14- Merry Christmas
Jess Michaels pulled into the driveway at Cotey’s house one brisk morning at the end of November. She was suppose to be teaching a class that included Dominick and Rachel, Cotey’s two children.
“Jess!” Rachel exclaimed, running out of the barn. Jess smiled and held out her arms.
“Hey kiddo, be careful it’s icy!” she called, but it was too late. Rachel slid on the ice, landing on her butt. Jess walked quickly to her side.
“I’m ok Jess. Are you teaching my class today?” Jess nodded and helped her up.
“Yup. Let’s get inside and get Sunny ready. How many of the other kids are here?”
“Everybody. They’ve all got their horses started, but nobody has them saddled.” Jess smiled at the four and a half year old girl.
“Well then I guess I’d better get in there and help. Let’s go,” she said, taking the girl’s hand and leading her into the barn.
Jason rode More over to Cotey’s that afternoon. Beth was with her grandparents for the weekend, so he was free for a couple days. He untacked More and put him in an empty stall, then walked down to the arena. Jess was there, riding Fantasy. There was a jump course set up, and she was just getting started. Fantasy was in a foul mood, but Jess was urging her into a canter. She took the first few jumps, but refused the fifth. Jess sighed and took cantered a circle and made the mare take it. Fantasy behaved for the rest of the course. When they landed after the last jump Jess patted her sleek, silvery neck happily. She trotted over to the rail and smiled when she saw Jason.
“Hey, what’s up?” she asked, dismounting.
“Not much. Beth is with my parents for the weekend, and I have nothing to do. I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight.”
“I don’t know. Daddy still doesn’t know about this, and I’m not sure how he’ll feel about it. He think I’m his little girl and I don’t know how to tell him.”
“Well if you don’t, I will. We can’t keep going around like this Jess. You’re still in the lime light because of racing. It’s going to end up the papers sooner or later.”
“You can’t be the one to tell him. I have to tell him. I will, I promise.” Jason nodded and took her hand.
“OK. Try to find a way to make a date happen tonight?”
“I’ll try. Maybe Crystal can cover for me… she said she would.”
“Just tell him. I’m not that bad am I?” She laughed and put her free arm around his waist.
“Not at all. Daddy’s just so overprotective. He’s going to have a hard time understanding how I can like a guy who’s nine years older than I am.”
“Well then let him be confused for awhile. It’s not fair that we’re sneaking around behind his back. It isn’t fair to anybody.”
“I know. I’ll try to talk to him tonight.” Jason nodded and smiled, leaning down and giving her a quick kiss.
“OK. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’m going to get her cooled down. I’m late for an exercise session at the track. They want me to work with some yearling for Mr. Lucas.”
“D. Wayne Lucas?” Jason asked incredulously. Jess nodded and led Fantasy into the stall.
“Yeah, just longe line work though. He’s an OK guy I guess, just way too arrogant.”
“I’ll take care of Fantasy if you want,” he offered. Jess smiled gratefully and gave him a hug.
“Thanks Jas! Her brushes are in the grooming kit in the corner,” she said.
“Alright. Try and talk to him tonight. I’ll call you.” Jess nodded and rushed out to her car.
Jess sat in the living room with her father that evening. They were watching a segment of Horse World on MSG.
“Daddy, how old would you consider too old?” she asked suddenly.
“Too old for what?” he asked, giving her a confused look. Jess sighed, but knew she needed to continue.
“For me to date. How old is too old?” Mr. Michaels scratched his head and shrugged.
“Well, you’re twenty-two… so maybe twenty-six or so.”
“But I could go out with someone who was older than that right?”
“You’re a big girl now Jessi, you can decide for yourself. I’m just giving you my opinion.”
“Alright. Well Jason Fute and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks,” she said.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded. Jess raked her fingers through her long blonde hair.
“I was afraid you’d be mad.”
“You’re a young woman Jessica, and I’m glad you’ve found someone as good as Jason.” She smiled.
“Thanks Daddy. I need to go make a call,” she said. He smiled and watched as she jogged up to her room.
Jess rode into the show ring at Saratoga Race Track. They were sponsoring a hunt seat and dressage show, and Jess had entered. Cotey had not, due to an injured knee. She had been thrown several weeks before, and had pulled some tendons.
“Alright Fantasy, let’s see what we can do,” she whispered. Jason had also entered the show, and had ridden very well. She saluted the two judges and began the course. It was fairly easy, with only a few trouble spots. The took the first jump, then the second and third. They moved around the course with ease. They went clear, and Jess rode out of the ring smiling. Several moments later she trotted back into the ring to accept the blue ribbon and take a victory lap around the ring.
“Good job Jessi,” Jason told her as she waited for dressage to begin. Jason hadn’t entered the event, but was staying to watch her.
“Thanks,” she said. He gave her a leg into the saddle.
“Do you think we could go out when you’re done here?” Jess shrugged and adjusted her stirrups.
“I guess. I’d have to see if Cotey could come trailer Fantasy home. I’d been planning on it, but… well I’d just have to see.”
“Alright. I’m going to go call Bethy and see what time Mom and Dad are dropping her off tomorrow.”
“When’s her birthday Jason?” He smiled.
“Next Saturday. She’s inviting a couple friend from her grandmother’s house, and Dominick and Rachel.”
“That’s great. Am I invited?” Jason laughed and patted Fantasy’s neck.
“If you promise to behave yourself. Good luck in there, but you probably won’t need it.” It was Jess’s turn to laugh.
“If you remember, the last time I was in the dressage ring Fantasy threw me off.”
“You’re going to be fine. Good luck.” She watched as he sauntered off to the phones.
That night Jess and Jason walked into the barn. They checked on the horses and then went out and climbed up to sit on one of the fences.
“I had fun tonight. Thanks for taking me out,” she said.
“My pleasure. You didn’t mind leaving Fantasy did you?”
“Of course not. You’re ridiculous. Why do I put up with you?” Jason put his arm around her waist, careful to watch her reaction.
“Because I’m crazy about you, and you’re crazy about me. That’s all there is to it.” Jess nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder.
“If you say so. I’m glad Beth is at your parents tonight. I couldn’t have done this tomorrow. Mr. Lucas wants me to ride one of his mares in a handicap.”
“That’s great Jess. He’s a pretty big time trainer. Look at all the horses he’s put out.”
“He’s a big time jerk. I’m doing it because he’s paying me to. I’m just out of college and I don’t have many people who want to put me up.”
“Where’s the race? It can’t be in Saratoga.”
“It’s in Kentucky. Mr. Lucas is flying me down early in the morning, then we’ll stay over night and come back Friday.”
“You’re staying overnight with a bunch of strangers?”
“No. Dad is coming with me.”
“He’s gotten a lot better about his over protectiveness. I mean he let you date me.” She smiled.
“What’s so great about that?” she kidded. Jason shook his head and shrugged.
“I have no idea.” Jess smiled and lifted her head from his shoulder. Her blonde hair was hanging loose around her shoulders.
“Do you want to know what’s so great about it?” she asked. He nodded and she continued, “Everything. You don’t push me. Every guy I dated before you, even before everything with Patrick… they all pushed. You don’t. that makes it easier for me” Jason trialed his finger down her cheek.
“That’s because I love you. You know that don’t you?”
“Yeah, I know that. I can’t understand why though. Maybe I should ask Sam why he still loved Cotey.”
“Guys aren’t with girls just for sec Jess. Not all guys anyway. A lot of us can survive without that. I love you because you’re you. Sam loved Cotey because she was still Cotey.”
“That’s why I love you. Everything you tell me makes sense, and it always makes me feel better.” Jason smiled and pulled her back against his shoulder.
“I’m glad.”
“Come on, let’s go up to the house. It’s cold out here.” Jason jumped down.
“Want a piggy back ride?” he asked. Jess laughed and nodded. Jason hefted her onto his back and walked toward the house.
