I think that’s about all.  I expect that if you print this, I will see it printed accurately.  Or I will sue the pants off of you and your magazine,” she said, turning and walking down the aisle.  Jason and Elizabeth walked beside her, both of them smiling.

            “Mom, you were awesome,” Elizabeth said.  Emily put her arm around her.

            “Thanks kiddo.  Let’s go get some dinner.”

            The reporters were surprisingly sparse the next day, or they’d heard of her conversation with Alan McNair and had decided to give her some space.  Whatever the reason, Emily was glad.  She didn’t want Elizabeth’s big show muddled up by media frenzy, and having her own show messed up was not high on her list of priorities.  She would only be jumping that day, but the fences were large and the course was complicated.  Elizabeth’s class was early in the day, and the competition was fierce.  Many young riders had come out, intent upon getting points to qualify for the Maclay.  Emily stood outside Merlin’s stall as Elizabeth tacked up.  Jason had gone to watch the competition at the ring, leaving the two ladies alone.

            “Nervous?” Emily asked.  Elizabeth shrugged and glanced up as she tightened her girth and double checked her stirrups.

            “Not really… you know I don’t get nervous before shows usually.” Emily laughed a little, handing Elizabeth her bridle.  The girl frowned a little, looking up at Merlin’s head where it towered above her tiny frame.  “Mom, could you get this?  I don’t want to get my coat dirty,” she said.  She nodded and went into the stall, taking the bridle back and reaching up to Merlin’s head.  The big horse lowered it slightly and soon the bridle was in place and they were ready to go. 

            “Ready?” Elizabeth nodded and took the reins from her mother.

            “As ready as I’m going to get.” They walked down the aisle together and went to the large indoor arena.  There was an intricate jump course set up, and many of the riders that day were struggling with some of the combinations.  A large water jump had been giving the riders the most trouble.  Emily gave her daughter a leg into the saddle and walked along side her as they continued to the waiting area.  As they moved forward Jason walked out of the crowd and smiled up at her.

            “Hello up there Young Bradshaw!” he exclaimed.  She smiled and rolled her eyes.

            “Hey,” she said.  He gave Merlin’s muscular shoulder a pat and glanced around.  Horses, riders, and trainers were everywhere.  Many had paused to look at Elizabeth mounted on the large horse.  “I look ridiculous on him,” she murmured, more to herself than anyone else.  Jason patted her boot gently.

            “You’ll grow into him,” he assured her.  “You know what you’re going to do out there?” he inquired.  Elizabeth gave an ambivalent shrug.

            “Try to win,” she said, grinning down at him.  She looked so like her mother just then, and so happy to be in the saddle with such little pressure.

            “Good plan Lizzie.  We’ll be waiting for you when you come out,” he promised.  She nodded, and rode forward to wait in solitude.  Emily reached over and took his hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

            “Even at a big show you make this easy,” she observed.  Jason nodded slowly, and they each watched as Elizabeth trotted into the ring.  The young girl maneuvered the big horse around the course, seemingly effortlessly.  They reached the problematic water jump, and Merlin soared over it with no faults.  The rest of the sprawling course went just as well, and when they landed after the last jump there was appreciative applause.  Jason smiled down at her.

            “That’s because it is easy,” he said.  She laughed, and waited for Elizabeth to ride out of the ring.

            David Bradshaw walked up to the stall Merlin was supposed to be in and looked inside, frowning when he saw that the horse wasn’t there.  He glanced around and gave a frustrated sigh, wondering where his daughter and ex-wife could be. 

            “Looking for me?” Elizabeth asked, leading Merlin into the stall.  David glanced at Emily and Jason, but then turned to his daughter as she worked at unsaddling the horse.

            “That was a decent showing,” he said.  She smiled a little, slipping the large blue ribbon from Merlin’s bridle and attaching it to her belt. 

            “Gee, thanks Dad,” she muttered.  She took the saddle off and set it outside the stall before going back in and beginning to groom the gigantic horse.  David hesitated for a moment.

            “I just wanted to tell you that you did well.” Elizabeth nodded but said nothing further, so he turned back to Emily and Jason.

            “I saw that you’re riding again today,” he said, and she could tell by his tone of voice that he wasn’t impressed.  She nodded slowly.

            “Yes… I figured that I’d had such good luck that last show I might as well keep at it and see what happens.” David gave a condescending smile.

            “You certainly have improved since I last saw you ride,” he murmured, glancing at Jason.  “Perhaps it’s this new trainer.  All those after-hours training sessions must’ve really helped.” Jason took a step forward, but Emily quickly put a restraining hand on his shoulder. 

            “Actually, what helped was having someone that didn’t cut me down all the time.  The training sessions just helped me get back into shape.  I’m guessing you won’t be riding today,” she said.  He gave a little guffaw and shook his head.

            “Of course I won’t.  I don’t waste my time on nonsense jumping like this… I prefer the more refined equestrian disciplines.” Emily nodded slowly.

            “Yes, I’m sorry.  I’d forgotten that I was the well-rounded rider in our relationship.  All that refinement and not a chance in the world at going to the Olympics if you can’t break free occasionally and go over a fence decently.”  David rolled his eyes.

            “I see you let Elizabeth ride this horse again,” he said.  Emily shrugged indifferently.

