06- Skeletons in Her Closet
Colleen Giran walked into her home in Saratoga on the twentieth of December. It was around midnight, and no one was awake. With a soft sigh she plopped down on the couch and leaned her head against the fluffy pillows. Suddenly the front door opened and Seneca walked in with a girl.
“I’m glad I decided to give you a chance Seneca, I had a great time,” she said. Seneca smiled, kissing her cheek. Colleen cleared her throat and both kids jumped.
“He Sen, I’m home,” she said with a smile.
“Colleen?” he said, releasing his date. She turned on the light beside the couch and smiled at him.
“None other. So would Mom and Daddy appreciate what their fifteen year old son was doing in the living room?” she questioned with a smirk. Seneca smiled at her tightly.
“I don’t know. Would they appreciate what their seventeen year old daughter has been up to for the past two years? I’m going to take Melissa home, so I’ll see you around,” he said.
“Seneca you can’t drive yet!” she called.
“I have my farm license, that’s good enough for me. By the way, Dad and Mom aren’t home. They went to the Bahamas.”
“Alright. I’ll talk to you when you get back,” she said, a troubled look on her pretty face. Seneca shook his head and walked out. A noise on the stairs made her turn. Abby stood staring for a moment, then smiled.
“Colleen, nobody knew you’d be home so soon!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around her sister’s neck.
“I didn’t know I’d be home so soon either. I got into a a little riding accident, so I’m out of commission for awhile,” she said. Abby pulled away and looked at the sling her sister’s arm was in.
“Oh no! Is it messed up really badly again?” she demanded.
“Nope. It’s just strained and bruised. The doctors just don’t want to take any chances, and neither do I.”
“Are you still trying out for the USET in April?”
“How did you know about that?” she muttered.
“Mr. Parker told Mom that you’d mentioned it, but he thought you should wait a little longer. Why would he say that? You’re the best young rider anyone has ever seen…” Colleen cut her sister off with a hard look.
“I don’t know why Mr. Parker says half the stuff he does. What’s wrong with Seneca? Is he upset with me?” Abby didn’t answer right away.
“I don’t know Colleen. Seneca has been kind of… antisocial for awhile now. Mom and Dad don’t talk to him much, nobody does. His girlfriends are about the only living things he associates himself with.”
“What about the horses?”
“He hasn’t ridden in a very long time. He says it isn’t a family business anymore.”
“Do you know why?”
“Everyone knows why,” she said.
“I don’t.” Abby sighed and shook her head.
“You’re why Colleen,” she replied, turning and jogging up the stairs. Colleen frowned and sat down on the bottom stair, wondering what she should do.
The next morning Colleen awoke to the sound of a hushed argument in the fall. She got up quietly and crept to the door, listening.
“Abby you don’t understand,” Seneca was saying. She heard Abby sigh.
“Seneca, Colleen loves everyone in this family. How could you possibly say that she doesn’t?” she demanded.
“Because she left and because she’s not part of us anymore. She doesn’t know anything about any of us. She doesn’t know that Grandpa Giran was in the hospital, doesn’t know that Mom has to have surgery in a few weeks. She hasn’t even written us a letter since Mom and Dad went down to Kentucky to see her little riding performance.”
“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love us. It means she’s busy!”
“Bull Abby. Colleen is so caught up in being little miss perfect at riding, that she hasn’t given her family a second glace,” he said angrily. Colleen bit her bottom lip in an effort not to cry.
“Colleen wants to succeed in riding. Grandma Cotey would be very proud of her.”
“She’s dead,” Seneca said flatly. Colleen swallowed hard, going to her window seat and looking out across the snow covered pastures.
“Maybe this isn’t my home any more,” she muttered.
Chris knocked on Colleen’s bedroom door later that afternoon. It didn’t open for quite some time, and when it did he frowned at her.
“What’s the matter?” he questioned, observing her tear stained, red face. She shook her head and looked away from him.
“Nothing. Come on in,” she said, opening the door further. Chris walked in and watched as she closed the door.
“Have you gone to see your grandpa Giran yet?” he asked.
“No,” she said flatly. Chris sighed, grasping her shoulders firmly and forcing her to look at him.
“What’s going on Colleen?” he asked, adding, “And don’t tell me nothing.” She smiled weakly.
“It’s no big deal. Seneca is just going through a macho phase.”
“I don’t buy it.”
“You don’t have to. What’re you doing here?” He frowned.