Then next morning Jess woke up on Jason’s couch. It was barely light out. She was covered with a warm blanket, and there were two pillows under her head. Jason was nowhere to be seen, so she got up, pulled on her paddock boots, and went outside. She walked down to the barn and found Jason riding in the arena. He was jumping over a five foot jump, then moving around the arena at a canter and going over it again. Jess sat on the bleachers quietly, watching how perfect their form was. Jason stopped a moment later and glanced at the bleachers.
“Morning!” he called. She smiled and waved. Jason came to the rail and motioned for her to come down.
“What’s up?” she asked. Jason dismounted.
“Would you ride him for a minute? I can’t tell what’s going wrong, but he isn’t getting as much height as I’d like him to.” Jess stared at him in awe.
“Nobody but you has ever ridden him. Why me?”
“Because I trust you with him. I need to see what he’s doing, or I can’t fix it.” Jess walked into the ring and mounted. Jason stood at the wall and watched as she got use to the animal’s stride. She asked him to canter and took the jump. More cleared it easily with perfect form and the height Jason had been looking for. Jason shook his head and watched as they took the jump twice more. “You can stop!” he called. Jess trotted over and smiled.
“Was that alright?” she asked. Jason nodded and held More as she dismounted.
“Perfect. He got the height I couldn’t get him to give.”
“Maybe he was warmed up when I got on… or maybe he just wasn’t into it before. Or maybe… Oh, I need to call Dad!” she exclaimed.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“My father was expecting me home last night at around 11. He must be worried.”
“He called the house last night, and I told him you were asleep. He knows you’re ok.” Jess sighed with relief.
“Thank goodness. Let’s get Magic groomed special for Beth, so when she gets home she’ll have a surprise.”
“Why don’t you do that while I go out and get her presents? Before I go, I have some questions.”
“Such as?”
“Well, what size girth does Magic take, what kind of bridle and bit? If I were going to buy her a blanket, sheet, and cooler, how big do they need to be? What color brushes do you think Beth would like best?” Jess grinned.
“So you won’t give her a horse, but you’ll give her everything that goes with it?” Jason nodded and listened as she answered all of his questions.
Jason’s parents pulled into the driveway later that morning. Jess was still the only one around, so she was going to watch Beth.
“Hi. Jason went out for awhile. He’s g-e-t-t-i-n-g B-e-t-h-s p-r-e-s-e-n-t-s,” she spelled out. Both parents nodded and smiled.
“Oh. Well we’ll stay and watch Bethy until he gets back.”
“You don’t have to. Jason asked me to stay so I could watch her. We’ll be alright.” Beth had wrapped herself around Jess’s legs and was smiling up at her.
“Can I ride Magic?” she asked. Jess smiled and nodded, picking the girl up.
“Sure. And you have a surprise waiting too.” Beth smiled happily and wiggled to get free.”
“Let me down, I want to see what it is!” she exclaimed. Jess pretended to think for a minute, but then put Beth down.
“I guess so. Wait before you go into the stall Bethy!” she called after the girl. With a smile she jogged after her. Beth was standing outside the stall staring at her horse. Jess and Jason’s parents came up, and Jess smiled. She had plaited the horse’s tail and mane with ribbons, saddled her with a saddle decorated with ribbons, and just made him look good.
“Wow, he’s looks great. Can I ride now?”
“Sure. Just let me tighten your girth.” When she was done she glanced at Beth and said, “Let’s get down to the arena.” They walked down the aisle, Jason’s parents following and still in awe over the horse. Jess gave Beth a leg into the saddle and set up some ground poles. “I’m going to teach you something new today Bethy. You’ve been doing cavaletties for awhile haven’t you?” Beth nodded and went through the middle to change directions.
“Yup. Daddy said that they helped me get better at picking up my leads.”
“Well, your dad asked me to work on two-point with you today. Bring Magic over to me.” Beth obeyed and halted in front of Jess.
“What’s a two-point?” she asked. Jess smiled and put her hand on Beth’s calf.
“You know when Dom and Rachy are jumping and they go up and sort of stand in their stirrups, leaning over their horse’s neck?” Beth nodded and Jess showed her how to go up in her stirrups. “Good. Now, every time you go over the poles I want you to do that. It just brings you a little closer to jumping,” she explained. Beth moved back out to the rail and Jess watched as Beth went into her two-point and held it over the poles. “Good job Bethy. Ok, pick up a trot and keep doing it, then start posting again after them.” Beth nodded and told Magic to trot.
“Will you show me after?” Jess nodded and watched as the girl went over at a trot. Her two-point was nearly perfect, which surprised Jess.
“I don’t think you need me to. You’re doing a great job with this Beth.” The little girl smiled and went over them again.
“Maybe we can show Daddy when he gets home.” Jess smiled and nodded again.
“Sure we can. Do you want to try something else Beth?” The girl nodded and pulled Magic up. Jess moved the ground poles out of the way and walked over to Magic and patted his neck. “If you want, you can try trotting and cantering around the whole ring and staying up in your two-point the whole way.”
“Ok,” Beth muttered, not sounding too sure of herself. Jess watched as Magic broke into a trot and Beth went into her two-point.
“Good job Beth, keep going!” Jess called. Magic broke into a canter and they went around twice more with Beth still in her two-point.
“How was that?” Beth asked when they’d stopped.
“That was great. Do you want to call it a day or go work on some extended trot outdoors?”
“Extended trot outdoors!” Beth exclaimed. Jess smiled, knowing that the girl was crazy about riding and hated to get off. She followed her outside, smiling at the Futes as they went by. Jason was just pulling up the driveway when Jess and Beth got outside. He got out of the car and walked over, giving his parents a hug.
“How’s she doing?” he asked Jess, motioning to Beth. Jess smiled.
“Unbelievably. She went around the arena in a two-point three times without stopping. Now we’re going to do some extended trot.”
“Great. Oh, Mom and Dad this is Jessica Michaels.”
“It’s great that you’ve found such a wonderful sitter Jason,” Mrs. Fute said. Jason glanced at Jess and then at his parents.
“She’s not my sitter, she’s my girlfriend.” Both parents looked shocked.
“But, she’s young enough to be your daughter!” his father exclaimed. Jess shook her head.
“Actually, I’m twenty-two, but I’m flattered that you think I look that young,” she said confidently.
“Well, isn’t that nice,” Mrs. Fute muttered.
“Yes, it is isn’t it? I mean, Jason is such a wonderful guy. If he’s with me it must mean he’s trying to tell anyone who doesn’t already know it that I’m wonderful too.” Jason smiled and put his arm around her slender waist.
“But you didn’t need any help Jess, everybody already knows. Why don’t you go help Beth?” he suggested. Jess nodded and walked away, drawing in a deep breath.
Cotey watched Jess take a jump course in the arena a week later. The girl was still taking lessons, despite the fact that she’d been riding for almost 18 years. Fantasy was behaving nicely, and Cotey smiled.
“That looks great Jess,” Cotey told her. Jess smiled, dismounting and running her stirrups up.
“Thanks. Have you thought any more about what I suggested… my buying Fantasy I mean?” she asked. Cotey shook her head and sighed.
“Not really. I mean, Fantasy is one of the best jumpers in the barn. Selling her might not be the best idea for me,” she said. Jess nodded.
“Well, if you change your mind let me know. I’ll always be interested.” She led the mare away. Cotey watched with a smile on her face and then went into the tack room. Sam, Rachel, and Dominick were sitting on the floor playing with the newest arrival to the farm: a small golden retriever puppy named Runt.
“Hey guys, what’s going on?” she asked. All three looked up and smiled.
“Guess what Mommy?” Rachel asked.
“Umm… you’ve just been given a scholarship to Princeton?” she asked.
“No Mommy,” she said in a highly agitated voice. Cotey winked at Sam.
“Well should I keep guessing or are you just going to tell me?”
“I’ll tell you! Daddy said that the kitty is going to have babies.” Cotey glanced at Sam.
