23- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Cotey watched as Jess went over an oxer, her form perfect. Fantasy was moving nicely, eager to please her rider. They took the jump twice more before Jess pulled up.
“That was good. Next week we’ll try a whole course,” Cotey told her oldest student.
“Do you think I’ll be ready for the Saratoga show?” she asked, her eyes hopeful.
“I don’t know Jess. Your knee is still getting use to jumping again. You should wait until next year.” Jess sighed.
“I can’t wait another year, or people are going to forget I exist. I won’t be able to get a job anywhere.” Cotey shook her head and watched as Jess dismounted.
“I hate to break this to you, but nobody has forgotten you. Everyone is looking forward to seeing you on the track. They know you’ll be back, it’s just a matter of time.”
“I feel like I’m running out of time,” she muttered, leading Fantasy past her. Cotey sighed and watched her friend go down the aisle.
Jason was hold the halter of his wife’s yearling, Bliss. The colt was looking around with wide eyes, prancing excitedly.
“Relax dopey, you’re not going to get hurt,” Jason reassured him quietly. Bliss gave him a cautious glance, then stared back at the icy driveway. Shaking his head, Jason tugged the halter. Bliss reared and backed up. The sound of laughter made them both stop. Jess was standing behind them.
“Hey dopey if you don’t slow down you’re going to get hurt,” she told Jason sarcastically. Jason smiled.
“Can you get him outside? My feeble mind isn’t working today,” he said.
“Let me see his lead,” she said. Jason watched as she took it, and then led him outside easily. Once the gate was locked securely behind him she walked back to Jason.
“I’m not going to ask how you did that,” he murmured. Jess laughed and put her arm around his waist.
“Good, because I have no idea. He probably just trusts me more.”
“Where’s Beth?” She smiled softly.
“Piano lessons. She practiced for three hours last night, saying she just couldn’t get it right.”
“What was she playing? He demanded, knowing that Beth played beautifully.
“The Moonlight Sonata.” Jason shook his head.
“She’s only eight, she needs to loosen up.” Jess nodded.
“I know. Cotey told me the other day that Dominick is the same with the flute. She’s worried that he’s stressing himself out with all the practicing.”
“I worry about Beth too. She only comes down to the barn once a day, rides and then is right back in the house playing.”
“She still spends a lot of time down here,” Jess assured him.
“She’s still not the same. She puts so much time into the piano… I guess she’s getting good grades though.”
“Yes she is. Don’t worry so much, she’ll be fine,” she said, kissing him gently. “Do you want to go out on a ride with me?” she asked.
“Always.”
Jess and Jason rode side by side, both posting to their mount’s fluid trots. Jason was riding his new thoroughbred, Lights on Broadway. More had torn several ligaments jumping the month before, so Jason had made the decision to retire him for good.
“Do you want to canter?” she asked. Jason smiled and nodded, watching as Jess told Star to canter. Jason caught up to her quickly. Suddenly Broadway kicked out, and Star jumped. Jess fell off, landing in a thick bed of snow. Jason pulled up and caught Star, then went to Jess.
“Jessi are you ok?” he asked. Her eyes were closed. “Jessi, answer me!” he exclaimed, turning to glance at the horses. Suddenly her arms came around him, pulling him down in the snow.
“Gotcha,” she whispered against his lips.
“You’re a horrible person,” he whispered.
“You’re the one who married me,” she replied. They both laughed. Jess rolled over so he was in the snow.
“Yeah, but you didn’t show this side until after,’ he complained. She moved to get up.
“Well then I won’t show it a gain,” she said. Jason caught her arm and pulled her back on top of him.
“You had better,” he warned. Jess laughed, shaking her head and playing with his hair at the same time.
“Come on, we better get back. That new horse is coming in today, and Mr. Giran made it clear that he was special.” They both stood and mounted their horses, cantering off toward the barn.
The horse trailer arrived an hour after Jason and Jess got back. They had one of their best stalls ready for the new arrival.
“Hey Mr. Giran,” Jess greeted. He smiled and gave her a friendly hug.
“Hello Jessica, how’ve you been?” he asked.
“Pretty wonderful, thanks.”
“Let’s get Caesar to his stall. He’s been pretty restless all the way here.” Jess nodded and watched as they back a huge, dark gray stallion out of the trailer. The animal was prancing uneasily. Jess stepped forward and took his lead shank.
“I’ll take him guys, thanks,” she said, stroking the stallion’s cheek. He calmed instantly. Jason smiled and watched as she led him into the barn.