            “Actually, Jason suggested that she ride Merlin.  After all, someone took her horse away to get back at me…” she trailed off with another shrug.  “In the long run, I think it’ll work out for the best.  She has a beautiful horse to work with until we find her one that she falls in love with again.” David frowned a little and glanced at Jason.

            “You realize what you’re getting yourself into?” he asked.  Jason shook his head a little.

            “I’m quite happy about getting involved with Emily.  Shouldn’t you be home with your pregnant, teenage girlfriend?” David frowned more deeply and then turned back to Elizabeth.

            “Keep up the good work,” he murmured before stalking off.  Emily let out a frustrated sigh and Jason put his arm around her and gave her a tight squeeze.

            “Don’t let him get to you,” he said softly, kissing her forehead.  She smiled a little and went to the stall door.

            “You ok Liz?” she asked.  The young girl gave a smile, patting Merlin twice before leaving the stall.

            “Sure.  Dad being a jerk is pretty normal.  Can we get some lunch?  I’m starving,” she said.  Emily and Jason laughed, and they followed Elizabeth to the tack room before going off in search of some lunch.

            Emily rode to a resounding victory in the show, which sealed a large financial earning.  With that win, the farm was put in very good position, and Emily herself was thrust back into the public’s appreciative eye.  The demand to see her in qualifying shows became intense, but she was adamant about not heading down a path that would lead to Olympic contention; she assured Jason that she didn’t want to put Elizabeth through such turmoil, and he believed her.  Instead, they hired a very prominent rider that also had great promise, and trained hard with her.  Between the two of them, and Jason’s occasional showing, the farm’s business was booming by March.  Jason and Emily had dated steadily for two months, and even with some media gossip and negativity, they had managed to stay strong.  The excitement had died down fairly quickly, just as Emily had assured him it would, and it seemed like life was finally going in a positive direction.  Elizabeth had been looking for a new horse, but so far hadn’t found one that had struck her… so she stayed focused on working with Merlin.  The duo began the spring winning two large shows that gave her more points toward the large Maclay that so many young riders aspired toward. 

            “Hey,” Emily said one afternoon, sliding her arms around Jason’s waist as she came into a stall he was in.  He smiled a little, turning and putting his arms around her neck.

            “Hey yourself,” he murmured, leaning down and kissing her. 

            “How’re the training sessions with Megan going?” she inquired, referring to their newly hired rider.  Jason shrugged a little and glanced at Gothika.

            “She’s doing very well… even with this big idiot.  I think the whole series of internationals might be a good way to go with her.  She’s got the drive and determination to make a killing with that.  Then you can focus on more of the US shows and rack up here.  I’ll fill in when needed.  Eventually we can hire someone to take over riding for me, and I can focus just on training all of you.” Emily laughed, taking his hand as they walked out of the stall.

            “I think that sounds like a good plan.  Liz is going to a friend’s house this weekend… you feel like staying over?” He grinned and nodded, leaning down and kissing her neck playfully.

            “What a ridiculous question.  What time should I come over?” he asked. 

            “Any time really.  Liz probably wouldn’t mind eating dinner with us if you were interested.”

            “Sure, let’s do that then.  I think she said she was going out on a ride this afternoon… want to check?” She nodded and they walked to Merlin’s stall.  Elizabeth was there, just finishing up tightening her girth.  Emily smiled, noticing the cross country saddle on his back.

            “Going out on the course?” she asked.  Elizabeth looked up and grinned.

            “Yeah.  It’s been a couple weeks since we worked out there.  Now that it’s starting to warm up and all, I thought he’d like the challenge.”

            “Sounds good kiddo.  Just be careful ok?  If you’re not back in an hour and a half, I’ll start hunting for you on the tapes… and if I see you dawdling, you’re in for it.” Elizabeth giggled.

            “Seriously Mom, when do I dawdle?” she demanded, leading Merlin from the stall. 

            “Hardly ever.  Have fun,” Emily said.  Jason gave her a playful nudge and Elizabeth glared up at him.

            “Just because your horse likes me, don’t be jealous!” she called over her shoulder.  Jason and Emily watched as her silhouette walked up the aisle and out into the sunshine. 

            “I’ll catch up with you in a little while,” he said.

            “OK.  Find me when Liz gets back and we can all go up and cook together,” she said.  She gave him one final kiss and then went to the office to finish up some work.  Jason smiled to himself, wondering if life could get any better.

            Emily looked up, frowning when she saw the clock.  It was almost four thirty, and Elizabeth had left at two.  At some point she’d lost track of time, so she got up from the desk and walked out of the office.  The barn was fairly quiet; all of the horses had been fed their lunch, and most of the stable hands were taking their breaks.  She walked to Merlin’s stall and frowned again when she saw that the big horse wasn’t there.

            “Where could she be?” she murmured.  She turned and started back to the media room to rewind the tapes of the course. 

            “You almost ready?” a voice called.  Emily turned, walking backwards for a moment so she could see Jason.

            “Elizabeth isn’t back yet,” she said, motioning toward the media room.  “I’m going to take a look and see what’s taking her so long.” Jason frowned and jogged to catch up. 

            “This isn’t like her, is it?” he asked.  She shook her head, swallowing the lump that had developed in her throat.