“My parents are in Italy at the moment, doing some kind of important business. I decided to do something instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, pulling out of his grasp and going to the window. Chris sighed again, moving to stand be hind her.
“So am I,” he admitted. She turned and wrapped her arms around him tightly.
“I’m glad you came over,” she said, burying her face in his shoulder. He nodded slowly.
“Me too. Do you want to go for a walk?” he asked. She pulled away and nodded.
“Sure. Let me put on some warmer clothes. I’ll meet you downstairs in a minute.” He nodded and left the room. Once he was gone, Colleen drew in a shaky breath and grabbed a sweatshirt out of her dresser.
Colleen didn’t so much as flinch when Chris reached over and took her hand as they walked through the woods. They were silent for a long time, the only sound was their breathing as it came out in white puffs.
“Thanks for coming over,” she said suddenly. He shrugged.
“Anytime. In case you hadn’t noticed, I like being around you.” She laughed half-heartedly.
“I’m glad you do. Where are we walking?” she asked. He stopped and looked at her.
“To see your grandfather,” he replied. She didn’t say anything right away, just looked at the barn at the end of the path.
“I don’t want to go see Grandpa Sam, not yet.”
“When? He probably misses you a lot Colleen. He’d want to know that you were here… and hear all about Kentucky.”
“No he won’t. Grandpa and I haven’t spoken since I asked for Jupiter. He isn’t going to want to see…” A shout cut her off.
“Leen, is that you?” her grandfather called. She pasted on a smile and walked toward him. He was leading an old horse out of the barn, and a smile was on his old, handsome face.
“Yes, it’s me Grandpa. I missed you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. He gave her a one armed hug, then continued leading the mare to pasture.
“Why don’t you two go on up to the house and make yourselves comfortable? I’ll be up shortly,” he said. Colleen nodded, leading Chris toward the big, beautiful farmhouse.
Colleen looked at all the pictures of her family, letting her fingers trail over one of her grandmother. The picture had been taken when she was about 19, and she was mounted on a beautiful black gelding.
“What’s that horse’s name?” Chris asked. She smiled.
“That’s Incense. He was my grandma’s horse for a long time.”
“Did you ever ride him.” She shook her head and smiled sadly.
“No. He died before I was even thought of… before my mother and father were born I think.”
“That’s too bad, he looks like he would’ve been great.” Colleen nodded, looking at the picture a long time before answering.
“My grandmother always said he was. She told a lot of stories about her first three horses, and of all their adventures… about what she, Grandpa, Carrie, and Granddad Fute and all their horses did when they were younger.”
“You’re lucky to have all those stories and memories with your grandmother. I never knew mine.”
“That’s too bad. Cotey was the best… the best rider, the best person I’ve ever known.” Chris could see that she was hurting, but didn’t know how to help.
“She’s probably really proud of you,” he said. She didn’t look at him.
“She’s dead,” she returned flatly, just as the front door opened. Sam walked in and smiled.
“I started putting pictures in frames as soon as you left. I thought it’d brighten things up since you wouldn’t be here all the time, and without Co…” he cut himself off and forced a smile. “Anyway. How long have you been home?”
“Since last night at around midnight. Long flight,” she muttered.
“Are you going back right after Christmas?” he asked. Colleen hesitated, glancing at Chris.
“I’m not sure yet,” she said. Sam looked at her incredulously.
“What do you mean you don’t know? I thought you loved riding for Mr. Parker. You were doing so well too.” Colleen shrugged.
“I wasn’t doing that well Grandpa. I was alright,” she said modestly. He frowned at his granddaughter.
“You’ve been called the best rider in the world Colleen. That’s more than alright.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her,” Chris said. Sam smiled at him.
“Good. When are Olympic trials Leen?” Colleen sighed.
“I’m not sure if I’m going to try out or not,” she explained, not having the nerve to look at him.
“What? Colleen, that’s crazy! You have such great potential. It’s what you’ve always wanted!” he exclaimed.
“Listen, I don’t want to talk about riding right now. Let’s talk about something else,” she said. Sam hesitated briefly.
“Alright.”
Colleen glanced up from her sketchpad when her bedroom door opened three nights later. Seneca stood looking at her, his expression serious.
“What’s the matter?” she asked. He closed the door and leaned against it.
“Go back to Kentucky Colleen,” he said.
“Why? I can come home any time I want. Daddy and Mom said…” He cut her off with a sharp shake of the head.