“So are we working toward some early races?” Jason asked Mr. Giran.
“No. I’m planning to take him in some steeplechases. I know nobody here has ever done it, but we can hire someone.”
“Jessi could probably do it,” Jason said. Mr. Giran shook his head.
“Not anymore she couldn’t. Nobody remembers her Jason, and it would ruin my image if I put her up. Maybe after a few other people get her up in some races, if she wins, I can consider it.”
“That’s some way to treat her,” Jason muttered, turning to go. The man caught his shoulder.
“What are you trying to say Jason?”
“Nothing really. She’s just ridden for you to a lot of wins. She’s busted her butt training your horses while she’s been out of commission. You owe her a little more than this. Your image would probably look better if you gave her a chance.”
“I’ll think about it Jason,” he said. Jason glanced up and found Jess standing a few feet away.
“Don’t bother Mr. Giran, I wouldn’t want to put you out. My knee isn’t ready for racing anyway. I’ll be up at the house,” she muttered, jogging past them. Jason sighed and watched as she went.
Beth got home that night at six, carrying her piano folder. It was black and had a piano on the front that had been stenciled in silver. Her name was also there in silver: ELIZABITH FUTE. She tossed it down, then jogged upstairs.
“Daddy, Jess, I’m back!” she called. She didn’t receive an answer, but did hear a noise. She walked toward her father and Jess’s room, and went in. Jess was sitting by the window, tears running silently down her cheeks. “Jessi are you alright/” she asked, going quickly to her side. Jess turned, trying to smile.
“I’m fine kiddo. How was your lesson today?” Beth was still frowning.
“It was great. Are you sure you’re alright?”
“I’m fine. I promise. Did you learn anything new?” Beth shrugged.
“No, we just worked on the Sonata. It’s pretty hard, but Mrs. McCarthy said that I was doing great with it. Did you ride today?”
“Yup. Your Dad and I went out into the pasture for a little while.”
“Sounds fun,” Beth said.
“It was. Why don’t you go get changed? I’ll start teaching you something new on Apprentice.”
“What?” Beth asked excitedly.
“It’s a surprise. Go get into some riding clothes.” Beth sighed, but jogged out of the room.
Down at the barn Beth warmed Apprentice up, and Jess stood in the center of the ring and watched. Once the big animal was limber, Jess motioned for them to come to the center of the ring.
“I’m going to start working with you on dressage today. I promised you a long time ago that I’d help you with it.” The girl was smiling broadly.
“So I’m going to learn the same stuff my Mom knew?” she asked excitedly.
“You’re going to start. It takes years and years of practice… it’ll take at least a year just to get past the initial training.”
“I can handle that.” Jess smiled. She watched as Beth began trotting her mount around the ring, then started to call instructions.
Jason tightened his tie and watched as Jess went into their bathroom. Beth was playing at a concert that night at the junior high school. The band there had asked her to come and play for two of their songs, and the chorus had asked her to accompany them for all of their selections.
“So how long do you figure this will take?” Jess called. Jason finished tying his shoes and stood up.
“Couple hours I’d say. I’ll be downstairs.” She muttered something that he didn’t quite catch, but he jogged downstairs. Beth was sitting at the piano playing scales. Jason smiled, shaking his head.
“You’re going to wear your fingers out,” he told her, putting his hands on her shoulders. She smiled up at him.
“No way! I’m just warming up. I can’t believe they asked me to play for them.”
“Well I can. You’re pretty great. What time does it start?”
“Seven thirty, but I have to be there at six to practice with the band.”
“It’s five forty five right now. I’ll go upstairs and get Jessi.” Beth nodded and turned back toward the piano. Jason jogged back up the stairs, almost running into his wife.
“Sorry hon. What time are we leaving?”
“Right now. Will you see if you can find her jacket? We have to be there at six so she can warm up.”
“What time does it actually start?”
“Seven. Don’t ask what we’re going to do until it starts, because I don’t know.”
“Ok. Bethy are you ready to go?” she called. Beth appeared, wearing her jacket and carrying her music.
“Yup. Come on Dad, you’re the only one not ready to go.” Jason smiled and followed them out the door.
They got home that night at ten thirty. Beth had done a wonderful job, and had been asked to come back again. Jason carried her up the stairs and got her settled into bed.
“Night sweetheart,” he whispered. He left the room quietly and walked downstairs. Jess had plopped down on the couch, with her head resting against the back. She glanced at him when he sat down.