            “No, it’s not,” she said.  They went into the room and she removed that day’s tape, putting it in the playback machine and rewinding it.  She fast forwarded until she saw Elizabeth and Merlin appear on the screen.  The shots moved from jump to jump with her, and about halfway through the course they saw a deer dart across the path.  Merlin had been in the process of taking off for a jump, but the deer had surprised him.  The big horse tried to jump to the side, but his legs hit the jump, a large set of diamonds, and got tangled up in it.

            “Oh my God,” Jason whispered, already standing up and starting for the door.  Emily couldn’t move though, as she watched the horse and her daughter topple head first over the jump.  There was nothing after that, only silence.  When he realized she hadn’t gotten up to follow him, Jason went back to crouch in front of her.  “Em, snap out of it!” he exclaimed, putting his hands on her shoulders and giving her a little shake.  She looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears.

            “She fell… oh god, why didn’t I check sooner?” she said, starting to cry.  Jason shook his head.

            “Right now you need to hold it together Emily.  I’ll ride out and find her… you call for an ambulance and bring them out.  OK?” She nodded quickly, and this time they both stood up.  They went their separate ways, running now, to get to Elizabeth.

            Jason rode Lance along the trail that was parallel to the cross country course.  He stayed up in a tight two point as they galloped along, moving toward the jump they’d seen Elizabeth fall on.  It was eerily quite as he approached the jump, and he didn’t see Elizabeth or Merlin.

            “Liz!” he called.  There was no answer.  The set of diamonds was followed by an embankment, and when he rode around the jump his breath caught in his throat.  Merlin and Elizabeth lay at the bottom of the hill.  Elizabeth wasn’t moving, and was lying underneath the large horse.  Merlin wasn’t moving either, and even at a first glance he could tell what part of the problem was.  One of the horse’s front legs was bent at an awkward angle, and he could tell even from a distance that it was broken.  Tears came to his eyes, but he didn’t seem to notice as he dismounted and jogged to them.  “Elizabeth?  Can you here me?” he said.  He could see that Merlin was on top of the right side of her body, and that bruising had already begun on her face.  She didn’t stir, so he crouched down and put two fingers on her neck.  When he felt a pulse he breathed a sigh of relief.  “Thank God,” he murmured.  He took off his jacket and covered the parts of her that were exposed… and then he turned to his horse.  The big animal was barely breathing, and he could tell that it would not be long before he stopped entirely.  Jason took his helmet off and raked his fingers through his hair in frustration.  He turned away from the scene with a strangled yell, “Damnit Damnit Damnit!” He went to Merlin’s side and crouched down by his head.  Merlin’s eyes were barely open, but Jason knew there was a flicker of recognition there through all the pain.  “Let go big guy… it’s ok,” he said, stroking his big, black cheek.  Merlin drew in a shuddering breath, but even though his eyes closed he didn’t stop breathing.  Jason moved to sit so he was by Elizabeth’s side.  He sat there, holding her hand with his other hand on Merlin until his beloved horse stopped breathing… until the paramedics arrived to rush Elizabeth to the hospital.

            Emily and Jason sat in the waiting room at the hospital emergency room several hours later.  She sat hunched forward in her uncomfortable plastic chair, face in her hands.  They had been waiting several hours for news on Elizabeth, but so far there had been nothing.  Jason sat next to her, his hand on her thigh.  They were both silent.  Suddenly the doors were flung open and David Bradshaw rushed in.

            “Emily?” he demanded.  She looked up, tears filling her eyes when she saw him.

            “David,” she began, her bottom lip quivering.  He shook his head, a soft look in his eyes.

            “How’s Elizabeth?” he asked.  It was Emily’s turn to shake her head, as she broke down again.

            “They haven’t told us anything,” she sobbed.  David went to crouch down in front of her, putting his hands on her shoulders and making her look at him.

            “She’s going to be fine Em,” he assured her.  She nodded, drawing in a shaky breath.  After a moment David wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.  Jason watched this silently, fighting the ridiculous urge to be jealous.  When David pulled away he looked at him.

            “She was riding your horse when this happened?” he asked.  Jason swallowed hard, nodding slowly.

            “Yes, she was riding Merlin,” he replied.  David nodded, and for a moment said nothing. 

            “Could’ve happened any time,” he said finally, moving to sit on the other side of Emily.  Each man reached over and took one of her hands, and they waited in silence for news on Elizabeth. 

            At almost midnight, a doctor came into the waiting room.  He was wearing surgical scrubs and had a surgical mask hanging around his neck.

            “Mr. and Mrs. Bradshaw?” he asked.  Nobody thought to correct him.

            “Yes?” Emily and David answered as one, standing up.

            “Elizabeth is in stable condition.  She has a broken pelvis, fractured arm, dislocated shoulder, and we put three pins in her knee to fix the damage there.  She has a severe concussion and we’ll be keeping her at least two weeks for observation… likely longer due to the damage to her pelvis and knee.  She’ll need extensive physical therapy.  She’s in and out of it right now, but if you’d like you can go in and see her.” Emily put her hand to her chest, feeling relief fill her body. 

            “Where is she?” David demanded. 