“Really? Well I guess Daddy and I are going to have to talk about that.” Sam grinned up at her with the same boyish face she had fallen in love with.
“It doesn’t look like too many… six, maybe seven,” he said. She picked up a leg wrap and threw it at him. It hit his temple and he fell backwards on the floor.
“Oh the pain!” he exclaimed dramatically.
“I can’t believe it, my murderous leg wrap worked again. I wonder if the police will catch on this time,” she wondered out lout. Sam sat up and then stood.
“I hope not, I’d miss you if they put you on death row.” Cotey laughed and glanced at the twins. They were scampering down the aisle after Runt.
“Yeah, I’d have to sneak you in with me, huh?” Sam nodded and kissed her. She smiled against his lips.
“What’s so funny?” he demanded, pulling away slightly.
“Nothing. We just never do this anymore.” Sam nodded and pulled her closer again.
“There are a lot of things we don’t do anymore,” he whispered deviously in her ear. She laughed, pushing him away and jogging after the twins.
That night Jess and Jason walked into one of the better restaurants in Saratoga. They were meeting his parents for dinner.
“I am absolutely dreading this,” she said. Jason nodded and squeezed her hand.
“So am I.” Jess smiled and shook her head.
“At least they like you a little. They hate me. What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing. Everyone I’ve ever dated has been ‘wrong’ for me, even Carrie.” Jess sighed and glanced up at him. His jaw had tightened.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly. He glanced down at her and smiled.
“Thanks Jessi.” They had reached the table his parents were sitting at and they sat down across from them. Jess had worn a black dress that showed off her perfect figure. Her hair was piled on top of her head.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Fute, thank you for inviting me,” she said with a smile.
“Oh, you’re welcome dear,” his mother muttered, pasting on a false smile. Jason gave his mother a sharp look, and then put his hand on Jess’s thigh. She put her hand over his quickly and he removed his hand, sending her an apologetic look.
“We really do appreciate this Dad. We don’t have the chance to go out like this too often with our schedules the way they are. Between Jessi’s races and competitions, my shows, and Beth… it’s pretty hard.”
“Races? Are you a jockey Jessica?” Mr. Fute asked.
“Yes. I usually ride under Cotey Malloy or Sam Giran’s colors. They’re close friends.”
“Oh,” both parents said at the same time. Jess sighed and stood up, putting her hand on Jason’s shoulder.
“I’m going to go use the restroom. I’ll be right back. If the waiter comes, order me some spaghetti and a salad,” she said. He nodded and watched her walk away. His parents began talking as soon as Jess was out of earshot.
“Jessica Michaels, isn’t she the one who was raped Jason?” his mother asked.
“Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?” His mother shrugged.
“Just that most men become involved with women because they’re… pure,” his father said. Jason almost choked on his water.
“Have you guys lost your minds? I love Jess. I could care less what happened to her in the past, especially something that wasn’t her fault.”
“This is such a lower thing than you had with Carrie,” his mother whispered. Jason closed his eyes.
“Mother, please don’t bring Carrie into this. She’s been dead for almost four years. It was high time I moved on, and I found someone who made me happy. Jess is just as good as Carrie… in some ways she’s better.”
“Of course, this girl isn’t dead.” Jason stood and shook his head, starting to walk away.
“That’s just a bonus,” he muttered. Jess was just walking out of the bathroom, and went to his side.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. Jason sighed and put his arm around her waist.
“Nothing. We’ll talk about it when we get back to the farm.” Jess nodded and they walked out of the restaurant together.
Jess sat down on the couch next to Jason, leaning against him.
“We probably shouldn’t have walked out like that. It isn’t going to help anything, especially not your relationship with your parents.”
“I don’t care. You’re more important to me than any stupid dinner with my parents that they arranged just to grill you.”
“What exactly did they say?” Jason sighed and moved to a reclining position and pulled her so she was leaning back against him.
“Do you really want to know?” he asked. Jess nodded, looking up at him.
“I think I need to.”
“Alright,” he said, beginning to tell her exactly what had been said. When he finished she sat up and looked at him.
“Is that the way you feel? Do you feel differently about me because I’ve had sex?” Jason shook his head and put his hands on her shoulders.
“No. I could care less about that. I mean… I hate Patrick for what he did, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“Oh.” Jason sighed and stood up, pacing back and forth.
“If I could ease your mind about this I would. I know I can’t really though. I love you completely and unconditionally.”
“I know. It’s just so hard to believe it… guys date girls because they aren’t used goods.”
“Damnit Jess, you aren’t used goods! You had absolutely no choice in what happened with Patrick Giran, nobody did.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry you’re insecure about this. I wish I could fix it but I know I can’t.”
“Nobody can. I’m going to go home now Jas. I’ll see you tomorrow maybe.” Jason helped her up, pulling her into the tight embrace.
“I love you Jess,” he whispered, kissing her gently. She nodded, pulled away and walked out the door.
That Saturday Jess rode over to Jason’s on one of her father’s mares. Jason was sitting on the stairs of his house with his parents. Jess groaned inwardly.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Fute. Hey Jas,” she muttered, giving him a quick kiss.
“Hey Jessi, how’ve you been the past few days?” he asked.
“Fine. I’m going to take her down to the barn and put her away, ok?”
“Sure. We’ll be here when you get back.” She nodded and led the mare down to the barn. Once in the stall she let out a big breath. “You’re not off the hook yet,” Jason said, coming into the stall. Jess whirled around.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. Jason shrugged and walked closer, picking up a curry comb and running it over the mare’s sleek coat.
“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?” he suggested.
“Nothing I guess. If you’re upset because I haven’t been here the past few days, don’t be. I’ve been busy helping Daddy at the farm, and I was teaching classes for Cotey. I was also arranging things with Mr. Lucas.”
“So it had nothing to do with the fact that you were upset Tuesday?”
“Nope. I was just busy, that’s all.”
“That’s good, I don’t like it when people I care about avoid me at all costs.” Jess sighed and tossed her brush into its bucket.
“What do you want from me Jason?” she demanded. Jason shrugged and threw up his hands.
“I don’t know Jess, maybe a little trust or understanding. I told you the truth the other day. Not many guys would tell their girlfriend what his parents thought of her, especially when it’s not good.”
“So do you want a standing ovation or something Jason? You act like you fixed every problem in the world by telling me. Just because you told me something your parents said, which by the way I could care less about, you don’t deserve anything.”
“So I don’t deserve anything? I didn’t ask for anything, did I?”
“Not in so many words, no. You may as well have though. Gratitude is a little more than I can give right now.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve given enough. I’m done giving! Nobody deserves it. You can all tell me everything is great and perfect, but it’s not.”
“I didn’t say it was. You’re the one getting mad at me because I asked you what was wrong, and obviously something is. I’ll see you up at the house.” Jess nodded and began to pick the mare’s hooves. Jason sighed and walked out.
Jess put her present on the large table half an hour later. Beth was sitting in the seat of honor. She smiled at Jess when she saw the size of the present.
“Thanks Jessi! That one’s really big.” Jess nodded and sat down next to Cotey, Sam, and the twins.
“Why aren’t you sitting with Jason?” Cotey whispered.
“I haven’t seen you guys in awhile, felt like visiting with you,’ Jess replied.
“Oh. The twins were visiting with my cousin Matt.” Jess smiled.
“He’s getting married this spring right?”
“Yeah, I’m going to be in the wedding party.”
“That’s great. Are the twins going too?”
“No. Sam and I were going to ask you later, but do you think you could watch them? It’ll be overnight… three at the most. We have to go so South Glens Falls, and get in all the practices.”
“I’ll check my date book, but I think I can do it.” Cotey smiled and they watched as Beth began to open her presents. When she got to the one from Jess she looked up and smiled. She opened it and found a brand new pair of high boots and a dove grey riding habit. She smiled and looked in the box again. There were two more wrapped presents. She opened the smallest first and found a Breyer model of Gem Twist. Then she opened the next and found a picture of her on Magic, riding in a two-point around the arena.