“She did a great job,” she said quietly. Jason nodded and put his arm around her, pulling her against him.
“I’m proud of her. She should be proud of herself; not many eight year olds I know can play the piano like she does.”
“Not many eight year olds that I know can do a lot of things Beth does. She’s a great rider, she plays the piano, she’s very smart.”
“Yeah, and she has some pretty cool parents,” he added. She grinned.
“You are dead on Mr. Fute. Let’s go to bed,” she said. He smiled, giving her a kiss and then helping her to her feet. They turned off the lights, locked the doors, and then went up to bed.
The next Friday all the kids got out of school for Christmas Break. Beth came home after dark, smiling happily. Suddenly someone grabbed her shoulders.
“Where have you been?” Jess demanded angrily. Tears were still running down her cheeks. Beth looked at her, not understanding what she had done wrong.
“I was at the studio practicing. I didn’t think you guys would mind,” she explained, her voice shaking. Jess released her, shaking her head and brushing tears away.
“Beth we were scared to death something happened to you. We didn’t get a phone call, and you didn’t come home to check in.”
“I’m sorry. Where’s Daddy?”
“Out looking for you. I hope he has the car phone on, maybe I can reach him.” She picked up the phone and dialed. “Jason, it’s me. She’s ok. She came in about ten minutes ago. She was at the studio practicing.”
“I’ll be home in a minute. The roads are pretty bad and I don’t want to rush.”
“OK, be careful Jas.”
“I will. Love you Jessi.” They both hung up and Jess turned back to Beth.
“Come on, let’s get you out of the wet clothes,” she said, putting her hands on Beth’s shoulders and ushering her up the stairs.
An hour later Beth stood in the kitchen, hands on her hips.
“That’s not fair!” she screamed, tears pouring down her cheeks. Jason was pacing back and forth in front of her.
“No piano studio for two weeks. That’s my final word Elizabeth. Since you can’t think of going off without telling people.”
“That’s not fair! I didn’t do anything wrong. I was where I always am on Fridays.”
“Since when? He demanded.
“Since today,” she muttered.
“Get upstairs to bed. It’s past your bedtime.” Beth stomped out of the room and upstairs. Jess sighed and sat down in the chair next to his.
“You didn’t have to be so hard on her Jason,” she said. Jason looked at her.
“I didn’t? She didn’t call home to let us know where she was. We were both worried sick.”
“We all were. Dominick wasn’t home either, and that’s where he was. It should have been the first place we all thought of. I’m proud of her for her dedication in this. I just don’t think you should’ve been so tough on her.”
“Well that’s fine, but you’re not her mother Jessi,” he muttered. Jess closed her eyes briefly, standing up.
“You’re right, I’m not. I’ll see you when I come up for bed. I’ll be down at the barn,” she said, grabbing her coat and walking out the door.
Fantasy was munching happily on her hay when Jess arrived.
“Hey girl. Do you want to go out for a ride?” she asked quietly. Fantasy watched as Jess put her saddle over the stall door. She went in and groomed her carefully, then tacked her up. When she was done she led her into the aisle and swung into the saddle, riding her out into the flurries of snow.
Jason walked down to the barn three hours later, checking the office, the arena, and the loft for Jess. When he got to Fantasy’s stall he stopped; the mare was gone.
“Damnit,” he muttered, jogging out of the barn. It was snowing hard, so hard he could barely see two feet in front of his face. “Jessi! I’m sorry!” he called into the darkness. There was no answer.
Cotey looked out the window, gasping when she saw Jess running up the driveway. She opened the door.
“Cotey it’s Fantasy!” she exclaimed breathlessly. Cotey yanked her into the house, feeling how wet her clothes were.
“Good lord, how did you get so wet?” she demanded, pushing her toward the living room.
“Stop it! Fantasy is hurt out in the woods. We have to go back and get her,” she said.
“We can’t do that right now. It’s snowing so hard… we’ll never find her.”
“I remember where she is! Please… she’ll die if we don’t go.”
“OK. Sam will go with you,” she said.
“Why aren’t you coming?” Jess demanded.
“I have to watch the twins and call Jason to let him know you’re alright.”
“OK. We’ll be back soon,” she said. Sam followed her out into the snow storm. They jogged through the woods.
“Jessi are you sure you know where you’re going?” he called. She turned and squinted at him through the snow.
“I’m positive. Come on, it’s not much farther!” Sam followed, and suddenly heard a horrible sound. A horse was squealing, and water was sloshing. Jess picked up her pace to a run. They reached the edge of a pond quickly. Fantasy was there, up to her neck in icy water. Sam glanced at Jess.