            “Follow me,” the doctor explained.  The three of them walked down the hall, and outside a room the doctor stopped them.  “I just want to warn you that she looks pretty banged up.  Just believe me when I say that she made out very well… she’s a lucky young lady,” he said.  They all nodded and went into the room.  Elizabeth was asleep, her head wrapped in gauze, her leg in traction, her arm in a cast, and bruises everywhere.  Emily swallowed hard and looked down as she felt her hand squeezed.  It was Jason, and he smiled at her reassuringly.

            “Thank you,” she whispered.  He nodded and they went to stand on Elizabeth’s left side, while David when to the right.  “Liz?  Mommy’s here,” she murmured, taking her hand gently and stroking it with her thumb.  Jason put his hand on her left shin.

            “Me too Young Bradshaw,” he added.  David cleared his throat, and when they looked at him they were each surprised to see tears in the man’s eyes.

            “I’m here too sweetheart,” he said softly.  Elizabeth’s eyes fluttered open and she smiled a little at her parents. 

            “I must be dreaming… you two in the same room and not fighting,” she murmured sleepily.  Everyone laughed a little.

            “How do you feel honey?” Emily asked.  The girl swallowed hard and gave a slight shake of her head.

            “I hurt… a lot.  I’m tired too.  How long have I been here?” she asked. 

            “Since before dinner time.  You had surgery to fix some damage to your knee, but the doctor said that everything is looking just great.  You’ll be here awhile healing up, but you are going to be just fine,” Emily replied.  Elizabeth’s eyes were drooping shut again, and the adults all glanced at one another.

            “You go to sleep baby.  We’ll see you in the morning, ok?” David asked.  Elizabeth nodded, but said nothing as she drifted off to sleep again.  Emily and David each leaned down to place a kiss on their daughter’s forehead before they all walked out into the hall.  David cleared his throat.

            “I um… I’m scheduled to leave for Europe tomorrow.  I don’t want to leave and have Elizabeth think that I don’t care about her and what’s happened, but I am bound by a contract to this line of shows.  I can try to get here early tomorrow before the flight, but…” Emily held up her hand and shook her head slowly.

            “I’ll tell her about it David,” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.  He let out a sigh of relief.

            “Thank you,” he said sincerely, pulling her in to a tight hug.  She hugged him back, and when they stepped apart he said, “Call my cell phone and let me know how she is?”

            “Of course I will.  We’ll talk soon,” she promised him.  He nodded and walked away.  Emily turned to Jason and let out a sigh of her own.  “Ready to go home?” she asked.  He nodded, reaching out and taking her hand.

            “Yeah.  Let’s go.”

            Elizabeth was awake when Emily and Jason arrived the next day.  The girl looked slightly better after a good night’s sleep, although her bruises had deepened and she looked as if she’d been on the receiving end of a very bad fight.

            “Good morning,” Emily said, handing Elizabeth a bag.  She reached inside and smiled as she pulled out a raggedy stuffed moose.  “I brought you Brutus… thought you might like some company.”

            “Thanks Mom,” she said, holding the moose to her chest with her good arm.  There was a moment of silence, and suddenly Elizabeth looked at them seriously.  “Can I talk to Jason alone for a second?” she asked.  Emily glanced at him and then nodded.

            “Sure.  Do you need anything?”

            “A couple magazines from the gift shop would be awesome,” Elizabeth said with a smile. 

            “Alright.  I’ll be back in a little while,” she said, turning and walking out.  When she’d gone Elizabeth turned to Jason and looked at him seriously.

            “What’s on your mind Lizzie?” he asked, sitting down in the chair beside her bed.  She drew in a deep breath.

            “I didn’t really remember what happened last night…but when I woke up this morning I did, or at least I kind of did.  I remember the deer coming out, and I remember Merlin freaking out.  I remember falling.  That’s about it though.  Is Merlin OK?” Jason glanced away from her, and that was all she needed to know that the horse wasn’t ok.  When he turned back, her eyes had filled with tears.  “How bad is it?” she whispered.  Jason stood and went to her bed, sitting down on the edge and taking her hand.

            “He was hurt badly… his leg was broken in two places.  There was nothing the vet could do,” he explained.  Tears fell silently down the young girl’s cheek, and he watched as she shook her head.

            “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry,” she said, over and over again.  Jason wrapped his arms around her carefully.

            “It’s OK Liz… that could have happened to anyone.  You didn’t do anything wrong.” She continued to cry, and Jason pulled away.  He looked at her seriously.  “Elizabeth?” he said seriously.  She looked at him with big blue eyes.

            “Yeah?” she asked through her tears.

            “I don’t want you to worry about this another moment.  OK?” She nodded, biting her bottom lip.  “Promise me,” he said.

            “OK, I promise,” she said.  Jason smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead.

            “Good.  So, have the doctors told you when you’re getting out of here?” he asked, changing the subject.  She began to talk, and Jason tried to focus on her instead of the memory of his horse lying in the dirt.

            It took a month, but Elizabeth was cleared to go home by the middle of April.  She’d required one more surgery on her knee and some physical therapy to help her move past the break in her pelvis.  The doctor’s prognosis was good though, and they said that with time and work Elizabeth could ride again.  Emily pulled to truck to a stop in front of their house and glanced at Elizabeth.  The girl had a scar above her eyebrow now, a very visible and constant reminder of her accident.  Other than that, the only visible sign was the brace on her knee.

            “Do you want to go up to the house and rest for awhile?” she asked.  Elizabeth rolled her eyes and smiled.