“Daddy didn’t mean a damn word he said Colleen. He just wanted to make you feel better. Everyone always wants to make you feel better, even I did at one point. I’m sick of it. You wanted to leave, so stay in Kentucky and do what you wanted to do.”
“What the hell is your problem Seneca?” she demanded. He shook his head.
“I’m sick of everyone hurting because you’re self-centered. I’m sick of hurting Colleen, of being the kid brother of the most famous horseback rider in the United States.”
“You’re jealous!” she exclaimed.
“No I’m not,” he said calmly, his eyes never leaving hers.
“Yes you are! You’re jealous that Daddy and Mom made so many exceptions for me that they haven’t made for you,” she yelled.
“I’m not jealous of you, I pity you. It must not be very easy, knowing you’re the one who killed the best rider in the world.”
“I… what are you talking about?” she whispered.
“Cotey. You killed her, it’s your fault and you know it. You’re not riding to ride, you’re riding because you want to take her place.”
“I do not,” she said in a barely audible voice. He laughed bitterly.
“You’re a selfish brat Colleen. You know what you did, and so does everyone else. No one else has the guts to say it to you.”
“Stop it Seneca,” she said softly.
“Why? Can’t you face the truth? Don’t you like to feel the same hurt everyone else has?”
“Get out,” she ordered.
“No. You don’t belong here Colleen, you never will again. Go back to winning and screwing your boss’s son,” he said. Colleen was on her feet and had brought her hand across his face before he had a chance to realize what she was going to do.
“How dare you! You may hate me Seneca, but you’ll never hate me as much as I hate myself. You’ve succeeded in making me feel about one hundred times worse, so just get out!” For a moment his tough attitude faltered, and his eyes looked slightly sad, but anger soon replaced it.
“Go back to being too perfect for us Colleen. We don’t want you here,’ he said before turning and walking out.
Chris opened the front door, surprised to find Colleen on the front porch with a backpack and a duffle bag.
“Hey, what’s going…” She cut him off with a shake of her head and a pleading look.
“Please don’t ask me anything now. I just need someplace to stay until we go back to Kentucky.”
“So now we’re going back?” he asked. She nodded, walking past him and into the front hallway.
“Yeah. I decided it was stupid to quit just because I had an accident. My arm will hold up for awhile longer. Besides, college is down there.”
“OK… but why do you have to stay here?” he asked as they walked into the living room. She put her things down on the couch, but didn’t look at him.
“I just don’t want to stay at home. Your parents won’t be here for Christmas, so I can keep you company.” Chris grabbed her elbow and gently turned her to face him.
“Cut the bull Colleen, what’s the real problem?” he demanded. Colleen dissolved into tears, shaking her head.
“I knew it was true… I just didn’t want to believe it,” she muttered as he pulled her against his chest.
“Colleen, what’s go you so upset?” he questioned gently. She took a deep breath.
“Seneca,” she said softly.
“What…” She shook her head again.
“I can’t tell you. I don’t want you to hate me too,” she said. He sighed, not knowing what else to do but hold her.
Abby answered the front door, wondering who it could be at nearly eleven o’clock at night. When she saw who it was, she smiled.
“Hey Chris, what’s up?” she asked. Chris didn’t return her smile.
“Where’s Seneca?” he demanded. Abby looked a little stunned, and a bit hurt, but she pointed to the stairs.
“He’s upstairs working on a report that’s due Friday. Teachers are such jerks, asking kids to hand in such big projects the last day before vacation.” He nodded and stepped past her.
“Thanks Abby,” he muttered, brushing past her and jogging upstairs. She stared after him, wondering what could be wrong.
Seneca didn’t look up as his bedroom door was flung open.
“Abby how many times do I have to tell you to knock?” he demanded.
“I’m not Abby,” a masculine voice said. Seneca looked up, smiling when he saw Chris.
“Hey. Sorry, I didn’t realize it was you,” he apologized.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” Chris demanded angrily. Seneca looked at him with confused eyes.
“Look, I already said that I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it was you coming…”
“I’m not talking about that!” Seneca shook his head.
“Then I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he replied. Chris closed the door.
“The way you treated Colleen,” he said. Seneca kept a close eye on him, wondering what he’d do.
“How did I treat Colleen?” he asked, returning his attention to his paper.
“You know damn well that you did something to get her very upset. I don’t know what, because she won’t tell me. She thinks I’ll hate her too. What did she mean by that?”