“Thanks Jessi, this is my favorite!” the girl exclaimed happily.
“You’re welcome kiddo. Keep opening, I bet they get better.” She glanced at Jason and tried to catch his eye, but he was watching Beth. She sighed and leaned back in her chair.
Jess got back from Kentucky two weeks later. She had ridden four times, three of them to victory. She had gotten second in the one race she didn’t take first in. Cotey and Sam greeted her warmly when she walked into the stable yard.
“I’m so proud of you!” Cotey exclaimed, giving her a big hug. Jess smiled and hugged her back. Sam gave her a quick pat on the back.
“I just rode the way you taught me to, that’s all,” she said. Cotey shook her head and smiled.
“You’re too modest. Come on, Fantasy’s been looking for you.” Jess smiled and walked down the aisle toward the mare’s stall.
“Hey girl how’re you?” she crooned. Fantasy whinnied when she heard Jess’s voice. Jess let herself into the stall and wrapped her arms around her neck.
“Looks like you missed her too,” Sam observed. Jess laughed and turned to face her friends.
“Yeah, all I got to ride were high strung, nasty mares. The stallions were even worse.”
“They always are. Mr. Lucas isn’t one of my favorite people. What did he say when you got the place?” Jess shrugged.
“I didn’t stick around to listen to all of it. He was upset, but I rode my best and that’s all that matters to me.” Cotey nodded.
“Everyone here is proud of you. Jason brought Beth over to play with the twins and we all watched your races.”
“That’s great,” she muttered. Cotey glanced at Sam, telling him silently to give them a moment alone.
“I’m going to go see what the twins are up to. I’ll see you later Jessi.” She nodded and watched as he retreated.
“So what’s going on?” Cotey asked when he was gone.
“Nothing…everything. Jason acts like the world owes him a living or something. Especially me. The other day he was angry because I hadn’t been over in a couple days. It’s like he thinks that I don’t have a life.”
“Was it that, or was it that you two got into an argument before you disappeared for three days? He was telling me about it, and it seemed like you were kind of avoiding him.” Jess sighed and walked out of the stall.
“What is this? Team up on Jess and try to make her feel guilty about everything month? I swear, you people don’t let up.”
“So you actually meant it when you said that Jason doesn’t deserve anything, that nobody does?”
“Exactly.” Cotey watched as Jess grabbed Fantasy’s tack and grooming kit, turning and walking back into the aisle.
“I think you know that’s not true. I deserve a little something… I let you ride the best jumper I have. I gave you a job. And Jason? He deserves more than you can give him. He puts up with the way you’re being, and he’s going to put up with one hell of a lot more before you two are through.”
“What does Jason go through? What’s so hard for him?”
“The same thing that was hard for Sam. Loving someone who can’t do anything to show them they love them back.”
“I love Jason!”
“How is he supposed to know that? He kissed you, but you tense up. He touches you and you flinch away. And sex… well sex is just a dream.”
“So I’m being unfair?” Jess demanded. Cotey nodded and watched as Jess threw the saddle and bridle to the floor. “Well, by all means keep your saddle and your horse. Maybe I should just hop right into bed with Jason. Would that make you all happy? From what I’ve heard, that isn’t the way it happened with Sam. Why should I feel guilty if you never did?” Cotey was stunned.
“We’re talking about you Jess,” she whispered.
“No! We’re talking about begin scared to death of someone you love. Maybe I should ask Sam just how willing you were to sleep with him after you got raped. Maybe you were able to just forget it all, but I can’t. It’s been six months Cotey, and from what I understand you didn’t sleep with Sam for close to nine years… until right before you were married.”
“That has nothing to do with it!” Cotey exclaimed.
“It has everything to do with it! You can’t tell me that I’m being unfair to Jason after six months… not when you were just as unfair to Sam for nine years.” She turned and stalked out of the barn. She got into her car and backed quickly out of the driveway.
Jason rode More over to Jess’s house, with Beth on Magic. Beth was posting to the flowing motion of the gelding’s trot. Jason smiled when they rode into the stable yard. It was just starting to snow, but Jess was still going over a jump course on a bay gelding. Jason and Beth dismounted, leading their horses the rest of the way into the yard. Jess saw them and pulled up.
“Hi Jessi!” Beth exclaimed. Jess smiled and told her mount to walk to the fence. The animal was still in high spirits, so he started to trot.
“Walk you bonehead,” she muttered, taking back on the reins. The animal responded, easing to a walk.
“Nice looking animal Jess. A little excited about jumping isn’t he?” Jason said.
“Yeah, he likes it a lot. What are you guys doing here?”
“Do you want to ask or do you want me to?” Jason asked his daughter. Her blonde curls were pulled into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. She had a purple fleece pull-over on, and a black riding helmet. She was wearing a pair of riding sweats and riding sneakers.
“I’ll ask!” Beth exclaimed. “Do you want to come over and eat dinner with us tonight? Afterwards we’re going on a trail ride.” Jess drew in a deep breath and glanced at Jason.
“I don’t know Bethy, I’ve got stuff to do tonight.” Beth’s face fell and she looked at her father.
“But it wouldn’t be any fun without you! After we go out riding we’re going to come back and have hot cocoa and watch movies. Daddy said that me and him could sleep on the living room floor.” Jess sighed.
“OK, ok, I’ll come.” She turned her attention to Jason and asked, “What time are you eating?”
“Five… maybe five thirty. Do you want to stay and watch movies too, or would you rather just ride back home?”
“I’ll stay. I’ve gotta’ get back to working with this horse. I have six others that are green over fences, and four others that need some work.” Jason nodded and gave Beth a boost into the saddle.
“Listen Jess, Cotey told me about the fight you had. I told her that she had no right saying those things to you. She was out of place.”
“Thanks… but they were true weren’t they?” Jason shrugged.
“Some of it maybe, but not all. Thanks for coming tonight, it means a lot to Beth… it means a lot to me.” Jess nodded and pointed to Beth’s retreating figure.
“You better hurry up and catch her. I don’t want her to get hit by a car on the road.” He nodded.
“If you want you can bring your sleeping bag tonight. Beth would like a big sleepover!” he called back as he cantered away. Jess sighed and told her mount to trot, going toward the course again.
Jess rode one of her favorite mares to Jason’s that night. The animal was 15.3 hands tall, and a beautiful black Arabian. She had a single white star on her forehead. Her name was Wishing Star. Beth came racing from the house in sock feet, wearing no jacket.
“Hi Jessi!” she exclaimed. Jess leaned down and lifted the little girl into the saddle.
“What are you doing outside without a jacket or boots on? You’ll freeze to death or catch a bad cold.” Beth shrugged and adjusted her position in front of Jess.
“I saw you riding up the driveway and I wanted to say hi.” Jess smiled and dismounted, leading Beth and Star to the barn.
“Well your father is going to kill you. It snowed today and you’re running around with no shoes on.” Beth giggled.
“Elizabeth! Where are you?” Jason called from the front porch. Beth turned in the saddle and waved.
“Hi Daddy!” she yelled. He sighed and jogged toward them. They were right outside the barn now.
“Hey Jess. Elizabeth Fute, what do you think you’re doing?” he demanded. Beth bowed her head.
“I came out to see Jessi,” she muttered. Jason pulled her barn boots on to her feet and tied them.
“Without shoes on? Beth these are your good clothes. Grandma and Grandpa paid good money for them, and I’m sure they wouldn’t want you running around the barn in them.”
“I’m sorry Daddy,” she said.
“It’s ok honey, next to put on a jacket and some shoes. I don’t want you to get sick.”
“OK,” Beth said. Jason lifted her off of Star’s back and they followed Jess to a stall.
“Where are we going to be riding to?” Jess asked. Jason shrugged and took her saddle from her.
“Out on the trails and in the woods. Maybe we’ll go through Cotey’s woods and to the far pasture. I’m not sure yet though,” he said.