            “No, I want to go down to the barn Mom.  I haven’t even seen a horse in a month, and I miss them.”

            “Alright.  Should I drive down?”

            “Mom, be serious.  I can get down there without a chauffer.  Let’s go,” she said, opening her door and getting out of the car slowly.  She still had crutches, and they made their way down to the barn slowly.  It was a beautiful spring day, and most of the horses were out in the pastures racing up and down the fence line.  Elizabeth smiled out at them and then glanced at her mother.  “Where’s Jason?” she asked.  Emily gave a shrug and glanced toward the barn.

            “He’s probably working with some horses.  He said he’d see you at around lunchtime today.” Elizabeth nodded slowly. 

            “OK.  Let’s go into the barn and do some work!” she kidded.  Emily laughed.

            “You can help me do office work,” she offered.  Elizabeth wrinkled her nose and they went into the barn together.  Jason was walking down the aisle and he smiled at them.

            “Welcome home young Bradshaw!  How would you like to clean some stalls?” he asked.  She giggled and shook her head.

            “I don’t think Mom would be OK with that,” she replied.  Jason stopped, leaning against the wall.

            “Maybe tomorrow then,” he said.  Emily went to his side and stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss. 

            “Keep dreaming,” she said.  He smiled and then turned his attention back to Elizabeth.

            “How’re you feeing?” he asked her.  She gave a small shrug.

            “Eh, ok.  The doctor said that the pelvis was a-ok, but my knee still needs a lot of work… which I guess will be lots of fun.” They all laughed a little at this, knowing that Elizabeth had a deep understanding of how hard physical therapy could be.

            “When do you start?” Jason asked.  They started back up the aisle and toward the office, the two adults walking slowly so Elizabeth could keep up.

            “I think next week, right Mom?” she asked.  Emily nodded.

            “Yup.  He wants you to start working on that as soon as possible.  They think that if we work hard Liz will be back up and in the saddle in no time.” He smiled.

            “Wonderful.  I need to go finish up with Gothika,” he said. 

            “OK.  Are you still coming over for dinner tonight?” Emily asked.  He nodded slowly.

            “Yeah, I should be finished up by then,” he said, starting to walk away.  Emily frowned for a moment.

            “Alright… see you later then,” she said.  He didn’t say anything, but gave a little wave behind himself as he went up the aisle and toward the arena.  She let out a sigh and then looked at Elizabeth.  “Let’s head up to the house and get you unpacked.”

            “You OK Mom?” she asked.  Emily smiled and nodded.

            “Of course, you’re home.  Let’s go,” she said.  Elizabeth nodded and followed her mother back out of the barn.

            Jason didn’t arrive for dinner that night.  Emily and Elizabeth decided to start without him when he hadn’t shown up by six p.m., and before they knew it they were done eating and he still hadn’t shown up.  Emily did the dishes and then went into the living room.  Elizabeth was sitting on the couch with her knee propped up, watching TV.

            “I’m going to head down to the barn and make sure everything got taken care of tonight.  I’ll be back in a little while,” she said.  Elizabeth glanced up and nodded.

            “OK.  Tell Jason I say hi.” Emily rolled her eyes and then went up the hall and outside.  It was a clear and cool night, and she paused for a moment to look up at the stars.

            “I missed dinner,” a voice said matter-of-factly.  Emily turned toward it, frowning when she saw Jason standing by one of the fences. 

            “Yes, you did.  Liz was really looking forward to spending time with you… and so was I.  What’s going on?” Jason shook his head slowly, raking his fingers through his hair.

            “I don’t know.  It’s hard for me, to spend time with her now.  When I see her, I think about Merlin and I can’t do that now Emily.”

            “So you’re going to just stay away until you can?” she demanded.  He sighed.

            “I can’t help that this part is hard for me.  I had that horse from the time he was a baby, and he was all I had.  He was my family.  He died while Liz was riding him… so it’s hard for me to be around her.” Emily frowned.

            “Are you saying that you blame Elizabeth for this?”

            “No!  Of course I don’t blame her… she had no way of knowing what would happen or preventing it.  I’m just saying that it’s hard for me to think about him.” 

            “Well eventually Liz is going to notice that you’ve stopped coming around, and she’s going to think that it’s her fault.  She’s not a stupid kid.”

            “She knows I don’t blame her.  We’ve talked about that.”

            “She’s going to wonder why you aren’t around.  What are you going to tell her about that Jason?” He sighed again, turning away.

            “Listen, I don’t need this stress right now Emily.  I’ve been busting my ass all spring to train the horses and get ready for shows, and I’ve been trying real hard to shove all this crap about Merlin down so it doesn’t bother me.  I’m tired.  I just want to not have this be a big disagreement.”

            “Fine.  I’ll tell Liz you’re busy then.  I’m sure she’ll understand.” He turned and looked at her.

            “Elizabeth is going to be fine.  I’m not her father you know… she’s not going to freak out if I’m not around,” he said.  Emily felt tears come to her eyes.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow Jason,” she muttered, turning to walk away.  Jason let out a breath and caught her elbow.

            “Em, come on.  I didn’t mean it that way,” he said.  She looked up at him and shook her head.

            “Forget it.  I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, pulling out of his grasp and walking back up to her house.  Jason sighed yet again, turning back to the field and back to his thoughts.