“Did she call you and have one of her two hour sob parties or something?” Seneca asked bitterly. Chris grabbed the younger boy by his shoulder, lifted him out of his chair and slammed him against the wall.
“Watch it, or you’ll be the one crying. Colleen didn’t call me, she came to my house. You’d better start telling me what the hell you did to her, or I’m going to start showing you how she feels,” he said, his eyes burning into Seneca’s. Seneca swallowed hard.
“I just told her the truth. She knew before, she just never did anything about it.”
“What’re you talking?” Chris demanded, giving Seneca another shake.
“I told us that we don’t want her here, that nobody wants to see her. I told her that we all hate her.”
“That’s not true!” Chris exclaimed.
“Do you live here to know it isn’t? Were you there when she killed my grandmother?”
“She didn’t kill anyone.”
“Yes she did! She took Cotey out on that trail and didn’t follow the rules. She’s a liar and a killer, and none of us want her here.”
“You’re a selfish little asshole Seneca. I hope your parents will enjoy this story, because I’m planning on telling them.” Seneca’s eyes filled with fear.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Yes I would. Goodbye Seneca. You’ll pay dearly for hurting Colleen,” he said, letting the boy drop to the ground as he walked out of the room.
Colleen was asleep on the living room couch when Chris got home. He smiled softly, brushing hair from her pretty face.
“I talked to him Leen. I still don’t know exactly what went on tonight, but I know that Seneca was way out of line and he hurt you terribly. He’ll feel the same, I promise,” he whispered. Colleen snuggled deeper under the afghan, but didn’t wake. Chris picked her up carefully and carried her upstairs to his room. He flipped back the covers on his bed and laid her down gently. “Goodnight Colleen,” he whispered, pulling the covers up to her chin. She rolled over, sighing in her sleep. Chris turned out the light and looked at her sleeping form for a minute. “I love you,” he said, closing the door and going back downstairs.
Colleen awoke early the next morning, surprised to find herself in Chris’s room. She sat up slowly and got out of bed. She heard the shower running, so she went downstairs. Moments later Chris came down, a towel wrapped around his slender waist. Colleen felt her face growing warm, so she turned away.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were awake,” he said. She shrugged.
“No big deal. I’m going to go get dressed. Be right back,” she muttered, brushing by him. He watched her go and sighed, going back upstairs. He made sure he was in the bathroom before going into his room to change. When he was done he jogged back downstairs, surprised to see that Colleen was already back and sitting on the couch.
“Hey. Are you hungry?” he asked. She shrugged, looking up at him quickly.
“I could eat something. Don’t go to any trouble though,” she added. He grinned at her and shook his head.
“Never. So I went to see your brother last night,” he said nonchalantly, walking into the kitchen. Colleen stood and followed him.
“Why did you do that?” she demanded, anger rising in her voice.
“Maybe because I was curious as to what happened over there. Maybe because I wanted to kill the little jerk for hurting you.”
“You didn’t hurt him did you?” she asked.
“Not yet… not really.” Colleen sighed.
“What did he say to you?” she demanded.
“He told me that he told you that they all hate you, and he told me why. You don’t believe him do you?”
“Of course I believe him. I’ve known it for a long time… ever since I left anyway. Seneca’s reasons are a little different than I thought, but they resolve around the same issue.”
“What’s his reason then?” he demanded. Colleen pushed herself onto the counter.
“He says that I’m trying to take grandma’s place, and he says that I’ll never do it because she’ll always be the best in everyone’s eyes. I know that. He just doesn’t understand why I ride how I do. Nobody even understands why I decided to go even though Grandma had just died.”
“Why did you?” he asked. She sat there silently, biting her bottom lip. “Colleen I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s the matter.” He stood in front of her, putting his hand on her thighs.
“I went because Grandma told me to go. She wanted me to be good and succeed the way she did. I’m doing it because she told me to,” she said, swallowing hard.
“That’s why you push yourself so hard, isn’t it? You think that if you’re not perfect, then Cotey will be disappointed. Colleen…” She cut him off.
“I don’t need a lecture from you, I got one last night. I know what I have to do, and I’m doing it.”
“Jupiter was Cotey’s wasn’t she?” he asked suddenly. He saw her eyes fill with tears.
“Yeah. She was riding Jupiter when she got hurt,” she replied. Chris nodded.