“I’m going to go see Magic,” Beth said suddenly, jogging down the aisle. They watched her go.
“We should start teaching her how to jump. I think she’d be really good at it with her seat and two-point.” Jason nodded and looked up the aisle toward Beth.
“Yeah. I saw her doing two-point a couple days ago. It looked really decent.”
“I thought you’d think so. We could start working on it tomorrow or maybe this weekend,” Jess suggested.
“She’ll be excited to start. I think she’s getting a little bored just trotting and cantering around the ring every day.” Jess took the bridle off and walked out of the stall, taking the saddle from him and walking toward the tack room.
“Of course she is. After you’ve done it for awhile you start to look forward to something new… especially when your two best friends are already doing things like jumping.” Jason nodded.
“Come on Bethy, we’re going up to the house now!” he called. Beth jogged toward them and the trio walked back up toward the house.
After their trail ride, the three returned home. It was almost nine thirty at night. They had had a great time, despite the cold. They set up their sleeping bags on the living room floor and then turned on the movie ‘Danny.’ Beth was asleep before it was half over, but Jess wanted to finish the movie.
“Should we bring her upstairs?” Jess asked when it was over. Jason shook his head, sliding back into his sleeping bag beside her.
“No. She’d be angry tomorrow morning. Are you tired?”
“A little. Daddy had me up at four this morning helping him with some horses.”
“I’ll get up and turn out the lights,” he whispered. She watched as he did. When he came back he snuggled down.
“I had fun tonight,” she told him quietly. He nodded, sitting up on his elbow and leaning on his hand.
“Me too. I’m sorry about the fight we had the other day Jess… that was stupid.”
“It’s ok. I was being dumb about everything. Let’s try to go to sleep.” She was silent for a moment. “Jason do you think what Cotey said was true?”
“Some of it. I don’t feel the way she said exactly. I mean, I don’t think you’re being unfair to me. Maybe she was right when she said it just gets harder, but I don’t think you’re being unfair.”
“You don’t?” He put his hand on her shoulder gently.
“No. If anyone is being unfair, it’s me. I’m the one who makes you uncomfortable about things.” She let her hand touch his face.
“You don’t make me uncomfortable, my memories do. I get scared when I think about him and what he did.”
“Then I’m not doing my job… you aren’t suppose to remember him. I’m supposed to be doing something to help you forget.” She kissed him then, wrapping her arms around him.
“I love you Jas. Will you hold me tonight?”
“Absolutely,” he said, unzipping his sleeping bag and pulling her close to him.
The next morning Jess woke up early. Jason wasn’t in his sleeping bag anymore, but it was well past feed time. Jess glanced at Beth and smiled before she got up and pulled her jacket and boots on, walking from the house. Jason was leading More into a paddock.
“Hey, morning!” he called. She smiled and walked closer, putting her arm around his waist.
“Morning. Need some help?” she asked. He nodded and pointed to a pitchfork.
“You could muck some stalls for me,” he said, going into the tack room.
“I could?” she asked incredulously. He reappeared and smiled, handing it to her.
“You sure could,” he said, placing a quick kiss on her lips. Jess smiled and walked into one of the open stalls, shoveling the dirty bedding into a bucket.
Beth raced into the barn at almost eight a.m. Jess smiled and leaned her pitchfork against the wall.
“Good morning sleeping beauty,” she kidded. Beth smiled.
“Hey Jessi. Where’s Daddy? I want to ride Magic now.”
“He went to the feed store in Malta, but he’ll be back soon. I could start with you if you want.”
“Really? Daddy told me he wanted to start working on something new today. What is it?”
“Let’s go get Magic saddled and you’ll find out.” They walked down the aisle and into Magic’s stall. Jess got the mare saddled and led her to the arena. A green cross rail was set up on one of the long straights, so Jess smiled. “See that jump?” she asked. Beth nodded. “Well you’re going to learn how to go over it.”
“Really?” Beth murmured. Jess gave her a leg into her saddle.
“Really. First just go around the jump.” Beth nodded and urged Magic into a walk. Soon they were warming up at a trot, and then they went around a couple times at a canter. “Alright Beth. I want you to trot toward the jump next time around. When you get right about here,” she stopped talking and stood about two feet from the jump before continuing, “Squeeze with your legs, go into your two-point and give Magic more rein.” Beth nodded and asked Magic to trot. They got to where Jess was standing and Beth did as Jess had told her. Magic popped over the jump, beginning to canter on landing.
“Was that right?” Beth called, moving Magic back to a trot.
“That was great. I’ll stand right here for a couple more practices, but then I’ll move and let you find your take off point by yourself.” Beth took the jump a second time, this time clipping the pole. She pulled up and looked at Jess.
“What happened?” she asked. Jess smiled at the four year old.
“Magic’s hooves hit the pole. It means you either took off to late or too early. You’re doing fine Bethy.”
“OK. Didn’t my Mommy do this a lot?” Jess smiled and walked closer to Magic.
“Sometimes I think. I know she did dressage a lot more. Why don’t you take the jump once more. Then we’ll go to the loft and talk for a little while about your Mom.”
“OK!” Beth exclaimed. Jess watched as Beth went around the ring again. Magic took off at the perfect spot this time, and cantered around the ring once.
“Great job Beth. Let’s take care of him and then we’ll go talk,” she said.
Almost fifteen minutes later Jess and Beth sat at the top of the loft on two bales of hay.
“Did you know my Mommy?” Beth asked. Jess nodded and got a very clear image of Carrie in her head.
“I sure did. When I started taking lessons from your Aunt Cotey when I was 4 I met your Mom. She was a really great person Beth… you’re a lot like her.”
“I am? Daddy never told me that. He said I look like her.” Jess smiled a little.
“You look a lot like your Mom… pretty just like she was with that curly blonde hair. Your personality is like hers too. From what I remember she was outgoing, funny, smart, and she was a great rider too.”
“I’m pretty? Daddy tells me that all the time, but I didn’t know that everybody thought so.” Jess laughed.
“Well, I’m sure everybody does. Your Mom would’ve thought so. She was so excited when she found out she was going to have a baby. I remember that she came to the barn every day and taught my jumping class, and after that we’d talk about the baby.”
“You mean she knew that I was going to be me?” Beth asked. Jess thought for a moment.
“I think that she knew you were going to be an amazing person. All of us did. You had the two best parents in almost the whole world, and we all knew you were going to be just like them. We didn’t know what you’d look like… your Mom didn’t even know you were going to be a girl.”
“I thought all mommies knew that. Why didn’t she know?” Jess moved to sit next to her, and put an arm around Beth’s shoulders.
“Because she wanted it to be a surprise. She wanted everyone to be surprised, especially your Daddy. They were both so happy that you were coming though.”
“Do you think I could do dressage too? I want to be just like my Mommy.”
“Maybe I could teach you that when you’re a little bit older. I think your Mom would like that.” Beth was silent for a moment, and Jess could tell the little girl was deep in thought.
“Did Daddy and Mommy love each other?” she asked suddenly, looking up at Jess with big blue eyes. Jess nodded, feeling tears come to her eyes.
“Oh yes, they loved each other an awful lot. Your Daddy missed her so much when she died.”
“Does he still?” Jess nodded, unaware that Jason had come into the loft long ago, and was listening to everything she said.
“Of course he does sweetie. I don’t think he’ll ever stop missing her; they were together for a very long time.”
“He still loves her too doesn’t he?”
“Sure he does. He remembers all the happy times they had… riding together, and when she got pregnant. And every time he looks at you he has a special reminder of what they shared.”
“Would my Mommy love me?” Beth asked softly. Jess pulled her into a tight hug.
“Beth she would’ve loved you so, so much. I bet she’s looking down on you every single day, watching over you, and thinking just how much she loves you.” Beth smiled up at her.