            Emily walked into the barn the following morning and frowned when she saw that all of the horses scheduled for training that morning were still in their stalls.  She picked up the training schedule and her frown deepened; Jason was supposed to be working with Gothika in the arena.  She went to Gothika’s stall and saw that the big gelding was still there.  With a sigh she glanced at her watch as she walked to the office.  It was six a.m. 

            “Ms. Gatlin, would you like us to turn out the rest of the horses?” one of the stable hands asked.  She glanced at him and shook her head.

            “No, Jason should be here soon to start them,” she replied.  The man frowned at her, glancing up the aisle and then looking at her again.

            “Umm, no ma’am I don’t think he will.  We saw him leaving this morning,” he said.  Emily looked at him with wide eyes.

            “What do you mean leaving?” she demanded. 

            “He came in at about five, picked up his tack box and put it in his truck.  He told us to take care.  I think he left his apartment key on the desk.” She frowned, turning and continuing to the office.  When she walked in she immediately saw Jason’s key ring sitting on the corner of the desk.  Beside it was an envelope with her name on it.  She picked it up and sat down at the desk, opening it and reading:

Emily,

I think it’s best that I leave.  Right now I know that I will only be a negative part of both yours and Elizabeth’s life… and I don’t want that.  Please know that this has nothing to do with you.  I just need to get my head on straight again.  I will be in touch when I can. 

Tell Elizabeth I’ll miss her.

Love,

Jason

She read the note several times, trying to understand exactly what he was saying.  It just didn’t make sense.  Emily crumpled it up, holding it in her hand as she started to cry.

            It was almost two months before there was any clue as to where Jason had gone.  Emily had asked around the show circuit but no one seemed to know anything.  There had been several stories in the paper about how she’d been abandoned again, but Emily had remained silent through the whole thing.  She’d also continued to show, and win.  One afternoon in early June she picked Elizabeth up from her physical therapy appointment.

            “Hey Mom,” she greeted, getting into the car.  Her knee had healed nicely over the previous months, and with every day she was getting closer to being back in the saddle. 

            “How as therapy?” Emily asked, pulling out into traffic. 

            “It went pretty good.  Did you see the paper yet today?” Emily glanced at her and shook her head.

            “No, why?” she replied.  Elizabeth hesitated.  The girl had turned fourteen, and their relationship had been quite close in the previous months. 

            “Umm… there’s an article about this farm in England.  It says Jason is the head trainer there,” she explained.  Emily looked at her again, for longer this time.

            “Oh really?  Well that’s… great,” she muttered, turning back to the road.  She swallowed hard, trying not to let herself get upset.  It had taken almost the full two months that he’d been gone, but she had finally gotten to the point that she didn’t cry every time she thought about him.

            “Are you OK Mom?” Elizabeth asked.

            “Oh, I’m fine sweetheart.  It’s just strange hearing about him out of the blue like this… although I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  England is his home, and he was born to work with horses.  He was bound to turn up again like this, wasn’t he?” she said.  Elizabeth reached across the seat and gave her mother’s hand a squeeze.

            “You still miss him?” she asked.  Emily shrugged, making a left hand turn.

            “I try not to think about it Liz.  Can we stop talking about this?” Elizabeth nodded and turned to look out her window.

            “Sure Mom,” she murmured.

            Jason led a large thoroughbred into the barn and to his stall.  They had just finished a strenuous work out and he still had to move on to working with several young riders.  He spent the majority of his time training riders ages 10-16, a choice he’d made when he first arrived at the beautiful farm in England.  It was a bit less stressful than working with adult riders who were so focused on winning on the professional show circuit.  He also found that the joy kids had about riding helped him find his own joy in riding again. 

            “Jason!” a voice called.  He poked his head out of a stall and smiled at his boss, Damon Parker.

            “What’s up?” he asked.  The man walked down the aisle and held out an envelope. 

            “You got mail,” Damon said.  Jason frowned slightly, wondering who could’ve written to him; nobody knew he was there.

            “Who’s it from?”

            “Came from the states,” he replied, handing him the envelope.  Jason looked at it, sighing softly when he saw the return address.

            “Thanks Mr. Parker,” he murmured.  He put the envelope in his back pocket and then finished up with the horse he’d been grooming.  He walked back out into the aisle of the barn, picking up his saddle and bridle and walking toward the tack room.  The floors of the barn were made of cobbled stone, and the stalls were fashioned of a dark wood.  It was one of the most beautiful barns he’d ever worked in, and the owner and stable manager were good people.  It was strange to be back in England though, especially since he knew he was running from a lot that he’d left behind.  When he’d put his tack away, Jason went to his office and closed the door.  He took the letter out of his pocket and plopped down in his chair.  The writing on the front was neat, but he’d known even at a glance that the letter wasn’t from Emily.  It was from Elizabeth.  He opened it carefully and read:

Dear Jason,

 I’m not sure I should be writing you.  Mom has no idea, and I’m pretty sure she’d freak out if she did know.  I thought I needed to write though.  There was an article about you in the paper, and it said what stable you were working at.  We miss you here… although Mom has taken over all the training.  I guess she finally took your advice about not paying someone to do what she totally can.  She’s doing great too.  I bet you’ve read about how good the farm is doing… lots of wins for us lately. 