“I don’t know if we can get her out of here,” he said.
“We’re going to get her out. Come on, help me,” she said. Sam gasped as he watched her wade into the freezing water.
“Jessi you’re going to get yourself killed!” he exclaimed. She shook her head and began pulling Fantasy’s bridle.
“No I’m not! Would you help me?” Sam sighed, reaching in and grabbing the other side of the bridle. They pulled until Fantasy got her front hooves on the ground. She jumped onto land, pulling Jess with her.
“Come on, let’s get her home,” Sam said. Jess nodded, glancing back at the water. Her brand new jumping saddle was just starting to sink.
“Good girl Fantasy,” Jess whispered, leading the mare toward the warmth of Cotey’s barn.
The next morning Jason and Beth arrived at Cotey’s.
“She’s still asleep… probably will be for awhile. She worked really hard last night for that stupid horse.”
“She’ll probably come down with pneumonia for being so stupid. Where is she?” Jason asked.
“Up in the spare bedroom. Beth do you want to go down to the barn with Dom and Rachel?”
“Sure. See you later Dad,” she muttered. Jason sighed and jogged up the stairs. He went into the bedroom quietly. Jess was in bed, covered in several blankets and wearing a sweatshirt.
“Are you awake?” he asked quietly.
“I’ve been awake since I heard the truck pull in. What’re you doing here?” He sat down next to her.
“I was worried about you,” he said.
“There was nothing to worry about. I’m fine. My horse is the one who got hurt.”
“This time. Come on Jessi, that was a stupid thing to do. You went out in the middle of a blizzard.”
“It wasn’t a blizzard when I left. I couldn’t turn back, so I kept going. Fantasy ended up in a pond… she might still die.”
“Forget about the damn horse for a minute. You could have died!” he exclaimed.
“I’m not going to forget about her. She’s the only one who’s always there for me when you say something stupid. She’s the one I turn to when you’re not there.”
“You could’ve been killed. All you’re thinking about is your horse and yourself, and it’s selfish.”
“Look who’s talking! You were right when you said that I’m not Beth’s mother, but I’m the only mother she’s ever known,” she whispered angrily.
“Well you aren’t her mother. She knows it, everyone does. She loves Carrie.”
“And she doesn’t love me?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it!”
“No I don’t. I need to get some sleep. Could you please leave?”
“Jessi,” he began. She looked at him seriously.
“Please,” she said. Jason nodded, turning and walking from the room.
Beth was standing in Fantasy’s stall when Jason got to the barn. Fantasy looked very sick, and her breathing was labored. Beth’s face was worried, and she glanced up.
“Daddy, is Fantasy going to be alright?” she asked, stroking the mare’s cheek. Fantasy nickered softly.
“I don’t know Bethy, I hope so. Jessi does to.”
“Why isn’t she down here?”
“She’s sick too Beth. Last night she had to help Fantasy out of the pond. They both fell in, so she’s going to stay in bed for a couple days.
“Is she coming home with us?”
“I don’t know. Let’s hope so.”
Jess sat up slowly, putting a pillow on her lap for the soup Jason gave her.
“Thanks,” she muttered, blowing on the steaming soup. Jason nodded slowly, watching as she ate a couple crackers.
“How’re you feeling?” he asked quietly. Jess didn’t look at him.
“Better than I was a week ago.” He nodded again, trying to figure out a way to fix thins.
“Good. Listen Jess, I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it,” he said sincerely. She looked at him finally.
“You meant what you said. Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying. I love you.”
“Then why did you say what you did? I know I’m not her mother. I could never take Carrie’s place with her… or with anyone else. You didn’t need to rub it in!” she exploded.
“I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did. I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Well how did you mean it then?”
“I don’t know,” he said. She sighed. ”I know that sounds like a dumb excuse, but I can’t explain it any other way. Please try to understand where I’m coming from.” Just then the door to their room opened and Beth walked in.
“Daddy, Jessi, are you guys mad at each other?” she asked.
“Only a little bit kiddo,” Jess replied.
“Why?” Beth asked, glancing back and forth between them. Jason cleared his throat.
“I told Jessi that she wasn’t your mother,” he said honestly. Beth gave him a confused look.
“Yes she is. Jessi’s more of a mom than anyone else. My real mom is dead. That’s one of the reasons I came in. I was wondering if I could call Jessi, Mom?”