“Thanks Jessi. Can we go see if Daddy’s home?” Jess nodded and hefted the girl onto her back for a piggy back ride before leaving.
Jason was sitting in his office, looking out the window when Jess and Beth walked in.
“Hey Daddy, guess what?” He smiled and lifted Beth on to his lap, giving her blonde ponytail a tug.
“What?” he asked. Beth grinned and at Jess.
“I started to jump today!” she exclaimed. Jason smiled and glanced at Jess.
“Really? Why don’t we go down to the arena and see how well you do that?” Beth nodded and slid off his lap, going toward Magic’s stall. Jess turned to follow, but Jason caught her arm. She turned and looked up at him with big eyes.
“What?” she whispered. He kissed her gently and then pulled away, looking into her eyes.
“I love you Jessica Michaels. A lot.” She smiled.
“I love you too. Where did that come from?” she asked, putting her arms around his waist.
“I heard you and Bethy talking in the loft. Thank you for telling her those things… I haven’t been able to.” She nodded, rubbing his back.
“That’s ok. She had a lot of questions, so I did the best I could.”
“You did a really good job. I can’t imagine anyone else giving her better answers.” She nodded again and they walked out of the office and toward Magic’s stall hand in hand.
Two weeks later, in the middle of December, Jess rode into a show ring in New Jersey. She was riding in a grand prix, indoor competition. She patted Wishing Star on the neck.
“Come on girl, we can do this,” she whispered as she saluted the judges. She told start to canter and went toward the first jump. The duo went quickly through the course, claiming the top time and first place. Jess knew that no one could beat them now, not realistically anyway. She was still disappointed; she had done a sloppy job on the course.
“That was great!” Jason exclaimed. Jess shook her head and dismounted.
“No it wasn’t. I was late on the fourth jump, and then she was off stride twice. I was just sloppy.” Jason put his arm around her shoulders.
“Everybody’s a critic, but you’re the only one who’s this hard on you. Give yourself a little credit Jess. You went clear in a very fast time, and that’s great.”
“But…” Jason cut her off, putting his index finer over her lips and shaking his head.
“No buts. Come on, let’s get her in her stall. Then we’ll come back and watch the rest of this class.” Jess nodded and they led Star toward her stall.
Jess rode back into the ring as her number was called for first place. She smiled and made star stand as the ribbon was placed on her bridle. She waved to the crowd and then cantered around the ring once. Jason was standing at the gate, smiling broadly.
“I told you that you did fine,’ he told her. She dismounted and ran her stirrups up, shaking her head at the same time.
“Just because I came I came in first doesn’t mean that I rode any better than I thought I did. It just means that the judges weren’t seeing what I was feeling.” Jason sighed followed her into the stall.
“Nobody saw what you felt… that’s the beauty of how you ride. If I think I have a sloppy ride, so does everyone else. If you do, nobody can tell.” Jess smiled.
“Thank you,” she said. He nodded and took her saddle.
“You’re welcome. That doesn’t change your opinion of your ride does it?” She laughed and shook her head, pulling her golden hair from the net it was in.
“Hardly. Come on, we’ve got to give her awhile to rest before we load up and head home.” Jason nodded and followed her from the stall.
Beth was still awake when Jason stopped home. His parents were waiting patiently for him to put her to bed.
“Why don’t you come with me when I take Jess home Bethy?” he asked. Mr. and Mrs. Fute both shook their heads.
“That’s alright Son, we’ll watch her until you get back,” his father said. Jason shook his head, taking Jess’s hand.
“No, she can come with us. We’ll all be sleeping in tomorrow, and she probably wants to hear all about Jess and her first place ribbon.”
“You got first place?” Beth asked. Jess smiled and nodded. “Wow that’s so neat!” she exclaimed, hugging Jess tightly.
“It was an experience Bethy. Come on, let’s go wait in the truck for Daddy.” Beth nodded and walked out the door with jess. Shortly after, Jason came out with a scowl on his handsome face. “What’s wrong?” she asked. He shook his head, starting the truck and driving down the driveway.
“Nothing. My parents are just ridiculous.” Jess nodded and glanced at Beth; the little girl was already asleep.
“Well, they can say whatever they want. It doesn’t really matter what they think.” Jason smiled and touched her shoulder gently.
“I’m glad you feel that way,” he murmured. Jess nodded and put her arm around Beth.
Five days later Jess drove into the driveway at Jason’s, visibly shaking. Jason and Beth were just walking out of the house, dressed in riding clothes. Jason frowned when he saw her.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, taking her shoulders. She shook her head, trying not to cry.
“Patrick’s parole hearing was today. They let him out! It’s only been six months, and he got out on probation. And he came to our house with his parole officer to try and apologize,” she sobbed. Jason sighed, glancing toward Beth. The little girl was walking into the barn happily and hadn’t noticed what was happening.
“What happened/” he muttered. Jess shrugged and wrapped her arms around him.
“I told him to get out and he did,” she muttered, moving closer to him as his arms slid around her.
“But?”
“But not before saying that I was the best he ever had,” she said. Jason released her.
“Where is he?” he demanded. She shook her head, eyes wide with fear.
“I don’t know. Jason, don’t you dare do anything stupid!” she called as he got into his truck.
“Watch Beth… we were going to work on jumping. I’ll be back in awhile.”
“Jason what are you going to do?” she asked, grabbing his shoulder.
“I’m going to go get Sam, and then go find Patrick. Just stay here and don’t worry.”
“Please don’t. I don’t want any more problems. I just want him to go away.” He took her shoulders and looked at her seriously.
“Damnit Jess, he isn’t going to go away! He isn’t going to leave us alone until someone makes him.” She shook her head, starting to cry again.
“You don’t know that! He might just decide it isn’t worth the trouble.”
“Might. That’s not good enough for me, and I know it’s not good enough for you!” he exclaimed, getting into the truck and driving away. A tug on her jacket caught Jess’s attention. She glanced down and smiled weakly at Beth.
“Hey Bethy, let’s go down to the barn and jump ok?” she said. Beth nodded and followed her down to the barn.
In the arena Jess watched Beth go over a low rail. Her position was horrible, and she was either too late, too early, or off stride entirely.
“Beth, what’s wrong?” Jess asked. Beth pulled up.
“Are you and Daddy mad at each other?” she asked, dismounting.
“We’re not mad at each other kiddo… just at someone who wants to cause trouble.” Beth ran her stirrups up and led Magic to his stall.
“So why were you yelling at each other?” she questioned when they were in the stall. Jess sighed.
“There’s a lot of grown up stuff involved that you won’t understand Bethy.” Beth shook her head and undid the girth and the throat latch on the bridle.
“I’ll understand,” Beth said seriously. Jess sighed and lifted the saddle off of Magic’s back, and taking the bridle off.
“Beth, you’re four. You can’t possibly understand this,” she said, walking into the tack room.
“Do your best to explain it.” Jess sighed.
“Alright, come on,” she said, leading Beth back to the loft. They sat on two bales of hay again, and Jess opened her mouth to speak and then sighed again.
“Well are you going to tell me or not? Why are you and Daddy yelling and fighting about someone else?” Jess smiled at the bold words.
“Because somebody that hurt me awhile ago is trying to hurt me again. Your Daddy wants to talk to them and make them leave me alone. I think that the person will just leave me alone anyway.”
“Somebody hurt you? How? Did they break your arm or leg or something like that?” Beth asked.
“No. They hurt my… well kind of my feelings. Maybe someday I’ll be able to tell you more about it, but I can’t now. It isn’t something your Daddy would want me to explain to you, you’re too little.”
“Daddy says that everyone should be open and honest. Isn’t everybody you too?” Jess laughed.
“Sure, but in this case I know he wouldn’t want me to be.” Beth nodded and was silent for a moment, her face serious.
“I heard grandma and Grandpa talking… they said you were raped. What’s that mean Jessi?” Jess felt tears well in her eyes.
“That’s when someone forces you to do something you don’t want to do.”