Physical therapy has been going OK for me.  The doctor thinks I’ll be back up in the saddle by the end of the summer.  I’m not sure I really want to though… I’ve had a lot of bad dreams about the accident.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to get back on a horse.  Dad gave me Independence back for my 14^th birthday though, so maybe I should give it a try.  He’s been a lot better lately, even with Mom.  It’s nice to not have everyone fighting. 

I guess you know how upset Mom was when you left.  She really wasn’t expecting it, nobody was.  She told me that you just needed time to deal with things, and I guess she meant losing Merlin.  That’d be the only thing I can think you could be upset about.  It seemed like you and Mom were happy together, but what do I know?  I’m just a kid.  I think she still really hopes that you come back.  I hope you come back.

I feel bad about everything; because I know that if you left because of Merlin… then that’s partly my fault.  I know you told me not to worry about that, but it’s hard not to.  Mom was happy with you.  I thought we were pretty good friends.  Then one stupid accident with me in your horse’s saddle… and it all gets blown apart. 

I hope that someday you can come back, at least to talk to Mom about things.  I know she could really use that. 

Write back if you can.

-Young Bradshaw

Jason sighed, putting the letter down on his desk and looking out the window for a long moment.  It was an overcast day, which was fairly common.  He glanced at his watch and let out another sigh; he had ten minutes before he was due to work with three 12 year olds.  He picked up the letter once more, reading it quickly again before putting it back in the envelope and going back to work.

            Jason sat in his apartment that night, a piece of paper sitting in front of him at his desk.  He had started the letter four times, each time crumbling it up and starting over.  He just couldn’t think of how to begin the letter.  He’d considered not answering, but Elizabeth’s mention of feeling guilty about Merlin had made him feel like he should.  He thought for several more moments and then began to write:

Dear Liz,

It was quite a surprise to hear from you… but it was a nice surprise.  I’d forgotten that anyone over there had been interested in what I was doing, but I suppose that they stayed interested when I left because of everything with your Mom.  How’s she doing?  I know that I must’ve hurt her a great deal when I left… which wasn’t my intention.  That’s between me and her though. 

I’m really glad your physical therapy is going so well.  I think of you often, and keep waiting to see your picture in the paper winning your first show back in the ring.  You’re a talented girl Young Bradshaw, and I hope that you get back up there.  I know how frightening it must be… and I’m sure your Mom has a whole lot to offer in the way of support about that since she went through it.  Have faith in yourself, and have faith in whatever horse you’re riding.  It’s good that you have Indy back… I’m so glad your father finally came to his senses about it.  I think that you and Indy have a lot of potential to go quite far together.  Give it a chance.  Everyone has accidents riding Liz.  Your Mom, your Dad… even me. 

I knew that my telling you not to feel guilty about Merlin wouldn’t stop you from feeling bad.  Guilt is funny that way.  Sometimes having someone telling you it’s not your fault just makes you think even more that it is.  I won’t lie to you though: losing Merlin was a big part of why I needed to leave.  That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t blame you… what happened that day could’ve happened to me or to your Mom or to anyone else riding any other horse.  I left because of the memories there at the farm, and the fact that I needed time away from them to deal with my loss.  I know you understand how hard it is to lose a horse that you’ve bonded with.  As the days go by, I feel better and better about things. 

I do plan to come back.  As selfish and stupid as it probably sounds, I hope that your Mom might consider giving me a second chance one day.  Although, I really don’t think I could be that lucky. 

I will see you one day soon Liz.  Keep up the good work, and try to believe me when I say that I don’t blame you… because it’s not your fault.  I enjoyed your letter.  It would be great to hear from you again.

-Jason

He folded the paper in three places and then slid it into an envelope, addressing it to Elizabeth.  He put on the proper postage to get it to the states, and then put it in his pile of mail that needed to be sent out the next day.  He sighed and turned off the desk lamp.  He sat in the darkened office thinking long after he’d turned out the light.

            Elizabeth and Jason corresponded throughout the summer and into the fall.  For the most part, she told him about physical therapy and the process of getting back on a horse.  In return, he cheered her on via his letters and told her bits and pieces about his new job.  Emily had no idea that they were writing to each other.  One afternoon in November Elizabeth led Independence in from a ride.  They had been working in the small outdoor ring, and had done some walk to trot transitions.  She was exhausted, even though it had only been a forty five minute session.  Her mother was in the arena preparing for a large show that would take place in two weeks.  When Elizabeth had finished taking care of Independence, she went outside and to the mailbox.  She picked up the mail and leafed through it, smiling when she saw a letter from Jason.  She folded it in half and put it in her pocket before going back to the office and putting all the farm mail on her mother’s desk.  As she walked back out to the aisle, she saw her Mom leading Jezebel to her stall.

            “Hey Mom, I put the mail on your desk!” she called.

            “Thanks kiddo.  How was your ride?” Emily asked, taking off her helmet.  She had recently gotten her long hair cut, and it fell to just above her shoulders. 

            “It was OK.  I’m tired though, so I think I’m going to go up and take a nap,” she replied.  Emily nodded and smiled.

            “Alright.  I’ll see you in a little while.  I’m making hamburgers for dinner, OK?”