“That’s why you felt so bad. Not only was she yours, but she was the last horse Cotey ever rode.” They were silent for a long time. “Colleen, you have to let this go,” he said. She looked away from him and shook her head.
“Please don’t start to give me all the reasons why I’m being stupid. I don’t need anybody telling me how to feel. I’ve felt the same way for a very long time, and I don’t need someone trying to figure out why. Don’t analyze me.”
“I’m not. I’m just worried. Seneca was way out of line Colleen, and I plan on doing something about it.”
“Like what? Forcing him and everyone else in my family to have a change of heart? It isn’t going to happen.”
“I’m going to talk to your parents about what he did,” he said, starting from the kitchen. She jumped down and grabbed his shoulder.
“No you aren’t!” she exclaimed, grabbing his shoulder. Chris looked at her seriously.
“Why the hell not? They don’t think the way he does… nobody does.”
“My brother does, and he used to be my best friend. I love him, and he blames me just like everyone else does.”
“Nobody blames you except for you. Please don’t feel like this… I hate it when you’re upset.”
“Too bad isn’t it? I always feel like this Chris, I just don’t always show it. Don’t bother with breakfast, I’m not hungry.”
“Colleen wait!” he called, but she had already grabbed her jacket and walked out the front door.
Beth and Dominick arrived home two days later. Seneca was riding a big stallion around the training oval and Abby was clocking him. “Hey sweetheart,” Dominick said, wrapping his arms around Abby. She smiled.
“Hey. How was the beach?”
“Wonderful. Is Colleen home yet?” Beth asked. Abby stopped the stopwatch and looked at Seneca as he rode out of the oval.
“Ask Seneca,” she muttered, handing her the stopwatch and jogging to the house.
“Seneca, what did Abby mean by that?”
“I have no idea. Maybe she was just embarrassed to tell you that Colleen is home, but she’s not staying here.”
“Where is she then?” both parents demanded.
“At Chris’s house,” he replied. Dominick glanced at Beth quickly, then started for the car.
“I’ll be back,” he replied. Beth nodded, then looked at Seneca… knowing there was more to the story.
Chris answered the front door, smiling when he saw Colleen’s father.
“Come on in Mr. Giran. What’s up?”
“Where’s my daughter?” he demanded.
“She’s taking a shower,” he replied. Dominick folded his arms over his chest.
“I don’t know what you did to make her stay here, but I want her at home Chris.”
“I didn’t do anything to stay here. She came here after she was made to feel unwelcome at home.”
“That’s ludicrous! Colleen has no reason to feel unwelcome at home. We all love her.” A noise made them both turn. Colleen stood on the stairs, a blue robe tied securely around her waist.
“No it isn’t. Go home Daddy, just leave me alone,” she said, continuing down the stairs and brushing past him.
“Colleen, what’s the trouble?” he demanded. She turned and smiled bitterly.
“Ask Seneca. He’s the only one with the guts to say anything to me. Go home Daddy. I don’t feel like talking,” she said. Dominick looked at Chris for an answer, but he shook his head.
“I’ll be back, you can count on it,” he said, turning and walking from the house.
Dominick barged into Seneca’s room, his eyes dark and angry. Seneca looked up.
“Hey Dad. Were Colleen and Chris doing it or something? You look upset.”
“What did you say to your sister?” he demanded. Seneca shrugged and stood up.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about Dad. Whatever Colleen said, she’s just making a stupid excuse so she can stay with her boyfriend.”
“You either tell me now, or I’ll ask Abby.”
“She doesn’t know anything to tell you,” Seneca shot back. Dominick grabbed his shoulder and pushed him against the wall.
“Don’t forget who you’re talking to young man. I’m your father. What the hell did you say to Colleen.”
“The truth,. I thought she should know. Seneca was looking over his father’s shoulder. Abby was standing at the door, her eyes dark.
“You’re lying now and you were lying to her,” she whispered. Dominick let go of him and turned to Abby.
“What did he say to her?”
“That it’s her fault that Grandma Cotey died, and that we all hate her for it. He said she’s trying to take her place and he said…”
“Abby,” Seneca warned.
“Shut up! He said that she was selfish and self-centered, and that she should go back to Kentucky and never come back… because we don’t want her here,” Abby finished. Dominick whirled on his son, his hands shaking.
“You had better not be here when I get back,” he said. Seneca nodded, watching as his father stalked out of the room.