“Like eat my dinner?” Jess shook her head and smiled, knowing that Beth couldn’t understand.
“Like… sort of like selling the one horse that’s the best you have. Your prize possession… the one thing that means more to you than anything else in the world.”
“So that’s what grandma meant?” she asked. Jess nodded and listened as Beth asked, “So is the person Daddy want to talk to the person who raped you? Is that why he wants them to leave you alone.”
“Yes, exactly. Is that all Bethy? I’d really like to go up to the house and wait to hear from your dad.” Beth nodded and climbed onto her back for a piggy back ride.
“Yup.” Jess closed her eyes for a brief moment and then walked to the house.
At almost midnight Sam helped Jason into his living room. Beth was in bed, and for that Jess was extremely grateful. She stood up, looking from Sam to Jason and then back again.
“What the hell happened?” she demanded. Sam sat Jason on the couch, frowning at the groan Jason let out.
“He isn’t really hurt… just pretty drunk. He kicked the crap out of Patrick… I helped. His probation officer just stood there and watched. Then Jason wanted to get a beer or something before we came home. He got a beer alright.” Jess nodded, going into the kitchen and running some cold water.
“Wonderful. Meanwhile I’m sitting at home with his four year old daughter, scared out of my mind.” She filled a large glass with water and carried it to the living room. “Stand him up,” she told Sam. He did and Jess pulled a dining room chair in front of Jason and climbed on to it.
“What are you doing Jessi?” he asked cautiously. She smiled.
“Exactly what you think I’m doing,” she replied, dumping the water over Jason’s head. He was instantly awake, sputtering and wiping his face.
“What the hell…” he began. Jess didn’t let him finishing, shoving him backwards. He stumbled and fell, staring up at her.
“You have the nerve to go beat someone up, get your best friend involved, go get drunk, and then come home? You have to be the biggest ass I’ve ever known. Sam, take him home with you or put him in the office down at the barn. I don’t want Beth waking up and finding her totally trashed father.” Sam nodded, helping Jason to his feet and walking out. Jess sighed with relief, plopping down on the couch again.
The next morning Jess woke to the feeling of eyes on her. She rolled over and saw Jason sitting on the edge of the bed watching her. She sat up, instantly cautious. He held up his hands in surrender.
“Relax. I’m not drunk anymore… but I do have one hell of a hangover.”
“Don’t complain to me, I’m not the one who got drunk. Beth was good. She slept through the night.”
“She always does. Thanks for the cold shower last night, it did some good.”
“It didn’t look like it. You just sat there on your butt looking up at me.”
“I was stunned. I thought Cotey was going to kill me when Sam dragged me in. She hit me.”
“And I thought she’d be the one saying I was being selfish for not letting you stay.” Jason laughed and let his hand touch her leg. She looked at him, her eyes begging him not to go any further.
“Jessi I won’t hurt you. Trust me with that please,” he whispered, leaning down and kissing her. Jess fought a battle in her mind, knowing that it would hurt Jason if she pushed him away. She also know that it would hurt her if she didn’t. She kissed back, feeling his hands move to her hips. She squirmed, trying to sit up.
“Jason don’t,” she said. Jason pulled away.
“OK, it’s ok, I’m stopping,” he told her, pulling his hands away and sitting up. She touched his shoulder when he turned away.
“Don’t be mad,” she said. He didn’t look at her, didn’t trust himself to.
“I’m not mad,” he promised. Jess slid off the bed, kneeling on the floor in front of him.
“Then what’s wrong? I’m sorry that I can’t just…” Jason shook his head.
“It’s not you Jess. It’s me,” he said. She shook her head, putting her hands on his thighs.
“Cotey was right wasn’t she? I’m not being fair to you. But you’re not being fair to me.” He stared at her in surprise. “I’m not starting a fight Jason, but we need to talk about this.” He nodded.
“You’re right,” he murmured.
Beth woke up at nine that morning, and found her father and Jess laying in his bed together. They were wrapped in each other’s arms and smiling.
“Daddy you were late last night!” she exclaimed, climbing on to the bed in between them.
“I sure was,” he said, tickling her. Beth laughed and squirmed away.
“Really late! But you know what?”
“No, but you better tell me.”
“Jess told me what you guys were fighting about, and what raped means.” Jason glanced at Jess, but she shook her head.
“Really? Sounds like you guys had fun. Why don’t you go and find your bathrobe? It’s cold this morning.’ Beth climbed off the bed and raced from the room.
“Relax, I told her that raped meant a person took something important from you.” Jason sighed with relief.
“What brought that up?” She shrugged and moved closer to him.
“Apparently she heard your parents talking about it. She asked and I couldn’t just avoid that kind of a question. I just put it on hold for a few years.”
“Thanks. It isn’t my dream for her to know about this until…” Jess sat up, leaning on her elbow.
“Until what? Until she gets raped herself? I’ll tell her about it sometime, but not until she’s at least hit puberty. She needs to know, just not yet.”
“OK.” They were quiet for a moment. “Where’s Beth?” he asked, sitting up.
“I don’t know.” They both jogged down the hall to Beth’s room and found her staring out the window.
“Bethy what’s taking so long?” Jason asked. Beth looked at him and smiled.
“Sorry Daddy, I was watching Magic. Can I have some breakfast?” Jess smiled and took Jason’s hand.
“Come on, let’s go get some food.” She pulled him down the stairs and into the kitchen, with Beth running behind them.
Christmas Eve arrived quickly, and all the children were excited. Cotey invited Jason and Beth to a party at her house, and he asked Jess to come with them. She declined, not wanting to deal with Cotey.
“Hey Jas!” Cotey exclaimed, giving him a hug. Sam shook his hand and gave Beth a hug. Dominick and Rachel came racing into the foyer, giggling.
“Hi Beth!” Rachel exclaimed. Beth smiled and dropped her coat on the floor, running after the twins as they raced upstairs. The adults all laughed.
“How’ve you guys been?” he asked. They shrugged, walking into the living room.
“Pretty good. Where’s Jess?” Cotey asked. Jason glanced at Sam.
“She isn’t coming. After the fight you two had she decided it was better this way.” Cotey sighed.
“She should know that I wasn’t serious,” she muttered. Sam shook his head and touched her arm.
“You were serious hon. I was in the office and heard this fight. You meant every word.”
“I guess you’re right. I’ll go call her… apologize and beg her forgiveness.”
“She went out with her Dad and his girlfriend. Big track people party. I think your dad was throwing it Sam.” Sam nodded and rolled his eyes.
“Yeah. He wanted a big media event. Heaven forbid he spends some time with his family. I don’t know why Jessi would go though. I thought she had a little more taste than that.”
“She does. She needed someone to be with on Christmas Eve. She didn’t feel like she could come here, so she went wither her dad.”
“Great. So she’s hanging gout with the snobs of Saratoga instead of her friends,” Cotey muttered.
“Right now she isn’t too sure who her friends are,” Jason told them quietly.
Bet was riding Magic in the arena when Jess arrived the next afternoon. Jason had called and invited her for dinner. She waved to Jason and walked into the ring, watching Beth take the low jumps. She took Jason’s hand.
“She’s doing really well,” she whispered. Jason nodded and wrapped his arm around her waist.
“I know. I’m so proud of her. She’s been working really hard on this.” Jess nodded and watched Beth pull Magic up.
“Hi Jessi! Marry Christmas!” the girl exclaimed excitedly. Jess smiled and held Magic as she dismounted.
“Merry Christmas to you too Bethy. Would you mind if I ride Magic for a minute?”
“No, go ahead. He’d like it!” Jason nodded and had Beth hold Magic while Jess went to get her saddle. He went around and raised the jumps to four feet. Jess came back and switched the saddle, then mounted. She asked him to canter, looking at the jumps and seeing a pattern in the small course. They took the course twice, and then pulled up.
“Good boy,” she said, patting his neck. She trotted over to Beth and Jason.