“Of course you can sweetie!” Jess said, giving her a hug. Beth smiled at Jess, but then turned to her father.
“You don’t mind do you Daddy?” she asked. Jason shook his head, a smile playing on his lips.
“No, I think it’s a great idea.” Beth started from the room but Jason said, “Bethy, you can start going to the studio again tomorrow.” Beth smiled.
“Thanks Daddy!” she exclaimed. Jason stood up and looked down at Jess.
“I’ve got to get down to the barn. Mr. Giran is supposed to stop by.” Jess caught his hand and pulled him down for a kiss.
“I’m going to keep Mom company,” Beth said, climbing into the bed.
“OK. See you guys later,” he said, walking out of the room, glad the fight was finally over.
Jess woke up early Christmas morning, pulling her breeches and high boots on. Jason was already gone. She jogged down the stairs, grabbing her winter jacket and running out the door. Jason was standing in the aisle, talking to David one of their grooms.
“Good morning Mrs. Fute,” David greeted. Jess smiled at him.
“David, please call me Jess. How is everybody this morning?” she asked, taking Jason’s hand. He frowned.
“It’s Fantasy,” he began. She dropped his hand and started walking toward the sick barn.
“Where is she?” Jess demanded, her pace quick. Jason followed, trying to catch up to her before she could get to the mare.
“She’s still in her stall. Jessi wait!” he called. She didn’t listen. Jason got to her just as she reached the stall. The vet was there, putting his stethoscope away. Fantasy was laying on her side, her breathing irregular. Jess glanced at the doctor, then let herself into the stall.
“What’s wrong with her?” she demanded, crouching by the elegant silvery head.
“I’m sorry Jess, but she’s going to have to be put out of her misery. She’s just too sick to go on,” he explained sadly. Her head shot up, tears building in her eyes.
“You can’t be serious,” she whispered, her bottom lip quivering.
“I wish I wasn’t. She’s a good horse… it wouldn’t be humane to keep her alive. She’s too ill… too weak. She can’t fight the pneumonia off any longer.” Jess bowed her head for a moment.
“Give me a minute,” she said quietly. He nodded and left the stall. Jess stroked the mare’s cheek gently, a small smile forming when she heard the soft nicker she was so familiar with. “You’ve been such a good girl. Thank you for being there for me Fantasy,” she whispered. She brushed tears away and then continued, “We’re going to make it so you don’t hurt anymore. I love you.” She stood slowly, walking from the stall. The vet went back in. Jess looked at Jason.
“are you ok?” he asked. She nodded, then shook her head, beginning to cry. Jason wrapped his arms around her, leading her from the barn.
Beth raced downstairs, stopping short when she saw Jess and her father sitting on the couch together.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. Both parents looked up.
“Nothing sweetie. Let’s get started on presents and then we’ll go see Cotey, Grandma and Grandpa.” Beth was still frowning.
“I’m not opening any presents until you tell me what’s wrong,” she said.
“We just had to have Fantasy put to sleep Beth. She was really sick, and it just wasn’t fair to keep her alive,” Jess said. Beth sat down on the arm of the couch and hugged her.
“I’m sorry Mom,” she said.
“Thanks honey. I want you to have a great Christmas though. Let’s open some presents.” Beth nodded and sat down on the floor to open her gifts.
That night Jason carried the last of the gifts into the house. Jess was sitting on the couch, her eyes closed. The radio was playing softly in the background.
“This has been quite a day hasn’t it?” he asked.
“Yeah. Come sit down with me… I bet you’re tired.” Jason nodded, sitting down beside her and then laying down with his head in her lap.
“I’m pretty tired. Are you going to be ok about Fantasy?” he asked. She nodded, playing with his hair.
“I think so. She was a wonderful horse, and I’ll miss her. It wouldn’t have been fair to keep her alive for any longer, suffering like that.” He tilted his head so he could look at her.
“You’re wonderful,” he said.
“So are you. Let’s get up to bed. We’ll have to get up early to put away all these presents.” He stood up and pulled her to her feet.
“Beth needs to clean her room too, it’s a disaster.”
“It sure is,” Jess muttered.
“You’re already being such a good mom,” he said. Just as he was about to turn the radio off the song ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ came on. He glanced at Jess and then pulled her into his arms.
“One more dance huh?” she asked quietly. He nodded, watching as her head rested on his shoulder. From the staircase Beth Fute watched her mother and father sway to the perfect notes to a song that made perfect sense that Christmas. They swayed back and forth, all of their troubles seeming to float away.