            “Sounds great.  See you in a bit.” Elizabeth walked outside and into the fall sunshine.  The leaves were finally starting to change colors, and the air temperature was cooling down.  Elizabeth walked along slowly and when she got to the house she went inside, kicking off her paddock boots in the front hall and going upstairs.  She grimaced as she went up the stairs, as her knee started to ache.  Stairs always seemed to do that, especially after a riding session.  The doctor said that would fade as she built up strength, but so far it had been consistently painful.  She went into her room and closed the door, going to her bed and plopping down.  She opened the letter and read:

Liz,

I hope that the riding still continues to go well.  Things here at the farm have been going just fine for me, but I’ve decided that it’s time that I face up to things. 

I will be returning to the states the week of Thanksgiving, and I plan to come see your Mom that week.  I know that she will be showing… but my goal is to get there before the show.  Please don’t  tell her I’m coming.  I think if she knew, she’d have you guys leaving before the show so I’d miss you.  I’m sure she knows me well enough to know that I’d wait around until she got back, but I don’t want things to be that way. 

I plan to remain in the states when I get back… although I’m not sure yet where I’ll end up.  Part of me hopes that I’ll be able to go back to working at the farm… back to the way things were before I needed this time.  That will be up to your Mom though.

I’ll see you soon Young Bradshaw.

-Jason

Elizabeth put the letter back in its envelope and bit her bottom lip.  In two more weeks Jason would be back.  How on earth would her mother take that?

            Jason knew it was her, even from a distance.  Nobody rode the way Emily Gatlin rode.  She was riding Jezebel in the large outdoor ring, taking fences at an easy pace.  She was wearing a pair of black breeches and a long sleeved gray shirt.  Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail.  He watched from the barn door, and felt his heart constrict as the sunlight caught her face.  She was smiling. 

            “Jason?” a voice said, softly and in awe.  He turned, smiling at Elizabeth.

            “Hey Lizzie,” he said.  She hurried to him and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.  Jason hugged her back, and when she pulled away smiled when he saw her grin.

            “I didn’t really believe it when I read your letter… thought you were just making it up or that you’d back out or something,” she said.  She was wearing a pair of chaps and paddock boots, along with a grungy sweatshirt.  She had her helmet in her hand, and he could tell she’d been on her way to ride when she saw him.

            “I thought about it.  Does your Mom know that I was coming?” he asked.  Elizabeth shook her head slowly, looking out to where her mother and Jezebel were now cooling down.  

            “You asked me not to tell her.  Besides, she didn’t know that I was writing to you… so I thought I’d just let this be a surprise.” They were silent for a moment, both watching her.  “She’s going to freak out, you know that don’t you?”

            “Yeah, I know.  Are you heading to ride?” he questioned.  Elizabeth nodded.

            “Yup.  It’s time to torture myself for the day.  Do you want to come watch?  I was going to work in the arena this afternoon.  Mom doesn’t usually come to watch me… knows I’m self conscious about it still.” He looked at Emily for a moment longer and then smiled at her.

            “I’d love to come.  Let’s go.” They walked up the aisle and to Independence’s stall.  He helped her tack up and they went to the arena.  Elizabeth swung into the saddle, and quickly adjusted her stirrups and checked her girth before moving forward at a walk.  Independence looked gorgeous.  He had muscled up substantially since Jason had seen him last, and Elizabeth still looked beautiful on him.  “He’s looking great!” he called.  Elizabeth smiled at him.

            “Yeah.  Dad really got him into top shape while he had him.  His lateral work is looking fantastic too… probably because Dad didn’t work on anything else,” she replied.  He laughed and watched as they began to trot.  Her form was slightly off.  Jason could tell that her knee gave her some pain as she posted around the ring, but she didn’t give up.  After a few minutes working one direction, she took a turn through the center of the ring and worked the other way.  The moved around the ring and then added in several twenty meter circles and serpentines to break up the monotonous work for Independence. 

            “Has he been getting bored with all the flat work?” he asked as they rode by.  Elizabeth tightened her hold on the reins, continuing to urge strongly with her legs and Independence collected his trot.  She sat to it, deepening her seat to absorb the shock of his steps.

            “I guess.  He hasn’t given me any problems though… but I think he’s probably wishing for something a little more fun than trotting around the ring over and over again.” She went up into her half-seat.  It wasn’t quite a two-point, but her rear end was slightly out of the saddle. 

            “That looks good Liz!” he called.

            “What the hell are you doing here?” a voice behind him demanded.  He knew without looking that it was Emily.  With a sigh he turned to face her.  Her blue eyes were wide and angry, and she stared at him unwaveringly.

            “I um… I was hoping you wouldn’t come across me like this.  I wanted to find you,” he said, stumbling over his words.

            “That doesn’t answer my question.  What are you doing here?” she asked again.  Her arms were folded across her chest, and she was frowning.  He sighed.

            “I wanted to see you… talk to you,” he said.  Emily nodded slowly, glancing into the ring.  Elizabeth had stopped her work and was watching them closely.

            “Well, you’ve seen me and talked to me.  Now you can go back to wherever it is you came from,” she said, turning on her heel and stalking out.  Jason stared after her helplessly.

            “Aren’t you going to go after her?” Elizabeth asked.  He looked at her over his shoulder.

            “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” he replied.  She rolled her eyes.

            “Duh.