“That was really good!” Beth exclaimed. Jess smiled.
“Thanks for letting me ride Bethy. My father said he wants me to come home after we’re done her. He has a surprise for me I guess. Then I’m going to go by Cotey and Sam’s to give the twins their presents.” Jason nodded and followed her as she led Magic to his stall.
“Sounds like a busy day,” he said. She smiled and nodded. “What kinds of good stuff did you get for Christmas?”
“A couple pairs of jeans, shirts, breeches, a new saddle and bridle. Just the ordinary stuff… nothing new or exciting.” Jason smiled.
“No new horse?” he asked, taking her hand as they walked out of the barn. Jess ran ahead of them.
“Are you kidding? Daddy told me that I have my pick of any horse at our barn to ride whenever I want, so there’s no reason to buy me a new one.”
“That makes sense. Do you want your present from me?”
“As long as you want the one from me,” she told him. He nodded and handed her a small box. She gave him a perfectly wrapped package for him.
“OK, let’s get this over with,” he said. They opened their gifts at the same time. She let out a small gasp, glancing up at him. He was staring down at the picture in the box she had handed him. He brought his gaze up, his eyes shining.
“What’s wrong with it?” she asked. He shook his head and touched her cheek.
“Nothing. It’s perfect.” He took the picture out of the box. It had been taken the night they had gone on the trail ride. They had all stopped by the stream. Little did Jason and Beth know it but one of Jess’s good friends, a photographer, had been there taking pictures. In the photo Beth was in mid laugh. Jess was looking at her, smiling, and Jason was watching both of them with a smile on his face.
“Good. I wasn’t sure you’d like it.”
“I love it. So what’s the matter with what I got you?” She glanced back down at the ring. It was a small amethyst, but it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. On the inside of the band it had the date they had started dating, and their initials. She slid it on her finger carefully.
“It’s beautiful Jason… but you spent too much money.” He nodded in agreement and put his arm around her shoulders.
“Way too much,” he kidded, kissing her forehead. “Come on, let’s go find Bethy. I think she had a present for you too.”
“Great. I have one for her too, and I hope you don’t mind.”
“Why would I mind?”
“You just might.” They walked into the house, Jason puzzling over what it could be.
Beth was sitting in her room, trying to wrap a box with paper. Jess smiled and went to her side.
“Hey kiddo, what’s up?” she asked. Beth turned and smiled at Jess, her face lighting up.
“Here’s your present!” she exclaimed, handing her the tape covered box. Jess unwrapped it and found a painted picture of a bay horse, and a small glass horse. She smiled as she picked up the picture. It was clearly a four year old piece of art, but she loved it.
“Thank you Beth. This is the most beautiful present I’ve ever gotten,” she said.
“You’re welcome.” Jess handed Beth her present and watched as she opened it. When she did Beth looked up at her and smiled.
“Do you like it?” she asked. Beth nodded slowly, glancing at her father.
“What is it Bethy?” he asked. She held up the picture. It was of Carrie. She was sitting on Rainy. She was smiling as she did a piaffe, staring directly at the camera. Jess glanced at Jason, but he didn’t meet her gaze. She sighed.
“I’m really glad you like it Beth. I better get going… Daddy needed my help with something.” She walked past Beth and was almost out the front door when Jason caught her elbow. She turned but didn’t look at him.
“I thought you were eating with us… I want you to,” he said quietly. She glanced up at him and shook her head.
“No you don’t. I shouldn’t have given Beth that picture. It wasn’t my place.”
“She needs to know who her mother was, and I can’t tell her. It hurts too much. I’m glad you gave that to her.” She smiled up at him.
“Thank you,” she said. He shook his head, leaning down and kissing her gently.
“No, thank you,” he murmured. They walked toward the kitchen to get ready for dinner.
Jess stared at Jason in disbelief several hours alter.
“I’m not staying then. I’m not going to eat Christmas dinner with people who hate me. I won’t do it.”
“I want you to stay. So does Beth. We’ve been looking forward to this,” he said.
“They haven’t been. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas, especially yours or Beth’s. You two matter more to me than some stupid dinner.”
“Hey May, where’s Dad?” Jason asked suddenly. Jess turned and found Mrs. Fute standing in the doorway smiling.
“He’s right behind me. Hello Jessica,” she said. Jason put his arm around Jess’s shoulders.
“Hey Beth, Grandma and Grandpa are here!” he called. They heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and then Beth appeared. She smiled and gave each grandparent a hug.
“Hi Grandma, hi Grandpa!” They both smiled and hugged her back.
“Hey sweetheart,” the said. Beth went over to Jess and looked up at her.
“Jessi tomorrow can we go out for a ride?” she asked. Jess shrugged and tugged her curly blonde hair gently.
“Let’s worry about that tomorrow. Right now I need to get going. So I’ll see everyone later.” She gave Jason a quick kiss, noting the look of disapproval on his face. She started from the room.
“Jason, didn’t you invite your girlfriend to dinner?” his father demanded. Jason opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off.
“My goodness, I thought we’d taught you better manners than that,” his mother said, taking Jess’s arm. “Why don’t you stay dear? There looks to be plenty of food.” Jess glanced at Jason.
“If you really want me to…” she muttered. Beth nodded, jumping up and down.
“Please Jessi? I really want you to… it’ll be fun,” Beth said. Jess nodded.
“Alright, I’ll stay.”
Jess got home at seven thirty that night. Her father was down at the barn.
“OK, I’m ready for this surprise,” she told him. He smiled.
“It’s right this way,” he said, leading her down the aisle. He stopped in front of Wishing Star’s stall.
“Daddy, what does Star have to do with…” she trailed off, realizing what her father meant. She threw her arms around him and said, “Thank you Daddy!”
“You’re welcome honey. I thought you’d like her.”
“I’m going to ride her over to Cotey’s,” she said.
“Alright. Be careful.” Jess smiled and jogged down to the tack room, grabbing her new tack and saddling up.
Cotey and Sam were in the arena riding when Jess arrived. The twins were playing in the aisle with some of the cats. She waved and the twins came racing over.
“Hey Jessi!” they exclaimed in unison. She smiled and handed each of them their gifts. Rachel opened slowly, and Dominick ripped quickly. Rachel gasped.
“Wow! That’s me,” she said. It was a large picture of her jumping Sunny over a brush jump in the stable yard.
“This one is me!” he said. The picture was the same size, but in the photo he was cantering Island around a field bareback.
“Do you like them?” she asked. They both nodded and picked out the last thing in the box. There was a child sized USET jacket and a pair of training breeches.
“These are really neat Jessi!” both exclaimed, once again in unison. Sam and Cotey had ridden up and were shaking their heads.
“You went overboard,” Sam told her.
“It wasn’t that expensive,” she muttered. Cotey dismounted and led Maiden from the ring.
“Well, I guess we’re even. Come with me, I want to give you your present from us.” Jess followed Cotey down the aisle.
“It better not be anything too big,” Jess said. Cotey smiled and opened a stall door.
“There ya’ go,” she said. Jess walked in and found Fantasy munching on hay.
“Cotey… my father just gave me a horse today. I can’t take Fantasy too.”
“Well if you don’t take her I’m just going to ask your father to board her. Either way, she’ll be yours.”
“I’ll have to leave her here tonight. I can come back and get her tomorrow.”
“We’ll trailer her over to your place tonight. She belongs with you.”
“One day isn’t going to make a difference. I need to get going or Daddy will start to get worried.”
“Listen Jess, I’m sorry about what I said. I wasn’t thinking, and I really wish I had been. Love is unconditional, and I should know that better than anyone. I’m sorry it kept you away last night… that it kept you away for so long before that.” She gave Jess a hug and then watched as she led Star out into the snowy weather.
“She’s a good kid,” Sam told her as they watched her trot away. Cotey nodded and walked up the aisle slowly.
“She sure is. Merry Christmas Sam.” He leaned down and kissed her.
“Merry Christmas Cotey.”