Beth glanced up when Dominick walked into their bedroom late that night.
“Where’ve you been?” she asked.
“Out. Is Seneca here?”
‘No. He went to stay with Dad and Mom.”
“Good. I don’t want to see him here for a couple days. Make sure he doesn’t come back when I’m around.”
“What in God’s name did he do?” she demanded, touching his shoulder. He didn’t look at her for a long time.
“You aren’t going to like it any more than I do,” he said.
“If it’s that bad I think I need to know,” she said seriously, not liking the look in his eyes.
“He told Colleen that she isn’t welcome here because we hate her,” he explained.
“But that isn’t true!”
“Colleen thinks it is, and apparently so does Seneca.”
“Why would we hate her.”
“Because she killed my mother, according to Seneca,” he said. Beth’s eyes darkened.
“She already feels bad enough about that. What the hell is wrong with him?”
“I don’t know, but according to Abby he said some pretty harsh things.”
“Have you talked to Colleen?”
“No, because she isn’t going to believe a word that I say. I think that’s Seneca’s job.”
“He won’t apologize unless he genuinely realizes he did something wrong.”
“He’ll apologize, I guarantee it.”
“It won’t mean anything to her if you threaten him into it. There has to be some way we can get her home.”
“That’s up to Seneca,” he muttered.
Colleen got out of Chris’s truck Christmas morning and looked briefly at her house.
“Why don’t you go in? I’m sure your parents and sister want to see you.” She glanced at him and shook her head.
“Whatever Chris,” she muttered, going to the barn. Chris followed silently. He watched as she got Jester tacked up, then took him out into the sunshine.
“Do you want a leg up?” he asked. She shook her head.
“Just put weight in the right one,” she ordered. He did as she said and she swung into the saddle.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“If you can get saddled fast enough. You can ride Powerhouse,” she replied. He smiled and gave a mock salute.
“Yes ma’am,” he said. She smiled, but looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. Seneca was walking toward her, looking serious.
“Go on Chris,” she said. He nodded, shooting Seneca a warning look before disappearing into the barn.
“He’s mine,” Seneca said, pointing to Jester.
“No, I’m afraid he’s a racehorse that belongs to Grandpa Giran. I trained him, so he’s closer to mine than he is yours. Now get out of my way.”
“Who are you to order me around?” he demanded. Colleen didn’t even flinch as Jester danced to the side at Seneca’s raised voice.
“The better rider. Back off Seneca, I’m not in the mood,” she said, turning when she heard a horse approach. Chris held Powerhouse and looked at Seneca.
“You aren’t causing any trouble are you Seneca?” Chris demanded.
“It’s none of your business, is it?” he demanded.
“It’s my business as long as you’re treating my girlfriend this way. Do you…” Colleen held up her hand.
“Both of you shut up! Seneca’s right, it’s my fault Cotey is dead,” she said.
“No it isn’t,” a new voice said. She looked up, her eyes widening when she saw Sam Giran. He was mounted on a beautiful gray Andalucian mare.
“Grandpa,” Colleen and Seneca said in the same voice. He glanced at Seneca.
“Go back to the house Seneca, you’ve done enough for now,” he said. Seneca nodded and sulked away. “Chris thank you for being here, but you can go put Powerhouse away. I think I’ll keep Colleen company on this ride,” he said. Chris nodded, turning and leading the big horse back to the barn. Sam looked at his beautiful granddaughter for a few moments. “Come on, let’s go,” he said. Colleen followed him out of the stable yard, not sure where he would take her.
When they reached his house Sam dismounted and went into the barn. Colleen started to dismount but he shook his head.
“Stay there, but come with me,” he said. Colleen nodded, asking Jester to walk on. Sam stopped at the gate to the arena.
“Hop on Toccata and go take that jump course,” he said. She frowned.
“But…” Sam cut her off.
“Just do it Colleen,” he ordered. Colleen handed him Jester’s reins and mounted Toccata. She rode into the ring, let Toccata look everything over, then began. They went over the difficult course, Colleen one with the animal. When she finished she went to the wall.
“Is that all?” she asked. He shook his head.
“Start with extended trot. Do a 20 meter circle in the far corner and then move into passage to piaffe, then a counter canter across the diagonal.” She frowned again, but did as he asked.
“Grandpa…” He cut her off again.
“Put her away then come up to the house,” he ordered. She nodded, watching as he walked away. She dismounted and gave Toccata a pat.
“Come on girl,” she murmured.
Colleen walked into the house and closed the door behind herself. Her grandfather was standing in the living room, looking at the pictures on the mantle.
“You’re an amazing young lady Colleen,” he said suddenly.
“Grandpa, why did you make me do all that?” she asked. He turned and looked at her.
“Have you ever seen yourself ride Colleen?” he questioned. She shrugged.
“On videos. I don’t usually waste my time watching them though… I have better things to do.”
“Like what?”
“Perfecting my riding, making myself better, making my horses better.” He sighed.
“You’ve already achieved that Colleen. You perfected this long before you went to Kentucky.”
“No I didn’t. I’m still not as good as I could be,” she argued.
“What you’re doing to yourself isn’t healthy and it isn’t fair. You’re tearing yourself apart over an accident. It was an awful thing, I’ll admit, but it wasn’t your fault,’ he said. Colleen turned away.
“Do we really need to talk about this?” Sam touched her shoulder gently.
“Yes we do. Your grandmother dying… it was a silly accident. She knew the rules just as well as you did, and she had a better reason to follow them. It was an accident and it wasn’t anyone’s fault.”
“Yes it was. I shouldn’t have done what she asked. There’s no way around that, so I’m dealing with it.”
“You’re not dealing with it Colleen, you’re buckling under the pressure of continuing where Cotey Mallory left off. No one should have to do that.”
“That’s what she told me to do!” she exclaimed. Sam sighed again, grabbing her shoulders and giving her a shake.
“Damnit Colleen, listen to what you’re saying!” he yelled. She swallowed hard. “Cotey Mallory was an icon of what perfection in the saddle should look like… until you. You’re so much better than she ever was; you make her look like an amateur.”
“Grandpa I…” He cut her off with a shake of his head and a tight frown.
“Colleen, you’ve surpassed her. You’re so good. Cotey died because for the first time in her life she was careless. She didn’t use good judgment and she fell. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s hers.” Colleen wretched away from him.
“Don’t you ever blame her! She was the best rider that’s ever lived. I didn’t do what I was supposed to, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life,” she said, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“You don’t have to live with anything! It wasn’t your fault. If it had been, we would’ve yelled. We would’ve told you.”
“Seneca did. Dad didn’t talk to me for almost a year after I left.”
“Nobody was mad at you because of Cotey. Your father was upset that you decided not to carry on the family business. Nobody was mad at you because of the accident.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Everyone knows that you would’ve done anything for her, including giving your own life. We all know you would’ve changed places with her in a heartbeat. You don’t do anything but ride and think about what you could be doing differently when you’re riding… even though you don’t have to.”
“That’s what I have to do to be the way she was, the way she wanted me to be!”
“I don’t know how to convince you that nobody blames you for Cotey, but nobody does. You have to let it go, you’re not to blame.”
“Tell Seneca that!” she shot back.
“I don’t give a damn what Seneca thinks, I’m worried about what you think!” He took a deep breath before continuing, “You’re the best rider the world has ever seen Colleen. She’d be proud of you,” he said, touching the side of her face.
“How can you be sure?”
“Because she was proud of you before she died… so proud. And if anyone blamed you for this, we wouldn’t have kept it a secret.”
“Then why did it take Seneca so long to tell me? Why was he my friend before I left, but now hates me?”
“Maybe he’s jealous, maybe he’s going through a phase… I don’t know. I can’t tell you how your brother feels, only he can.”
“I need to get home Grandpa, Chris is waiting for me.’ Sam smiled.
“Please don’t let this eat you up inside. Nobody blames you but you.”
“And Seneca.”
“He doesn’t count. Take that Andalucian with you, you make a good team.
“Are you serious?” she asked incredulously.
“Of course. I want to see you on her in some of those fancy shows you’re always winning.” Colleen wrapped her arms around him.
“Thanks Grandpa,” she whispered, not talking about the mare at all. He nodded, hugging her back.
“I’ll come to Kentucky to see you… better yet, I’ll come to the Olympics to see you.
“I love you grandpa,” she said. He smiled and patted her shoulder, then handed her a large wrapped box.
“Don’t open it until you get to Kentucky. It’s heavy, so you may want to…” Colleen hefted it into her arms and smiled.
“I’ll have Jester carry it home and I’ll ride Toccata,” she said. He nodded and squeezed her hand.
“Merry Christmas Colleen,” he said.
“Merry Christmas Grandpa.”
Colleen worked on packing her bags, then plopped down on her bed. She hadn’t opened any of her gifts yet, but planned on taking them back to Kentucky with her. A knock on the door made her look up.
“Come in!” she called. Abby came in slowly.
“You know, I don’t think what Seneca does. I love you, and I want to ride just like you,” she said. Colleen smiled.
“I’ve seen all the tapes of you riding Abby, and I think you’re absolutely brilliant at it. The scouts are going to look at you when you get older, count on it. Mr. Parker already told me that you have potential.”
“Really? That’s great!”
“I want you to write me and let me know when some of your shows are this year. I’ll try to fly up to cheer you on if I can.”
“Are you serious?”
“I love you Abs,” Abby grinned.
“I love you too. Did you open your present from me yet?” Colleen shook her head.
“No, I was going to wait until I got back to Kentucky.”
“Open it now! I want to see if you like it.” Colleen stood and searched for the gift.
“Here it is,” she said, going back to the bed and sitting down. She opened the first gift and smiled at the front cover. It was a bright patchwork design and it said COTEY in big bubble letters. She opened the book and smiled as she saw all the photos and newspaper clippings. “This is amazing,” she said, looking at Abby.
“Now open the other one,” she said. Colleen obeyed, smiling at the front of the next book. It had photographs of her superimposed to it, along with various horses she had trained and ridden. On the top it said her name in beautiful calligraphy.
“Wow, this is awesome,” she said, flipping through the pages. They were filled with clippings about her, along with photos from the first time she had ever been on a horse until her most recent show. “Abby this is the most amazing present I’ve ever gotten. Where did you get grandma’s old scrapbook?”
“I asked Grandpa if I could have it and he said yes… after I explained what it was for. You really like them?”
“I really do. When did you start to get so artsy?” Abby shrugged.
“I don’t know. I had to take art last year, and I just drew really well. Then I took art this year, and my teacher thinks I’m really great at it.”
“We have a lot in common Ab,” she said. Abby smiled and watched as Colleen put the books into her duffle bag.
“Are you leaving today?”
“Yeah. Mr. Parker found out that I considered not going back, and he’s practically frantic to get me there. I also have Toccata to prepare for her first show. She’s young.”
“How old is she?”
“Only three. Grandpa said that she’s not too much of a spook, but I think a big show would test her a little.”
“Has Seneca said anything else to you?” Colleen shook her head sadly, looking out the window.
“No, nothing. I wish he’d say something… it would be better than this silence he insists upon.”
“He’ll come around. I know he loves you, a lot. He just needs some time.”
“Well I’m leaving today so he’d better hurry,” she replied, turning and beginning to pack again.
Colleen and Chris walked toward his car, both carrying suitcases and duffle bags. Colleen turned at the sound of footsteps, and then smiled at her parents.
“We love you honey, don’t you ever doubt that,” Dominick said. She put her bags down.
“I know,” she said, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly. Beth joined in on the hug, squeezing her daughter hard.
“Do a good job down there sweetheart, and good luck at Trials,” she said. Colleen nodded and pulled away.
“I’ll be back in April for some shows in Lake Placid, New Jersey, and New York. Write to me Abs,” she said. Abby nodded and threw her arms around her.
“I’m going to take notes whenever I see you ride. I’m rooting for you Leen,” she said.
“Well I’m rooting for you too. I’ll try to get back for some of your shows this spring and summer,” she promised.
“I thought I should come say goodbye,” a voice said. Everyone turned, and was surprised to see Seneca.
“You didn’t have to trouble yourself,” she said, turning to get in the car. Seneca grabbed her arm.
“Colleen wait,” he said. She looked at him with sad eyes.
“What do you want now Seneca? Did I kill someone else and just don’t realize it?” she demanded. Seneca shook his head.
“You’ve never killed anything in your life. Well… beside that plant in fifth grade,” he muttered. She smiled.
“Why did you say what you did?”
“I was angry that you weren’t here anymore, and I was mad that people said you were so good. Sometimes I didn’t know if you were my sister or Colleen Giran Super Star. I wanted to do something to put it back into perspective. I never meant it,” he said.
“I know. We have to go, or we’ll miss our flight. Sen, do you want to come with us and bring Chris’s car back?”
“I don’t have my license yet.”
“You’ve got your farm license, that’s good enough for me,” she said, giving his shoulder a squeeze and getting into the car.
